List of Transcripts

Pre-Show[]

MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome to tonight's episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons.

ALL: (garbled) We play Dungeons & Dragons!

MATT: I-I-I am scared. Before we jump into our episode tonight, we do have some announcements to get through, beginning with our sponsor for the night, "Worlds of Aria," a tabletop experience come to life. Sam?

SAM: "Worlds of Aria" is a cooperative adventure game inspired by tabletop role playing games, narrated by the one and only Laura Bailey. Players must collaborate and betray in order to save the kingdom of Aria. Now, I thought it would be interesting to get a little context. So I invited renowned German historians Fritz Kitzenmelker-- Kitzlenmelker

MARISHA: Yeah.

SAM: --and Manfred Kitzlenmelker to talk about-- Sorry. To talk about the history of RPG games. Take it away, Fritz.

LIAM: Ja. Hallo.

MARISHA: (laughs)

LIAM: (heavy German accent) RPG video games began when crude text-based amusements, such as "Kolossales Höhlenabenteuer--" (laughter)

LIAM: -- known as "Colossal Cave Adventure" in America, developed in the mid 1970s.

SAM: Oh, that's very interesting.

TALIESIN: (heavy German accent) However, like life, this game has no goal. Players would type commands with futility, like hamsters on a wheel, searching for pointless treasure, and eventually falling into a literal and figurative pit of despair.

SAM: Well. (laughs) Well, "Worlds of Aria" has lots of goals. You roll the dice to reveal the outcome of your choices because the game is inspired by actual plays, such as Critical Role and RPGs like D&D!

TALIESIN: (awkward laugh) D&D also inspired games such as "Ultima," wherein the player assumes the role of "The Stranger," A faceless, nameless individual bereft of identity.

LIAM: But do any of us truly know who we are? (laughter) Our families, lovers, friends, are nothing more than human lies.

TRAVIS: (laughs)

LIAM: Tricks we play on our minds to continue the charade of existence.

TRAVIS: (laughs)

SAM: Ha ha, funny you should say friends, because in "Worlds of Aria," which I would remind everyone, has a lighthearted fantasy atmosphere, you can play with up to three friends. And they can join for free thanks to the Friends Pass that only requires one player to own the game. Don't you guys ever play fun games, please?

(blow thuds)

LIAM: Nein! (laughter)

SAM: Oh Jesus.

LIAM: However, we have a new companion whose lighthearted personality may be more suited to your needs.

TALIESIN: Please welcome, from the Copenhagen Institute, (laughter) Fraulein Joba van Beesterveldt.

ASHLEY: (heavy German accent) Hallo. Hallo. Hallo. Ja, my favorite video game is "The Temple of Apshai," released on the TSR-80 console.

SAM: That sounds amazing, that sounds super fun. May I ask why you like it, Joba?

ASHLEY: Yes. Ja, it is monochromatic, like the human heart. Und even if your character does not move, the monster-- (laughs) the monsters emerge from the hollows to suffocate your inner spark, reminding you of your-- (laughs) utter worthlessness. It reminds me of my childhood. Ha, ha ha.

MARISHA and TRAVIS: (laughter)

SAM: And speaking of characters, (laughs) you can choose between 12, each with unique skill sets, personalities, and voices. The game is now out on Steam, and they'll be offering a launch discount 'til October 8th. Special thanks to Fritz, Manfred, and Joba for the super happy facts.

MARISHA: (laughs)

LIAM: The universe will slowly decay--

TALIESIN: -- until all matter is cold and dead.

ASHLEY: Love nothing.

SAM: Get "Worlds of Aria" now on Steam at bit.ly/WoAriaCR. Matt, back to you!

MATT: Thank you, Sam. I believe we have some more announcements with Marisha, if you want to take it up.

MARISHA: Uh, ja. This week-- Fucking why? (laughter) Jeez. This week was the premiere of Campaign 3, "The Tales from the Stinky Dragon." Join the amazing former Rooster Teeth crew, including Game Master Gus Sorola, players Barbara Dunkelman, Chris Demarais, Jon Risinger, and Blaine Gibson for this family friendly D-- Blaine! -- D&D adventure. You can listen to episode one right now on Beacon and of course, anywhere you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every other Monday, but Beacon members get episodes 48 hours early, so you get access to that exclusive bonus show as well, which is "Second Wind," where they deep dive into the latest episode. It's just better, it's better to be a Beacon member. I'm going to say it.

SAM: It's better to Beacon.

TRAVIS: It's better to to be a bit.

MARISHA: It's better to Beacon. Travis. That's right, I took Matt's toss.

MATT: No, do it, go for it.

MARISHA: Travis.

SAM: No, I think you should toss to Matt and then he should toss to Travis.

LIAM: Are we playing Zip Zap Zop now?

SAM: Uh huh.

MARISHA and ROBBIE: (laughter)

TRAVIS: Ready.

MARISHA: Matt?

MATT: Yes?

MARISHA: You can toss to Travis now.

MATT: All right, Travis, you have something to talk about?

TRAVIS: I don't have anything to talk about. (laughter)

MATT: Okay, then.

TRAVIS: I'm just kidding! I'm just kidding, you guys. The first three episodes of "The Legend of Vox Machina" season three are available tonight!

ALL: (cheering)

TRAVIS: On Prime Video. Tomorrow, we're celebrating with a live cocktail party alongside some special guests, plus two round tables on October 13th. No, October 15th and 29th, where we can discuss all the intricate behind the scenes details with all of you and us.

MATT: (laughs) Anyway, it's going to be a great month, "The Legend of Vox Machina," and we are thrilled to finally share it with you. I know you've waited a long time, so have we. It's going to be awesome.

MATT: Heck yeah. All right, Laura, you're up next.

ASHLEY: (gasps)

LAURA: Ga-gow!

TALIESIN: No!

LIAM: Whoa!

LAURA: Matron, oh yes, you can't really read it. Matron of Ravens dice set!

TRAVIS: Oh shit, the dice are done?

LAURA: Yeah! It's another Everything Dice collab. The packaging is by Ash J.

MATT: Yeah!

TALIESIN: Show the dice.

LAURA: (scatting) It comes with stuff.

MATT: (laughs)

LAURA: You guys! Look, I haven't shown you yet.

LIAM: Will this dice tell me my fate?

LAURA: Maybe, you guys.

LIAM: It's a 13.

ALL: Ooh!

LAURA: You're fucked.

MATT: You're fucked!

LAURA: All the dice have a little raven matron mask in them.

MATT: What?

LAURA: With gold threads, look. Look, they're so beautiful. Oh right, I should read what it says. Inclusion of gold threads and black feathers and a porcelain mask of the matron herself. I already knew what it said. This gorgeous dice set.

MATT: That's really cool.

LAURA: And even more rad new merch are available now. Why don't you go check them out at our Critical Role shop.

TRAVIS: What's on the 20? The mask?

MATT: I got a 12.

TRAVIS: Who's got the 20?

LIAM: Who wants it?

TRAVIS: Here.

LAURA: You guys want to see?

ROBBIE: I do want to see that.

MATT: All right, I'm going to pass it back over there. I believe that concludes our announcements.

LAURA: Oh, and they're sharp. They're sharp.

MATT: And they're sharp.

ASHLEY: They're very sharp.

TALIESIN: This is deadly sharp.

MATT: I mean, a good d4 is meant to kill. I believe that concludes our announcements, so let's go ahead and jump into tonight's episode of Critical Role.

♪ Critical ♪
♪ Critical ♪
♪ It's Thursday ♪
♪ It's Thursday night! ♪

ASHLEY: ♪ One-by-one, we climb until we reach the top. ♪
♪ Two-by-two, we fall. ♪

LAURA: ♪ Will we meet our end or meet our destiny? ♪
♪ Hold your breath and roll! ♪

MATT: How do you want to do this?

ALL: ♪ It's Thursday night ♪
♪ All ye Critters, come join us ♪
♪ It's time to continue our plight ♪
♪ There is magic and mystery ♪
♪ Who knows what will happen? ♪
♪ He might! ♪
♪ But one thing's for sure, ♪
♪ We never give up on the fight! ♪

LIAM: ♪ From the healer ♪
♪ To the renegade ♪

MATT: ♪ We all share the same goal ♪

MATT and TALIESIN: ♪ Adding more allies ♪
♪ Taking more chances ♪

SAM: ♪ Hold your breath and roll ♪

MARISHA: You can certainly try.

ALL: ♪ It's Thursday night ♪
♪ All ye Critters, come join us ♪
♪ It's time to continue our plight ♪
♪ It's Thursday night. ♪
♪ There is magic and mystery ♪
♪ From darkness, our friendship will rise ♪
♪ But one thing's for sure: ♪
♪ We never give up on the fight ♪
♪ Oh, get ready, ♪
♪ Get ready, ♪
♪ It's Thursday night! ♪
(flames whooshing)

Part I[]

MATT: And welcome back. So, last we left off, Bells Hells, after heading back to the Fey Realm to thwart a meeting between Ludinus Da'leth, the Sorrowlord Zathuda, and the Unseelie Court, which had been strangely absent in the goings on of the Ruby Vanguard, you managed to one by one take out their guard, assault the entire Unseelie crew, weapons ready, and brought down the entire abandoned temple of the Arch Heart, after which you were beckoned to a meeting with the Arch Heart, brought into their realm, where they expressed an interest in your path and a unique perspective on the current events happening in Exandria. After sharing this with you, they also implored you to speak to what you seem to imagine as the Matron of Ravens of a similar swapping of thoughts, after which you took your captives, or tried to, as they rapidly attempted to escape. Dragged them back, mostly alive, other than Sorrowlord, who was slain in his attempt to get out of your grasp, and rode back with the aid of Gloamglut, which was mourning the loss of its master, Nana Morri in her transformed state, and your summoned mount. There, the Sorrowlord Zathuda, your blood father, with your permission, his corpse was taken to The Loom underneath Ligament Manor, where it was turned into furniture. Furniture that--

TALIESIN: That's dark.

MATT: -- keeps his essence within it, which allowed you to have an extended conversation with his stretched fleshy face against a hexagonal (laughs) frame, gaining maybe some dark closure, or at the very least, gathering some more information about some of the behind the scenes of the Vanguard, and a bit of a hint to move quicker than perhaps the week window has been allotted. You all went to rest for the evening, where Fearne and Ashton clambered to the rooftop garden of the manor, released Gloamglut from his bindings, and convinced the dragon to allow you to curl up with it for the evening.

TALIESIN and ASHLEY: Mm-hmm.

MATT: So, the three of you fell asleep.

ASHLEY: That's a big boy.

MATT: A night of rest after a very, very long and arduous day. With that, the morning eventually greets all of you. Day of rest. The absence of Fearne and Ashton within the guest chambers marks your attention, but expecting an evening with the dragon was discussed, where Fearne, you and Ashton both awaken to the sound of the deep breathy slumber of Gloamglut. A chest expanding beneath you, like a massive scale Totoro. Just like (grumbles)

ASHLEY: (coos)

TALIESIN: Is that a snore?

ASHLEY: I think he's just really comfortable.

TALIESIN: Oh.

ASHLEY: This is the best sleep I've had in I don't know how long.

TALIESIN: This is so comfortable. I mean, we could just stay here for--

ASHLEY: Wouldn't that be nice?

TALIESIN: (sighs)

ASHLEY: I think we have to let him go.

TALIESIN: Oh, I know.

ASHLEY: Right?

LAURA: (laughs)

TALIESIN: I think it's not up to us.

ASHLEY: I do too. I like that he has a choice.

TALIESIN: May we all have a choice.

ASHLEY: Hear hear.

TALIESIN: If we live through this, I would want to come back, with yours and Morri's permission. I like it here. It's quiet.

ASHLEY: You do? I like it here too. You can come back anytime. I hope we make it back.

TALIESIN: Yeah, me too. That's weird. I don't really, I mean, not to be dark. I didn't actually think I'd live this long.

ASHLEY: Really?

TALIESIN: Oh yeah. You know, people who come from Greymoore, they don't, you know, it's not a beginning that promises a very good ending, and, you know, had a good time, and definitely have, I don't know, seen a lot more than I expected, and honestly, I met better people than I thought I would.

ASHLEY: And now you're going to save the world. (laughs)

TALIESIN: (grunts) Barely deserves it, doesn't it?

ASHLEY: Yeah.

TALIESIN: We're all, I don't know. I'll save you. I'll save you all.

MATT: (sleepy dragon grumbles)

ASHLEY: I agree with that.

TALIESIN: And him.

MATT: You can feel Gloamglut begin to stir, the dual jaws (slurps).

ASHLEY: Stretch it out.

MATT: (groans) Rubs up against you for a second before it begins to stand up and (thudding) plops you both onto the ground, uncaring or (laughs) unaware. Stands up.

ASHLEY: Oh, good morning.

MATT: Does this big long stretch.

ASHLEY: Big stretchy stretchy stretchy.

MATT: Its wings (whooshes) shaking it out.

ASHLEY: Stretch it out!

MATT: (croaking grumbles)

ASHLEY: Are you hungry?

MATT: (sniffs) See him sniffing the air.

ASHLEY: Do you want to leave?

MATT: (quiet grumbles)

ASHLEY: You don't have to stay.

MATT: (quiet grumbles)

ASHLEY: B-But how do we see you again?

MATT: (whimpers)

ASHLEY: Or-- If we can. You don't have to. I just--

MATT: Leans in and nudges you a little bit.

ASHLEY: Aw!

MATT: And steps back, and then puts its arms out and then, its throat billows up for a moment before it (rumbles) (coughing bark) and does this loud echoing, barking call into the air. (grumbles) And rubs against you again. He's instructing you how to possibly get his attention in the future.

ASHLEY: That's how I do it?

TALIESIN: You cough?

ASHLEY: (mimics coughing bark) Did I do it?

MATT: (conciliatory croaking) (laughter)

TRAVIS: The eyebrow!

ASHLEY: I'll work on it. It might be a different register, but--

MATT: (grumbles)

ASHLEY: Well, hold on. I'm going to take off the little bottom frill of my dress and I'm going to put it around his wrist like a friendship bracelet. (laughter)

ASHLEY: Just tie it in a little bow. Just so I can keep track of-- You don't have to keep it on, but just so I know.

MATT: (sucking licks)

ASHLEY: Yeah, it might be a little tasty. Do you hate it?

MATT: (grumbles)

ASHLEY: Okay. If it falls off, it was supposed to fall off, but you know.

MATT: (croaking grunt) It backs and gets low again once more, and rubs against you.

ASHLEY: Oh!

MATT: Its tail whacks you in the shoulder.

TALIESIN: Mm. Cool! (grunts)

MATT: Seems to be sitting there, waiting for something. (grumbles)

ASHLEY: What do you need? Where's your family? Do you have family?

TRAVIS: (laughs)

TALIESIN: I think, I think--

MATT: (whimpers)

TALIESIN: I think you're-- Well.

MATT: You see it looks off a bit and this warm morning begins to drift into a dark memory.

ASHLEY: No. Get out of here!

ASHLEY and TALIESIN: I don't want you anymore!

ASHLEY: No, I can't do that to him.

TALIESIN: We are not Hendersoning this dragon.

ASHLEY: No, I'm not.

TALIESIN: No.

TRAVIS: Cup your hands.

TALIESIN: There will be no Hendersoning.

TRAVIS: (whistles)

MATT: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah!

MATT: We're going to "Mac and Me" this dragon.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: (grunts)

ASHLEY: What do you want?

MATT: (whimpers)

ASHLEY: Do you not know where you are? (laughter)

ASHLEY: Are you hungry?

MATT: (grunts)

ASHLEY: Yeah, you're hungry.

MATT: (squeaks) Its wings billow out for a minute. (snorts) Something in the air and looking past--

ASHLEY: Oh, you sniff something?

MATT: (huffs) Still looks back at you like it needs permission. You get the sense from this communication that it's--

ASHLEY: Go.

MATT: -- it's not used to having-- (laughter)

MATT: You tell it go?

ASHLEY: Yeah, you can go. You don't have to stay.

TRAVIS: That's your best dragon boy.

ASHLEY: You can do whatever you want.

TALIESIN: We'll see you later. Yeah.

ASHLEY: Go spread your legs. (laughter)

ASHLEY: Get out there. Just go. Go show the world who you are.

MATT: (grunts) (snorts) (wings flapping) Wind blasts past, your hair being thrown back as all the leaves and dust and loose pebbles all across the entire cobblestone flooring between the garden itself begin to push back as the massive size of Gloamglut begins to lift higher and higher, like it's picked up the scent of something, and rapidly takes off like a sky serpent, winding off in the distance. (whooshes) A little bit of the colored tones of dawn and dusk that perpetually permeates elements of the Fey Realm hitting his multicolored scales and giving this almost rainbow shimmer as he winds off further and further into the distance. You hear this echoing shriek. This (screeches) that carries off, and as it does, birds and all manner of other flying creatures (flittering) scatter off from the rest of the canopies of the distant forest that surrounds the Harrow Fen. And then it's just the two of you.

ASHLEY: Wow, that was cool. I wonder if he's going to come back.

TALIESIN: For you, he's going to come back.

ASHLEY: Okay. I miss him already.

TALIESIN: Yeah, me too.

ASHLEY: Should we've let everybody else say goodbye?

TALIESIN: No.

ASHLEY: Aww, okay.

TALIESIN: They'll be fine. Actually, if anything, they might be a little mad that we let him go. Well, they can fuck off.

ASHLEY: (laughs) I know he would've helped us in a big way, but it just feels weird.

TALIESIN: Maybe he still will. I don't know.

ASHLEY: Maybe.

TALIESIN: I would rather have help from somebody who really wanted to be there, anyway.

ASHLEY: Me too. I'll just bark at him if we need if more.

SAM: (laughs)

TALIESIN: Yeah, you should probably work on that.

ASHLEY: I should.

TALIESIN: That was--

ASHLEY: (bays) That wasn't good. (barks)

TALIESIN: Are you trying to call Mister? What is that?

ASHLEY: No, I don't know. I got to work on it. I'll work on it. I'm just workshopping it right now. (laughter)

TALIESIN: Fuck, you're weird. (laughter)

MATT: Eventually, you all gather once more within the dark and low-lit warm interior bellows of the Ligament Manor itself. Breakfast meal's been prepared by the Calloways. Nana Morri sits not far from her beautiful, music-producing orb that sits in the center of her main living space. It's giving off a jovial, almost a big band era swing beat to it as she sits and taps one of her massive trunk-like legs to it. She has a dark vine woven bowl that contains all manner of skittering creatures that she cups in with her hand while she listens to the music, and then scoops a handful before crunching into them with both mouths.

ASHLEY: (laughs)

MATT: But as you all begin to gather down after finishing your meal, she rapidly closes it up with a cloth and ties it at the edge and sets it down. "Fearne."

ASHLEY: Hello.

MATT: "I hope you've enjoyed your stay."

ASHLEY: Of course. Always.

MATT: "I take it your momentum carries you and your companions elsewhere."

SAM: I'm going to limp in late to breakfast.

ROBBIE: "Limp in."

LAURA: I forgot.

SAM: Sort of a little bow-legged.

TRAVIS: Some ice on your groin.

SAM: (pained huffing)

MATT: "Somebody sleeps in for such a beastly spirit."

TRAVIS: (laughs)

SAM: Morning. Morning, ma'am. Morning, everyone.

ASHLEY: Morning. Morning.

MATT: For the first time, you see the second mouth smile.

ALL: Oh. (laughter)

TRAVIS: Oh yeah. (laughter)

TRAVIS: Is it wearing lipstick?

ASHLEY: Wow, Braius.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: No. Not anymore.

ASHLEY: You look well rested, well rode.

TRAVIS: Only red for (deeply) special occasions.

SAM: Yeah. It was a wonderful evening.

LAURA: Wow.

SAM: Very hospitable.

MARISHA: It was very loud.

ASHLEY: Yeah, the Nana provides.

MARISHA: Very loud. Could hear you neighing all through the night.

LAURA: Yeah, which to me, it feels like that's intentional, because this place is fully magic. Those rooms could be soundproof if you want them to, Nana.

MATT: She just gives you a look.

MARISHA: We were just in the one directly above theirs. Maybe that's what it was.

SAM: We were in multiple rooms. Simultaneously. (laughter)

ASHLEY: Wow. (laughter)

MATT: "It's amazing what you can do with magical doorways."

ROBBIE: Quantum coitus.

TRAVIS: Fucking Fey Realm. (laughter)

LAURA: Oh, I'm stuck! (laughs) (laughter)

LIAM: Clever use of the Gate spell?

MATT: Yeah. It's like all the "Portal" Room 34. (laughter)

MATT: "Well, as much as I'd like you all to stay for as long as you'd like, or I do, I believe there are more important matters for you to attend."

TRAVIS: Yeah, it's fair.

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Got to get back to Vasselheim. Tell them what a good job we done.

MARISHA: Hmm.

TRAVIS: Set the tone. These other two groups that they're going to be bringing in? Chucklefucks compared to us. We got to set the bar high for these losers. Asswipe.

TALIESIN: Holy shit, we--

MARISHA: Yeah, I know.

ASHLEY: What is happening over there?

MARISHA: So saucy.

TRAVIS: I'm just feeling like our territory's being infringed a little bit. Have two other groups on call when we're standing in the room.

LAURA: But we can't be in three places at once, Chet.

TALIESIN: Kiss your chisel with that mouth? Jesus.

TRAVIS: I'm just saying. I didn't sleep very good last night. I was jealous!

LAURA: Oh.

SAM: Jealous of what?

TRAVIS: I react to, you know, animal primal sounds. I felt left out!

LAURA: Probably could've joined in if you wanted to.

ASHLEY: Oh!

TALIESIN: Really?

TRAVIS: I knocked. I got knocked out at one point. (laughter)

TRAVIS: I don't even think they knew I was in there.

SAM: No, I was trying to, I was desperately grabbing for some sort of aid or help. (laughter)

TRAVIS: Oh, that makes sense.

SAM: But I grabbed too fiercely. I knocked you out of the room.

TRAVIS: That's what it was. I got poked in the eye. I wasn't sure with what. (laughter)

SAM: It was a hoof.

TALIESIN: Fuck.

ASHLEY: Wow, what a wild night.

LAURA: Thank you for saving the day again, Nana Morri.

MATT: "Well, let's just say I've taken note of our tally of favors."

MARISHA: All right.

LAURA: All right.

MARISHA: Okay.

ROBBIE: Just one for me, though, right? Just one?

MARISHA: Oh yeah, or is it a group bill?

ROBBIE: Is it a group debt?

ASHLEY: It's a group debt, but I mean, she's not going to do anything.

TRAVIS: Don't worry, we're just getting started. Ruidus, we'll be going back, so there'll be more where that came from.

LAURA: Yeah, yeah.

ASHLEY: Started. (laughter)

MATT: "Is something wrong with your eye?"

TRAVIS: Yeah, I told you I got fucking poked in the eye with an appendage of some kind.

LIAM: Minotaur horn.

MATT: "Don't worry."

LAURA: Make sure you roll to recharge that. Try to recharge that staff.

SAM: And to see if you lived through it.

LAURA: Yeah, that too.

TRAVIS: I'm sure that it's fine.

LAURA: That might have just killed you.

TRAVIS: No, no, no. You guys--

LIAM: Also, roll for pink eye.

LAURA: Roll for pink eye.

TALIESIN: Please. This is all I want.

MARISHA: Let's get it, dude.

TRAVIS: Whoa. One of those was a zero. (laughs)

MARISHA: Dude, dude. Hey kids.

TRAVIS: We're fine, and then. (laughter)

TRAVIS: (wild laugh)

TALIESIN: This is so you. It makes me so happy.

ASHLEY: I don't like-- It stresses me out.

TRAVIS: 1d4 plus three expended charges. Okay, 1d4. That's the triangle, right?

LAURA: Mm-hmm. (laughter)

MARISHA: It was one side away.

LAURA: You just need to roll one, so you would definitely need--

TRAVIS: Who's got a caltrop for me?

TALIESIN: Really?

LAURA: There's no way you could fail it. It would get four back, because it's 1d4 plus three.

SAM: Morrigan, can you send us back in a--

TRAVIS: Six charges.

SAM: -- easy way?

MATT: "I have my ways, sweet beast boy."

ASHLEY: Wow.

MATT: "But yes, and I can take care of that little pesky dilation of time that happens."

LAURA: Thank you.

MATT: "Of course."

LAURA: Apparently we're under a bit of a crunch.

MARISHA: I'm going to send a message to Fearne. Do you think it makes sense to ask your nana about the Matron of Ravens?

ASHLEY: I don't think it would hurt. I don't think it would hurt.

MARISHA: You don't think it would tip her off or anything?

ASHLEY: Just make sure to tell her, don't say anything.

MARISHA: Okay.

ASHLEY: Maybe she might have some insight.

MARISHA: Okay.

ASHLEY: You know, because since she's an enemy, maybe she'll have some insight.

MARISHA: Yes, maybe they're frenemies.

ASHLEY: Maybe they're frenemies.

MARISHA: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Maybe we could bring them back together.

MARISHA: That would be so good!

ASHLEY: Yeah, be friends!

TALIESIN: What are you guys thinking at each other?

ASHLEY: We're just--

LAURA: I don't like being on the outside of that.

TALIESIN: You keep doing the little head nod.

ASHLEY: I'm sorry! (laughter)

TALIESIN: We watch that little intense eye contact--

ASHLEY: I know, I'm sorry. We were just planning something.

TALIESIN: Oh great.

MARISHA: Well, actually, you know, I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't going to--

ASHLEY: That's a good idea.

MARISHA: -- offend you, in your home. You know, it has been mentioned that maybe we might want to check in with the Matron of Ravens.

MATT: "Right."

MARISHA: You know, just to know, do you guys have a rivalry? Do you know anything about her? Do you know what kind of flowers she likes?

TRAVIS: What?

MARISHA: I don't know if I should bring her something!

TRAVIS: Fucking flowers?

MARISHA: I don't know, maybe she misses home.

MATT: "(laughs) I do know that she's kind of a fickle bitch."

MARISHA: Ooh!

ASHLEY: Told you, told you, told you.

TALIESIN: Bickle fitch.

TRAVIS: Here's the gas. Here comes the gas.

MARISHA: Spill the tea, Nana Morri.

MATT: "But to be honest, I haven't had too many interactions with her in the past, oh, I've forgotten how many centuries. We're not on good terms. I'm more of-- A borrower of her skin without permission. She'd consider me a pest. I consider her an overarching frustration. Let's just say we're not friends. But I'm sure she has her importance, and good days and bad days, like any god."

ASHLEY: What are your thoughts on the gods? Get rid of them, keep them? What do you think?

MATT: "They don't really bother here me in my realm. I could take them or leave them."

MARISHA: The Unseelie were like, "Oh, we should not have gods here! We should be able to be free, do our own thing!" So that's just an Unseelie thing, or is that, you know, just a fey thing, or personal pref?

MATT: "There is some influence of the Moonweaver and the Arch Heart, especially in this realm, and I'm certain that there are a number of fey who might feel the tether or shackle of various powers playing for influence here and there, but my manor is free of such meanderings, so I don't care." (beeps)

MATT: "Excuse me, I need to change the timer on my arm." (laughter)

TRAVIS: Fey screams--

TALIESIN: Is that one of those cocktails that turn into a robot?

TRAVIS: Nana, could I ask you--

MATT: "It's important."

TRAVIS: Can I ask you a hypothetical? The Moonweaver, the Arch Heart, the Arch Heart granted magic to mortals and the fey. If they get wiped out, it's not like the gift that was given will be taken away or disappear entirely, right? Do you think magic would remain in their absence?

MATT: "The truth is, maybe it is just a hunch, but I believe the gift of magic was always there for the taking. The Arch Heart just showed them the path. The leylines were here before the gods ever arrived, as were aspects of the fey. They just came in and claimed ownership to some of it, but who knows?"

TRAVIS: I like a little mystery with my tea.

MARISHA: Interesting, yes, that's good. Can I have one of those rat tails?

MATT: "Of course, dear."

MARISHA: Thank you!

ASHLEY: Those are so good.

MATT: Her arm extends.

TRAVIS: That just cost you a favor. Wow, right in the old mouth, huh?

MARISHA: They're quite good. You should try it.

ASHLEY: Have you ever tried one?

TRAVIS: I don't think I will.

MARISHA: It's like a beefy spaghetti.

TRAVIS: That's--

TALIESIN: That feels like a dare. I actually now need one, if that's okay.

ASHLEY: Beefy spaghetti.

MATT: "Of course!"

LAURA: A little bit of bone in there.

TRAVIS: You're going to go, too?

MARISHA: A little crunch.

TRAVIS: It's not even pickled!

MATT: She twirls a finger in the bowl, and it refills with squiggling pieces--

TRAVIS: Oh god! Geez!

MATT: --of various creatures.

TRAVIS: Going to die in the next week anyway. Oh my god!

MATT: "Fearne?"

ASHLEY: Yes?

MARISHA: A little al dente.

MATT: Behind you, you see Birdie's come down, and has taken this beautiful, thatched apron that she's been cooking in for your breakfast that has growth and flowers out of it at the side. She takes it and sets it down. "I understand y'all are leaving real soon, and I just wanted, before y'all head off into whatever wild adventures and dangers y'all are going to, I just wanted to make sure we had a chance to say goodbye. Ollie?" You see Ollie comes down. (Ollie) "Hi, thank you all so much for taking care of her... And us, in the past. You've all had good hearts on you, friends old and new. I just want you all to keep her safe. She's a good one."

LAURA: We know.

MATT: "If you're coming back from Exandria, and we haven't had a chance to leave, if you could get some of those-- Some of those Marquesian pastries with the--"

ASHLEY: Oh yeah.

MATT: "-- the little dried berries in there. We don't get that here in the Fey Realm. Both of us have kind of a hankering."

TRAVIS: Sweet tooth?

ASHLEY: Marquesian pastries.

MATT: (Birdie) "Yeah, a sweet tooth, you'd say. Ollie didn't used to have one 'til we met and, well, his birthday's coming up, and I want to treat him."

LIAM: Would you bring us back some Tim Tams? (laughter)

MATT: Basically.

MARISHA: The best, though.

TRAVIS: Vegemite.

MATT: "Anyway, Fearne, I know you're off to be your amazing self," and she takes your hands and looks at you, her hooves clomping over towards you. She pulls you in a little closer to look into your eyes. "When all this is said and done, I look forward to getting to know who you've become a little better."

ASHLEY: I'd like that very much, and I'd like getting to know you as well. Basically what you just said, and I just agreed. Yes, that's going to be great. I can't wait.

MATT: "That's all I can hope for. Well, can I--"

ASHLEY: Yes, I would love that.

MATT: She takes you in for a big hug and lifts you a bit. Curls her fingers through your hair a little bit and takes in your smell before (sighs) sighing a bit and letting you go. Ollie comes up and puts his hand on your shoulder, and they both look at you, the two--

ASHLEY: Come here, Ollie!

MATT: "Okay." He comes in. You're bigger than him. You envelop your father.

ASHLEY: Get in here!

MATT: "Well. I love you."

ASHLEY: I love you both, too. Be safe, okay?

MATT: (Birdie) "You too. Y'all keep her safe, or Morri's going to turn you inside-out." (Morri) "(laughs) It's true! I will."

LAURA: Oh.

TRAVIS: Oh geez. (laughs)

MATT: "Good luck."

LAURA: New plan. If Fearne dies, we all sacrifice ourselves, because I don't want to end up as a tapestry.

LIAM: I have a question. Orym's been sitting off on his own in a corner, not very talkative, but paying attention, and he has the Sorrowlord's blade lying on the floor in front of him, so he's been splitting his attention listening and just considering it. What does this blade look like?

MATT: It is a black longsword with almost a speckle of star metal in it. It's fairly well-balanced. It's almost a hand and a half longsword that's pretty well-balanced.

LIAM: Okay, it's good for the moment.

TRAVIS: We don't have Identifies, do we?

LIAM: I don't.

TALIESIN: It's been a long rest.

SAM: ♪ It's been a long ♪ (laughter)

TALIESIN: ♪ Been a long rest ♪ (laughter)

TRAVIS: Does anybody have Identify?

ASHLEY: I might, I might.

LAURA: I don't have it!

SAM: Not no more.

TALIESIN: Worst case, we could just burn it.

TRAVIS: A sword? Burn it?

TALIESIN: In the vest, man. In the vest.

TRAVIS: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Yeah, a little beer bong-age.

TALIESIN: That's actually way better, yeah. I like that.

MATT and MARISHA: A little beer bong-age?

MATT: That's the new official title of it.

TRAVIS: Look, Chetney's been in a few fraternities, all right?

MATT: Quintessence Array, out!

TALIESIN: Fire up the beer bong is now officially the code.

LIAM: Is it an arcane bong?

TRAVIS: 100%.

MATT: Oh my god. (laughs)

TRAVIS: You could hold a magical item or creature up to it, or just load it full of kush.

MATT: Oh my god. (laughter)

MATT: You're in the right realm for it.

MARISHA: I was going to say.

ASHLEY: I have it.

LAURA: Oh, you have it?

ASHLEY: I do have it, yeah.

TALIESIN: Pour a health potion in there and let it roll.

ASHLEY: I didn't realize it was a 1st level.

TRAVIS: You do have it?

MARISHA: San Fey-nando.

LIAM: Do you want this?

ASHLEY: What am I going to do with it?

LIAM: Do you want to leave it here, with him?

ASHLEY: Let me check it out.

MARISHA: It writes itself.

TRAVIS: I mean, it's her dad's. Her blood dad's.

LAURA: It just (whippy-wappy)

ASHLEY: I don't think this is for me.

TRAVIS: If we come across other warriors that might be able to put it to good use if it's some kind of powerful weapon, it'd be a shame to leave it behind.

TALIESIN: I say we bong it.

ASHLEY: What is it?

TRAVIS: You Identify it?

ASHLEY: I'm going to Identify it.

TRAVIS: Do it.

MARISHA: We're going to want to soup ourselves up before we go into this final battle.

ASHLEY: This might come in handy, whatever this is.

MATT: That is an option.

LAURA: Plus, Orym had to get rid of the other blade that he really wanted, because--

TRAVIS: That was my fault.

LAURA: (laughs)

ASHLEY: This is fun-looking, and it does make a fun noise.

TRAVIS: Actually, we have the sword. We just don't have the dagger.

LAURA: Oh, that's right.

MATT: Yeah, you have the sword. You just don't have the dagger.

TRAVIS: I gave the dagger, which would've been real useful against--

LIAM: The dagger was the tits.

LAURA: Yeah, that was dumb.

TRAVIS: Yep. (laughs)

ASHLEY: Wait, what was the dagger?

TRAVIS: Well, we hadn't-- It's fine. It's Otohan's dagger.

LIAM: Almost like it was made specifically for our needs.

ASHLEY: Oh, that's right.

MATT: So the blade is called Duskhunger.

ASHLEY: Duskhunger.

TALIESIN: Ooh!

MARISHA: Sorry!

TRAVIS: Sometimes you assassinate NPCs, sometimes you give away crucial weapons.

MATT: It is a plus two longsword--

LAURA: Ooh!

MATT: --that, as a bonus action, it could be set aflame with black flames, dark flames.

SAM: Hot.

MATT: Do an additional 2d6 fire damage upon a strike.

TRAVIS: In addition to the strike? Wow.

MATT: So it does an extra 2d6 fire damage. It is considered a legendary fey weapon--

LAURA: (gasps)

MATT: -- as far as, it's been passed down from various Unseelie court members for quite some time. It also has the capability, when it strikes someone, to try and magically blind them.

ROBBIE: You cannot wield it! (laughter)

TRAVIS: It has no other master!

ASHLEY: You cannot wield it.

LIAM: Does it require attunement?

LAURA: It also is cursed.

MATT: It does require attunement, yes.

LAURA: It talks to you.

TRAVIS: That's awesome, Matt. Why do you make such cool shit?

MATT: It's a longsword, so it's strength-based. It's versatile, so you can use it one-handed or two-handed. Or--

LAURA: It's so perfect.

TALIESIN: Hold on.

MATT: Or you could devour it, and see what cool benefit is transferred from it to the bearer, up to you.

TALIESIN: Wait a minute.

ASHLEY: Could you have a black flame?

MARISHA: Let's just pass it around. (bong bubbling)

LIAM: The sword?

SAM: I have--

MARISHA: No!

LAURA: But is it a legendary weapon?

TRAVIS: We've hoarded swords before.

LAURA: Is it a plus two?

SAM: It is a plus two.

LAURA: Oh shit!

TALIESIN: Actually, it's--

LAURA: Plus two?

SAM: Also, instead of 2d6 fire damage, mine does 3d8 poison damage.

LAURA: Okay, well, he don't need it.

TALIESIN: Actually, I think, can I wield something like that?

ASHLEY: Could you wield it?

LIAM: Sure you can.

TRAVIS: Don't you have a kickass hammer?

ASHLEY: Check with your--

LAURA: I know, you're--

TALIESIN: I do.

SAM: Mine doesn't blind.

LAURA: Think about your aesthetic, though.

TRAVIS: But also there's two other groups of people that we're going to be meeting. A weapon like that might do a lot of damage--

ASHLEY: Oh, who--?

LAURA: They're high powered! Those people don't need fancy weapons.

TRAVIS: You don't know. Have you met them?

SAM: I think we should--

TALIESIN: No.

ASHLEY: I do feel like--

SAM: We should consume its magical powers.

TALIESIN: I also think consuming the magical powers--

TRAVIS: But yeah, if they don't need it, you should totally--

TALIESIN: You should hit that.

MARISHA: We don't need to make this decision right now.

ASHLEY: We don't. Let's just put it in the bag.

LAURA: We do need to remember, though, because we can only use that harness one time per day, and we're collecting these high powered magical items. We need to start using them!

SAM: You have a harp that anyone can use.

TRAVIS: Yeah, we got good stuff in here.

SAM: We should make a list--

LAURA: And suck them up!

TALIESIN: Let's burn something right now.

SAM: -- sucking up stuff.

ASHLEY: Yeah, we should.

TRAVIS: Yeah, we got a list.

SAM: We should make a suck list.

LAURA: Because we can only do one a day. Who knows much time we got left?

ASHLEY: Here's the sword. Let's not use that just yet.

TALIESIN: Are you sure?

ASHLEY: Well, I don't know.

LIAM: We're sort of out of time right now.

TALIESIN: Do you want it? We could powder it--

LIAM: I don't mean out of time,

TALIESIN: -- and throw it in you.

LIAM: I mean outside of time. Multiple conversations.

TALIESIN: Because then you would have, I mean-- It's honestly kind of cool. I don't know--

ASHLEY: Kind of cool.

TALIESIN: And there's nothing wrong with not having any emotional attachment to it.

ASHLEY: I have an emotional attachment to things sometimes.

TALIESIN: Do you want to powder it and put it in your soul? I don't know. How does that work? You feed it into your spine?

LAURA: What about Otohan's sword?

ASHLEY: What else we got?

MATT: Sorry.

ASHLEY: What's in our suck list?

LAURA: What about Otohan's sword?

SAM: Are we going to make our suck list?

ASHLEY: Yeah, let's make a suck list.

TALIESIN: Let's suck some shit up.

LAURA: Somebody needs to suck that up.

TRAVIS: We've got the Harp of Valor. We got the Staff of Dark Odyssey. That's pretty useless.

SAM: No, we're not--

TRAVIS: We've got Ishta the Summit Blade.

MARISHA: That's Otohan's, right?

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: We've got this demonshell armor that I'm wearing, but I kind of like it. Yeah, there's a whole bunch of stuff.

SAM: What's this one called?

LAURA: I've got a Pearl of Power that I can't use anymore, Laudna. This was yours originally.

TALIESIN: What does Otohan's sword do again?

MARISHA: Maybe we should suck it up, too, though.

TRAVIS: The Summit Blade.

LAURA: You got a Pearl of Power.

TRAVIS: "This sleek, saber-like blade carries an enchantment that capitalizes on disadvantaged combatants. You have a plus three bonus to attack and damage--"

SAM: Oh shit.

TRAVIS: "-- with this magic weapon. When you hit a creature that is prone, you deal an additional 2d6 force damage."

LAURA: It's a finesse weapon. It'd be great for Orym.

LIAM: I don't think so, really.

TALIESIN: I'm just talking about burning it.

TRAVIS: Weapon, legendary.

MARISHA: You can wield it. We've had this talk.

LIAM: There's no way--

MARISHA: I was in a different place. I'm much healthier now.

LAURA: He's solid.

LIAM: I'm very partial to the sword that my family gave me that a god blessed, and is now exalted.

LAURA: That's true. Yours is pretty great.

LIAM: But we have less than a week, right? So it's one a day.

TALIESIN: Yeah, let's burn it.

LIAM: We should be doing one a day.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Let's burn it.

SAM: I have a battering shield that I may not use again.

TRAVIS: Cool.

LIAM: I don't know which way we organize it, but everybody could eat something.

LAURA: Yeah, we should suck up the most high powerful ones first because--

MARISHA: Yes, just in case.

LAURA: Because there's a chance every day that it'll just break.

MARISHA: I have this cursed amulet.

SAM: Do you have any items?

TALIESIN: Oh, no, shit.

LAURA: I have the pearl.

TALIESIN: I mean, I have my pipe, but I'm not giving it up.

TRAVIS: What's your dad's blade named?

ASHLEY: Duskhunger.

TRAVIS: Cool.

ASHLEY: I mean, I'll take--

SAM: I'm keeping the suck list.

MATT: You can do multiple in a day.

TRAVIS: You can.

LAURA: It's risky.

TALIESIN: I gave you my pipe, didn't I?

MARISHA: I do have your pipe.

TALIESIN: You have my pipe.

MARISHA: Do you want it back?

TALIESIN: Are you using it?

TRAVIS: Is that the pipe from the fucking tree?

MARISHA: Yes.

LIAM: What happens if you put a celibomb under it?

TALIESIN: If you use it, then-- Here's the deal. We've got to use it.

LIAM: Just get glitter on your entire--

MARISHA: It feels more like novelty, right? Does it do anything other than show you your most heroic moment?

TALIESIN: Does it need to?

TRAVIS: Duskcrusher?

TALIESIN: It also chills you out.

MARISHA: Right, why would you want to suck that up?

MATT: I don't think it's in there.

LIAM: We should do one right now.

ROBBIE: Yeah, wake and bake!

LAURA: We should do it. We should hit it.

ASHLEY: What's the deal with the dagger?

LAURA: Wait, what dagger? We already took--

ASHLEY: Shush, I mean--

LAURA: We did the dagger.

MARISHA: The dagger's in my body.

SAM: We have a harp. We have a Summit Blade from Otohan. We have Duskhunger.

LAURA: We should do Otohan's blade. Somebody should suck up that blade.

ASHLEY: That's what I was saying. The Summit Blade.

SAM: It's a plus three! We're not going to use that?

LAURA: Who's going to use it?

TALIESIN: Raise your hand if--

LAURA: No, he's got an exalted--

LIAM: This is plus three, exalted.

SAM: I have a plus two, but I still like mine better.

TALIESIN: Exactly, so let's burn it.

ASHLEY: Let's burn it.

TRAVIS: You don't want to give it to one of the other groups, either?

LIAM: Mine shoots vines and lets me heal up completely after combat. And I can grow back a severed arm or finger or peepee.

ASHLEY: What?

LAURA: Ooh, great.

MATT: He's already lost it twice.

LIAM: Yeah, I just didn't tell you guys. (laughter)

MARISHA: That Otohan blade--

TALIESIN: Morri!

TRAVIS: What about that big brute that was--

MARISHA: Yes, yes.

TRAVIS: What about that big brute that was at Vasselheim?

MARISHA: Yes!

TRAVIS: The guy with all the refined words and gentlemanly speak?

MARISHA: I'm sure he would do remarkably well with a cursed blade.

LAURA: Grogory?

TRAVIS: Yes, Sir Grogory. That guy was the tits!

TRAVIS: You put that sword in his hand--

LAURA: I don't know him well enough to give him a fancy-ass sword when it would make us more powerful.

ASHLEY: No. Yeah.

TALIESIN: If no one else is going to take it, I'll take it.

LIAM: That dude is a legend, he's stacked. He doesn't need anything.

TALIESIN: Someone's got to make a decision and say yes to something.

TRAVIS: It's true.

SAM: Dorian, do you need anything?

ROBBIE: I--

SAM: Some powers?

MARISHA: Future me wants to give past me a fucked up sword.

LIAM: Do you want to eat a harp?

ROBBIE: Oh yeah, totally. That's just what I was thinking.

SAM: You know, eating a harp actually would be great for him.

TRAVIS: I just want to knock him prone and then be like--

TALIESIN and LIAM: Yeah.

SAM: It gives you advantage on performance checks. I don't know if that would carry over, but it seems like a thing that he could eat.

LAURA: The harp might be great. Eat the harp.

ASHLEY: Eat the harp.

SAM: Eat the harp.

MARISHA and LAURA: (chanting) Eat the harp.

ROBBIE: I'm feeling--

MARISHA, LAURA, and ASHLEY: (chanting) Eat the harp!

TALIESIN: Eat the harp!

ROBBIE: I fold under peer pressure immediately. (laughter)

TRAVIS: You're going to do it?

LAURA: Yeah.

ROBBIE: What?

LAURA: Put on this harness.

TRAVIS: Yeah, put on this harness.

ROBBIE: What's happening? Hold on.

TALIESIN: We're strapping you in, too late.

ASHLEY: This is going to be fun.

ROBBIE: What are we doing? I don't know what this is at all.

ASHLEY: You're going to love it.

TRAVIS: Quintessence Array is going on your body.

LAURA: I smooth your little sheer shirt under it so it still looks good.

TALIESIN: Basically we stole this vest. It will actually powder a magic weapon and just give you the power.

LAURA: Oh yeah, you weren't with us.

MARISHA: You suck it in.

ROBBIE: Yeah, I'm feeling-- I trust you, I trust you completely.

TRAVIS: We squeeze it real tight.

TALIESIN: It almost killed me-- I'm the only one who almost died so far, everybody else has been fine.

ASHLEY: That looks great on you.

LIAM: Oh no, it's hot.

ROBBIE: There's no way this could go wrong in any way, right?

LAURA: Yeah.

MARISHA: You're in a safe space.

TALIESIN: It totally exploded. It was really bad.

ROBBIE: Okay.

MARISHA: You're in a safe space.

TRAVIS: Yes, it probably will.

MARISHA: Nana Morri would prefer you do it here than anywhere else.

ROBBIE: That's right. All right, all right.

TALIESIN: Maybe outside.

LIAM: I've done it, it's fine.

MATT: "I do like to watch."

ROBBIE: All right.

MARISHA: (laughs)

LAURA: How do we activate it again? I forgot.

TRAVIS: This is only very rare. You just hold it up against the funnel.

LAURA: All right.

ROBBIE: Is this really happening right now?

TRAVIS: I grab Laudna and I push her against the funnel.

LAURA: No!

MARISHA: (screams) (laughter)

LAURA: I'm like your mom at the electric tower.

LIAM: (vortex sucking)

LAURA: Just kick her away.

TRAVIS: No, but I really do, and then I pull her off. You see-- (sputtering)

MARISHA: (screams) (laughter)

TRAVIS: Just seeing if you're on your toes!

MARISHA: (laughs)

ASHLEY: (laughs)

TRAVIS: All right, I got the harp.

MARISHA: He wants that dagger.

LIAM: She's shivering and queefing.

TRAVIS: (dramatic) Oh, Quintessence Array, please accept that which we offer, yay? (presents harp) On the funnel.

MATT: All right. So you are absorbing the Harp of Valor.

ROBBIE: What the fuck am I doing?

TRAVIS: Very rare.

MATT: All right.

TALIESIN: Apparently getting hazed.

ROBBIE: Okay, that's what it feels like.

LIAM: You're sticking it into a wood chipper.

ASHLEY: You're going to get real powerful in just a second.

MATT: Okay, so--

TALIESIN: You're going to be fine.

TRAVIS: Bye, Harp of Valor. It's been fun.

MATT: As they put you in this harness, this strange vest-like harness, the glyphs on it begin to light up and you feel this magical vibration throughout, like a haptic feedback vest. On the back of the high collar of it, there is a glass cylinder that seems to emerge from behind. While you can't directly look at it, you can feel light glowing and it thrumming on you, this faint whirring sound as the sparks of arcane energy begin to shoot up your shoulders. They take this massive harp and hold it against the back of this funnel.

ASHLEY: You're okay.

ROBBIE: I'm definitely trying to look.

MATT: You're trying, yeah.

LAURA: Don't lose your head.

TALIESIN: Just let it happen, let it happen.

LAURA: Look straight again. You're moving it.

TALIESIN: You're going to hurt yourself.

ROBBIE: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, okay.

TRAVIS: You're like a dog getting flea treatment.

MATT: Yeah. (laughter)

ASHLEY: Yes.

MATT: About 10 seconds in, you can hear the strings of the harp beginning to play with no fingers, just (harp plucking) string. The tones get discordant, and eventually the rest of you watch as the actual harp cords begin to (harmonic snapping) and then scatter to dust. Eventually, the actual harp begins to crumble into itself and the beautiful, metallic exterior and the intricate carving and design of this piece begins to fall away into clusters of stone-like petrified wood and dust. Until eventually, within a minute, it is gone. You permanently increase your maximum hit points by five.

TRAVIS and LAURA: Whoa!

MATT: Until your next long rest, you have advantage on all attack rolls, saving throws, and ability checks. Until your next long rest, so for the next day, advantage on pretty much everything you roll. And a permanent--

TRAVIS: Changes things.

MATT: Yeah, a permanent advantage on performance checks.

LAURA: Yeah!

MARISHA: Permanent advantage.

ASHLEY: Wow!

TRAVIS: If it breaks, it breaks, right?

ROBBIE: Oh, advantage?

LIAM: Yes.

ROBBIE: Oh my god.

LIAM: Even it only works for half of us.

MARISHA: Yeah.

LAURA: That's clutch.

LIAM: Yeah, the day before we get into the fray.

TRAVIS: People and creatures can lend a permanent effect, but items are different. Let's go find all of Matt's best NPCs and eat them.

MATT and ROBBIE: (laugh)

MATT: I'd like to see you try.

TRAVIS: Let's start with that Grogory guy. (laughter)

TRAVIS: Suck him in and get dumber.

MARISHA: We just suck up our first campaign.

TALIESIN: I was going to say the big--

TRAVIS: Oh! (like Grog) Oh. (laughter)

MATT: ♪ Jitterbug ♪

MARISHA: Yeah.

ASHLEY: ♪ Jitterbug ♪

MATT: Just a montage of Bells Hells wiping out the rest of Exandria. (laughter)

MARISHA: All bets are off!

LIAM: It's for the greater good. (grinding) (laughter)

TRAVIS: We started so idealistic.

ROBBIE: Sorry, got to kill the gods. (laughter)

TRAVIS: "Why are you doing this?"

TALIESIN: (Caduceus) Hey, what's this about?

TRAVIS: I don't know, I'm hungry.

MATT: (laughs)

ROBBIE: (laughs)

TALIESIN: Oh no.

MATT: But the harp is no more and those benefits are yours to keep.

TRAVIS: Dope.

MATT: You can eat another if you'd like, it would just be a 20% chance upon its completion that it breaks.

TALIESIN: No, one a day.

ASHLEY: Let's just do it tomorrow.

LIAM: Not until the last day.

TRAVIS: Yeah. We've only got a couple things.

MATT: Then you just smorgasbord it?

TALIESIN: Yep.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: You could.

LIAM: Yep.

TALIESIN: That's awesome.

SAM: To Vasselheim!

TALIESIN: (neighs)

MATT: Nana Morri sees this process and smiles and goes--

SAM: I neigh.

TALIESIN: Got it.

MATT: "When all this is said and done, I'd love to take a look at that."

SAM: You mean Dorian or the harness?

ASHLEY: Oh.

MATT: "Yes."

ROBBIE: Should I?

LAURA: No, no, no, let's wait.

ASHLEY: No, we're going to keep it. We're going to keep it.

MATT: "When all this is said and done."

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We can maybe put it in the collection.

ROBBIE: Who does this belong to?

ASHLEY: It's just all of ours.

TRAVIS: I got it, bag of holding.

LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: He just holds it, it's ours.

TRAVIS: Got to get the resin. (laughter)

ASHLEY: What did he say?

TRAVIS: You know you never clean that thing.

TRAVIS: Nope.

ROBBIE: (laughs)

LAURA: (laughs) (gags)

MATT: "Shall you be on your way then?"

SAM: Yes.

LAURA: That would be wonderful, thank you, Nana.

ASHLEY: Yes.

MATT: You watch as Ollie and Birdie flank her from the sides. She stands up, fully stands up now. Her hunched physique now goes to a full height and her elongated neck curls up even taller and she's 12 plus feet. It's this terrifying, if comfortably welcoming ally in this dark, nightmarish space. She extends her hands in front of her, seems to almost grasp something invisible in the air, and then puts her hands outward like she's unfolding a curtain that you can't see. As she does, the center space of the room folds out with it, like she's pulling apart an invisible cloth boundary between this realm and Exandria. On the other end, you can see a gray space that's formless and she goes, "To Vasselheim, you say?"

LAURA: She could have done that the first time we went back?

ASHLEY: Didn't she?

LAURA: No, she sent us to--

TRAVIS: Yes, to Vasselheim, Nana.

ASHLEY: Yes, to Vasselheim.

LAURA: Nana Morri, do you know how much time will have passed when we get back there?

ASHLEY: Oh, good call.

MATT: "The same time you've been gone, so the better part of a day."

LAURA: Got it, thank you.

ASHLEY: Thank you, Nana.

MATT: "Of course. Better than 100 years."

TRAVIS: Whoa.

MATT: "(laughs)"

LAURA: I go through.

MARISHA: We can finally see what happens.

TALIESIN: I know, next time.

TRAVIS: I go through too!

TALIESIN and MARISHA: Next time.

TALIESIN: Next time.

MARISHA: Next time. All right.

MATT: As you're about to go through she goes, "Wait." The gray space hasn't been clarified.

LAURA: Oh shit!

MATT: The minute you realize that, suddenly the image of a chilled, snow-covered Vasselheim street appears before you and you stop yourself. "Now it's safe."

LAURA: Sorry about that.

TALIESIN: Where would you have ended up if-- Oh, you know, don't want to know. Not now.

MATT: You all begin to rush through.

ASHLEY: Bye, Nana. (smooches)

SAM: As I go, I'll just say: So I'll call you.

MATT: "You know where to find me."

SAM: I do. (exits)

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: She cups you a little bit and lifts you about two inches off the ground before sitting you back down.

LAURA: (laughs) Cups you. (laughter)

SAM: Oh!

ROBBIE: Oh. (chuckling)

TRAVIS: (coughs)

MARISHA: Yeah. (laughs)

MATT: (laughs)

SAM: (neighs) (laughter)

LAURA: You're a cow!

SAM: Apparently I neigh now.

ASHLEY: Moo!

LAURA: You're a cow.

TRAVIS: I want to try some role play, can you neigh for me? (laughter)

LIAM: A little kinky.

TRAVIS: Moo-neigh?

MATT: As you all--

MARISHA: It's neigh-adjacent. one by one step back into the streets of Vasselheim--

ASHLEY: I give her a kiss before I go.

MATT: Okay, she traces her finger on your shoulder.

SAM: I do one more. (laughter)

ASHLEY: We're both competing to be the last kiss. (laughter)

TRAVIS: Jesus.

MATT: She gives you a glance and says, "Be true to whatever whim calls you. That's all I could hope for for a member of my family."

ASHLEY: You got it.

MATT: "Follow your impulse."

ASHLEY: Okay. Follow my impulse, follow my impulse, follow my impulse, follow my impulse.

MATT: You all step back out into the cold streets of Vasselheim. Gentle snowfall still drifts through, time of day you're uncertain, but at least it is light out, though the sun is nowhere in sight, enclosed by the gray skies that commonly envelop the air above here. The city is crowded. People are going about their business, but there is a still tense quiet amongst the populace as you can see numerous troops of soldiers moving through the streets. Themselves trying to grasp for purchase and prep whatever supplies they can, food, tools, whatever is available. You can see already the city of Vasselheim is filling up with many of the armed soldiers dedicated to the protection of the future of Exandria, whatever that might be. You can see numerous flags still flying up by where the Platinum Sanctuary is in this day or so that has transpired. It looks like much of the city's been busy gathering its forces, many of them being gathered here, uncertain if this is the central location or but one of many. But as you step out, some of these soldiers and other figures take note of your arrival. Some quizzically uncertain who you are. Others, a sight of recognition, their eyes wide and a nod as they move on with the rest of their business. A few other soldiers, you can see that hardened look of, in some, fear of what's to come. That glance of people who've trained for years but maybe never actually seen a true battle before. Kind of wrestling with the concept of their own very possible mortality, their first time on a battlefield. Others that wear the scars and weathered stare of hardened warriors who kind of, their sight catches you as you move past and they give a quiet nod and a clenched jaw. Kind of a brotherhood of shared fate, an unknowing concept of what may or may not come tomorrow.

LAURA: God, tomorrow.

MATT: But you've returned to Vasselheim. The city is yours.

LAURA: I take your hand. You want to go talk to a god again?

MARISHA: Yes, I kind of do.

TALIESIN: How does one find a death goddess?

LAURA: Well, the Matron's temple is--

LIAM: Death god temple.

LIAM: Duskmeadow.

TRAVIS: Duskmeadow.

MARISHA: I'm so excited.

LAURA: Shall we?

ASHLEY: Yeah.

LAURA: All right.

TALIESIN: Oh yeah.

ASHLEY: Let's do it.

MATT: All right. So, your troop gathered, you begin to head towards the Duskmeadow, the portion of Vasselheim that carries the heart and spirit that carries the heart and spirit of the worship of the Matron of Ravens, as well as a reverence for the passage of life to death and the safekeeping of those that have since passed. As you begin to wind through the city streets, you can see among the multiple walls that guard the inner and further inner sanctums of Vasselheim, the number of soldiers that are walking and keeping watch has tripled since last year were here, and a number of the ballista stay vigilant and ready and armed for anything to possibly arrive to threaten what is such an important place historically, and in these moments to come. The same looks of acknowledgement as you pass by. Word has gotten around of who you are and what you are to try and do. You also notice some of the ossuaries and crypt entrances that lead into these subterranean tunnels of the dead still remain heavily sealed and guarded. Whatever transpired in recent weeks that called them from their long rest still not the most important focus it seems for the armed soldiers of the city.

LAURA: What the fuck caused that? Just a bunch of zombies coming up from the ground and-- Side note?

MARISHA: I think that they alluded to the fact that when things went haywire, when the moon was pulled and all the leylines were jumbled that it--

LAURA: Brought back the dead?

ASHLEY: Should we just go down and check real quick?

LAURA: Just go side mission?

ASHLEY: Just go on a little dungeon crawl.

TRAVIS: But you make a good point. The leylines going haywire threw off magic, broke enchantments. Was there something that was keeping them down?

LAURA: Yeah.

MARISHA: Maybe there was. I wrote it down. I wrote it down. Keep going. I'm trying to remember what I wrote down.

ASHLEY: You asked a good question, Chet, to Nana that I wasn't thinking about. That would our magic be taken away--

TRAVIS: Right.

ASHLEY: -- if they were gone?

TALIESIN: Not all magic comes from-- I mean, what I have doesn't come from any god. What you have doesn't. Some things are just from here.

LAURA: Even the divine magics, I think they'd be weaker, but I don't know if they would completely disappear.

LIAM: It's uncharted territory. The best you can do is guess.

MARISHA: Yeah, it said the dark bloom, an undead uprising that occurred during the solstice.

MARISHA: Your handwriting is unreasonably legible.

MARISHA: Really?

TRAVIS: Yeah, I can read that.

TALIESIN: It's like a font, it's really frustrating.

TRAVIS: I look at my shit and it's crack proof.

MARISHA: Well, it depends on the moment.

TRAVIS: Can't decipher it.

MARISHA: Raven's Crest has been busy with second funeral rites. I wrote that down for some reason.

TALIESIN: Second funeral?

MARISHA: Yeah. (laughter)

TRAVIS: As we get closer to the Duskmeadow, can Orym and I keep an eye out for anyone that looks like guards of Vasselheim or soldiers of the Dawn Marshalls, anybody that would be watching for our return? Because I think once we're back they would probably want to ask us something before we go, you know, seek these answers.

MATT: Sure, yeah. I mean, you don't have to roll for it. As you're heading through the Duskmeadow, there you see a number of bastions of Vasselheim that, their uniform is patchwork at best, but there are medals and icons that signify them amongst their armaments as being the protectors of the city. The first ones that you see don't seem to recognize you, or at least may not have been present for your meeting there on site. But they do note you being armed figures looking at them. One of them you see is an older woman, probably in her 50s or so, darker brown, cracked skin, eyes that are stoic and intense. Her salt and pepper hair is pulled back into a very, very tight braid that's been circled around itself multiple times and then flits off the sides in two falls. She has a helmet under one arm and keeps a heavy broadsword sheathed at the other hand, and she wears scalemail armor. She's an older tough lady--

TRAVIS: That's a bad bitch.

MATT: -- who approaches as you eye her in the distance. "Can I help you?"

TRAVIS: Oh yes, thank you, sorry. It's been several hundred years since I've been to this part of Vasselheim. Could you point the way to the Duskmeadow? We seek the Matron of Ravens' temple.

MATT: "You stand in the Duskmeadow."

TRAVIS: Oh! See? Told you.

MARISHA: You're so good. Instinct.

MATT: "Do you require rites upon a fallen family member or?"

TRAVIS: Oh--

LAURA: No, we just need to talk to her.

ASHLEY: Unless--

MATT: "You're looking to pray to the Matron?"

TRAVIS: One of her flock, yes.

ASHLEY: Yes.

TRAVIS: Not the actual Matron.

MATT: "You'd want to go to the Raven's Crest," and she points over and you can see past all the snow-dusted rooftops, this cold, dusty sector of the city with a number of ramshackle homesteads that scatter around, with sections of ruins that seem to be maintained, whether it be memorial to past historical tragedies or conflicts that have happened within the city's walls, left crumbled as a reminder. You see up towards the center of this slow, crawling hill that this entire sector is built on, there is a massive, looming structure. You've eyed it before when you first walked through the city at night, but all you could see was the rising shadow of this monolithic structure. What you see now in the diffused midday light in Vasselheim is an elevated cathedral-like structure of obsidian and gold. The ominous steeples that rise up and the dark archways that seem to climb and stretch to outfit the exterior of this beautiful, if also harrowing, ominous structure. Even with as bright as the day is, it still seems to hold onto the shadows around it and feel like any other structure would in the darkest of night. Even the snowfall seems to drift off of its extremely peaked, steepled rooftops and remains untouched.

TRAVIS: Wow.

MATT: As she pulls her finger back, "That would be where you'll find what you're searching for."

TRAVIS: Thank you very much. Your kindness is much appreciated.

MATT: "Of course. Stay safe out there. The days to come around here look to be..."

TRAVIS: Interesting.

MATT: "Tense."

TRAVIS: Tense, yeah. Yes. (laughter)

MATT: "Good luck."

LAURA: Precious.

MATT: She rushes off to tend to a family off to the side that are calling for her attention. You all look back at the Raven's Crest, this eyrie to the Matron of Ravens, and glancing up in the silent stillness of the midday cold atmosphere, at that moment, you see a flock of ravens take off and caw into the air.

LIAM: Every time.

ROBBIE: Seems a little on the nose.

TRAVIS: (laughs)

LAURA: How does she always time it? You know what I mean? How does she know we're looking in that spot right when she sends them all flying?

TRAVIS: Second AD.

MARISHA: (laughs)

TALIESIN: Let's just keep walking towards the metaphor.

LAURA: Yeah.

ROBBIE: Yeah.

MATT: Continuing to snake through the surrounding neighborhoods, until eventually you come to a tall set of wide stairs that climb up towards what looks to be the entryway of the Raven's Crest itself. The dark stone step-way climbs for at least 50 to 100 stairs, somewhere in that neighborhood, eventually ending at two large eight by 12 glass doors that are opaque. You can see the sheen on them, but they almost seem to be as dark as the surrounding obsidian. You can just barely make out some little blinks of light within, but it's obscured. As you all approach, the doors (heavy scraping) open inward.

ROBBIE: Okay.

LIAM: This place makes the temple we visited in Whitestone look like an outhouse in comparison.

LAURA: Yeah. Wait, what temple?

TRAVIS: We went--

LIAM: We visited the temple in Whitestone.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

TRAVIS: It wasn't like this, though. This one got all the funding.

ASHLEY: It was a wild time. If that was any indication of what she can do, this might be fun.

TALIESIN: We all going in?

LAURA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Before we walk in, just to glance back, the soldier that we talked to, still at her post? Still just keeping an eye, or looking our way, or has left?

MATT: Oh, she's left and is currently dealing with business of another family a little further in the neighborhood. She's not in eyeshot from where you are right now. You've walked much further into the Duskmeadow to get here.

TRAVIS: Should any of us stay outside, just in case we need to delay anyone that might interrupt?

SAM: Why would anyone interrupt? It's a house of worship.

TALIESIN: I get the feeling we're going to be just fine.

LAURA: Plus, the Arch Heart, it was like the blink of an eye that passed after we talked to them.

MARISHA: And there's three spooky ladies, gave us their blessing, so we can just, you know, mention we're here for the three spooky ladies.

TRAVIS: Sure, okay.

ROBBIE: It's a good point, though. Every time I've engaged with a god, it always seemed like they were initiating. They had the upper hand and they had a plan for us. Is this just a chitchat, or are we here to get some information? I want to know my role to play, you know? I want to know what we're out to do.

LAURA: Right.

TRAVIS: Feels like we're out to confirm if what the Arch Heart said was true.

LIAM: Yeah, the gods don't talk to everyone, but lately it feels like they're talking a lot because of the circumstances, and it seems like maybe she'd even be expecting us with the way things rolled with the Arch Heart.

LAURA: Yeah, maybe the Arch Heart and her had a little chitty-chat before we came, and now she's expecting us.

ROBBIE: If the Arch Heart gave us the what, maybe she could help with the how? Any information on how to try and control Predathos? Because now we don't know anything about this idea.

TRAVIS: Maybe about the confines? What it's made of? The material she mentioned that was the same as the Divine Gate?

LAURA: She wasn't around, though, when Predathos. That was before her time.

TRAVIS: Yeah, but she's got to have access to the file folders and stuff, you know what I mean?

LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: No.

MARISHA: Plus, since she was one of the mortals who ascended. Maybe she can give us some pointers on, you know--

LAURA: Oh yeah.

ASHLEY: And why her champion is now in a little--

TRAVIS: Yeah, how she feels about that. Also, just off the top, we should probably tread gently, just in case the one the Arch Heart was mentioning is not the Matron.

LAURA: Oh.

TRAVIS: Just in case. But I think we're pretty sure, right?

LAURA: I mean, I don't know. He looked at Laudna, right?

TALIESIN: Mm-hmm.

MARISHA: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

ROBBIE: That is a very big assumption, though.

LAURA: Well, I mean--

TRAVIS: If we're wrong, we're dead. But it's no big deal.

ASHLEY: What? Why would we be dead?

TRAVIS: You mean when we ask a god if they're planning to wipe out their kin? And we're interested in maybe helping facilitate that?

TALIESIN: That's not what's happening at all.

TRAVIS: It's not?

ROBBIE: Is it?

LAURA: No!

ROBBIE: We're just asking her what's up.

LAURA: We're saying we want to help, and seeing how she wants us to help.

ASHLEY: I don't think she'll want to kill us, Chet.

MARISHA: Yeah, why would she want to kill us?

TALIESIN: Let's just be clever, and not-- We don't commune and talk.

LAURA: Yeah, we're super clever.

TALIESIN: We don't talk about the one god.

ASHLEY: We'll just let her take the--

ROBBIE: So definitely more of a chitchat.

TALIESIN: More of a chitchat. Let's see what she has to say.

MARISHA: We all have plot armor.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I'll let you guys talk. I've been dodging this bitch for a while so, you know, I'm going to hide my face a little.

ROBBIE: Me too. (laughter)

ASHLEY: Yeah, you stand further back there so she doesn't--

MATT: Tell that to FCG.

TALIESIN: Ooh!

MARISHA: (laughs)

ROBBIE: We don't know anything that's going to happen. It could be a nice dinner. You could get turned into a plant.

LAURA: We could all swim in some blood.

ROBBIE: What?

LAURA: Let's go.

TALIESIN: I don't think that's going to happen.

TRAVIS: Okay, we're going.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: What? (laughter)

ROBBIE: Did you guys swim in blood?

TRAVIS: I'm sorry?

ROBBIE: What?

TALIESIN: This guy.

LIAM: In another lifetime.

ROBBIE: Ah.

TRAVIS: Not us.

MATT: You step within the interior of the temple.

TRAVIS: (mimics fart)

MARISHA: (laughs) Yeah.

TRAVIS: Sorry. Every time.

MATT: These massive glass doors--

LAURA: Ugh, Chet!

MATT: --close behind you, and turning around, you can see they are entirely transparent from the inside out. You can see the snow fall just beyond--

LAURA: They were watching that whole conversation! They were probably just watching us. It's fine.

MARISHA: That's funny.

MATT: But the interior, this antechamber of the Raven's Crest Cathedral, is continuous candles against the walls with long-maintained drips of wax that seem to billow over, pedestals and high bits of the archway tucked into the corners of it. There's just this presence to the chamber here, like you've already stepped into a sacred ritual space. The hallway continues onward. You follow the hallway forward, and the dark obsidian entryway, its beautiful, in some ways almost brutalist architecture begins to give way to grays and ivory, the interior of the hall and its design beginning to feel less blackened stone and metal, and more ivory, ice, and bone. The temperature seems to drop even further as you step in, and you can see your breath with every exhale, every footfall echoing louder than it should down the hall. (echoing footfalls) The beautiful, intricate designs of the walls seem to almost have dream-like qualities, a castle parapet embedded into the stonework, spiraling upward, seeming to almost have a bony, HR Giger texture at points as it clambers up to reach the top of the archway that vanishes into impossible shadow above. Then, the hallway that you follow ends, and a 40 foot spiral staircase begins to wind up, up into the heart of the Raven's Crest.

LAURA: I don't know why I thought we'd be going down.

ASHLEY: How many stairs are going to be in this place? My god!

MARISHA: A lot of stairs.

MATT: Until eventually--

ROBBIE: Does this feel like a parish or a monastery? Are there any religious people or priests or priestesses anywhere?

MATT: You don't see anybody here, and there are divergent hallways and such, but it seems to be empty.

MARISHA: Echo!

MATT: (Laudna) Echo, echo, echo.

ROBBIE: (laughs)

MARISHA: (gasps) (laughs)

ROBBIE: Ca-caw!

MATT: (Dorian) Ca-caw, ca-caw, ca-caw.

MARISHA: Pâté, say something.

MATT: "Dick! Dick, dick." (laughter)

MARISHA: So fun.

LIAM: That's why your little fart was so audible, Chet. It's the glass and stone.

ASHLEY: Yeah, it's the glass and the stone.

MATT: The large oak door that meets you at the top has a large iron ring knocker right on the outside of the door.

SAM: Nice knockers.

MATT: I was waiting for it.

MARISHA: (laughs)

MATT: You just stand there at that massive door.

LAURA: Oh shit.

ASHLEY: Should you knock?

LAURA: Yeah, you should knock.

TALIESIN: I feel like this is your knocker.

MARISHA: How do I look? Do I look spooky?

LAURA: You look perfect.

MARISHA: Do I look dead?

ASHLEY: Yes, very scary.

MARISHA: Do I need to look more dead? Very scary? Okay, okay.

ASHLEY: Yeah yeah yeah, very good.

LAURA: Super scary, super spooky, super perfect.

ASHLEY: A hot scary, though.

MARISHA: Hot scary?

LAURA: Yeah, hot scary.

MARISHA: All right, good. I like being hot scary. All right, how heavy is the knocker?

MATT: It's pretty heavy.

MARISHA: Is it?

TALIESIN: Why are you knocking on the knocker?

MARISHA: (laughs)

MATT: Why not? Make a strength check for me.

LIAM: Leave Fearne alone.

MARISHA: Can I try and brace my wrist?

ASHLEY and LAURA: (laugh)

MATT: You can.

TRAVIS: I'm right here.

MARISHA: A strength check?

MATT: Yes, just roll a d20, add your strength modifier, because it's funny.

MARISHA: That's great, that's fun, that's fun, that's fun.

ROBBIE: I so hope you can't knock the door.

MARISHA: (laughs) I know!

TALIESIN: It would be so us. You have no idea.

MARISHA: Savior of the realm, can't knock a door!

TALIESIN: Please, a nat one. Please, a nat one!

LAURA: Is it a nat one?

MARISHA: Might as well be! Three minus three for a zero.

ASHLEY: Whoa!

TRAVIS: Even better.

SAM: (bone crackles)

ASHLEY: Knock on the door! Knock on the door!

MATT: It's not budging.

TRAVIS: You die instantly.

LIAM: Your arms shatter.

TALIESIN: I'm going to walk forward, because this could also be funny, and I'm going to offer a little help.

MARISHA: Okay, knock my hand for me. I want to be able to do it.

TALIESIN: Okay.

MARISHA: But I just--

MATT: The two of you are enough, with your aid. You pull it back and then--

LAURA: Supporting Grandma.

MATT: --simultaneously release and give a little push along with her hand. (heavy thuds) It impacts, and the heavy wood on metal sound seems to quake the ground as well, and it echoes throughout the entirety of the Raven's Crest. You can hear-- (echoing thuds)

LAURA: They're fine. Everything's fine. We are not going to die today.

TALIESIN: No, this is too cool.

MATT: The door swings open, and within, there is a 100-foot tall steepled chamber of multicolored stained glass across every wall and the archway ceilings.

LAURA: Wow.

TRAVIS: Wow.

MATT: The kaleidoscope of color and shapes is breathtaking as it is overwhelming within. Even just taking a moment to try and focus, you can see figures and shapes, but they're almost abstract, or you don't know the language of shape to understand their purpose, and you get lost in it for a minute. A wave of vertigo almost overtakes you to just take in this interior. But that's just focusing on its immensity. As you focus downward, you can see the continuous theme of ever-flickering candles that swarm the outer edges of this chamber, where you can see, standing about 20 feet from you, almost unseen blended against the low-lit interior, but three figures wearing and adorned in jet black vestments and elements of curled ceremonial armor or ritual decor, darkened crowns and black veils that obscure most of their features.

LAURA: I'd say they were expecting us.

MARISHA: You think?

LAURA: Mm-hmm.

MARISHA: I feel rude. Did we just interrupt?

LAURA: No, no. This seems presenter-y.

MATT: "Bells Hells."

MARISHA: Oh!

MATT: You hear one of their voices, uncertain which one is speaking, until the center one steps forward towards you. "Welcome to Raven's Crest. We are the Coven of the Veil, the high priestesses of the Matron and the highest of the Trust of Winter. I am Lieve'tel."

LAURA: (gasps) (smacks)

ASHLEY: (huge gasp)

TRAVIS: (laughs)

LAURA: I knew it, I knew it.

MATT: "And we have had an eye on you since you arrived. So by what means do you do the honor of stepping within our abode?"

TRAVIS: DM, we didn't see any of these figures in that larger meeting that we had?

LAURA: No.

LIAM: We did.

LAURA: It was the three of them.

TRAVIS: It was, okay.

LIAM: Masked, no faces that day.

MATT: Yeah, similar garb. Though the attire is somewhat different, the theme is consistent. You're uncertain if it's the same three, but you did see three figures in there that both spoke on your behalf and seemed to be elevated amongst the other movers and shakers of Vasselheim within the Platinum Sanctuary.

TRAVIS: Can I reach in my pocket to take out the Monocle of True Essence, you know, to help this old man and his poor sight, and cast See Invisibility.

MATT: Sure. You cast See Invisibility, and throughout the chamber, a number of hidden glyphs begin to show themselves all across the floor, in spaces across the walls, and across the stained glass. There are so many enchantments that encircle this chamber. At a quick glance, you're uncertain to even make out their essence, but there are, as it comes into focus-- Actually, this wouldn't be Identify. This is just See Invisibility. So if you want to make an arcana check to see if you want to take a quick assessment of some of what this room's enchantments hold--

TRAVIS: Of course I do. Arcana? Absolutely. Dirty 20.

LAURA: Whoa!

MATT: Dirty 20. Extremely strong abjuration magics all throughout the chamber, as well as some that are necromantic in nature. You see some that are based in conjuration. But all are deeply intricate and woven into the stained glass pattern. That strange mixture of colors and shapes that you were having a hard time following, you now wonder if it's because they were built to house these glyphs invisibly. The art of the chamber both exists as a beautiful and ominous part of the space and its essence, but also is meant to house whatever protective magics either protect this chamber, or do whatever else they do within this chamber.

LIAM: It's almost like Molly's tattoos.

TRAVIS: No creatures that are unseen? No dragons coiled on the rooftops?

MATT: None.

TRAVIS: Thank you.

LAURA: We had... a pull toward the Matron.

MATT: "Everyone does, eventually."

MARISHA: You're so clever.

LAURA: An imminent feeling that we needed to speak with her, if possible.

MATT: The one to the right goes, "They wish to speak with her. Do they know?" Lieve'tel goes, "To commune with the Matron takes a leap of faith." She steps backward and to the side, and while you were focused on them, what you didn't notice was the flickering of candlelight further back in the chamber, but the parts of it that are a reflection across a still surface from what you now can see is a wide pool of barely visible crimson liquid.

LAURA: I was being sarcastic. Are we really going to swim in blood?

TRAVIS: There's a pool of what looks like dark crimson liquid behind the daises. (laughter)

MARISHA: We've maybe gotten a few signs. You could say that she has a vested interest in talking to us, as well.

MATT: "If that is true, then perhaps you must speak with her."

MARISHA: I start taking off my wooden backpack.

LAURA: So, what do we do? We just hop on in and--

MATT: "Sink, sink..."

LAURA: How do you--

MATT: "and release."

LAURA: You want us to pee in there?

TRAVIS: (laughs)

MATT: "Our matron exists in the space between life and death. If you wish to meet her in her realm, you too must walk that in between."

ASHLEY: Cannonball it.

MARISHA: Laudna skips over naked. (laughter)

LAURA: Should we be naked? Should we?

ROBBIE: That was fast.

TALIESIN: I don't want to get my shit covered in blood.

MATT: "That wasn't necessary--" (laughter)

MATT: " -- but also not entirely against the decor of the temple. Choice is yours."

SAM: Quick question. If hypothetically you are already devoted to a god, maybe two--

MARISHA: (laughs)

TRAVIS: (laughs)

SAM: -- this leap of faith is a promise to follow this goddess?

MATT: "No such thing. Just sink and release. That is the leap you take."

TALIESIN: All right.

LAURA: How deep is it though?

TRAVIS: That's a tragedy--

LAURA: Does it go all the way down to the ground, because we climbed a lot of stairs.

SAM: God.

TALIESIN: I assume deep enough.

ASHLEY: Does it go all the way down, and then you come out the other side of the planet?

TRAVIS: Sink and release.

MATT: She smiles through the veil--

TRAVIS: What else do you need?

MATT: -- and doesn't respond.

LAURA: I'm going to leave my skivvies on.

LIAM: We have somewhere to be.

TALIESIN: I took my shit off and then locked the hammer on top of it.

LAURA: So, she's not going to let us die.

MARISHA: Is there a high dive situation, or you just jump in from here?

SAM: Does feel like that's the idea.

ASHLEY: Cannonball it.

MATT: The third woman goes, "I would not recommend making too much of a mess, but exuberance in this space between is not frowned upon either."

MARISHA: (laughs) I can be exuberant.

MATT: The woman who introduced herself as named Lieve'tel says, "besides, we have those who can clean up."

TRAVIS: (laughs)

MATT: "It wouldn't be the first time."

TALIESIN: I am already in halfway.

TRAVIS: You're in halfway? Who else is going? Raise your hand.

MATT: Those who are stepping in, it is cold. This is extremely cold viscous blood. This is extremely cold viscous blood. The smell of iron greets your nostrils the minute you come to the precipice of the pool, and as you step in, and there are steps that descend within until eventually your feet begin to give way and you are just swimming on the surface of the thick, viscous, crimson liquid.

TALIESIN: I'm not swimming. Well, I guess I can.

SAM: I feel like Laudna's going to be doing some of the talking or, I don't know. I'm going to give you a quick inspiration.

MARISHA: Okay.

SAM: Yes.

MARISHA: She might hate me. Like I said, I feel like most people who are into god stuff don't like me.

ASHLEY: And Guidance.

LAURA: Maybe she'll have sympathy.

MARISHA: Guidance.

LAURA: Because it was thrust upon you. It's not like you chose this.

ASHLEY: You didn't ask for it.

MARISHA: That's true. It's a d10 for inspiration?

SAM: Mine is only a six, but I'll draw a little sigil on your forehead in blood.

MARISHA: Oh, who is that? I go to the edge, and I put out my hands, and I trust fall backwards into the water. Blood.

MATT: (crunches) It's a smacking sound as she hits the surface, and then just--

MARISHA: Ugh!

ASHLEY: A little thicker than--

MATT: -- begins to vanish beneath it until she is gone.

LAURA: I'll follow her. I go under.

TALIESIN: You good, Dorian?

ROBBIE: Yeah. I want to test the insinuations of this. I'm going to use Unending Breath before I allow myself to, so I low key, (huffs) and allow myself to sink in the blood and see what happens.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Unending Breath.

ROBBIE: Yeah, I can hold my breath indefinitely.

SAM: Oh my god.

MATT: This is the--

LAURA: Know I can breathe underwater on this, but I don't--

TRAVIS: It ain't no water.

LAURA: I know it ain't no water.

TRAVIS: As a blood hunter, as I get to the edge, can I use my Hunter's Bane to (sniffs) as I slowly walk in?

MATT: Sure, go ahead and-- What are you trying to ascertain?

TRAVIS: I'm trying to use my nose, but this is a shitload of blood in a temple with some crazy magic everywhere. I'm trying to get a taste for its vintage.

MATT: Ah, okay.

MARISHA: Mm-hmm.

MATT: This would be perception.

TRAVIS: That would be just 17. No, sorry. 19.

MATT: 19. This blood is absent of any coagulation. It is absent of any recent source. This blood is celestial in essence and you are uncertain as to its origin, if it's changed out or if it has been this way for as long as there has been the Raven's Crest. But as a person who is also tethered to hemocraft, you have this slight concern about how your blasphemous spellcraft would interact with ancient celestial blood.

TRAVIS: It's only the slightest concern. (laughter)

TRAVIS: But yeah. I'll go under and I'll actually exhale as I go down.

TALIESIN: Oh yeah. I'm joining you on that.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: (huffs)

SAM: Are you staying?

LAURA: Now I'm holding my breath. I'm holding my breath,

ROBBIE: I'm underneath and have been for a minute, but I'm still holding my breath, so.

MATT: Most of you all begin to drift below and you can, if you open your eyes beneath, it's so dark, you can only see in the absence of a light except for the faintest bit of reddish hue from above the surface, where you can just barely make out the dark shapes of your friends at different stages.

TRAVIS: You all got blood on your eyeball? It's real weird.

LIAM: Orym's on the edge of the pool, really anxious about, does not want to go into this, and is watching you guys sink.

SAM: I haven't gone in either, and I'll just, if you don't want to go in, I'll stay out with you. I'll go in. I just don't, you know, if you don't want to, I won't.

LIAM: What if we go at the same time?

SAM: Would that help you?

LIAM: Probably.

SAM: Okay, it would help me too.

MARISHA: Swims up to the top a little bit and does the T2.

SAM: Oh god!

ASHLEY: Yeah, I do too! (laughter)

TRAVIS: And the thumb down. (laughter)

SAM: Maybe we can track her. I'll cast Divine Sense, or activate Divine Sense, right, so I can see undead.

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: Is she undead? You're undead.

MARISHA: Me?

MATT: She indeed shows up--

SAM: She's been turnt.

MATT: -- on your divine concentration. You feel for anything around you that is celestial, undead, fiendish. what-have-you because the whole room reverberates with divine power. The whole room reverberates with divine power. You are almost overwhelmed with it. The minute you tap in, you feel your knees buckle slightly.

SAM: Backwards? Backwards?

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: Obviously them, that's-- Yeah.

ASHLEY: Bent away, yeah.

MATT: Just the tiniest little flicker of undead power beneath the surface of the water calls your attention.

ASHLEY: Ping!

SAM: Hold my hand.

LIAM: Wait, wait, wait, wait. I'll make an offering.

TRAVIS: Oh, an offering. Good.

LIAM: I take Seedling and slice through my hand and add to the pool, and I think of the Wildmother as the hand closes and mends and stops bleeding. So there's a trade, so we're going to be good, right, because we have someplace to be at the end of the week.

TALIESIN: (chuckles)

LIAM: Let's go.

ASHLEY: Will that count for all of us, Orym?

LIAM: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Okay.

TALIESIN: (laughs)

SAM: All right.

MARISHA: You just tainted the celestial blood.

LIAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: With your basic-ass shit. (laughs)

TALIESIN: You can pee in the ocean. It's fine.

MARISHA: Yeah. (laughs)

LAURA: Yeah. That's what we're supposed to do here, right?

ASHLEY: Release.

SAM: You go. I'm with you.

LIAM: Do you have a tail?

TRAVIS: Imogen just upper deckers it.

SAM: I do.

LIAM: I hold the tail.

SAM: Okay, you're holding my tail?

LIAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: Ugh!

LAURA: Was that not it? Was that not what I was supposed to do?

SAM: We're jumping.

TRAVIS: A solitary--

LIAM: We're jumping?

SAM: Well--

MARISHA: Code brown.

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: This is the weirdest "Caddyshack" remake.

SAM: Leaping off the edge.

LIAM: Okay.

TRAVIS: Doody!

LIAM: No inching in up to your legs, up to your gooch, up to your-- Just in?

SAM: We jump.

LIAM: All right.

LAURA: Just make a mess of the chamber.

LIAM: All right. All right.

SAM: Vault.

LIAM: I'm pretty compact. You're a lot of parts.

MARISHA: Yeah.

SAM: Let's go.

LIAM: All right. One, two, three.

MARISHA and ROBBIE: (laugh)

SAM: (leaps)

MATT: You dart in. Are you going for minimal dive or a splash?

SAM: A splash. I don't dive.

LIAM: Oh my god.

SAM: I've got these things.

TRAVIS: Braius stays out and slays everyone.

MATT: (splash) (laughter)

TRAVIS: "For you, lord!"

MATT and TRAVIS: (laugh)

MATT: You impact--

SAM: I thought about it.

MATT: -- and begin to sink below too. The temperature when it hits you at that speed, you can't help but (shocked breath) exhale underneath as the shock of it hits your system, the ice-cold sensation and what feels like a weight that pulls on you. Whether you want to sink or not, you are slowly tumbling down into the abyss of darkness below. Fearne, you watched everyone else enter this pool of blood. You're the last one standing. The splash from Braius, (big slash rising) and then stops and freezes in air, and then (drip drop) scatters back into the pool. The three veiled figures all just look at you.

LIAM: That's pretty dope.

ASHLEY: I'm going in. I'm going to go in right now. I'm going to start walking in.

MATT: Okay. You step into the cold pool.

ASHLEY: I'm going to--

SAM: (laughs)

TRAVIS: You taste the celestial blood pool?

ASHLEY: I just wanted to taste it.

MATT: It is very bloody. Thick.

LAURA: Ew.

MATT: Cold. Iron-y. Like licking a thousand pennies at once.

ASHLEY: Okay, all right.

LAURA: Gross.

ASHLEY: Here I go. (huge inhale)

TRAVIS and MATT: (laugh)

ASHLEY: I'll go under.

MATT: Make a presentation to the Coven of the Veil, and then you vanish beneath. You sink and sink as you hold your breath, those that are. Eventually you feel that panic begin to rise, that need to swim upward, that need to find air, and as you begin to reach for it, you are making no forward momentum. you are making no forward momentum.

MARISHA: I don't think Laudna would struggle. She would try to be relaxed and go to another place.

MATT: Imogen, Laudna's gone.

LAURA: I'm reaching my arms out anywhere trying to find her, because I went right after her. I should feel her.

MATT: She's gone. You, who exhaled on the way in, you feel that cough and that pain inside, until eventually the need to survive begins to overtake you, and you try and claw and reach. You begin to transform subconsciously out of the need to get past this. The animalistic urge overtakes, but you continue to sink. A little bit of flicker of crimson light above you turns to nothing, until eventually, (gasps) you give in, and drown.

LAURA: I reach out mentally for Laudna.

MATT: Nothing. One by one, each of you succumbs to the inescapable drowning here within the holy pool--

SAM: Even this guy?

MATT: -- of the Matron of Ravens.

LAURA: Yeah, what about Robbie? I mean, Dorian.

MATT: Except--

SAM: No, not Dorian.

MATT: -- For Dorian.

SAM: Robbie. (laughter) (laughter)

ROBBIE: How did you know?

TRAVIS: Some guy named Robbie's over in the corner, like, "Fuck!" (laughter)

TRAVIS: I've just been thinking about it.

MATT: Dorian. There is a connection amongst your friends where you can feel them. You can feel their moving and swimming and thrashing in this thick solution until there's none, and all of your friends are either still or gone.

SAM: How do you want to drown this? (laughter)

ROBBIE: Yeah. That's what I thought.

LAURA: Peer pressure.

ROBBIE: Yeah.

LAURA: Peer pressure!

ROBBIE: Oh yeah, it's easy.

MARISHA: Again.

ROBBIE: Yeah.

MARISHA: The second time in 30 minutes.

ROBBIE: Yeah, second time today.

TRAVIS: Will you die for us?

ROBBIE: It's exactly what was described, so yeah. I'll just--

MARISHA: Drowning pool.

ROBBIE: I'll let it go.

LIAM: Drink the blood, Robbie.

ROBBIE: I will. I'll let go of the Unending Breath and make the conscious choice to feel, feel without breath. For the first time in my existence, I'll feel what it's like to not be able to breathe.

MARISHA: This is exactly what the satanic panic was afraid of. (laughter)

LIAM: We did it, y'all.

MARISHA: We did it.

TALIESIN: Full circle.

MATT: Describe it to me, Dorian, how this experience of letting go affects you.

ROBBIE: Oh, it's ultimate suffering. Just panic, fear. Everything antithetical to who I am as a person, and the strangest part about it is he just lets it happen.

MATT: As you convulse, spasm, fight, the fear and panic, just as quickly as it came, leaves to a comfort. The chill of the pool becomes warm, like a womb. It's comforting, it's familiar, like you've been here before and you'll be here again. Each of you independently feel your feet find a surface. You feel that weight take on your body once more. That floating sensation dissipates, and you are carrying your own body on your feet as you've done for most of your life. You open your eyes and look down and you can still see the crimson on your hands as it drips away, revealing you standing amongst an endless pool of red that vanishes into shadow. One by one, your eyes focus and you can see all of your compatriots around you as well shaking off the experience. But here you are, all eight of you together, wherever this is. You take in your surroundings, or lack thereof. This void, this absence of space beyond this pedestal of red and light that disappears about 50 feet beyond you. You can see the faintest little flicker, like a reflection. Like someone had turned a pane of glass across the sun and it cast across your eyes and it's gone. And then another, small but endless, and you blink, and then as you focus, it's not darkness beyond you. It is impossibly distant glittering, like a spider web of gold. For just a moment, you can perceive an impossible array of golden threads shifting like a breeze, entwining, tangling. And they begin to move. They begin to strain, as inky black spills from between them, descending down from above like tendrils of shadow and nothing.

LAURA: I hold your hand, Laudna.

MATT: They spill (crash) onto the red bloody pedestal that you all stand on, like some sort of a tar waterfall that spreads out.

MARISHA: Can I catch one of the droplets?

MATT: You go to reach for it and it feels material. When you pull your hand, there in your grasp is but a single black feather, and as you look up, it is not a column--

LAURA: Save that shit.

MATT: -- but a person. A robe of black and a mantle of jet feathers. From within this darkness, a hood rises to a bright white porcelain mask. Feminine features, highlighted in threads of gold that arc around the darkened pointed sockets of her face. The purple lips and still stoic expression staring down upon each of you. All of you. None of you. "Thrice have you sought me. Why?" And that's where we're going to go to break. (groans)

TRAVIS: Ooh. (laughs)

ROBBIE: Mm. (I don't know)

LIAM: (moans)

TRAVIS: Wrong number?

ASHLEY: Oh man.

ROBBIE: Research, Chet!

MARISHA: The timing of those dice is crazy.

LAURA: Oh my gosh.

MATT: I know. As soon as you announced those, I was like: (knowing laugh) Okay.

LAURA: Perfect timing.

MATT: Scripted! (laughter)

TRAVIS: Good job, writers. (laughter)

MATT: We'll be back here in a few minutes and pick up from where we left off. We'll see you guys shortly.

LIAM: Woo hoo!

Break[]

If you like working with friends or betraying your friends. Don't worry about that bit, Radderss. Maybe this could be the game for you. No! Alright. Have we won any rolls so far? I don't think we have. Nope! No we haven't. We already have people like Raoul. Druid. Let's have Druid. Yes. Oh, yes yes. Let's go! Let's go! Yes, we're supposed to be warning the queen. Problem is, right. If he didn't have such a suspicious looking face, I'd probably go straight and warn the queen. But look at that bloody, boss baby looking smug face. You must now warn the queen of the dangerous plot that threatens her. Un pomme! Un pomme, vite! Oui, vraiment. Chargez! Roi d'Aria? Roi d'Aria? Voila! I did it! You did it! That's awesome. I'm a hedge. Now's the time to crush them. Yar! Oh my gosh. Oh my god, that was so smart. We're amazing. This shark might kill the entire party. And I'm here for that. Je crois qu'on peut rejourer si on termine le scénar. Allez bonne chance! (distorted) Mais glooton aurait aimé entendre le reste de sa chanson. What the heck is happening? Oh? Critical success! We're so bad at this. Hennifer! Patacrête!

(mysterious music)

The future is frightening. It's a future which hasn't yet been written. Vox Machina, your world will be destroyed. This can't be happening. If we want to save it, we have to go to... Hell. Buckle the fuck up. Road trip! We shouldn't be here. Won't be needing jackets. To pull this off we're gonna need all kinds of miracles. What is that thing? Hold him off as long as you can! Vox Machina shall burn! That's a big problem! And I'm an even bigger one! -Ready? -No, but do it anyway! I'm ready to die for the people I love. We have to believe it's going to be alright. And if it isn't... No! ...then nothing matters. Vox Machina, you are now bound for eternity. They got some plush chairs in this bitch. It's okay to be scared. We can face anything if we're together. Oy! You think you can catch us, dingle dick? Maybe don't mock the murder man?

(cheerful holiday music) (static crackling)

NARRATOR M: Hi. Do you have a moment to talk about the cosmos? NARRATOR S: Specifically, the cosmos of Midst? NARRATOR X: What's that, you ask? Excellent question. M: The Midst cosmos is a vast realm with glittering skies above and spooky fathoms below. Full of strange worlds and surreal potential. X: What's out there? M: What does it all mean? S: Answers to these questions have always been just out of reach. X: Until now. M: A supernatural ship and its remarkable crew. S: Capable of traversing the highest heights, the deepest depths, the beginning and end of the cosmos. M: We'll venture to fantastic worlds and hidden wonders within the far reaches of the known universe. X: Confronting transformative realizations at the very edges of reality, and maybe even within their very selves. S: And we'll be there, too, narrating and stuff. M: We're the narrators. It's what we do. X: Will you join us? No prior Midst experience required. S: We've got you. M: Embrace the journey. X: We'll be with you to the UNEND. ♪ (mysterious music) ♪ X: New episodes will air weekly on Wednesdays. And as a member, you'll receive UNEND two weeks early and ad free.

(festival music)

LAURA: Hey Critters! Laura Bailey here to guide you through what's new in the Critical Role shop. Oooh, so moody. Style should never be a dump stat, darling. Check it out, look. It has pockets. Could anything be more perfect? I mean the Traveler always says, impulse purchases are a good decision. Go ahead, darling. Treat yourself. Oooh, so comfy cozy. Roll an investigation if you want. It's basically perfect. And hey if you want, you could head over to the Critical Role shop right now.

(ominous music)

KLAUS: In play, it felt so good. MOHAMAD: Everybody's engaged at the same time. ALISON: The Hope and the Fear mechanics are a wild, role-playing ride. MATT: The game is called Daggerheart, our own fantasy tabletop RPG we've been developing. It's a unique 2d12 dice rolling system that ensures that every roll of the game has some sort of impact on the game itself. DANI: It really fosters that collaborative role-play aspect. DARIUSH: Character building lets you do your own thing and organically be like, "I'll take a little of this, a little of that." CAI: You can be an unlikely combination of things. The Hope and Fear mechanics to me really feel more like the score of a good film. NATE: Mounting fear, just added a different layer of tension to the game. HANNA: The tactileness is really exciting for me. I just feel very represented in this game. EVAN: I would absolutely play again. TRAVIS: Daggerheart is fun as hell to play. RICH: I absolutely love Daggerheart. MATT: It's going to be something real special and it's just the beginning.

(ominous music) (epic music) (mischievous music) (typewriter clacking) (peaceful music) (posh orchestral music)

TALIESIN: (British accent) This week on "Critical Roadshow," we've traveled to one of several sets in the Critical Role studios. This particular set is where "4-Sided Dive" is filmed, along with other famed productions, such as that one Critmas Promo, that other Critmas Promo, as well as several other promos. We've brought in our finest antiques dealer to evaluate and appraise items that have been brought in from every corner of the building. We go now to our first item.

MATT: As I understand, there's an interesting story about how you came into possession of these items.

ASHLEY: Yeah, so I was playing a game of street dice in Macau, and the stakes got pretty high, I almost lost some fingers, but I didn't. And, you know, I came out on top. Won a Soviet submarine. No big deal.

MATT: This is a rare find. These keys, user manual, and, most importantly, signal beacon, are from the Shchuka-class Project 671RTM. And while they had a payload of Zircon hypersonic and Onik anti-ship missiles, they were never able to provide an exclusive Discord, pre-sales for live events, or 10% off merchandise. I'd appraise a functional military sub of this era at about $400,000,000.

ASHLEY: Ooh! It is docked in Vladivostok right now, but I'm going to go pick it up and bring it back here. No problem. Yes!

MATT: Truly a rare find. So what do we have here?

JARED: Well, I heard that you're giving away tons of cash for people who bring in cool stuff, so I brought this.

MATT: Is that a photo of Kevin Beacon?

JARED: I'm sorry, did you say Kevin Bacon or Kevin Beacon?

MATT: Wonderful actor. Classic photo and signed. However, unlike a Beacon membership, it does not provide instant access to all new content. So, I'd estimate this between $6 to $7.

JARED: That's it? Okay, fine. I'll take the money.

MATT: Oh, I don't buy any of the items. I just estimate their value.

JARED: And you get paid for this?

MATT: Yeah.

JARED: Wow. I need to become a voice actor.

MATT: Truly a rare find. Now, this is a truly exciting discovery.

TRAVIS: (sad and offended noise)

MATT: This beacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich is exquisitely crafted, beautifully designed. While you can enjoy a meal like this for a few minutes, a Beacon membership unlocks thousands of hours of entertainment, now available on desktop and mobile.

TRAVIS: I'm trying to eat my lunch.

MATT: Truly a rare find.

TRAVIS: (intimidatingly chews)

MATT: And what do we have here?

MARISHA: Yeah, you said you needed stuff with the word "beacon" on it, so, I found this prop from an old Beacon promo.

MATT: Ah, yes. Beacon promos are great and well-written content. But Beacon also has a number of original series such as "Re-Slayers Take," "Critical Role Cooldown," and "Crit Role Abridged," as well as more to come, all available when you have membership to Beacon. I'd value this record at 75 cents.

MARISHA: Okay. I think you can dial it back, sweetheart.

MATT: Truly a rare find. And what did you bring?

SAM: What? No, I didn't. I'm looking for Jared. He took my signed Kevin Bacon picture? I signed it myself. Jared, no? Not ringing a bell? He's our Junior Lorekeeper. Jared. Jared, I think. Maybe. I'm gonna say, Jared.

MATT: Truly a rare find. Now, this may be the find of the day, a Beacon membership. (chuckles) May I hold it?

LAURA: Yeah. Just be careful.

MATT: Of course. Of course. (sighs happily) The craftsmanship, the design, the understated beauty! A Beacon membership is only $5.99 a month, but is absolutely priceless. Truly irreplaceable-- (glass shattering)

LAURA: Dude.

TALIESIN: Well, that was most interesting. But please do become a Beacon member because the poor sap who wrote this has added this text to the teleprompter to say that they will get sacked if this ad doesn't do well. The end. The end? Who writes "The End" at the end of a teleprompter feed? Don't let whoever did that touch the teleprompter ever again. Worst writing ever. God! Jeez. (folksy guitar and piano)

SINGERS: ♪ Omar's on his way to me ♪ ♪ (to me, to me, to me) ♪ ♪ He's on his way to you ♪ ♪ (to you, to you to you) ♪ ♪ Ay yo, so fluffy ♪ ♪ Ay yo, so cuddly ♪ ♪ I hope he gets here soon ♪

Part II[]

MATT: And welcome back. (snickering) "Thrice you have sought me."

LAURA: Yes!

MATT: "Why?"

MARISHA: Well--

SAM: Good choice. Good start.

MARISHA: First off, hello. I would argue that the other times that we sought you out, it was more circumstantial. This one is deeply intentional. Also, we heard that, I don't know, we just heard that you might be interested in talking to us as well. Hi, hello.

MATT: "From where did you hear as such?"

MARISHA: Well--

LAURA: (whispers) What if it's not actually her?

SAM: (burps) It is, it's her.

TALIESIN: She doesn't--

SAM: We're committing to this, we're not backing out.

TALIESIN: She doesn't know what we know. I don't think she knows any of what we know.

LAURA: We are saying all of this out loud because y'all, I did not telepathically connect us.

ASHLEY: Oh.

TALIESIN: Just saying behind.

SAM: I don't think it would matter.

TALIESIN: Saying it to you.

SAM: We're in her realm, she can hear our thoughts.

LAURA: Probably.

MARISHA: You see, we actually recently had a conversation with one of your cohorts, the Arch Heart. You see, we're not necessarily the god-fearing type, this group of people. Which may make us perfect for whatever mission that you may need.

MATT: "So you've come to my realm to offer your sword for hire?"

MARISHA: Well--

LAURA: No, that's--

ASHLEY: That's kind of a weird way to say it.

MARISHA: More so I think we have a few questions.

MATT: "Hmm. Speak plainly."

MARISHA: It would be nice to corroborate some of what the Arch Heart said.

MATT: "What did he say?"

MARISHA: That the gods are scared, yet unaligned on how you all choose to resolve this little Predathos issue. You see, we've been to the moon. Within this group of rugged adventurers, Within this group of rugged adventurers, we have two Ruidusborn among us.

LAURA: It's us. It's us.

TRAVIS: Or it could be us. You don't know. (laughter)

TRAVIS: Don't give away too much.

LAURA: That's right.

ASHLEY: That's good. Stick it to her, stick it to her, Chet.

MARISHA: You see, Orym over there, of the Air Ashari, the Wildmother has given him a sign that we take up arms and fight on your behalf.

LIAM: I just pull that out and let it flower and wrap itself in vine.

MARISHA: However, the Arch Heart seemed to have a different idea. He seemed rather keen on the idea of turning over a new leaf, starting a new chapter.

LAURA: My ring.

MARISHA: Running, mayhaps.

MATT: "So you say the Arch Heart is the dissident among us?"

ROBBIE: No!

ASHLEY: Uh-oh.

MATT: "And he sent to you here." As she says that, the mask seems to swell with immensity. What was once a tall figure before you is now a figure that is the realm. You are ants floating in red ether in front of a being of impossible stature.

MARISHA: You know, he sort of made it out like the two of you have been chatting.

TRAVIS: Oh, we're doubling down?

MARISHA: Yes, 100%.

LAURA: We watched you hold an imp in your titties.

MARISHA: We watched you hold an imp in your titties. We watched you, you were there for "Downfall."

MATT: The mask pulls back.

MARISHA: That's the name of the series. For Aeor. (laughter)

ASHLEY: Don't go, don't do, don't go.

LIAM: (tiny gibberish)

MATT: "You speak of experiences long before your time."

TALIESIN: Well, thankfully you didn't make us good, did you?

MATT: "I haven't made you anything. All threads--"

MARISHA: The Arch Heart-- Sorry, I totally just interrupted you, that is so embarrassing.

SAM: She should talk.

ROBBIE: She should tell her, tell her things.

ASHLEY: I liked where you were going with it, though.

MATT: "All threads are tangled, especially in these turbulent times. Why are yours no different? To come to my realm and make accusations to my family."

MARISHA: I don't think an accusation has been thrown. It's ironic considering the Arch Heart was the one who said you might be interested in speaking with us.

MATT: "It is indeed."

MARISHA: So I'm curious what he saw being born from this communication.

MATT: "Indeed."

SAM: I mean, we don't know anything. We are trying to figure out what's going on. Death has become more and more a part of everyday life in Exandria, and that concerns you for sure. It also concerns us. We've been told things by someone who claimed to be the Arch Heart. We don't even know if they were real. We were shown things by someone who is actively trying to release Predathos. We assume what we saw of your past in Aeor was true, but we don't know. I have prayed to the Platinum Dragon and gotten vague responses and we've gotten some signs via Orym and this weapon. We just want answers, we don't know anything though, and we're hoping that you can guide us.

LIAM: As mortals, we find ourselves pulled somehow by fate toward the center of this mess on the mortal coil. So we really want to understand what is going on so we can best help our own and yours.

MATT: "Death cannot be stopped, only delayed. Infinity is relative, and even the brightest stars eventually flicker out to cold nothingness. So while death concerns my awareness I am merely its steward. But I also watch over fate and to watch over fate is to look for patterns. My charge is vision of the tapestry as it is woven." As she opens her hands, you can see those flickers of golden threads you got a glimpse of suddenly ignite with bright golden light. Millions, billions of threads at different angles, intersecting, tying, knotting, breaking, snapping, severing, re-tethering, and endless unraveling and re-raveling of a microscopic view of a tapestry too immense to contemplate. "To witness where it might lead us all across every scale." The mask focuses in on Fearne.

SAM: Did you steal something?

MATT: "But you might know--"

ASHLEY: I just kind of scritch a--

MATT: " -- a thing or two about the threads of fate, fey creature."

ASHLEY: I think that I know a little bit about what you're talking about.

MARISHA: Frienemies.

ASHLEY: Go ahead. I think I feel like you're in the middle, you're about to say something.

SAM: It's hard to read your body language.

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's because I can't read-- (laughter)

ASHLEY: -- with that mask on. I don't understand feeling without seeing it.

MATT: "You carry with you the natural arrogance of mortal life. Your misplaced confidence banal. I've watched many heroes climb towards a false destiny and become dust to history's memory. I do not see why you are any different."

MARISHA: I don't think we want to be heroes.

LAURA: I don't think we're overly confident.

MARISHA: No.

ROBBIE: I also think entropy and heat death of the universe notwithstanding, we're looking about what to do like tomorrow or by the end of the week.

ASHLEY: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

TRAVIS: Entropy! (laughs)

MATT: "Then heed my words. Go home."

LAURA: And do what?

ALL: No, no, no, no!

MATT: And she drifts back into shadow.

LAURA: Go home? Where's that?

MARISHA: No, we don't really have a home, do we?

ASHLEY: Are we still in the blood?

MATT: Yeah, you're all standing on this bloody pedestal that's just drifting off into darkness. Her shadowed shape is still drawn back amongst the numerous threads that have all darkened ever so faintly.

ROBBIE: I'm sorry--

TALIESIN: This is not how this conversation ends. No, we're in a void, why are we being quiet?

ASHLEY: I'm going to just like slap the water.

TRAVIS: The Matron? Oh. (laughter)

ASHLEY: Just push the water, or the blood in frustration.

MATT: Okay, it scatters out and drifts, stays in the air like little gravityless globules just drifting.

MARISHA: That's a good question. I'm going to see if I can make my own little inky, black drippies. Do I have magic here?

MATT: You do.

MARISHA: Okay.

TALIESIN: You know, I don't know if anybody else noticed this, but I've thought about it a lot. The Arch Heart was going to just let the gods go. He was going to die until someone convinced him not to in Aeor. Don't think I didn't notice it was you. And I know you did it because you weren't done playing god.

MATT: (whooshes) The mask drifts out of the shadow and 10 feet tall, 100 feet tall, scale gets strange in this space, as the vacuous space where the eyes would be stare through you.

TALIESIN: Don't think I don't know how small I am.

MATT: "Very."

TALIESIN: Not the first to remind me.

MATT: "And I won't be the last. What do you want?"

LIAM: You were a mortal. You've worked with mortals and one in particular comes to mind, could probably use your help on top of the rest of us. could probably use your help on top of the rest of us. We know death is inevitable, but we still want the chance to live our lives before we die. We're trying to maintain the balance at home. Your balance won't break.

LAURA: Unless you want it to.

MATT: "We walk towards a golden haze where the future of all things is uncertain. An unfocused paradigm where even my sight cannot see. So you have fallen into a destiny that throws the weight of the world upon those who eschew heroism and come to my realm scared and aimless."

LIAM: It's not aimless. We're trying to rectify this situation. If there's anyone who understands the gods and understands us, it's you. Only you have one foot on each side. Do you even have a perspective?

TALIESIN: Maybe it's been too long.

MATT: "The saga of the gods and their fate has ruined many. Some still to prove their impact on history." Out of the shadow around you, color and shape begins to swirl and form until you see a gently-blown column of lavender hair and a familiar face looking pensive and worried in her coat. "Liliana Temult, awakened child of the god eater. Forced to abandon her life and follow an instinctual destiny. All to play her part in this knotted moment of uncertainty. What will she choose, to feed or be fed upon?" Another swirl of lavender, no, pink and white and black as a humanoid shape of white hair and a black crown dripping and black oil and ichor. Opal stands dark and still.

ASHLEY: Opal.

MARISHA: You know her?

ASHLEY: Yes.

ROBBIE: We do.

MATT: "Opal the Twice-Crowned, born a fractured, dual soul. A being of unknown potential, manipulated by cult and betrayer gods alike to walk a violent path without agency, a pawn for the gods and their whims."

SAM: Is she single?

LAURA: (scoffs)

ASHLEY: No.

ROBBIE: She's in a--

SAM: Okay, okay.

ASHLEY: Well, maybe you just--

MATT: "Others pursued the promise of the gods. Our very presence inspiring covetous jealousy and world shattering ambition." Flames begin to curl behind the two of them as a hand reaches out, and a second. What you see is a humanoid form in a blood splattered robe. A skeletal face bereft of flesh, torn and dragged to its sides. It drifts out and hovers in the air, a terrifying mockery of some arcane cursed entity. "Vespin Chloras, he who foolishly tried to write history himself from the shards of my path, becoming the first catalyst to inevitable calamity, damning himself to an eternity in the Hells, and damning many others in the process. The history of Exandria is altered in the wake of great and terrible people touched by the will of the gods. Prove to me why you feel you are worthy to be among them."

LAURA: Right now? Feels a little braggy, doesn't it?

TALIESIN: I feel like they've barely proven themselves to be worthy to be among us.

LAURA: Braggy. He's got a shard of a Titan. So does she.

SAM: He's got something else too, but yeah.

LAURA: Yeah, he's been made and remade a few times now. Orym's a protector. I've never met anyone as noble as he is. Even the Wildmother agrees. Fearne, she's a collector. Everybody that sees her gathers to her and every trinket as well. She has so many people to call upon because we're like moths to a flame around her. Braius.

SAM: Mm-hmm.

LAURA: He-- Look at him. He's strong.

SAM: Super strong.

LAURA: He's of two minds. There's a great turmoil going on inside of him, I can see it. All of us want him to choose the right path, but even if he doesn't, he walks strongly. Dorian. Dorian has stepped up every single time. He's a prince. Something he shies away from, but his entire being shines with it. Laudna. Laudna's everything. You can see it. She had her fate thrust upon her. It was something she didn't ask for, but she's embraced it and become strong with it and overcome it. And Chet, well, Chetney's so fucking old--

ROBBIE: (laughs)

LAURA: -- and he's seen so much, and he acts like a real jackass. But that's because nothing can break him.

MATT: "And what of you?"

LAURA: And me? I have a storm inside of me, and I can't wait to let it out.

MATT: "You all step on the edge of the world. One teeter and you fall forever. You choose similar paths to them. Let's hope you have the strength to endure and persevere where they falter." The Matron pulls back her mask, becoming immense, as the image of Liliana shifts. (powerful energy) Her hair drifting up as her eyes begin to glow red. (electric charging) The energy charging through her body. Opal, the black begins to pour down her face, staining her jacket as dark shadows begin to swirl around her body, her blades appearing in her hands at her side.

ASHLEY: I try to go to her.

MATT: You go to her?

ASHLEY: Yeah. Opal?

MATT: Does a 20 hit your armor class?

ROBBIE: Oh!

LAURA: Oh fuck.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

MATT: Without looking at you, her hand strikes toward you and the blade (rapid piercing) goes through your palm and out the backside as she looks up at you. She looks at you without recognition, her two eyes almost seeming to be collections of a dozen smaller ones within, as the shape of Vespin Chloras, the fleshless, punished visage of history's greatest villain begins to exhale. (soft, hollow exhale) I need you all to roll initiative.

LAURA: What?!

ROBBIE: Whoa!

TALIESIN: Oh!

MARISHA: What?

LAURA: What?!

TALIESIN: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait--

LAURA: That's the proving that she was talking about.

MARISHA: That's the proving!

ROBBIE: Oh boy!

LIAM: We're fighting god manifestations!

TRAVIS: Why didn't we suck down more things in the forest?

ROBBIE: Oh no!

SAM: Fighting this god--

MARISHA: You got those bonuses. You got those bonuses.

SAM: Fighting this god is brought to you by WizKids and their EXU Calamity Mini Boxed Set.

ASHLEY: Whoa! (excited exclaiming)

SAM: Available for pre-order now.

LAURA: Oh my gosh!

SAM: Relive the Ring of Brass' final struggles to avert Calamity.

TALIESIN: Oh boy.

SAM: From their investigation, to the ritual of Vespin Chloras, to-- wow, this is so apt. To confronting the corruption of Avalir, to battling for the very fate of an age, pre-order today at wizkids.io/--

TRAVIS: Good job, buddy.

ASHLEY: Wow, that's--

LAURA: Good job with the--

ASHLEY: Today, it lined up.

MARISHA: There's something--

SAM: Wizkids.io/exucalamity.

MARISHA: -- in the air today. Scripted.

ASHLEY: Did I take any damage from that, Matt?

MATT: You did. You took--

LAURA: Oh god.

MARISHA: What the heck?

TRAVIS: 65 points.

MATT: Seven points of piercing damage.

ASHLEY: Okay.

LAURA: Okay, okay, okay, okay.

MARISHA: This is so cool.

ROBBIE: Oh, we're rolling initiative.

SAM: Oh god. Oh shit.

MATT: Here we have--

ROBBIE: What am I going to roll?

SAM: What is that?

SAM: God, I can't read this fucking dice.

MATT: Liliana.

LAURA: Oh!

SAM: What is that?

MATT: Opal.

SAM: Oh wow, that's good. Okay.

ROBBIE: Yeah.

LAURA: Oh shit, we got to fight them?

MATT: And Vespin.

TRAVIS: (laughs) (exclaiming)

TRAVIS: No, Matt!

LAURA: His cape is made of blood!

TRAVIS: You're unhinged!

LAURA: Flesh and blood.

MATT: All righty.

LAURA: Do you have Kleenex?

ASHLEY: Yeah.

LAURA: Do you have Kleenex over there?

MATT: 25 to 20.

TALIESIN: Hold on.

LAURA: Oh god.

MARISHA: 21?

TALIESIN: Shit.

ROBBIE: 21.

SAM: 22.

ROBBIE: Ooh!

ASHLEY: Okay, so--

TALIESIN: Where are we at?

MARISHA: Braius.

TALIESIN: Braius.

ASHLEY: Rollies.

LAURA: Oh my god.

MARISHA: Yeah.

LAURA: You rolled 22?

ROBBIE: 21.

MATT: You both?

MARISHA: 21.

MATT: Rollies to see who goes first, if you have the same dex.

MARISHA: Do we have the same dex?

SAM: You can just choose to do Rollies.

MARISHA: Your dex is higher.

MARISHA: Yeah, you're good. You go first.

ROBBIE: Okay.

SAM: Dorian.

ROBBIE and ASHLEY: Dorian.

ROBBIE: Laudna?

LAURA: (laughs)

TALIESIN: Braius, Dorian, Laudna.

LIAM: That's what you were both doing.

MATT: So Dorian then Laudna?

SAM: Yep.

ROBBIE: Braius, Dorian, Laudna.

LAURA and LIAM: (laugh)

MATT: 20 to 15?

LIAM: 17.

ASHLEY: 17.

MARISHA: Oh, Rollies!

TRAVIS: 17.

LIAM: Rollies!

ASHLEY: Whose dex is--

TRAVIS: Three way Rollies.

LIAM: I got a four. Beat that.

ASHLEY: I got a--

LAURA: What the fuck is that?

LIAM: The Artist Formerly Known as Prince?

ASHLEY: I think that's a three.

LIAM: Okay. A three?

ASHLEY: Right?

TRAVIS: Six.

ASHLEY: But plus five.

LAURA: No, it's just Rollies. It's the the Rollie number.

ASHLEY: It's just Rollies, that's right. No, no, no.

TRAVIS: It was a three way Rollies, you fucking schmucks. I toasted both of you.

ROBBIE and MATT: (laugh)

LAURA: Wait, Chet then Orym then Fearne.

ASHLEY: Chet--

TALIESIN: Chet, Orym, Fearne.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: -- Orym, Fearne. Okay.

LIAM: Miserable bastard.

MATT: All righty.

MARISHA: Damn. Damn shit.

MATT: All righty, and then--

ROBBIE: Who's last?

MATT: After this, we have Ashton--

TALIESIN: 10.

MATT: -- and Imogen.

LAURA: Nine.

MATT: All right. Okay.

TALIESIN: I hate this.

MATT: Here in this massive black expanse--

MARISHA: Shit.

MATT: Here as your senses begin to focus in, you can see the edges of the shadow where the blood seems to drip off into nothing. Braius, you're up first.

SAM: Oh shit.

ROBBIE: (nervous clench)

SAM: What's going to--

LIAM: What the shit?

SAM: What's going to help?

SAM: Rolls against have advantage, I can't benefit this.

ASHLEY: That was so good. That was so good!

SAM: Okay.

LIAM: What's the stone called?

LAURA: She's a stone cold raven bitch!

SAM: Okay.

LAURA: Who's going? You're going?

SAM: It's me, it's me, it's me.

MATT: Braius, with Dorian on deck.

SAM: I close the distance to Liliana Temult.

LIAM: He's going for distance.

LAURA: Temult.

MARISHA: He's going for speed.

SAM: Mm, I don't think so.

TALIESIN: He's all alone. (laughter)

TALIESIN: Actually is all alone.

SAM: And I will... I will strike.

MATT: All righty.

SAM: I will--

LAURA: You fuck!

SAM: I will strike with Foul Verdict, my Poison Pen, and I will paint her with poison. Let's see what happens. Terrible. God awful. The worst. Two. Plus 12, 14.

MATT: 14. As you rush towards her, she, energy crackling around, just glides out of the path of your flail.

SAM: I get two attacks, right?

MATT: You do.

SAM: Okay. Before she gets too far, I roll again. I attack again, I mean.

MATT: Yes.

SAM: This is a 23 to hit.

MATT: A 23 to hit? That'll hit. Go ahead and roll damage.

SAM: I will use Divine Smite. Level two of those, right, so that's three? Boy oh boy. How does all this shit paladin shit work?

ROBBIE: (laughs)

SAM: (laughs)

TRAVIS: (laughs)

SAM: Okay, okay. Okay, I'm going to use one of the charges on Poison Pen.

MATT: Mm-hmm.

SAM: Which deals an extra 3d8 poison damage. I will use Divine Smite, which deals an extra 2d8 damage, and as a bonus action, I will use this new thing that I just saw on my spell list called Shining Smite, which deals an extra 2d6 radiant damage, and if it works--

MATT: This is a spell?

SAM: This is a spell.

MATT: Okay. Cost a bonus action to cast?

SAM: Oh. Yes.

SAM: Okay. I'll let you go ahead, but usually you cast that before you attack.

SAM: Not this one.

MATT: Oh, this isn't?

SAM: This is brand new. I think it's in the new update.

MATT: New rules? Sure.

SAM: It says, "Bonus action which you take immediately after hitting a creature."

MATT: I haven't looked at it yet.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: Great.

SAM: I just discovered this thing.

MATT: I mean, it's a better thing. Let's go.

SAM: Okay, okay!

LIAM: Let's make it happen.

SAM: Okay, I'm going to roll all these. Eight, 16--

LIAM: Let's fucking go.

SAM: -- 24, 16--

LAURA: (laughs) Stupid.

SAM: -- 20, 25.

LIAM: Shining Smite.

SAM: -- 28, 32, plus--

ROBBIE: (like Sean Connery) Can you feel it?

SAM: -- plus seven is 39.

LIAM: (like Sean Connery) Roll, you handsome cow-man.

SAM: Okay. 39 points of damage.

MATT: 39 points of damage. All righty.

SAM: And--

LIAM: What happens here?

SAM: -- until the spell ends, which is up to one minute.

MATT: Concentration, right?

SAM: Yes. Attack rolls-- She is shining now, with a bright light.

MATT: Okay.

SAM: Attack rolls against her have advantage, and she cannot turn invisible.

MATT: Got it, so I'll mark her there.

TRAVIS: Ooh.

MATT: All right. You impact her, you hit her, there's not even a wince of pain. Just still drifting up. Your magic still takes effect, and you can see the shining energy swirling around her, but she's just now focused on you.

SAM: Oh, okay.

MATT: Does that finish your turn?

SAM: Lovely to meet you, ma'am.

MATT: (laughs)

SAM: That's it.

MATT: Dorian, it's your go.

ROBBIE: Seeing Opal, I think Dorian's just furious immediately. Under his breath he says: I will not allow another god to make a mockery of you. I'll sprint straight for Opal. Then as I'm running, I'll pull out my father's blade, and use it for the first time. I'll take a strike at her. Attack. Yeah, cool.

MATT: Go for it.

ROBBIE: Great. That's so perfect. That's a natural one.

ASHLEY, LAURA, and MARISHA: (groan)

LIAM: No, it's not. No, it's not.

MATT: Oh yeah, because--

LIAM: You're within 30 feet of me.

ROBBIE: Oh yay! Hi, buddy. Thanks for the combat inspiration. Fuck that dice forever and ever.

MATT: You are within 30 feet of him. Yeah.

ROBBIE: Huah!

ASHLEY: God, that's so cool.

ROBBIE: Better.

MATT: It's crazy, I get to actually use the Matron dice for this fight.

LAURA and ASHLEY: Yay!

MATT: You showed it off, I was like: This is going to be really funny.

LIAM: Scripted.

ROBBIE: Thanks, buddy. That's a 25.

MATT: 25 does hit.

ROBBIE: Sweet. 25.

LIAM: From a one to a 25. Good feat.

ROBBIE: Then, so that's just eight points of damage, but then I'm going to use my Defensive Flourish, since that attack hit, and, immediately, I'm going to duck and dive over and slip to the side, and I'm going to use Master's Flourish, so I don't have to spend my Bardic Inspiration.

MATT: Great.

ROBBIE: So I get another pop off that. Which is a six. So I get a extra six on that.

MATT: Great.

ROBBIE: Then, I'm going to take my second attack, because I have two attacks.

MATT: Mm-hmm.

ROBBIE: Boop. Not great. That one is a 16.

MATT: 16 just hits.

ROBBIE: It does hit! Okay, cool.

TALIESIN: Good to know.

ROBBIE: So then that is four--

MATT: Laudna on deck, by the way.

ROBBIE: That's 11 on that one.

MATT: All righty.

ROBBIE: Then, fully in the combat mode right now,

ROBBIE: Then, fully in the combat mode right now, for my bonus action, I'm going to use my offhand for my, I guess that would be my two-weapon fighting.

MATT: Okay.

ROBBIE: Because I can do attack, attack, and then fight again.

MATT: So your offhand weapon.

ROBBIE: Yes, which I haven't brought out yet, but it's actually the lute that I have in my side.

MATT: Okay.

ROBBIE: As I pull it out, I click on the little embouchure on the side, and a little (metallic tinks) a stiletto switchblade dagger comes out, like a little tiny knife.

MATT: Hell yeah.

ASHLEY: Cool.

MARISHA: Cool.

ROBBIE: Then he goes to give her a little poke.

MATT: Go for it.

ROBBIE: Let's find out. Great. That would be plus nine, that is 25.

MATT: 25 hits.

ROBBIE: And him's just a little guy. Just a little poke for five after that.

MATT: Five damage, all right.

ROBBIE: That's it!

MATT: So after this massive Defensive Flourish opening your defense, get the last couple hits in. With each strike, as it cuts into Opal, she doesn't react and just stares at you with those weird spider eyes within human eyes, and with each wound, black pours from it. That finishes your go. You're up.

SAM: Matthew, I forgot the Divine Smite damage, and so that was another 10.

MATT: Okay, thank you. So 49 on that one, got it.

MARISHA: I'm going to cast Mirror Image on myself.

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: Calm down. (laughter)

MARISHA: Then I am going to cast Bane on all three of them.

SAM: (like Bane) Oh!

MATT: Okay. (trumpets) (laughter)

MATT: That's a wisdom saving throw?

MARISHA: Charisma.

MATT: Charisma, okay. Liliana, it's a 16.

MARISHA: Fail.

MATT: Fail?

TALIESIN: Fail.

MATT: She is Baned. Opal, that's going to be a 20, so that succeeds.

MARISHA: Succeeds.

MATT: For Vespin, that's going to be a 12. He rolled really low.

MARISHA: Fail. All right, so the two of them.

MATT: So he's Baned.

TRAVIS: Yeah!

LIAM: (like Bane) You've been Baned by Laudna.

MARISHA: Then-- (laughs) LAURA Stupid.

LIAM: (laughs)

MATT: That's pretty stupid. (laughs)

LIAM: I think it's pretty highbrow. (laughter)

ASHLEY: I disagree. (laughs)

MARISHA: I want to move back and maybe towards these threads of fate a little bit.

LAURA: How far away?

MATT: Okay, you want to move this way?

MARISHA: Yeah. Do I see any threads--

LIAM: Oh, within 30.

MARISHA: -- any of these threads coming off of them?

MATT: Hmm?

MARISHA: Coming off of the ones we're fighting, do I see threads?

MATT: You see the threads that are pouring out, and there are some that curve out into the nearby dark space, yeah. They're all behind her and all over.

MARISHA: But are there any attached to these people, to the ones we're fighting?

MATT: No.

MARISHA: Okay. Okay, yeah, I'll move even further, Liam, if you can scooch me towards the threads of fate. Yeah, that's probably--

LIAM: That good?

MARISHA: That's good.

TALIESIN: Can you scooch me towards the threads of fate?

MARISHA: Can you scooch me just a little towards threads of fate?

TALIESIN: Just towards the threads of fate.

MARISHA: That's my turn.

MATT: Okay. Got it. It'll be a little bit for your movement. Maybe won't quite get that far.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: About there. All right, that finishes your go. It's now Liliana's turn.

LIAM: Oh shit.

ROBBIE: Uh-oh.

LAURA: Uh-oh.

MATT: All right, Liliana.

SAM: (groans)

ROBBIE: (laughs) You're fine.

MATT: She's going to go ahead and-- (chuckles)

LIAM: Oh no. Chuckling.

TRAVIS: You can see where Imogen gets her good looks.

TALIESIN: Don't giggle.

MATT: All righty.

TRAVIS: Right or right?

TALIESIN: Always hate it when you giggle, man.

MARISHA: Your mom's hot.

MATT: As she begins to float up into the air, she's going to try and get away from you so you get an attack of opportunity against her.

SAM: Great, I will swing away.

LIAM: ♪ 'Mogen's mom ♪ ♪ Has got it going on ♪

TALIESIN: You don't have--

SAM: Not great. A 17 to hit?

MATT: 17. Yeah, she's going to Shield. (energy whooshes) Uses her reaction, deflects it off.

SAM: (groans)

MATT: And is going to drift up, (whooshes) up over to this space.

SAM: Shit.

MATT: From above, she raises her hands in the air, her eyes magnifying--

TRAVIS: Cool.

MATT: -- bright, terrible sparks of purple energy. I need everybody--

SAM: Oh god.

ROBBIE: (worried groan)

MATT: -- to make a dexterity saving throw, please.

ROBBIE: Dex.

ALL: (groaning)

LIAM: Okay, okay, okay.

SAM: ♪ Dex! ♪

ROBBIE: (grunts)

SAM: ♪ Ah-ah ♪

ROBBIE: Oh my god.

TALIESIN: (groans)

SAM: (belches)

LIAM: Jeez.

MARISHA: Not too good. Not good.

LIAM: That made me want to throw up. (laughter)

ROBBIE: That bad?

TALIESIN: That was...

LAURA: Ew.

TALIESIN: And that was a terrible roll.

MATT: Okay, so we'll start over here. Braius.

SAM: 11.

MATT: 11. Okay, fail. Fearne.

ASHLEY: 17?

MATT: 17, fail.

ASHLEY: (groans)

MATT: Okay, Imogen.

LAURA: I fail.

MATT: Fail. Ashton.

TALIESIN: Fail.

MATT: Fail. Orym.

LIAM: Natural 20.

MATT: Natural 20. You're fine.

ROBBIE: Ooh!

ASHLEY: Wow!

SAM: He's dexterous.

MATT: So you all of a sudden lift into the air like gravity has suddenly--

LIAM: Oh.

ROBBIE: Oh no!

TALIESIN: Oh no!

MATT: Flipped in the opposite direction.

LIAM: There's no top or bottom in here.

ASHLEY: Whoa, whoa, whoa!

MATT: You all are now being held up into the expanse above, drifting freely in the air, unable to control your current position.

LAURA: Cool.

ROBBIE: Whoa!

ASHLEY: Ashton, did you do this?

MATT: Dorian.

ROBBIE: Fail.

MATT: Fail.

TALIESIN: (grunts) (laughter)

SAM: Uh-oh.

ROBBIE: Another one! (laughs)

MATT: You (whooshes) drift up here as well.

ROBBIE: Oh, come on!

MATT: Just collecting them all.

LAURA: Uh-oh!

TALIESIN: Hate it.

MATT: Chetney.

TRAVIS: 24.

MATT: 24, you're fine. And Laudna.

MARISHA: Fail.

MATT: Fail. Laudna, you are also--

TRAVIS: Don't worry, I got it! (laughter)

ROBBIE: Just two little guys.

ASHLEY: Bye, Chet.

TRAVIS: Let's get rid of these riffraff--

ROBBIE: Yeah, yeah.

TRAVIS: -- and get down to business.

MATT: (laughs) All right, I'll go ahead and put this up here.

ROBBIE: It's because you're low to the ground.

TRAVIS: That's right.

ROBBIE: Yeah, yeah.

TRAVIS: Low center of gravity.

ROBBIE: You can dig in. Yeah.

TRAVIS: It's all in the toenails--

ROBBIE: (laughs)

TRAVIS: -- which I haven't trimmed in a couple years.

MARISHA: Wow!

MATT: I'll put this up here--

ASHLEY: That's so gross.

MATT: -- just for reference.

TRAVIS: Get them to hook under.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MARISHA: (laughs)

TRAVIS: If you ever need a snack just-- (slurps)

LIAM: Just the littles down here?

ROBBIE: Yeah.

LIAM: What the--

LAURA: Awesome.

SAM: No problem.

TRAVIS: We got this!

MARISHA: It's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay.

MATT: That's going to go ahead and finish her turn. Now it's going to go to Opal's go.

TRAVIS: (laughs) Oh shit! Oh shit!

TALIESIN: No, we cool.

TRAVIS: Hold on, did they all roll the same fucking thing?

MATT: You saw that she was about to stab towards Dorian, but then as Dorian (whooshes) drifts up, doesn't even watch him vanish. Her focus immediately shifts onto you.

TRAVIS: Hm?

MATT: She's going to bonus action Hexblade's Curse you.

TRAVIS: (gasps)

ROBBIE: She's very dope.

MARISHA: She is very, yeah, she's got a lot.

ROBBIE: She's super OP.

MARISHA: She's super OP.

MATT: Is going to dart forward towards you and is going to unleash a multiattack on you.

MARISHA: She had Aabria--

TRAVIS: Whew, whew.

LAURA: Wow.

TRAVIS: Whew!

ROBBIE: She's back to solo the whole party?

MARISHA: (laughs) Yeah, yeah.

MATT: That's going to be a 21 to hit.

TRAVIS: Hits.

MATT: That hits? And--

TALIESIN: Count damage.

MATT: The other attack is going to be-- Oh, it's natural 19, which with the Hexblade's Curse makes it a crit.

TRAVIS: (laughs) Oh, cool.

LAURA: Oh, cool, cool, cool.

TRAVIS: Cool.

MATT: So, each of this.

TRAVIS: Loving this.

LAURA: (laughs) Loving this for me. (laughter)

TALIESIN: Okay, Okay.

MATT: So the first one--

TRAVIS: Don't know where you are.

MATT: -- is going to be seven plus five. It's going to be 12 points of piercing damage.

TALIESIN: Okay.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: And the crit. That's going to be 16 points of piercing damage.

TRAVIS: On the crit?

MATT: On the crit, yeah.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: They're daggers.

TRAVIS: Oh, okay.

TALIESIN: Okay.

TRAVIS: You say it like that.

TRAVIS: All right.

MARISHA: They're daggers.

TALIESIN: That's cool.

MATT: All righty. That's going to finish her go. That brings us to Chetney with Orym on deck.

LIAM: Oh boy.

TRAVIS: I get ready to take a step foreword and all of my friends just go (whoosh). Ah!

MARISHA: Whee!

TRAVIS: Then this bitch rushes at me and starts stabbing me a bunch. I'm going to use my bonus action to use my Hybrid Transformation and (beastly growling). (deeply) I got pokey things, too.

MATT: (chuckles)

TRAVIS: I will-- Can I slide around 180 degrees behind her, staying in her melee?

MATT: Sure.

TRAVIS: I will cast Bane with my action on her, Vespin, and Liliana. I think they're all within 30 feet of me.

TALIESIN: Well, two of them are already Baned.

TRAVIS: Are they already Baned?

LAURA: Yeah, they're already Baned.

MATT: Liliana is and Vespin are both Baned. Only Opal is not.

MARISHA: Opal's the only one who saved it.

TRAVIS: Amazing. She's going to save against Bane. It's not that hard. I'll take three claw attacks against Opal.

MATT: Go for it.

TRAVIS: ♪ (jaunty tune) ♪

MARISHA: ♪ (continues jaunty tune) ♪

TRAVIS: That's going to miss. That's-- Wow! Two twos in a row? Get the fuck out of here. (flutters lips) 19 to hit?

MATT: 19 does hit, but because you are Hexed by her, she's going to roll for her Armor of Hexes. On a four plus, it misses.

TRAVIS: I remember this.

MATT: That's a four.

ROBBIE: Whoa!

TRAVIS: Cool.

MATT: So the two ones go wide (swooshes) and the last one goes to strike. As you pierce through her, suddenly, it was just shadow and she was just two feet to the right still staring at you.

ROBBIE and ASHLEY: (groan)

TRAVIS: That's so cool.

MATT: Nothing but air in when you strike.

ROBBIE: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

TRAVIS: So cool.

TALIESIN: I am so excited--

TRAVIS: That's so cool.

TALIESIN: -- to go fuck with this motherfucker. I'm ready for her.

TRAVIS: I'm going to-- (laughs)

LIAM: Are you all ready for Vespin?

LAURA and TALIESIN: No.

TRAVIS: I'm going to run.

ROBBIE: Do you remember when we went to the pageant with her?

TRAVIS: Nope. Yes.

ASHLEY: Aw.

MARISHA: (laughs)

LIAM: Yep.

TRAVIS: Yeah, I'm going to stay there. No, I want to run away, but I don't want the other hit. That sucks. Okay. Yep, that's my turn.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Wow.

MATT: Finishing your go, Chetney, Orym, you're up with Fearne on deck.

LAURA: You know where you are?

LIAM: Okay. I'm going to run--

ASHLEY: You're in the jungle, baby.

LIAM: -- straight to here.

LAURA: You're going to die. (laughter)

LIAM: I wanted to see you for so long, but this wasn't the way. A little bloom starts spreading around on Orym as he Hexes Opal.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: She has to make strength checks at disadvantage because of it.

MATT: All right, well, first, let's see here. Before I unlink his Hex, let's see. Yeah, it just stays on.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: She's double wielding?

MATT: Two daggers, yeah.

LIAM: I'm going to attempt to disarm her.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: I'm flanking with Chet. First is a 29 to hit.

MATT: 29 hits.

LIAM: So she has to beat-- (buzzes)

ASHLEY: (buzzes)

MATT: Strength?

LIAM: 18, yeah.

MATT: She rolled an eight.

LIAM: An eight?

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: Okay, so I slash her at her wrist and forearm, hoping to force one of the blades out of her hand.

MATT: One of the blades (flips away) flicks off into the shadow.

LIAM: With Hex and the superiority die, that is 22 points of damage.

MATT: Ooh.

LIAM: Next attack, I'm going to go for the other hand.

MATT: All righty.

LIAM: 29, yeah, 28 to hit.

MATT: It definitely hits. Same roll. The other dagger (swishes) goes flying off. So you've cut both hands. She doesn't lock direct eyesight with you. As both hands are now bleeding and the weapons are gone, just a big smile creeps across her face.

LIAM: It's not you, it's not you. This will be a goading attack. 29 to hit.

MATT: That hits. This is a wisdom?

LIAM: Wisdom, yeah.

MATT: That's better. That's going to be a 23.

LIAM: Oh, and I didn't roll damage on the previous hit, which is a nine plus a 17, that's 23 for the previous.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Then the third attack gets eight, 14, 22 points of damage.

ASHLEY: Damn.

LIAM: So did she succeed or fail the--

MATT: She did succeed the goading attack.

LIAM: She did succeed. Action surge.

MATT: Okay, well, before the action surge hits, that third strike, (slashing) you deflect both daggers off into the shadow. The third one you strike, (slashes) hitting her. Where do you hit her with the third strike, I'll ask?

LIAM: I'm going to go into the flesh in the side that I know would not end her.

MATT: Yeah. So piercing?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: Okay. (thrust) You put the blade in there and it hits something. You draw the blade out. As you draw the blade out, something comes out with it from the wound. (creaking emergence) Something curved begins to emerge as other--

TRAVIS: Oh!

LAURA: Oh! Oh!

TRAVIS: Oh no!

MATT: You watch as that smile begins to grow wide as numerous spider legs begin to pierce out of her body. Her abdomen begins to swell to the back as she transforms into a horrifying spider version.

SAM: Oops.

TRAVIS: Oh no! No!

ROBBIE: Yeah!

TALIESIN: ♪ Spider Opal, Spider Opal ♪

TRAVIS and ROBBIE: (scream)

SAM: Oh wow. Oh wow.

ASHLEY: ♪ Spider Opal ♪

ASHLEY, TALIESIN, and LAURA: ♪ Spider Opal ♪

ROBBIE and SAM: (laugh)

LAURA: Does the things--

LIAM: Well that changes what I want to do.

LAURA: -- a Spider Opal can do.

SAM: She's hot. (laughter)

TRAVIS: Hey, Matt.

ROBBIE: That thorax.

LIAM: Yes, ask a question, please.

TRAVIS: Before you action surge. When we were going through the blood pool, you said, Chetney freaking out he transformed into a wolf.

MATT: You were not in wolf form when you woke up here.

TRAVIS: Got it. When I woke up. Got it. That was my other question.

LIAM: (sighs) Boy.

TRAVIS: All right, all you.

LIAM: I want to learn, so I'm not going to do the action I was going to do at all. I'm going to stay in a flanking position with Chet.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: And hold my ground.

MATT: You got it.

LIAM: Save the action surge for something else.

MATT: All right, that finishes--

TRAVIS: Orym, what are we doing?

MATT and ROBBIE: (laugh)

LIAM: I wish I knew.

MATT: Fearne, you're up.

ASHLEY: Okay. I'm going to bamf out Mister.

MATT: All right.

LAURA: Should have marked where they were.

TALIESIN: Thoughts? Ideas?

ASHLEY: I am going to cast--

MATT: (monkey hoots)

ASHLEY: Hi, buddy.

LIAM: Yeah.

ASHLEY: I'm going to cast Aura of Life on myself.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: I believe that's my action.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: Because I can't move, right?

MATT: That's your bonus action. You can't move, you're just floating in space right now.

ASHLEY: I'm just floating. I can't will myself to move down?

MATT: Not at the moment, no.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: That's my action.

MATT: That finishes your go.

ASHLEY: So I cast Aura of Life, so if you're in 30 feet of me, you have resistance to necrotic damage and you can't go down past one hit point.

SAM: That's amazing. Do we have to stay within 30 feet of you?

ASHLEY: Yeah, you have to be within 30 feet.

MATT: Okay, that finishes your go.

ASHLEY: That finishes my go.

MATT: Vespin Chloras, at this point--

TALIESIN: Oh shit.

MATT: -- brings the hands forward like this and casts Time Stop.

TALIESIN and TRAVIS: Oh!

MATT: You watch as reality-- (time slows dramatically)

MARISHA: Oh, this is great.

TRAVIS: (laughs)

MARISHA: This is great.

LAURA: This is the one I want.

TRAVIS: We got fucking Time Stopped?

MARISHA: I want that.

LAURA: I want that. Mom, Liliana has it, too.

MARISHA: Yeah.

TRAVIS: This is special.

MARISHA: It's so cool.

MATT: In a brief flicker of what seems like a spark of time, the instant of an eye bat, you watch spells (spells slinging) rapidly.

LAURA: Oh no!

MATT: As now there are three versions of Vespin Chloras surrounding him.

TRAVIS: We're in trouble!

LAURA: You can Time Stop and then multiple spells?

MATT: There are seven coal-like burning embers floating around his head.

TRAVIS: Oh boy.

LIAM: Oh shit.

MARISHA: Oh, he's got--

ROBBIE: What's happened?

TALIESIN: Oh no.

MATT: He's just finished casting a spell. As he releases it, a horrible cold piercing power suffuses everyone in that area.

LAURA: Uh-oh.

TALIESIN: I hate all of this.

MATT: Let's see, it would be in a 30-foot cube.

LIAM: Wowie wee wow wow.

LAURA: ♪ Wowie wow wow ♪

MATT: Which would be-- Yeah, it's going to be everyone up there.

LAURA: Would Dorian have gone that way or would he have gone towards Laudna? I'm just trying to be nice. Does Dorian--

MATT: No, he would be about here.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: But it's a 30-foot cube, so it gets everyone in that cluster.

LAURA: Got it.

MATT: I need everybody in that space to make a constitution saving throw.

LIAM: Up in the air?

ROBBIE: Con?

MATT: Everyone up in the air over here.

LIAM: So the littles are out of this.

MATT: The littles are out of it and Laudna is out of it.

ROBBIE: Come on!

LIAM: Okay.

ROBBIE: Give me one good roll.

LAURA: Goddamn it! Why can't I--

ROBBIE: One good roll

LAURA: -- fucking roll for shit?

MARISHA: (laughs) Oh no!

ROBBIE: Bro.

MARISHA: No!

LAURA: Nope, that still sucks.

MARISHA: Just these horrible noises from around--

TALIESIN: Oh my god! For fuck sakes! (laughter)

ROBBIE: Picked a fight with a god.

TALIESIN: Nope, nope.

ROBBIE: I don't feel like we picked this fight.

TALIESIN: New die, new die.

ROBBIE: I feel like--

LAURA: Yeah, new dice, new dice.

MATT: All right, so Dorian.

LAURA: New dice, who this?

ROBBIE: 13.

MATT: 63 points of necrotic damage.

LAURA: (gasps)

ROBBIE: You said how many?

MATT: 63, however--

ROBBIE: 63?!

MATT: Halved because of your Aura of Life.

LAURA: Oh!

ROBBIE: Wow!

MATT: So we'll say it's--

ROBBIE: Do you round up?

MATT: -- 31 points of necrotic damage.

SAM: Question.

MATT: Yes.

ROBBIE: (grunts)

SAM: I think I know the answer to this, but--

ROBBIE: Wait!

SAM: Is anyone within 10 feet of me?

MATT: I'm going to say--

SAM: Because I had moved up.

MATT: No, you're actually a little further this way.

SAM: Yeah.

MATT: Yeah, I just have you up there because it's the platform size.

SAM: For sure.

MATT: Unfortunately, no one's within 10 feet of you.

SAM: So no one's-- Okay.

ROBBIE: Wait, when I sucked in the harp, did I get advantage on saves?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: You do.

ROBBIE: Ha!

SAM: Oh, that's right! And on attack--

ROBBIE: Worse! (laughter)

MATT: Yeah, all your attack rolls, all your ability checks, all your saving throws are at advantage.

ROBBIE: Oh, okay. Just for today until I--

MATT: Just for today.

LAURA: But roll again for your getting sucked up because you might have stayed on the ground.

SAM: Do a sucking roll.

MATT: I'll allow it. Go for it.

SAM: Do a sucked-off roll.

ROBBIE: (laughs) This is--

TALIESIN: See if you can suck this off.

ROBBIE: This is my best one all day. (laughs) (laughter)

ROBBIE: What was the--

MATT: Dexterity save.

ROBBIE: Was that a dex? Oh, then it's-- A dex save? Then it's 26.

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: Phenomenal, phenomenal.

MATT: Okay, so you got--

LAURA: Great, that's good.

MARISHA: That's good, that's good.

ROBBIE: Okay, okay.

MATT: So as everyone tumbles up into the air, you manage to will yourself out of the radius of the spell--

MARISHA: Yeah, you air genasi!

MATT: -- and tumble and catch yourself.

ROBBIE: Okay.

MATT: But you are outside of the radius. You actually take no damage.

LAURA: Yay!

MATT: But Braius, what was your--

ROBBIE: Okay, I'll take it.

SAM: 21.

MATT: 21? Okay, you take half that.

SAM: Half of half?

MATT: Yeah, so it would be 15. 15 points necrotic damage.

SAM: Amazing.

ASHLEY: That's including-- Was he within 30 feet?

SAM: Yes, yes, yeah.

ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay.

SAM: Yeah.

MARISHA: Wowzer.

MATT: Fearne.

ASHLEY: 19.

MATT: 19 fails. So you take 63 points of necrotic damage, halved to 31. I need you to make a concentration saving throw.

ASHLEY: Again?

SAM: Oh, and I should--

MATT: To maintain the spell.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: So roll a constitution saving throw with-- Do you have War Caster or not?

ASHLEY: I do.

MATT: Yeah, so roll with advantage.

SAM: I should also roll for my Smite that's on her right now.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: Mm-hmm.

ASHLEY: Okay.

SAM: What is this?

MATT: What's this for? This is for--

SAM: I did a Smite on Liliana.

MATT: Mm-hmm.

SAM: That's maintaining concentration.

MATT: Oh right, yeah, yeah.

SAM: This is a constitution save?

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: 12?

MATT: 12 for half the damage. You took 15, you'd survive. You're fine. You maintain your spell.

SAM: Okay.

ASHLEY: (gritted teeth) I think 11.

MATT: 11 is a fail, but you take-- 15 is what you needed to beat.

ASHLEY: Shit.

LAURA: So would that--

MATT: So the Aura of Life helps everyone for this round, but then the spell fades out.

ASHLEY: Dispels next round. Okay, got it.

SAM: Huge move, though.

MATT: This saved a lot of damage.

ASHLEY: Okay. Okay.

LAURA: I failed it.

MATT: Failed it? Okay. So you would take 31 points of necrotic damage. Ashton?

TALIESIN: (chuckles) Fail.

MATT: 31 points of necrotic damage.

TALIESIN: Yeah. Nah.

ASHLEY: Damn it. Okay.

TALIESIN: I rolled a two.

MATT: All right. With that, this one's going to (airy whoosh) dart back over here. You hear the cackle, the (chuckling laughs) that goes into a sob. (pained sobbing)

ALL: Oh no! (laughter)

MATT: Ashton, you're up with Imogen on deck.

TALIESIN: Well, we are just stuck up here.

MARISHA: (laughs)

TALIESIN: Okay. I'm going to rage and see what the hell happens.

MATT: Let's go.

TALIESIN: Because who knows? Maybe it'll be useful.

TRAVIS: Let's go. Start the carnival.

TALIESIN: Starting the carnival.

MARISHA: Zero gravity rage!

ASHLEY: ♪ (circus music) ♪

TALIESIN: Interesting. So can I do anything with this? Let's see.

TRAVIS: "Interesting! I've one-wrelled one of these before."

TALIESIN: Not until I get damaged. Okay, okay.

MARISHA: Every time!

TALIESIN: Yeah, the hammer starts to look like a flicker of different points, which doesn't look like anything because there's no space here.

MATT: (laughs)

TALIESIN: So other than the sparkly head, nothing seems to be happening.

TRAVIS: What?

TALIESIN: Okay. Actually...

TRAVIS: You said, "Interesting."

TALIESIN: Yeah. How far is 60 feet? Oh, that's really dumb. Oh.

MATT: Yeah, you're about 100 feet in the air, just so you know.

TALIESIN: I'm about 100 feet in the air.

MATT: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Yeah, we're all going to fall one way or the other. Okay.

TRAVIS: In love.

TALIESIN: How far are we from Mom over there? Do I have--?

MATT: She's about 40 feet up, so you're 60 feet.

TALIESIN: I'm going to see if I can knock us all out of the air. I don't know what else to do at this point. Everyone cool with that?

LAURA: (hesitant noise)

TALIESIN: I'm going to knock us out of the air unless someone's got a plan.

LIAM: I don't think I-- (forceful yank)

LAURA: Well, I'm going right after you. Are you saying that out loud so I can prep?

TALIESIN: I am.

LAURA: So we can go at the same time?

TALIESIN: Actually, yeah, that's a great idea.

LAURA: Is that okay?

MATT: Sure.

TRAVIS: There's a big spider down there!

MATT: You can hold your action if you want to.

TALIESIN: I'm going to hold. I'm going to hold my action.

ASHLEY: Are you sure we want to go down there?

MATT: Okay, so you hold your action?

TALIESIN: Yep.

MATT: Imogen, you're up next.

LAURA: All right. I'm going to hit myself with an ability to fly.

MATT: Okay, so you are now--

LAURA: I'm going to use a sorcery point.

MATT: You got it. You are now flying.

LAURA: Because I would probably die if I hit the ground.

TALIESIN: I'm going to say, does anybody-- Okay, here we go. Just for fun.

LAURA: Then you can do it. Then I take my action. Is that how it works? Or do we go in tandem, or do I need to do my whole action?

MATT: Well, is it an action to use point or is it a bonus?

LAURA: It's a bonus action to use a point.

MATT: He's holding his action until you take a particular action, so if the bonus action to use your point, you can then take your action, which would be your big thing, and that would probably trigger you to do what you want to do.

LAURA: Okay, in that case,

TALIESIN: I was supposed to wait, and my trigger was the end of her turn.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: Okay, so you're waiting for the end of her turn? Got it.

LAURA: Okay. Then in that case, I will hit... Let me double check that this wouldn't hit immediately and then hurt everybody. It might be if they end their turn. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

TALIESIN: It's okay.

LAURA: I just want to--

TALIESIN: We're going to find out what happens when everybody drops because she's going to drop us one way or another anyway.

LAURA: "...five feet of you...first time or ends its turn there." So everybody will move out of this. So in that case, I am going to-- Oh wait, do I need to... Yeah. So as I start to hover, my robes start to float up as well and my eyes turn bright white, and I'm going to turn into lightning, surging from my form.

TRAVIS: Yes!

MATT: Hell yeah. (lightning crackling) Okay.

LAURA: I'm going to use another sorcery point to double the distance on this spell.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: So 30 feet. I think I'm probably out of range of everybody right now.

MATT: If you move 30 feet, you mean?

LAURA: Can I move if I'm floating? Am I allowed to move with the Reverse Gravity?

MATT: If you have flight on you, you're unaffected by gravity so you can move.

LAURA: Fuck yeah!

ASHLEY: Awesome.

LAURA: In that case, I'm going to float down. So I, in the middle of... Yeah, of my mom and creepy corpse man.

MATT: Okay, so you glide down. We'll say about here-ish.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Okay. You're there for now.

LAURA: Great. Then I'm going to create a line of lightning.

TRAVIS: Line of lightning!

LAURA: That's 30 feet long now.

MATT: Mm-hmm.

LAURA: Towards...

MATT: Towards Liliana or Vespin Chloras?

LAURA: Vespin.

MATT: Okay, I'll say from the space you can go there.

SAM: It's not really your mom!

LAURA: I don't care.

MATT: You can move 30 feet, okay.

TALIESIN: Do you want her near you?

SAM: She's an Avatar of Doom.

LAURA: I don't care.

MATT: All right, so what's the save?

LAURA: The save would be a dex save.

MATT: Dex save? That is going to be 16.

LAURA: Fails. Great. So he takes 4d8 lightning damage.

MATT: Go for it.

LAURA: ♪ Do do-do-dee, do da da-da-da ♪ ♪ Di da-da ♪ (humming)

TALIESIN: Ooh.

LAURA: One, two three. Sorry. Four, five. Four. I mean, that's four. I don't know why I said five. 12. 19. 23 points of lightning damage.

TRAVIS: Big hit. Big hit!

MATT: 23 points lightning damage to Vespin Chloras.

LAURA: Big money, big money. Big money.

MATT: Hell yeah. Okay. Does that finish your turn?

LAURA: Yes it does.

MATT: All righty. Your go. Ashton, your trigger.

TALIESIN: Oh, this is such a bad idea! I'm so sorry if everyone's going to drop down onto ground, I don't know what else to do. This may drop everybody, I'm sorry.

ASHLEY: It's okay.

LIAM: Do it!

ASHLEY: We'll figure it out.

TALIESIN: I'm going to use a Wormhole Strike. I'm using a Chaos Burst to throw my hammer through a portal and it's going to magically appear.

MATT: What's the range on that?

TALIESIN: 60 feet.

MATT: 60 feet'll be just perfect.

TALIESIN: Yep!

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Yeah, and... Yeah, fuck it, we're going for it.

LIAM: Let's go, Greymoore!

TALIESIN: 18 to hit?

MATT: 18 hits.

TALIESIN: Okay. Phew!

MATT: Wait, she's still Shielded from her turn. She's still Shielded from last time she went.

SAM: Oh, but she has disadvantage-- What does she have? You have advantage on your attack.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

SAM: Oh, okay.

MATT: Correct.

TALIESIN: Oh, okay. So yeah, that's right.

SAM: You also have advantage.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: Right. So with the Shield from when it was... The Shield was against Chetney.

SAM: No, it was against me.

TRAVIS: Yeah, it was.

MATT: No, you're right. It was. So that came back to her turn.

SAM: She used it as a reaction. She was moving away from me.

TRAVIS: Off Braius' strike.

MATT: That's what it was. Right, yeah.

TALIESIN: She also doesn't have a reaction anymore.

MATT: Correct. So she does not, but the Shield remains until top of the next turn.

TALIESIN: Oh, okay.

MATT: So that first attack would miss. Your Wormhole Strike would do nothing.

SAM: Even with advantage?

TALIESIN: I had advantage.

SAM: Okay.

TALIESIN: Fucking burning another chaos burst for the second act.

MATT: (laughs)

TALIESIN: She dodged out of the way, it somehow passes through another portal up and at her from another angle.

MATT: She dodges out of the way from one.

TALIESIN: It's a 28 to hit.

MATT: That hits. She doesn't even see the second one. She dodges the first one, and is looking back towards you with an odd, spacey stare of intense aggression before a portal opens right behind her head.

TALIESIN: That's going to be (giggles) 22 points of damage.

MATT: 22 points of damage.

TALIESIN: It's about to get weird.

MATT: All right, so this is a constitution saving throw. No, she drops Reverse Gravity.

TALIESIN: It gets better.

MATT: All of you who have been held aloft suddenly (drop).

SAM: Oh god.

MARISHA: Feather Fall.

MATT: What's that?

MARISHA: Feather Fall.

MATT: Feather Fall.

ASHLEY: Feather Fall!

MATT: What's the range on Feather Fall?

TRAVIS: "Fuck yourself." (laughter)

TRAVIS: "I mean, Feather Fall!" (laughter)

MARISHA: Sorry, sorry, sorry. ♪ Let me find it ♪ ♪ It's 60 feet ♪

LIAM: Little pitchy, dog.

TRAVIS: Yeah, take one point of psychic for that.

ROBBIE: (laughs)

MARISHA: That's going to be a no for me, dog.

MATT: 60 feet, you can... You can get everyone. It's right on the cusp.

ASHLEY: I can cast Feather Fall, too.

LAURA: Okay.

MATT: I'll say between the two of you casting it, you use your reactions to do so, you can get all of you.

ASHLEY: Okay.

TRAVIS: Side of your mouth okay? (laughter)

MATT: So with that, you all plummet down safely to the ground.

TALIESIN: I will actually-- Funny enough, I can also, as I'm falling, I'm actually going to use my Scattering Blow.

MARISHA: Both of us waste a spell slot.

ASHLEY: No, if I can get-- I can save it.

LAURA: I don't think you could get-- She couldn't get you, I don't think.

TALIESIN: She's going to find herself sitting directly in front in the middle of us, suddenly.

LAURA: She's the farthest one away.

MATT: All right, so what are you doing?

TALIESIN: I'm using Scattering Blow.

MARISHA: We both cast.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Which means that the hammer took her through the portal.

MATT: (chuckles) Where are you bringing her?

TALIESIN: Now I'm putting her right in the center of us, right there.

LAURA: Yes!

ASHLEY: Yeah!

TALIESIN: Standing on the fucking ground.

MATT: Now if you hit her and pulled her through, that means she would've appeared up where you were.

TALIESIN: Oh, that was the thing is, yeah. Does it happen up there, or?

MATT: It does, in the sense of-- Because you hit her and it knocks out the spell, and then you pull her through as you're falling. So you both arrived there, but she's still now flying up top, but she has lost the spell.

TALIESIN: Okay, so I would've then probably thrown her 15 feet down as well.

MATT: Okay.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I was going to say. In that case, would it be possible if anyone also falling had a chance to grab her on the way down?

MATT: I'll say--

TALIESIN: I'm just throwing it down there.

MATT: Yeah. I'll say Braius. Do you want to try and grab--

SAM: I was going to assist.

MATT: Want to try and grab Liliana on the way down?

TALIESIN: I can put her 15 feet below us.

SAM: Can I?

MATT: You can certainly try.

SAM: I mean, I used my reaction to hit her.

MATT: Oh, yeah. You cannot do it. Dorian would be the only other person that could try.

ROBBIE: Yeah!

LAURA: You're so strong, Dorian.

MATT: You do have advantage on this because of your--

MARISHA: You do have advantage.

ROBBIE: This is all that I need. All right, what should I roll?

MATT: This would be athletics versus her acrobatics.

TALIESIN: I burned a lot for that, but it was worth it.

ROBBIE: Okay. Okay.

SAM: With advantage.

ROBBIE: Okay, and it's just the straight check, right?

MATT: Correct.

ROBBIE: Okay.

LAURA: He's before me.

ROBBIE: It's 26. 26 for athletics.

MATT: 26. Okay.

ROBBIE: 13 and 13.

MATT: So you grab her and hold on, your weight drags her down about half the distance, but she is flying and stops. So now you are holding onto her about 30 or so feet up in the air.

TALIESIN: Unless you want to--

SAM: Dear lord.

TALIESIN: You're welcome to let go.

LAURA: And then free fall for 30 feet.

MATT: If you want to.

TALIESIN: Well, you still have Feather Fall.

LAURA: Do you?

MATT: So you want to stay holding onto her?

ROBBIE: Yeah.

MATT: Okay. You are clutching her about 30 feet off the ground right there.

ROBBIE: Would it take an action for me to engage my winged boots?

MATT: I'd say... I'd say at the beginning of your next turn, you can.

ROBBIE: Got it.

MATT: Right now you're still holding on.

ROBBIE: Okay, got it.

MATT: All right, finishing that go, top of the round. Braius, you're up.

SAM: Whoa, what?!

MATT: You drift back down onto the ground.

SAM: Imogen's after Ashton.

TALIESIN: No, she went.

ASHLEY: She already went.

TALIESIN: I was holding my action.

SAM: Shit!

ROBBIE: Yeah, it's all you.

SAM: I don't know what to do, because you're holding her now! I can't hit her anymore!

MATT: Then Dorian's on deck, with Laudna after that.

SAM: Okay, well I'll change my mind then.

ROBBIE: (laughs)

SAM: I can't attack her.

LIAM: You got no range?

SAM: No.

LIAM: Okay. What's your move speed?

SAM: She's 30 feet up? 60 feet up?

MATT: Yeah. 30 feet up.

SAM: So I could get up there--

MATT: Because Dorian grabbed her and dragged her down.

SAM: -- hit her, and fall. Or I could go somewhere else.

LIAM: Could you get to Opal?

SAM: Huh?

LIAM: Could you get to Opal?

SAM: Yeah. So I think that's what I need to do. I will run towards Opal.

MATT: Okay. As part of the Feather Fall too, you can park yourself a little bit. I'd say about 30 feet will get you, I'll put you up here, so you can get right barely into melee with her.

SAM: Oh, great! Okay, awesome. Then I will use, this time, bonus action. (hyperventilating) Too many Smites, too many Smites. Entangling? Ensnaring?

LAURA: ♪ Too many Smites ♪

ASHLEY: ♪ Too many Smites ♪

SAM: Ensnaring Strike is what it's called. That drops the effect on Imogen's mom.

MATT: All righty. Bane is gone. Oh god. No, Dorian, no!

ROBBIE: No! I was holding on!

SAM: I will strike at Opal with my fucking badass, my two black balls.

MATT: (chuckles) Go for it.

LIAM: (snickers)

SAM: That is a 15 plus 12, 27 to hit.

MATT: 27 hits!

SAM: I'll pump in a Divine Smite as well.

LAURA: Yeah, you will!

SAM: So that's--

ROBBIE: (chuckles)

SAM: Ooh, terrible. Five-- No, 10, 14, 21 points of damage. But because I did the bonus action, (panicked huff) so many Smites, Ensnaring Strike.

MARISHA: (laughs)

SAM: That means that a mass of thorny vines appears at the point of impact and target must succeed on a strength saving throw or be restrained by the magical vines.

MATT: That is going to be a four.

SAM: (laughs) No. It does not work.

MATT: All righty. So drider Opal becomes restrained.

MARISHA: Drider.

ASHLEY: Drider.

SAM: I will also use my second attack to swipe again.

MATT: Go for it.

SAM: Painting her with black ichor.

TRAVIS: If she's restrained, does that mean--

SAM: Terrible. 15.

TRAVIS: -- attacks on her have advantage?

MATT: Attacks on her have advantage. 15? Does not hit. You rolled with advantage?

SAM: No.

MATT: Because she's restrained now.

SAM: (giddy laugh)

ASHLEY: Oh, nice.

SAM: Much, much better. A million. 30, 28. 28.

SAM: Go for it, roll damage.

ASHLEY: "A million!

LAURA: "A million!"

MATT: The dice is like (intense vibrating).

SAM: And another Divine Smite.

TRAVIS: It's a big one!

MATT, MARISHA, and TRAVIS: (laughing)

SAM: And another Divine Smite, and I will use the second charge on my weapon.

MATT: Go for it.

SAM: It's got to do so much fucking damage, it's crazy.

ROBBIE: You want some more? Take some, take some, take some.

ASHLEY: So much damage.

MATT: Clipping into the table and (launch).

ROBBIE: Take them all.

SAM: Okay.

ROBBIE: Jeez!

SAM: Uh-huh.

LIAM: ♪ I see a champion ♪

SAM: 10--

LIAM: ♪ And I want to paint her black ♪

SAM: 20, ooh, wow. 36. No, 45 points of damage.

LIAM: Ooh!

MATT: Ooh!

ASHLEY: Nice!

TRAVIS: 45?!

SAM: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Damn!

MATT: As you're striking through each of these hits, a giant flash of divine energy burning and searing into her. (screeching wail) Turns around and makes this horrible screeching sound at the impact. More of the black, oil-like liquid blood splattering around and mixing with the red on the ground. She's looking very furious and quite hurt.

SAM: Great.

MATT: That finishes your turn?

SAM: Mm-hmm. Oh, yes.

MATT: Dorian, you're up with Laudna on deck.

ROBBIE: I'll kick in my winged boots and bring myself up behind her while holding onto her. I'm going to yell out to Imogen: Do you think this is real?

LAURA: No.

ROBBIE: Me neither! Good luck! And I'll give you Bardic Inspiration.

LAURA: Oh great!

ROBBIE: I'll also consider that "no" as a blessing. For my action, I am going to, while still trying to hold on to Liliana, cast Thunderwave from--

LAURA: What's your inspiration?

ROBBIE: It's a 10. Here you go.

LAURA: What!

ROBBIE: There you go.

SAM: Yeah, he's good.

MATT: What level?

ROBBIE: I'm going to do-- I'm going to do level four.

MATT: Which direction are you Thunderwaving her?

ROBBIE: Well, probably straight down.

MATT: Okay.

ROBBIE: Yeah, while I've got-

MATT: So you fly up over her and then (boom). Okay.

ROBBIE: Yeah.

MATT: 4th-level?

ROBBIE: Yeah.

MATT: Constitution save?

ROBBIE: 16.

TRAVIS: Get her!

MATT: Mm! 14.

ROBBIE: Oh!

MATT: Misses it by two.

ROBBIE: Sweet.

TRAVIS: (laughs)

ROBBIE: That's a lot.

MATT: She's got a great dex and a great charisma. Not amazing constitution.

ROBBIE: Five, 10, 18--

TALIESIN: I was going to say, she's still Baned, too, if I recall.

MATT: It got dropped for him to Smite.

TALIESIN: Oh.

SAM: No, I'm not the Bane source.

MATT: Who was the Bane source again? It was--

TALIESIN: Laudna.

MARISHA: I was.

MATT: You were the original Bane source?

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: You were, you're right.

TALIESIN: She was Bane one.

MATT: Sorry, I misunderstood that. Yeah, yeah.

TRAVIS: Oh, Bane, no.

ALL: (Bane noises)

MATT: I misremembered.

TALIESIN: You know that joke, it just gets less funny every time, and I love it.

SAM: It'll come back around.

LAURA: (laughs)

MATT: All righty.

SAM: In Campaign 4. (laughter)

MATT: How much damage?

ROBBIE: 27 points of damage. Then it's going to push her, but I don't know what the rules of gravity are, but it's 10 feet far away.

MATT: 10 feet away.

ROBBIE: I'm sending it straight. Send her straight into the dirt if I can.

MATT: So you send her down to about 20 feet.

ROBBIE: Yep.

MATT: So I'll put her at about here. So you've now pushed her there, we'll say.

ROBBIE: Sweet.

MATT: Cool. The-- (laughs)

LAURA: ♪ (ominous trills) ♪

TALIESIN: We can make this more complicated.

MATT: I know. Well, the tacky piece that I put, fell into the actual thing. I'm fixing it now.

SAM: Everything you do is tacky.

MATT: I know! (laughter)

MATT: You don't have to remind me. All right. So yeah, she's 10 feet now lower beneath you. That's awesome. That's your action.

ROBBIE: Yep.

MATT: You can move still if you want.

ROBBIE: Ooh. Yes, I'll use my fly speed to go back to back bar fight style with Imogen.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Ooh, I like it.

MATT: All righty.

LAURA: Oh wait, don't, no, no, don't come within five feet of me.

ROBBIE: I'll go within six feet of her. (laughs)

MATT: Oh, I'm sorry, you would've fallen in, too, at the end of this.

ROBBIE: I would--

MATT: Because you were--

ROBBIE: I got something with her.

LAURA: Yeah, my lightning body will lightning attack you if you come within five feet of me. If you move in my space the first time--

ROBBIE: Being a creature of the elements, could I perhaps sense this and retroactively--

MATT: We'll say--

LAURA: I could go--

MATT: As you get closer, your hair goes like, (whooshes). You're like, "Uh..." maybe a little uncomfortable.

ROBBIE: Yeah, I'll keep the vibe, but I'll stay not quite shoulder to shoulder.

LAURA: I like that idea.

MATT: All right, there you go, five feet away from each other.

ROBBIE: Okay, thank you for telling me.

MATT: All right, that finishes your go. Laudna, you're up.

MARISHA: Yeah. Yeah. I have 5,000 things I want to do. Is the Raven Queen watching this whole thing? I mean, it kind of looks like it, with her little mask.

MATT: Very much so.

MARISHA: Okay, okay, okay. I just didn't know if that was a cool statue of her or... so she's just watching?

MATT: Just still and witnessing what's transpiring.

MARISHA: Okay. Okay. I'm going to summon my Hound of Ill Omen.

SAM: Mm!

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Then this time I want to, I'm going to reach into this pool of blood and pull out the skull of a dog--

MATT: (laughs)

MARISHA: -- and then blow and brush the blood off and then throw it as the hound then apparates.

MATT: (whoosh) (deep woof) Which direction?

MARISHA: Towards Vespin Chloras.

MATT: How far can it travel?

MARISHA: 120-- Well, I can summon it within 120 feet.

MATT: Okay, yeah, we'll say, so you chuck it and, (barbaric whoosh), through the air.

MARISHA: I threw a dog at Vespin Chloras.

MATT: Yes you did.

LAURA: Yeah, definitely. (laughter)

MARISHA: It says to roll for initiative. Should it just go on my turn or after me?

MATT: I'll let him go after you.

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: It's much easier to keep track of.

MARISHA: That's much easier. Then, okay, so that was my bonus action. I am then going to, as my action-- So (laughs), I throw a dog at Vespin Chloras and then I'm going to reach around with my other hand and have a big flaming purple-ish, black fireball, that I then toss with the other hand. I'm going to throw a Fireball at his face.

MATT: Okay. What level?

MARISHA: Three.

MATT: Level three.

MARISHA: We'll keep it three.

MATT: Standard. Okay.

MARISHA: For this.

TALIESIN: He's got Bane.

MATT: I know.

MARISHA: And he's Baned. And he has disadvantage because my hell hound is next.

MATT: That's right. That'll make the difference. So with Bane, yeah, no, he gets a 12 with the disadvantage and the Bane, so.

MARISHA: Okay, fantastic, so it's 8d6. I might empower this, we will see. Let's do four and four.

TALIESIN: Fancy.

MATT: Leliana and Opal will go next, and then you.

LAURA: Okay.

MARISHA: 12, 16, 21.

TALIESIN: Fuck this bugger.

MARISHA: Oh! Wow. Those are good rolls. 21, 27, 29, 30, 31... 36 damage.

MATT: 36 damage?

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: All righty.

SAM: How do you want to do this? (laughter)

MATT: (flaming whoosh), a fireball explodes and chars Vespin, taking not as much damage as you would think--

TALIESIN: Oh.

LAURA: Mm. Fire!

MATT: But he still has to make-- Oh no, he was not chanting anything. (explosion) "(laughs)"

MARISHA: Then I look at my dog and I go: Sic him.

LIAM: On the outside.

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: Then my doggo he's going to do... Doesn't he have a...? Does he have (mumbles) bonus, additional bonus, no, that's ranger shit. Okay, so I guess he has--

SAM: You a ranger?

MARISHA: No, I just have a dog.

TALIESIN: Park ranger.

MARISHA: I just have a dead dog. (laughs) Park ranger.

TALIESIN: Park ranger with a dead dog.

MARISHA: Okay. Ooh, that's good, that's a natural 19. So 24 to hit.

MATT: Yeah, it hits.

MARISHA: Okay, and this... Okay, this is going to be funny. It probably won't work, but... Okay, he's going to take four, five, okay, eight piercing damage.

MATT: All righty.

MARISHA: Then he has to succeed on a strength saving throw DC 13 or be knocked down.

MATT: Natural 14.

MARISHA: Bane.

MATT: Bane.

LAURA: Mwahaha!

SAM: (Bane voice) Oh.

MATT: One, 13.

MARISHA: So he still makes it.

MATT: He still makes it.

MARISHA: Damn it, that would've been so funny.

MATT: That would've been funny.

TALIESIN: That would've been amazing.

LAURA: Just see him falling over?

MATT: I am he who started the Calam--

MATT and MARISHA: (shouting) (laughter)

MARISHA: Just a dog pulling on his robes.

LIAM: (old man) "I fell on my arcane focus!"

MARISHA: Yeah. (laughter)

MATT: All right, does that finish your turn, Laudna?

MARISHA: That finishes my turn.

TALIESIN: Well, here comes the "oh, shit."

LAURA: Yeah.

MARISHA: Actually can I, because I haven't moved, can I back--

TRAVIS: Run away.

MARISHA: Back up 30 feet? (laughs) Yeah.

MATT: Oh yeah, if you want to.

MARISHA: Not too far, actually, let me, let it go diagonal, go diagonal.

MATT: This way?

MARISHA: Yeah.

MATT: Okay, you got it.

TALIESIN: Out of the way. Good call.

MARISHA: Yeah.

LAURA: Beep beep boo beep.

TALIESIN: Boop boop boop.

MATT: For Liliana's turn--

ROBBIE: (deeply) Boop boop.

MATT: -- she's going to spin around in space.

SAM: That's it?

MATT: Looking up at both you, Imogen--

MARISHA: She's a sky dancer.

MATT: -- and Dorian in the air above.

LAURA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: Let's wait.

MATT: (crackling), and is going to Psychic Lance you and Twinned Spell it to go after you as well.

SAM: Oh.

ROBBIE: Uh-oh.

TALIESIN: Wow.

LIAM: She's so cool.

TRAVIS: Wow!

MATT: So I need you both to make intelligence saving throws.

ROBBIE: Good thing I'm super smart.

LAURA: (laughs) Me too.

ROBBIE: (laughs)

LAURA: Wow.

SAM: Does our man Dorian get advantage on saving throws as well?

LAURA: Yes, you do.

MATT: Yes.

LAURA: Okay.

SAM: You need it.

LAURA: Well, that's not going to do shit, but--

SAM: That's better.

ROBBIE: Very not smart.

TALIESIN: Oh, I hear a lot of dice rolling.

TRAVIS: (laughs)

MATT: Sorry.

TRAVIS: I love the face.

MATT: All right, so.

LAURA: Oh, I failed, I'm sure, with a 14.

MATT: All right, so it's 54 points of--

LAURA: But I'm resistant to any psychic damage.

MATT: Correct, you take half of that, so you take 26. Dorian.

ROBBIE: Oh, I had 11.

MATT: 54 points of psychic damage.

ASHLEY: Oh my goodness.

TALIESIN: How are you holding up?

TRAVIS: Well, that's the first damage you've taken.

ROBBIE: Yeah, I got the retroactive-

SAM: Is Chloras still going on?

ROBBIE: -- kindness.

TALIESIN: Yeah. Okay.

LAURA: Are we, no, we're not within 30 feet of her, though.

MATT: Your aura faded.

ASHLEY: It's up till my next--

LAURA: Oh yeah.

ASHLEY: That's right. I remember that. I remember when that happened.

ROBBIE: It was definitely fading.

ASHLEY: It's definitely fading.

MATT: You're also incapacitated until the end of your next turn.

ASHLEY: Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.

ROBBIE: So am I upside down and my boots are still flying?

MATT: Yeah, you're flying there and your brain's scrambled, so. (laughter)

MATT: No, just he was. No, no, you failed your save, too. You're both incapacitated, yeah. So both you and Imogen are like (crackling).

LAURA: Wait, wait, wait. Not that it probably would matter, but can I try to add his dice to my, his--

MATT: Saving throw?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Yeah, you can.

LAURA: Oh, nine? Nine. So that would be 23.

MATT: 23 would succeed.

ASHLEY and ROBBIE: Yay!

MATT: All right, so you take even a quarter of that damage. It would've been 26, is reduced to 13.

LAURA: Okay, so I add 13.

MATT: Add 13. And you are not incapacitated. However--

LAURA: Yes!

MATT: Dorian, you are currently mind frazzled.

LAURA: Thank you for inspiration. Oh shit, Dorian!

TRAVIS: Oh shit.

TALIESIN: Oh shit, it's Dorian

ROBBIE: Oh. (laughs)

MATT: All righty, and with that, she's going to drift off this way and glide backward, eyes still, (energy streaking) causing this streak of energy as she flies backward. Opal's going to go. Opal now, both of the blades that were deflected (blades whooshing), appear in her hands.

ASHLEY: Oh great.

MATT: Is going to make two attacks with her dagger and four attacks with her new drider arms.

SAM: Okay, okay, but wait.

TRAVIS: Her new drider arms.

SAM: But wait.

TALIESIN and MARISHA: Wait.

TRAVIS: There's more.

LAURA: Wait, wait.

MATT: But wait.

SAM: Okay, so Ensnaring Strike--

MATT: She's still restrained,

SAM: Restrained her.

MATT: Correct, so she has disadvantage on her attacks.

SAM: But when I attacked with... I'm so overpowered, Matt. When I attacked with my poison pen weapon and pumped in the charge--

MATT: Mm-hmm.

SAM: -- it adds an additional 3d8 poison damage and the victim of it becomes Slowed until the end of my next turn.

MATT: Mm.

LIAM: Excuse me, I'm sorry.

SAM: So that means she gets half as many attacks, right?

MATT: Slowed creature... can take either an action or a bonus action, not both. So she can still get her attacks, but she doesn't get her bonus action.

SAM: All right. Also at the start of this turn, she takes 1d6 damage.

MATT: You got it.

SAM: Three points.

MATT: Three points. Okay. So these attacks are all at disadvantaged because she's restrained. She's going to unleash a bunch of them into you Chetney, since you're the hexblade's cursed figure.

TRAVIS: (dog whining)

MARISHA: (laughs)

MATT: The first one with disadvantage is going to be a 17.

TRAVIS: Misses.

MATT: Misses. The second dagger strike, that's going to be a 16.

TRAVIS: Oh, misses.

MATT: No, no, sorry, 19, 19. I read it the wrong way.

TRAVIS: Misses still.

MATT: Okay, still misses.

TRAVIS: Woo!

MATT: Now the four spider claw attacks.

TRAVIS: Ew, ew, ew!

MATT: Aw, miss. 19, miss.

TRAVIS: Misses.

SAM: Good god.

MATT: Ooh, dual 19s, which are both crits. So yeah, so it hits you with a crit on one of them, because you're hexed.

TRAVIS: Yep.

MATT: So that's going to be--

TRAVIS: Double 19s. Doo-bles.

MARISHA: Doo-bles.

MATT: I rolled them both together. That's 10, 20, 30 points of piercing damage.

SAM: Nice.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: As one of them just--

TRAVIS: Reduced to 15.

MATT: They're just missing you entirely. As you duck out of the way from one, one, (slice), sticks you right in the torso. Your wolven form absorbs some of it. It's halved because you are--

TRAVIS: They're not magical or anything?

MATT: They're not magical.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: The last one is going to be... That's going to be a 20 to hit?

TRAVIS: That is my AC.

MATT: Okay, so let me see here. That takes, okay. 17 halved.

TRAVIS: Okay.

MATT: So that'd be eight points of piercing damage on that one.

TRAVIS: Got it.

MATT: After all these strikes happen, you watch as, (heavy exhale) tired hits and she blinks and, "Where am I? What's going on?"

SAM: Uh-oh.

MATT: Just looks kind of scared.

MARISHA: Oh, no!

LAURA: (gasps)

MATT: Finishing Opal's turn, Chetney, you're up with Orym on deck.

LAURA: Wait, are they really here?

TRAVIS: Fuck if I know.

MARISHA: I don't know!

TRAVIS: Eat shit!

MARISHA: Yeah. (laughs)

ROBBIE: We assumed.

LAURA: They're not really here.

MARISHA: They can't be really here.

TRAVIS: Bonus action, I'm going to scrape my claws up the side of my rib cage.

MATT: Yep.

TRAVIS: Ice will come up on the claws.

MATT: You got it.

TRAVIS: I will Inflict Wounds into her crazy spider ass abdomen thing. Boosh!

MARISHA: Boosh!

TRAVIS: That's a 25.

MATT: 25 hits.

TRAVIS: Okay. That's 3d10. Got to set up those things earlier. Wah! Nice. Five, 12, 18, plus two, 19 points of damage.

MATT: 19 points of damage.

TRAVIS: Necrotic.

MATT: Right. (heavy strike) Screeches. (otherworldy screech)

SAM: Oh god!

MATT: Then (pants and coughs) "Why?"

TRAVIS: I don't know you, bitch. (laughter)

MATT: As the upper torso of Opal, the arms just hanging there for a second and she's barely hanging on by a thread, fear in her eyes. Does that finish your turn, Chetney? It's your bonus action and action to cast the--

TRAVIS: It is, there's a couple feats that I could do, but I think I'm going to, I'm going to hold it.

SAM: I don't know this bitch. Someone's got to take her down.

TRAVIS: That's my turn.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: But she was already in front of you and started her turn.

MATT: All right, that brings us to Orym, with Fearne on deck.

LAURA: When does Opal go?

LIAM: I just got to believe it's not you.

ROBBIE: (strained) Oh!

LIAM: I got to believe it.

MARISHA: (laughs)

ROBBIE: What!

LIAM: I'm going to move around and flank.

MATT: She's restrained, so you get advantage anyway. But yeah, go ahead.

LAURA: What if it's really her?

LIAM: I don't believe it's her.

ROBBIE: We're your fwiends.

LIAM: That's a 28 to hit.

MATT: That hits.

ASHLEY: Maybe she's testing to see if we'll do the hard thing.

MARISHA: Yeah.

ROBBIE: Sure.

SAM: Oops! Dead Opals. (laughter)

LIAM: So 28 to hit, that is three, four, six, and eight, 14 points of damage.

MATT: 14 points of damage. How do you want do this?

TALIESIN: Fuck no, that's so fucking--

LAURA: (gasps) He killed her!

LIAM: I want to--

MARISHA: He killed her?

LIAM: I see how messed up she is.

LAURA: He slapped the highlights out of her hair! (laughter)

TRAVIS: Yes! (laughter)

SAM: Hoop earrings fly!

LIAM: I pull back Seedling to stab into the nape of her neck, but at the last second I spin it around and with the hilt, go (thump) to the base of her skull--

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: -- and drop her to the ground.

MATT: Okay. Crack! You hit, the impact resounds, (echoing thud) going off nothing in the space.

LAURA: KO.

MATT: Yeah. (exaggerated groan)

TRAVIS: Ooh, bus fair. Coins!

ASHLEY: Ah!

MARISHA: Yeah. (laughs)

MATT: The legs crumple and as they hit to the ground and she slumps forward, she slowly sinks into the blood pool. You watch her eyes go dark as red hands begin to emerge out of the blood pool and pull her down to the ground to vanish.

ASHLEY: That wasn't really her.

TRAVIS: I had the craziest dream.

MATT: The last thing you hear is, "Why?"

LAURA and SAM: (groan)

LIAM: I don't believe it. I just don't believe it.

MATT: Okay. That's your first attack.

LAURA: Your convictions are strong.

LIAM: I start running. So maybe that's about 30?

MATT: 30 feet would be, yeah, it's about, yeah, that there's about right.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: Because you were right there.

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: So yeah, that'll do it.

LIAM: (sharp, extended exhale)

ASHLEY: Damn.

LIAM: What do I want to do here? Shoot. I'm going to-- God, I did one attack, I can't reach where I am. I am going to-- No, I can't. Sorry. Sorry, everybody. I thought she would take a little more work.

TRAVIS: Stab the blood.

LIAM: Fuck. (laughter) (shouting)

MATT: Take this, Realm! (laughter)

TRAVIS: Is the face, is the Matron's face just there watching the whole thing?

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: Are the threads coming out of her like that?

MATT: Still and stoic. The threads are coming out of the nearby darkness around her and they're coming from all around the different sides. You're all in this cage that is miles, hundreds, thousands of miles wide from side to side. Or not. You have no perspective on scale here.

LIAM: I know what I'm going to do.

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: I'm going to Misty Step.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: Behind Vespin, opposite the dog.

MATT: How far is--

LAURA: 15 feet. No, 30 feet.

LIAM: 30, isn't it? I can only--

MATT: 30 feet will get you to Vespin, but you can't get to the other side.

LIAM: That's fine. That's fine.

MATT: (whooshes)

SAM: Sort of a curlicue.

MATT: Right there.

LIAM: (sighs) Okay.

MATT: You step to the edge.

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: And right where you step, arrive.

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: The edge of the blood, you now land where it's slick and it is pouring off into nothing.

TRAVIS: Dang.

MATT: Make a dexterity saving throw for me.

SAM: Oh no. There's a ledge.

ASHLEY: Jump off.

MARISHA: Infinity blood pool.

LIAM: I'm going to reroll, I'm using Indomitable.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: And reroll. That is 17.

MATT: 17. Okay.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: You still manage to barely stay on the--

LAURA: If you would've gone to the other side, you would've just gone (whooshes).

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: So you arrive, slide, and catch yourself. You're still in melee, but you found the edge that just plummets into nothing.

TRAVIS: ♪ I'm on the edge ♪ ♪ Of blood pool ♪ (laughter)

LAURA: That's stupid.

LIAM: I slash twice for my first attacks.

LAURA: The Matron is just Lady Gaga.

LIAM: That is 28. (laughter)

LAURA: Hi, guys.

LIAM: They're not hexed. but let's make it a goading attack.

MATT: Okay.

LIAM: So that's three plus eight is 11, 17 points of damage, and it's a wisdom save that he'll probably succeed on.

MATT: Natural one.

LIAM: Oh! (groaning)

LAURA: What? What?

LIAM: So attacks on anyone else are a disadvantage.

MATT: Disadvantage, yep.

LIAM: They're just fine on me.

MATT: Third attack. Ah, it looks so cool.

MARISHA: (laughs)

TALIESIN: It looks so cool.

MATT: I'm so happy with how this turned out.

TRAVIS: Yeah, it's epic.

LIAM: 24. This is so cool, Matt.

MATT: 24?

LIAM: 24.

MATT: 24 hits.

LIAM: And this is going to be just a standard slash. I'm going to cut his Achilles.

ROBBIE: What?

LAURA: What's an Achilles?

LIAM: That's the little--

LAURA: No, I know.

LIAM: Cordy cord, okay.

MATT: (laughs)

ROBBIE: Unshared mythology.

LIAM: Four plus eight is 12. It's 12 points of damage and I'm cutting it at that.

MATT: You got it. All righty.

LIAM: I'm on the ground.

MATT: So you slice twice through this massive form. As the blades hit, it's like scraping across bone and steel, but you still carve through. Sections of robe shred off and you hear this low resonant (yawning moan).

LIAM: His inside parts are on the outside, right?

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: That's the deal?

MATT: It's all fucked up and pulled apart and open, very Cenobite-like.

LIAM: Okay.

MATT: That finish your turn?

LIAM: Yes, sir, thank you.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: Awesome.

MATT: Fearne, you're up.

ASHLEY: Okay. I scream when I see Opal is taken out, but I understand what needs to happen. I am going to-- I know he doesn't really take fire damage. I'm going to Flame Strike Vespin.

MATT: Sure.

TALIESIN: Long as you're in.

ASHLEY: Which does--

MATT: What level are you casting it?

ASHLEY: I am casting it at...

MATT: Definitely within the 120 foot range.

ASHLEY: Yes. Where the hell did it go? There it is. 4th-level.

MATT: 4th-level, okay.

ASHLEY: I think it's 4d6 fire damage, 4d6 radiant damage.

MATT: Well, for Scorching Ray? Scorching Ray I think is all fire.

ASHLEY: Flame Strike.

MATT: Flame Strike. Okay, that's different. (laughs)

ASHLEY: Yes.

MATT: That's the 5th-level spell. Okay, so that is a--

ASHLEY: That's why I couldn't find it.

MATT: That's a dex save for him.

ASHLEY: Yes, 5th, so--

MATT: That is, oh, that's going to be a 18.

ASHLEY: Well, I think that--

MATT: Is that your DC?

ASHLEY: -- does it. Oh no, it's 19?

TRAVIS: It's not.

MATT: It's 18. He just misses then.

ASHLEY and LAURA: Oh!

MATT: He just misses.

ASHLEY: Cool. Okay, okay. So then it just happens. I just do it. I shoot him with the Flame Strike. I don't even have to roll for it. Okay, I don't know why I'm telling you this.

MATT: No, just hits, roll the damage. Tell me how much is fire and how much is radiant.

ASHLEY: We'll start with fire, which I get an additional d8 because Mister's out.

MATT: Mm-hmm.

ASHLEY: Ooh!

MARISHA: Don't die.

ASHLEY: Okay.

MATT: Stop it.

ROBBIE: Okay.

TRAVIS: (laughs) Quick.

TALIESIN: Damn it. Good catch. Okay, okay.

ROBBIE: Get some air.

ASHLEY: 17 points of fire damage.

MATT: 17 points of fire damage, okay.

MARISHA: (laughs) Jeez!

ASHLEY: And radiant--

MATT: Fire damage burns around and it doesn't incinerate him in the way that you hope.

MARISHA: He did like walk out of hell.

ASHLEY: Yeah, I knew it wasn't going to work, but I have radiant with this. Okay, so that's 10.

LIAM: He did his best.

ASHLEY: That's 16 points of radiant damage.

MATT: The radiant damage, however (crackling whoosh).

LAURA: Doubles!

MATT: Tears into him and you watch this bright light encircle and burn through. As the light fades, you see the body has ashen edges. It seemed to be super effective, as the Pokémon Trainers would say.

ASHLEY: Okay, okay. (laughter)

ASHLEY: And Mister is going to take some flame seeds.

MATT: It's going to poop at who?

ASHLEY: Poop at Vespin.

LAURA: Poop! Poop! Poop!

MATT: So your monkey's going to throw flaming poop at the man responsible for the Calamity.

SAM: Yeah, while he's being bitten by a dog.

MATT: I love-- (laughter)

MATT: I love this so much.

MARISHA: We are kicking him while he's down.

MATT: Yeah! All righty, so what's the roll?

ASHLEY: 18.

MATT: 18 misses.

ASHLEY: Okay, that's okay. It's okay.

MATT: He catches it and it burns away in his grasp.

ASHLEY: All right, and then--

TALIESIN: He touched poop. (laughter)

ASHLEY: I would--

MATT: Disadvantage on wisdom saves.

TALIESIN: Just saying, just saying.

ASHLEY: I would like Mister--

TRAVIS: He touched poo or boob?

TALIESIN: He touched poop.

ASHLEY: -- to be closer to me, though.

TALIESIN: Caught poop.

ASHLEY: If that's possible.

TALIESIN: Threw poop at him and he caught it himself.

MATT: Okay, you got it.

ASHLEY: Yeah. And that's my turn.

MATT: Okay.

ASHLEY: That's my turn.

MATT: It's now Vespin's turn.

TALIESIN: That was cool.

LAURA: Oh god.

SAM: Oh god.

TRAVIS: He's watching.

ASHLEY: Cool!

TRAVIS: He's just content to--

LAURA: Just push him off the edge.

TRAVIS: Yeah, watch the show.

LAURA: Push him off the edge.

TRAVIS: He's been down in hell. He's bored, Matt, he's bored.

SAM: ♪ Pushing him off the edge ♪

TRAVIS: In fact--

LIAM: I want to know. You break through the mask--

TRAVIS: Might want to just talk.

LIAM: Natasha Lyonne floating in a mechanical chair going, "So, funny story."

TRAVIS: Fuck!

MATT: He's going to go ahead--

TRAVIS: Do a little JibJab.

MATT: Staring down at you, the horrible massive stretched flesh and bone, the teeth exposed, the blood poured through it. Some of it burnt to black ash from the blast of her Flame Strike. The radiant energy is still burning as white fire, flickers through his shoulders--

LIAM: Bracing.

MATT: "You love them, right?"

LAURA: Oh.

MATT: Reaches over and opens his hand as a bolt of black lightning (crackling explosion) darts off to Chetney and it's going to chain through. (pinging crackles)

SAM: Oh!

TALIESIN: Man.

MATT: Technically, actually, he'd be aiming at Braius.

TRAVIS: Yes! (laughter)

MATT: Which does get all of you. Misses Laudna.

SAM: That was out loud.

MATT: Misses Laudna.

SAM: Chet said it out loud. (laughter)

MATT: This will be

ASHLEY: Chet!

MARISHA: Do you think I'm within 60 feet of him?

MATT: So--

SAM and ROBBIE: No.

MARISHA: I don't think either.

ASHLEY: I feel like there's a chance.

LAURA: You're just now realizing this?

MATT: 8d8...

SAM: Pretty close.

TALIESIN: Ah, there's so much--

LAURA: It was just on the edge of 30 feet when it first started.

SAM: ♪ Down to the edge ♪

TALIESIN: There's no save on this? There's nothing?

LIAM: Is that a save or attack roll?

MATT: There is a save; I'll get to it. I'm just doing my damage here.

LIAM: So not attack roll.

TALIESIN: Oh, Jesus.

SAM: My favorite artist.

MARISHA: Shit! I can't tell.

TRAVIS: That's fine.

MATT: Okay, I need dexterity saving throws from Chetney.

TRAVIS: Yes.

SAM: Chetney, you are--

ROBBIE: Come on.

SAM: -- because you're so close to me--

TRAVIS: Yeah?

TALIESIN: ♪ Dun dun dun ♪

SAM: You get a plus four.

ROBBIE: Ooh!

TRAVIS: A plus four?

SAM: Aura of Protection.

TRAVIS: 24, 27.

MATT: 27, you only take--

TRAVIS: 28!

MATT: You only take 25 points of lightning damage.

TALIESIN: Hate it.

ASHLEY: Only?

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: Wow.

MATT: Braius.

SAM: 19.

MATT: 19, you take 51 points of lightning damage.

SAM: Oof.

LAURA: Holy--

TRAVIS: Wow.

LAURA: -- moly.

MATT: Ashton.

MARISHA: I don't think I have any...

TALIESIN: That's a dex? 22.

MATT: 22, you take 25 points of lightning damage.

TALIESIN: (shakily) Yay.

ASHLEY: Am I doing it, too?

MATT: Yes, you are, Fearne. Just in range.

ASHLEY: Okay. (laughs) Okay, okay, 11.

MATT: 11, take 51 points of lightning damage.

TRAVIS: Woof.

ASHLEY: Ooh!

MATT: As this black lightning (crackling sizzle) arcs through your friends across the way, their bodies seizing with the impact of this arcana before smoke and sizzling begins to fill the space.

ASHLEY: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

MARISHA: (groans) (laughter)

MATT: Vespin, standing from here, is going to glide around over here, staying in your melee.

ASHLEY: I know.

MATT: But the dog can make a--

MARISHA: He makes an attack.

MATT: -- attack.

LIAM: (dog barking)

MARISHA: And then he follows.

LIAM: Great.

MARISHA: I actually don't--

TRAVIS: Squeaky clean.

SAM: Oh my god. Fearnie.

MATT: Is going to bonus action grab one of the embers that are floating around its head and focus back on you.

MARISHA: 15, 15.

MATT: 15 misses.

TRAVIS: It's just cold. It's just cold. Nobody fears the cold.

MATT: And flicks it at you, attack roll of--

LAURA: Is it Finger of Death, what was that?

SAM: A piece of coal.

MATT: 24 to hit.

LAURA: Oh, it's Crown of--

LIAM: Sure.

MATT: 24 to hit.

MARISHA: Oh, I'm going to have to get closer.

MATT: All right, so with this, you take--

MARISHA: (nervous tsking)

MATT: (exhales)

TRAVIS: (laughs)

MATT: You take 40 points of radiant damage.

ROBBIE: Whoa.

MATT: It's 4d12, and I rolled 12, 11, 10, nine.

TRAVIS, LAURA, and ASHLEY: Wow!

MATT: (laughs)

TRAVIS: That's rich.

MATT: Or 10, 11, 10, nine, I'm sorry.

LAURA: Wow.

LIAM: I'm okay.

MATT: Yeah, 10, 11 the damage was.

LIAM: For the moment.

MATT: That's nasty.

TALIESIN: You're holding--?

MATT: That's going to finish Vespin's turn. As from his voice, you hear, "You know not what I've done, and you all suffer the same fate. All suffer the same fate."

TRAVIS: Oh Jesus.

MATT: Finishes his turn. With that, Ashton, you're up, with Imogen on deck.

LIAM: I don't care.

LAURA: He's like a "Final Fantasy" boss.

MARISHA: Yeah, he totally is.

TRAVIS: "The Fugitive"?

LIAM: Yeah.

TRAVIS: (laughs) Yeah.

TALIESIN: If I burn another rage, can I do another-- another roll of the dice for a rage shift, or no?

LIAM: If only he had skin.

LAURA: Yeah.

MATT: Sure, I'll allow it.

TALIESIN: As a bonus action. I'll burn as a bonus action.

MATT: I'll say yeah, go for it as a bonus action, go for it.

TALIESIN: Yeah, I'm going to-- Hmm, I don't like these odds. I'm going to check myself out this and that'll do. I'm going to start having that little I'm going to start having that little gray tone shift as if my hammer is becoming a black hole. And the very light, the color of light itself seems to be getting sucked in and I am going to run 40 feet towards that asshole.

MATT: Towards which one?

TALIESIN: Oh, the, what's his-- The big wizard motherfucker that--

MATT: Vespin Chloras?

SAM: Vespin Chloras.

TALIESIN: Yeah, thank you. Let's see.

MATT: 40 feet'll get you right there.

TALIESIN: Yeah, all right. All right, I am, yeah, I'm heading-- 40 feet will get there so I can't attack him from here yet.

MATT: No, you're still 10 feet away.

TALIESIN: Okay. Then I will use--

LAURA: (high-pitched) Okay.

TALIESIN: (high-pitched) Okay. I guess I will use--

LIAM: ♪ (humming background music) ♪

TALIESIN: Actually he's going to be moving around at some point, might he? No, fuck it, I'll use the rest of my-- I'll dash to get in position so that he's flanked. I'll dash to get in position so that he's flanked. On the other side of him.

MATT: On the other side of him?

TALIESIN: Yeah, I want to--

MATT: All right, as you rush this way, the platform vanishes from beneath your feet. Roll a dexterity saving throw to try and catch yourself as you realize as you're running that the floor just ends, the blood spilling over in a blood fall.

TALIESIN: Curious if I can-- Well, no, that'll--

MATT: Now, you do have advantage on this because you're a barbarian.

TALIESIN: Yeah. (triumphant laugh) That's 23.

MATT: 23. You just barely catch yourself on the ledge. You can't quite get to the other side, but you can stay in melee with Vespin.

TALIESIN: I shouldn't have done that.

MATT: Who has lured two of you near the edge.

TALIESIN: I absolutely shouldn't have done that. That's all right, okay.

LIAM: ♪ Livin' on the edge ♪

MATT: Okay, that finishes your go?

TALIESIN: Yeah, I would still want to be on the other side flanking, though.

LAURA: You can't get to there.

MATT: You can't get to him flanking.

TALIESIN: Oh, I can't get to him.

LAURA: There's no ground.

TALIESIN: I burned my action doing that.

MATT: You see where the shine ends?

TALIESIN: Gotcha, gotcha.

MATT: That's where the platform ends.

TALIESIN: Ah! Okay, good to know.

MATT: So with that, Imogen, you're up.

LAURA: Ha, yes. ♪ I am going to ♪ look over at my mom ♪

SAM: That's it?

LAURA: And I'm going to-- (laughter)

LAURA: Say: I don't want to hurt you. Right as a lightning bolt erupts from my chest and shoots out.

TRAVIS: Yeah!

MATT: All righty.

TRAVIS: I'm going to anyway.

MATT: What level?

LAURA: That's still Investure of Lightning, so she has to roll a dex save.

MATT: Okay, 30-foot range?

LAURA: 30-foot range.

MATT: You have to get a little bit closer.

LAURA: Okay, I scooch closer.

MATT: 30-foot range, you'd have to get about there.

LAURA: Ugh. Wait.

TALIESIN: Scooch, scooch, scooch.

LAURA: Am I within 30 feet of--

MATT: I mean, you have a large movement. You can move over here, if you want to stay out of his range. Whatever range you think you might be in.

TRAVIS: Are you wanting to stay close to somebody else?

LAURA: Well--

MATT: Up to you.

LAURA: I wanted to shoot and then get out of 60 feet of her, but I can't do that. I can't shoot her and then be out of 60 feet.

MATT: You can move 30, from where you were, you can move 15 feet to get within 30 feet of her.

LAURA: And then--

MATT: And then move 45 feet back if you want to.

LAURA: Okay, I'll do that.

MATT: Okay, so you moved in here, 15 feet to get there. It's a dex saving throw?

LAURA: Yes.

MATT: Natural 20.

ASHLEY: Ay yi yi.

MARISHA: Bane, she's Baned. She's Baned.

MATT: Natural 20 means you succeed, unfortunately.

LAURA: Ah.

MARISHA: Ah.

ROBBIE: Ah.

MATT: Is it all or nothing or does she take the half damage?

LAURA: Let me look. She takes, I think, half damage on this one.

MATT: So roll damage, and then you can move back 45 feet this way. Right, because your flight speed is 60?

LAURA: Yes.

MATT: That puts you there.

LAURA: 15.

MATT: Wait.

LAURA: 19, 22 halved.

MATT: I should've moved further here. 22 halved for 11 points of damage on Liliana. As you blast her with the bolt out of the chest and then scoot out of the way, you see her, "(pained noise)," and while the energy still glows, her eyes go wide like-- "Imogen?"

ASHLEY: Oh god.

MARISHA: What the fuck is happening?

MATT: You drift back and you see her face drop, that intensity is now momentarily dispelled.

ASHLEY: What's happening?

LAURA: In that case, I'm going to switch my focus over to Vespin.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: I'm not going to hit her when she's like that.

MATT: Okay, you got it, all right.

LAURA: And I am going to Quicken a spell.

MATT: Yeah.

LAURA: So that I can shoot him with a-- ♪ That's intelligence save ♪ ♪ I don't want to do it ♪ ♪ So I'm going to do ♪ a Lightning Bolt ♪ At, fuck it, 7th-level.

MATT: Yes!

ROBBIE and LIAM: Woo! (laughter)

MATT: Okay!

TRAVIS: Head nod!

MATT: That's 12d6--

TRAVIS: Tee off, let's go.

ASHLEY: Yee-haw!

ROBBIE: "Sandstorm" starts to blast.

MATT: 17?

LAURA: Fails. Fails, motherfucker.

MATT: Natural seven on that.

ASHLEY: Let's do it.

MATT: It's a plus 10 dex, still failed.

MARISHA: (laughs)

LAURA: (gleeful laugh)

MATT: So roll that 12d6 lightning damage.

MARISHA: Do it!

ROBBIE: What? How many?

TRAVIS: Center of the fairway, let's go.

LAURA: Six, seven, eight.

TRAVIS: Big Bertha.

ASHLEY: You need some?

LAURA: No. Nine, 10.

MATT: I forgot about his Mirror Image. That's on me.

LAURA: 11.

MATT: I'll remember that for the next round.

LIAM: Boo!

LAURA: 11, 12.

TALIESIN: I think we all have a dumb one from last round.

MATT: The last round-- For the hell of it, I'll roll. Actually, rolled a one and a two and a one, so it wouldn't have mattered, so I feel better.

LIAM: ♪ (humming) ♪

TALIESIN: Hmm. Yeah, if I'd been clever, I would've backed up a bit, but that's okay, next round.

LAURA: 43 points of lightning damage.

ASHLEY: Yes.

MATT: 43 points of lightning damage to Vespin Chloras.

ASHLEY: Yes.

MATT: (lightning sizzling) It blasts through, the bolt streaking through him and then building up behind him as the bolt hits like he's absorbing it (sizzling)) and they're right behind him. You see the light (exploding) and it scatters on the back in seven different directions. (impacts) As the bolt finishes, the whole center of his flesh-exposed chest is now this burnt black circle of smoke. (hissing) Looks up at you. "We're more similar than you think."

LIAM: Oh.

SAM: Sad.

TRAVIS: Does the Matron head have to dodge?

LAURA: Yeah, I used all my movement.

MATT: The Matron head looks like it's this close, but as soon as the lightning arcs out, you're like, it could be a mile away.

TRAVIS: Jesus, or further.

SAM: It's by the trash vents.

TRAVIS: Galactic. (laughter)

LAURA: Matron show at the--

MATT: All righty, that finish your turn?

LAURA: That's it.

LIAM: Bor-ing.

MATT: Braius, you're up, with Dorian on deck. (laughter)

SAM: If we're focusing on Vespin, I will use my movement to get over there as close as I can.

MATT: Okay, 30 feet.

SAM: 30.

MATT: All right, that'll be 60-foot distance. That'll get you just up into his melee to use the movement and some dash.

SAM: Oh, no dash. I don't have dash.

MATT: Oh, 30 feet of movement will get you halfway there.

SAM: Then I will Misty Step the rest of the way.

MATT: You can do that.

SAM: And I will just attack.

MATT: All right, let's go.

SAM: That's all I can do is I'm going to aim for, you said he has a big burn hole in his chest?

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: All right, I'm going to try to plug it with my--

MARISHA: Yes.

SAM: -- big black balls. (chuckling)

SAM: 20.

MARISHA: You "death becomes her'd" him.

LAURA: Oh, it did.

MATT: 21 does hit. He has duplicates up, so I'm going to roll here.

SAM: Oh, he does?

TALIESIN: Yeah.

LIAM: Just forgetting to use it, so now he's using for you.

SAM: Great.

MATT: So six or higher.

LIAM: One.

MATT: No, that fails, so it hits, first attack hit.

SAM: Okay, I will use a Divine Smite. God, I always forget what that's called.

MATT: He is considered a fiend, so you do additional damage.

SAM: With an additional d8.

TALIESIN: ♪ Additional damage ♪

SAM: Thank you, Taliesin. Okay.

LIAM: ♪ Do do do do do do ♪

SAM: 10.

MARISHA: ♪ Bepop bado ♪

TALIESIN: ♪ Badupa badida ♪

SAM: 22. 20--

TALIESIN: Shit.

SAM: What is that, a five? God, I hate that.

LAURA: That's like ♪ It's additional damage ♪

SAM: 34 points of damage. And I will strike again.

ASHLEY: ♪ Additional damage ♪

MATT: Go for it.

SAM: Coming up with the flail.

MARISHA: My wolf gives pack tactics.

MATT: Right, so it gets advantage on attacking--

MARISHA: Okay.

MATT: -- somebody that's in melee.

SAM: I don't know if this one's going to hit, 19 to hit.

MATT: 19 just hits. We're going to roll to see if it hits an image.

SAM: Sure.

MATT: Seven, it does, so you strike Vespin and the one you swing towards, it shimmies out of existence and you're down now to two of them.

LAURA: It shimmies.

MATT: It does, jazz hands and all. (laughter)

ASHLEY: ♪ I'm going to ♪ ♪ move out of the way here ♪

MATT: One of his duplicates has been destroyed.

SAM: Okay.

TALIESIN: Lost Fosse.

MATT: That finishes your go. Dorian, you're up, with Laudna on deck.

MARISHA: Ay yi yi yi.

ASHLEY: Ay yi yi yi.

MATT: You're floating up in the air looking down. Opal has sunken in. Liliana is shaking her head seeming for a moment of clarity. Vespin Chloras is being surrounded by people and is sad sobbing and cackling to himself.

ASHLEY: Oh no.

MATT: And behind you, the massive mask of the Matron looks upon you all. What do you do?

ROBBIE: Ha! Snap to. Ah! How bad does VC look, ol' Vespin look? Does he look bad?

MATT: Wait, you are incapacitated this turn, aren't you?

ROBBIE: Oh wait, I thought, was it until the end of, or the beginning of--

MATT: End of your next turn, I think, right?

ROBBIE: The end of my next turn?

LAURA: Yeah, Liliana had--

ROBBIE: Oh, it's the end?

MATT: Psychic Lance.

LAURA: Yes, it skips your turn.

ROBBIE: Oh yeah, then I'm just floating, baby.

MARISHA: Oh no!

ROBBIE: Yeah, yeah, it's okay. I'm dingaling and doingaling.

TALIESIN: Is there anybody in there?

ROBBIE: That's all right.

LAURA: Maybe she dropped it when she had clarity.

ROBBIE: That's nice of you to say.

MATT: Incapacitated means you can't take actions, reactions, or bonus actions. You can still move.

SAM: Oh.

LAURA: Oh, that's nice.

MARISHA: Your little boots just you carry you to safety. (laughs)

LAURA: Goodbye! (laughs)

MARISHA: (laughs)

ROBBIE: Well, that's all I can do, is move?

MATT: Mm-hmm.

ROBBIE: I want to try something then that I've been thinking about.

MATT: All right, what do you want to do?

ROBBIE: It's the only opportunity.

LAURA: Do it, yes.

ROBBIE: Yeah. I would like to--

SAM: It's called the Moonwalk. (laughter)

MARISHA: Ooh, but upside down? That's cool. (laughter)

ROBBIE: I'm just going to fly--

LAURA: Do it. Do it.

ROBBIE: I'm kind of whatever. I'm just going to lazily just watch it all-- I'm still down here and I'm going to just fly myself into one of the strings of fate.

LAURA: Oh.

ASHLEY: Ooh!

TALIESIN: I was hoping.

LAURA: Oh shit!

ROBBIE: Just see if anything happens.

MARISHA: Yeah.

ROBBIE: My thought was to reach out for it.

MARISHA: Yeah.

ROBBIE: I don't know if that counts as an action, but I'm literally just going to--

MARISHA: I'm debating similar shit.

TALIESIN: Who's your other character, out of curiosity?

ROBBIE: (laughs)

MATT: (laughs)

ROBBIE: I wasn't going to do it, but if it's all I can do, I'm going to fucking do it.

LIAM: For sure.

ROBBIE and ASHLEY: Yeah.

LAURA: Just fly and bump into it?

ASHLEY: Yeah!

ROBBIE: Yeah, I was planning on reaching out but now I'm just going to go-- (drifting hum) (bug zapper buzzes) (laughter)

LIAM: It's a bug zapper.

MARISHA: Yeah.

TALIESIN: A balloon caught in a power line.

MATT: So you pull by, and you drift into it. As you hit it, suddenly your body (static buzz) is struck with an immense shock of memory. (static) You see flashes of a little girl talking to the air. You see a flash of a dress competition and tears. You see a flash of peeing off of a rooftop in Emon.

MATT: You see a flash of a lost sister found clawing her way, like a primordial, screaming child out of the earth. like a primordial, screaming child out of the earth. You see the crown of thorns upon her head. You see her currently sharpening her blades on the outskirts of the Hellcatch surrounded by-- (laughter)

LIAM: She's in the Hellcatch?

ASHLEY: Yeah, I got it!

MATT: -- surrounded by other soldiers and warriors preparing their coming part of the assault.

LAURA: Oh shit! Holy shit!

LIAM: A bunch of arcane marines--

SAM: Nice!

MARISHA: Going to be fucked up.

ROBBIE: I can't, because I can't do anything, but I'm going to try to say: (slurred) It's not real. (laughter)

MATT: You do, and that's about as loud as it gets. (laughter)

SAM: (slurred) It's not real! (laughter)

TALIESIN, MARISHA, and ASHLEY: (slurred) It's not real!

MATT: Okay, that finishes your go, Dorian.

TALIESIN: Record that for Tik Tok.

MATT: Laudna, you're up.

LIAM: (slurred mumbling)

TALIESIN: (laughs)

MARISHA: Okay, okay, okay. It's time for weird shit. It feels like it's time for weird shit.

MATT: Let's go.

MARISHA: If Dorian's going to-- (laughs)

SAM: Turn the mask into a dog.

MARISHA: Thought about it. I thought about it. Not about that. I am going to slowly--

TALIESIN: Goldfish.

MARISHA: My d6!

ROBBIE: Ah!

MARISHA: -- turn-- It's fine, I've got more.

ROBBIE: My lady.

MATT: (laughs)

LAURA: (laughs)

MARISHA: Bonus action, Form of Dread and I want my Form of Dread--

MATT: Okay.

MARISHA: -- as I always mirror the environment, to look like the Matron of Ravens.

LAURA: Sick.

ROBBIE: Ooh.

ASHLEY: Cool.

MARISHA: So I have my face goes pale white like a porcelain mask and then long, dripping veils behind me. I'm going to move up 30 feet. I'm going to look at the Matron, I'm going to address the Matron. Hang on, let me not fuck this up. Let me not fuck this up.

LIAM: Gil.

TALIESIN: How do you like me now?

MARISHA: I'm going to say: We know a few things about your many forms. Then I'm going to cast Spirit of Death, and I want it to take the form of Emhira.

ASHLEY: Ooh.

LIAM: Uh-huh.

ASHLEY: Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.

LIAM: Sick.

MARISHA: Then so I step forward and then I'm going to have my voice echo as much as I can that we know her many forms, and then I want Emhira to step, the spirit to step out of my body and just--

ASHLEY: That is awesome.

LAURA: Sick.

MARISHA: -- walk towards her.

ASHLEY: Yes, queen.

MATT: Okay. As the spirit emerges and steps down into the pool, there's a moment where the mask that has been still, (quick shift) just in a second shutters, and all--

MARISHA: Laudna pees a little.

MATT: Every single one of these thousands, hundreds of thousands, millions of golden threads, all (resounding flicker) shake like a guitar string strummed.

ASHLEY: Ooh!

TRAVIS: Ooh!

ASHLEY: That's good.

SAM: It's good, it's good, it's good.

MATT: The blood of the platform begins to-- (thick bubbling)

LAURA: Yes, she's pissed!

MATT: -- to burble up.

MARISHA: I think I pissed her off. I think I pissed her off.

SAM: No, it's stress.

ASHLEY: It's good, it's good, it's good.

TRAVIS: So fucking wild.

ASHLEY: We need to show her what's up.

LIAM: Yeah.

ASHLEY: Giving us these tasks.

TRAVIS: We didn't come here to crochet.

MARISHA: So, well, so I summon the spirit. It is a concentration spell. So it will drop the Bane.

MATT: The Bane. You got it.

MARISHA: But these are spell casters that don't-- Doesn't really seem to be doing much anyway.

MATT: It's helped a little bit, but--

MARISHA: It's helped a tiny, tiny bit.

LAURA: That's the sound.

SAM: It goes, bing!

MATT: (laughs)

LAURA: (laughs)

MARISHA: I call forth a spirit that embodies death. What is its fucking move? I'm sorry. Well, I can cast this--

LIAM: The Sprinkler.

MARISHA: -- within 60 feet. So I walk up and I want to-- I might as well have it go up and attack Vespin.

MATT: Okay. Yeah, he's definitely within 60 feet.

MARISHA: That is good to know.

MATT: So we'll say the spirit emerges--

LAURA: ♪ Emhira ♪

MATT: -- and glides up to him. Okay.

MARISHA: So Emhira walks up and is going to do a multiattack with her scythe, she has a reaping scythe.

MATT: It emerges out of her right hand and then screams while unleashing it on him.

MARISHA: Weapon, melee, your spell attack modifier to hit. Oh, my spell attack modifier.

MARISHA and LAURA: (gasp)

MATT: Correct.

LAURA: Ooh!

MARISHA: That's pretty good. Okay, and it's got a five-foot reach. So two hits. Fucking wet tits ass. 14. I think that misses.

MATT: 14 misses.

TALIESIN: I was going to say, is it--

MARISHA: That's better, 25?

TALIESIN: Is it flanking?

MATT: It would, actually, it would technically be flanking with Ashton.

MARISHA: I will count that as the advantage then.

MATT: Okay, I'll do that.

MARISHA: So 25 for the first one.

MATT: 25 for the first one. That does hit. I'm going to roll to see if it hits a duplicate.

MARISHA: Jeez Louise.

TRAVIS: Man.

MATT: No, it hits.

ROBBIE: Nice.

MARISHA: It hits?

TRAVIS: First one hit.

MARISHA: First one hits, so let's handle that first, d8. Okay. Six plus the spell's level. Six plus four, so 12.

MATT: 12.

LAURA: Six plus four is 10.

MARISHA: Six plus four is 10.

MATT: (laughs) You got it. (laughs)

MARISHA: And that's necrotic damage, which I don't know, but whatever.

MATT: Right, no worries.

MARISHA: Then going again.

MATT: Another attack?

MARISHA: Yeah, I rolled dog shit again. But you know what? I have this handy dandy inspiration that might put it over the edge. Seven plus 12 is 19.

LAURA: ♪ Of glory ♪

MATT: 19 just hits.

MARISHA: Let's go!

MATT: That, however, does hit a mirror image and destroys a second duplicate.

MARISHA: Okay. That's okay.

MATT: Only one remains around this kind of--

MARISHA: One duplicate remains.

MATT: -- blurry outer version of him.

MARISHA: Bonus to Form of Dread to look like her.

MATT: I think that's all you got.

MARISHA: Attack. My doggy ghost!

MATT: Oh, that's right. Yeah, go dog!

MARISHA: My doggy! He also gets advantage?

MATT: Correct.

MARISHA: Because he's flanked. He's got pack tactics.

MATT: He's got pack tactics so he can.

MARISHA: Yeah, that is-- Oh wait, let me make sure. Let me look at him.

LIAM: Let's go, Doge.

MARISHA: Come on, Doges. He doesn't have as good-- Sorry, a lot of things are happening here.

TRAVIS: A lot. A lot.

MARISHA: A lot of things. 17, I think misses.

MATT: 17 misses, yup.

MARISHA: 17 again.

MATT: Okay. So that finishes your dog's turn.

MARISHA: Yup.

MATT: With that, Liliana's turn.

TALIESIN: The dog also got advantage.

MATT: Right, it did.

TALIESIN: Okay, good.

TRAVIS: She rolled twice.

MARISHA: He did, I rolled--

TALIESIN: Okay.

MARISHA: I rolled pretty subpar that entire round.

SAM: You did great.

MATT: Liliana is going to drift forward a bit. "Imogen. We got to get out of here."

MARISHA: I can hear you!

MATT: "I don't know what's going on, but we got to get out of here."

LAURA: Shut up!

MATT: "Do you trust me?"

SAM: Oh fuck.

LAURA: Fuck. Yeah.

MATT: "Okay." (Liliana's voice echoes) Power Word Stun on you.

MARISHA: Ooh!

TRAVIS: Ah!

LAURA: Yeah.

SAM: That's good parenting.

LAURA: I shouldn't have done it.

MARISHA: (laughs)

MATT: You are under 150 hit points?

LIAM: That's good bait.

LAURA: I am.

MARISHA: Very good, bait.

MATT: You are stunned. You have to make a constitution saving throw every turn to become un-stunned.

LAURA: Okay.

ASHLEY: Ooh!

MATT: All right. Chetney, you're up.

ROBBIE: Jeez.

SAM: It's what you would've done.

ASHLEY: Yeah.

SAM: Gullible, gullible.

TRAVIS: Nice.

ROBBIE: Loves your mom.

TRAVIS: I will move 40 feet towards Vespin.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: I will use my bonus action to close the rest of the distance.

MATT: 40 feet. You going to do that as a bonus action?

TRAVIS: Yes, because I'm rogue.

MATT: Oh right, yeah, dash.

TRAVIS: I will--

MATT: Kind of push into here.

TRAVIS: Yeah.

MATT: Yeah.

TRAVIS: I will take two swipes with my claws.

MATT: Let's go.

TRAVIS: 14, 24 to hit.

MATT: 24, that does hit and it does, yeah. The second one is 19 to hit.

MATT: 19 just hits.

TRAVIS: Just hits. Sweet!

MATT: Yeah, and that actually takes out the last duplicate.

MARISHA: Oh!

MATT: So only one hit.

TRAVIS: One sec.

MARISHA: That's good. That's good, that's good.

TALIESIN: That's real good.

TRAVIS: Then-- 1d8, no, that's right. My (scats) should've had this pulled up. Seven plus six. 13 plus seven is 20 for the first one.

MATT: Second one missed.

TRAVIS: Oh and the second one missed?

MATT: Well, it hit the mirror image.

TRAVIS: That's right.

MATT: However, how do you want to do this?

ALL: Oh!

ASHLEY: Chetters!

TRAVIS: Jesus!

ROBBIE: (laughs)

TRAVIS: I'll run up and as he turns to look at me, I'll stick my clawed hand into his mouth.

MATT: (garbled choke)

TRAVIS: Grab the bottom of his jaw so that the claws dig down through his mandible and just fucking Fruit Roll-Up the front of his face down.

SAM: Ugh!

ASHLEY: Woo!

MATT: (bloody spatter) It scatters across the black and ash that mixes with the blood on the ground and is slowly spilling over. As you pull away-- (hollow gasp) Where the wound is now open from the chest and the jaw is missing, fire just (smoldering) burns up and consumes him.

TRAVIS: Vespin Chloras. I feel like I've killed you before. (laughter)

ASHLEY: Who's that?

MATT: All right. That finish your turn? That brings us to Fearne.

ASHLEY: Orym.

LIAM: Orym.

MATT: Oh sorry. No, Orym, and then Fearne. Yeah.

LIAM: That's all right. So with flesh-man down, I look up and I can see what's going on up here with mother and daughter.

MATT: Yeah, you see Liliana, her hand forward and Imogen just like-- (choked struggle)

LIAM: Just with a ton of pent up frustration and sadness and feeling of failure and everything we've sacrificed and everything that has been fucked, I move the Hex onto Mama Temult.

TALIESIN: Oh, you're going to do the thing?

MATT: Yes. All right, so-- The Hex was there.

TALIESIN: You're going to do the thing?

MATT: Sure.

LIAM: The thing? I don't know what the thing is.

TRAVIS: What's the thing?

LIAM: I'm going to hurt her.

MATT: That's a thing.

LIAM: I'm going to slide under Chet's legs and run and just start leaping and using Seedling and slicing the air.

MATT: Okay. Make an athletics check for me. She is roughly 25 feet in the air.

LIAM: 25 feet? Okay.

MATT: From where she was. Red one's cocked, I think.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

LIAM: Good. 28.

MATT: 28?

LIAM: Yeah.

MATT: I'll say that'll give you a 10-foot leap, and does your--

LIAM: I'm going to use Seedling to send out an attack--

MATT: That's a 15-foot range?

LIAM: 15, yeah.

MATT: That's just enough.

LAURA: Yeah!

MATT: So you're like (acrobatic swordplay) as you leap in the air and strike three times rapidly.

LIAM: Okay.

TRAVIS: (Scottish accent) That's bad arse.

TALIESIN: Can we get her down?

ASHLEY: ♪ Knock three times ♪

LIAM: 28 to hit.

MATT: That hits.

LAURA: ♪ On my mama if you love me ♪

LIAM: Let's make it a goading attack.

MATT: Okay.

TRAVIS: Wow.

LIAM: So that is--

MATT: Wisdom save is 11, so that definitely--

LIAM: Fails.

MATT: Fails, yeah.

LIAM: Six, 17, 25 points of damage.

MATT: Okay.

LAURA: Nice.

LIAM: For that, second slash in the air is much lower. That is a 19.

MATT: 19 hits. Shield.

LIAM: Shield, okay.

MATT: Shields that, deflects it.

LAURA: Does she have to make a concentration check on her Power Word Stun?

TRAVIS: Concentration check.

MATT: Power Word Stun is not a concentration spell

LAURA: It's not?

MATT: It's an 8th-level beast.

TALIESIN: Can you get her down to the ground?

ASHLEY: ♪ Twice on the pipe ♪

LIAM: Not on this--

LAURA: ♪ Three times ♪

LIAM: Not on this turn.

LAURA: ♪ Still fucking stunned ♪

LIAM: Natural 20.

ASHLEY: Ooh!

TRAVIS: Let's go!

MATT: All right.

TRAVIS: Let the little man cook!

ROBBIE: Get him!

LIAM: I just want it to hurt as much as possible. So I'm just going to make it another goading attack--

MATT: You got it.

LIAM: -- to pump as much damage in as possible.

MATT: Fails that one, too.

TALIESIN: See if I can do this.

TRAVIS: Destroy him, Orym.

LAURA: Her.

LIAM: Eight.

TRAVIS: Whatever!

LAURA and ROBBIE: (laugh)

MARISHA: Make Franz proud.

LIAM: (laughs) 34 points of damage on that. She doesn't have to roll. Yeah, because it's a crit.

MATT: A crit. Yeah, yeah. How do you want to do this?

LIAM: Oh!

ROBBIE: Yay!

ASHLEY: Ooh, all right.

LAURA: You shouldn't have fucking stunned me, mother! (laughter)

ASHLEY: That was your bad.

LIAM: So I lower down into blood up to my waist and spring out of it, flying into the air, looking back at Imogen. Then I send shock waves of energy through her midsection and scream: Imogen! on the final attack and land in gore.

MATT: Okay, as you (blade slicing) the last wind blade strikes through. As it does, you watch her (death gasp) in the air. Right as the spell drops from you, the last vision you see is of your mother's legs dropping away from her torso and then (smoldering) burns into purple energy--

ASHLEY: Oh my god.

MATT: -- and is gone.

MARISHA: Damn. Damn, we're killing a lot of parents up in here.

TRAVIS and MARISHA: ♪ Up in here up in here ♪

TRAVIS: (laughs) Throwing it back for one second.

TALIESIN: Dungeons and patricide.

MATT: You all gather yourselves and breathe as the immediate threats are gone. You look at each other to check in, and when you look back, the mask is also gone. Orym, you're the first to look in the direction of where you started, on the opposite side of that platform, where you see a woman standing. Normal height.

LIAM: A human woman?

MATT: You see the size, the height. You see the mask. You see the blackened feathers. It's the attire, but at your level. She just starts walking towards you through the blood. (wet footfalls) On the blood. "I'm sorry, I had to see if you were capable of what needs to be done. So much of you are personally invested in the days ahead and those that seek to destroy you know too much about each and every one of you. I needed to know. I did call for your presence. The Arch Heart and I have parallel opinions, in some ways. The cycle of our existence, divinity, mortal, life and death, growth and destruction, it will ever continue, and with every passing cycle, we, the gods, just pull further and further away. But it does not stop us from manipulating and imposing under the guise of guidance and protection. Many would not admit it, but we grow docile, unchanging, stagnant. While our mortal children are the bastions of change, evolution, and true creation." She reaches up and pulls the mask free. You just see the face of a pale, sad woman, different from the vision you saw in Aeor. "I grow tired. So, welcome to the conundrum. What is it you wish to know?"

LAURA: Did you know what would happen to your champion?

MATT: "I did not. When he became my champion, I could no longer see his thread. Such is his charge. The things that made me appreciate him and what made him so right for his fated destiny alongside me also make him impetuous, impulsive, passionate, and prone to manipulation. He doesn't deserve any of what he's enduring."

LIAM: You said you and the Arch Heart have parallel desires. Would you leave this place?

MATT: "They wish to dissolve the Divine Gate and return to Exandria and deal with Predathos directly at whatever cost. But to do so requires unanimous agreement from those who created it. They know not who, though they have their suspicions. So me and the Arch Heart hold them hostage. Their distraction in the midst of this all that keeps us from warring with each other. I have walked this gilded existence with a perspective unique. I am the keeper of fate like him before me forgotten. And by the very essence of what I've become, I wish to let fate decide our future, our destiny. I dissent not because I wish to die or flee. I wish to let you, the peoples of Exandria, the greatest creations, decide what you wish, what you need. I will not flee."

SAM: Even if Predathos is released, you will not flee?

MATT: "It's exciting when the golden haze of unknowable possibility might include your own. But I'm a clever girl. Do not worry about me."

SAM: What of the service you provide, the balance of fate, the ushering of souls to the afterlife, if you're eaten, what happens to us?

MATT: "In a theoretical sense, because I was not present, but it is known that there were spirits before my brethren ever came, and I would assume Exandria's natural cycle would reestablish itself. What I look over is a structure put in place by the gods that I now walk amongst, like he who before me asked. Substance of the soul is forever. It will find its way."

ASHLEY: Why did you do it? Why did you want to become the God of Death?

MATT: "Books and researchers, historians and philosophers, and demagogues and leaders, and dissenters and blasphemers will speak of my ambitions to do what had never been done. And maybe that is true to a degree. Some part of me just wanted to see if I could. But I did it with his help, the one who came before."

MARISHA: Was he tired, like you?

MATT: "I came to him in his frozen enclave, tried to pry from him the secrets of divinity. We danced through words and conversation for years. Perhaps he saw me a disciple at first, or at least an interesting abnormality. But we came to become friends. And I think ultimately, ultimately, I think I loved him."

LIAM: How did you come to take his place?

MATT: "He asked me to. He helped me craft the Rite of Ascension."

LIAM: What became of him?

MATT: "Peace."

MARISHA: Peace.

SAM: Peace here or peace beyond?

MATT: "Wherever gods go when they are undone."

ASHLEY: Do you still feel him?

MATT: "I feel a lot closer to him in my work. In the cold of winter, in the door beyond his shadow, in the distant corners of this world."

LIAM: Do you still feel for him?

MATT: "Maybe. But I feel for many. I feel for you all."

TALIESIN: Was it worth it? Not for us, for you in the end?

MATT: "I don't know yet. Perhaps that's why I'm so curious."

LIAM: You know so much. Certainly more than any mortal. What do you know of Predathos?

MATT: "Predathos was before my time. And the knowledge even kept from me within the family until there was no way to lock it back into shadow. What I know is whatever Predathos is, is bound to where they came from."

LAURA: The Arch Heart wants us to set it free, to become a vessel. You've embodied divinity as immortal.

MATT: "Mm-hmm."

LAURA: How do we contain that? How do we make sure we're not ripped apart in the process?

MATT: "The same way I think perhaps I survived a rite that should not have allowed myself to become what I am. Love. Hackneyed as it may sound, what you have here is more resilient than you give credit for."

MARISHA: You had a love for the entity that you would embody. We do not share that same love for Predathos, we have a love for each other, deeply.

MATT: "Then let that be the anchor, should this be the path you walk. The Arch Heart, they are bold and impulsive, as beautiful and thoughtful as they might be. I don't wish to guide you one way or the other. I want to empower you to do what you think is right, and know that some of us on this side are doing what we can to allow that, where others might not. Where others might wish to break down the wall and trample the world to save themselves once more, I will not be part of that. Not again."

TALIESIN: If they discover it's the two of you, will that be enough?

LAURA: Or will you become new betrayers?

MATT: "History has a funny habit of changing over time based on who's writing the books. But if I'm to become the villain, so be it. I still believe in this. I still believe in you."

LIAM: A lot of people have told us that one path is to embrace this Predathos, but do you believe it's possible to undo it instead?

MATT: "Anything is possible." As she backs up a bit, you see all the golden threads shaking once more, and this realm of shadow begins to become alight with golden light, revealing the sky around you like the inside of an endless piano. "I was born. I was raised. I was teased. I was underestimated. I'm here because anything is possible for you."

TRAVIS: Matron, Chetney Pock O'Pea here.

MATT: "Oh, I know."

TRAVIS: My wolf head transforms. It's just Chetney head on wolf body. (laughter)

MATT: "I'll be seeing you soon enough."

TRAVIS: No, see, that's, you didn't, that's not cool. I know you've been trying. I'm sure I must be high on the wanted list. I'm enjoying my time here with my friends, and you know, Fate, don't get in the way of that or accelerate it or anything. I was just wondering, since we're here, I would be remiss if we didn't ask, is there any kind of help that you could lend us, anything that we might be able to take back and tip the scales?

MATT: "Part of the reason Predathos is so feared by my family is by its nature it undoes and unravels the power that they've relied on since they came here. I am uncertain what I could provide that wouldn't unravel in his presence either, but it doesn't mean it's not worth trying." She takes the mask in her hand and holds it out.

LAURA: Somebody has to step up there.

SAM: I'll go.

LAURA: It should be you.

MATT: You reach for it.

SAM: Sure.

MATT: She pulls it back slightly and leans into you. "You're at a crossroads. Do you know what a crossroads is?"

SAM: I do, yes. There's a choice ahead.

MATT: "Maybe this will be the nudge you're looking for."

SAM: Does it burn my hand?

MATT: No, it feels cold and smooth.

SAM: Oh. So we wear this or?

MATT: "In a moment of need, someone wear it and call. I'll send what I can. I don't know what will make it, depending on where it's used."

TRAVIS: That's amazing. That's incredible. Gave us her mask?! That's incredible. Also, if I could just get a little extension on my, you know, just take it off the year-to-year, like a fiver.

LAURA: I don't think it works like that, Chet.

TRAVIS: Two is fine too, you know, deuces. All right.

MATT: "I'll see you all eventually."

MARISHA: Wait. This Rite of Ascension, you had a god help you with it, craft it over years. Is that what we're to replicate?

MATT: "It cannot be replicated. I've made sure of that."

MARISHA: One last question. If you go, what happens to your champion?

MATT: "I don't know. I like not knowing."

ROBBIE: When was the last time you were surprised by anything?

MATT: "Three decades back. I was surprised at a mortal's choice and sacrifice to give everything out of love to protect those that were his world. That's what makes you all so special. As hard as we try and define your meaning, your purpose, your worth, time and time again, you defy us. And that's beautiful. And I think it's a sign that perhaps we should stop forging your future for you."

ROBBIE: I think it's the best part about being a person, and I hope that you get a chance to experience it again soon. You helped us. Maybe we can surprise you.

MARISHA: As Dorian says that, I beckon the spirit of Emhira to stand next to us.

MATT: "(sighs)"

LIAM: Do you ever miss your mortality? It's pretty great, living a lifetime.

MATT: "Every moment. I knew what I gave up to do this. And that understanding grows and grows and grows. But, who knows what my place would be in this divine system. Would the system no longer be here? And if it does, you damn well better let us know why you've granted us this mercy and renegotiate the terms of our relationship."

TRAVIS: One last thing. Your champion, he's stuck. Is there anything, as your agents on the other side of the gate, that we could do to help him?

MATT: "Destroy the key. But the beacon must be removed first."

TRAVIS: Beacon?

MATT: "There is a device, a fracture of something even beyond our sight, a relic that changes the nature of the universe in ways that's almost as terrifying to us as Predathos." She lifts her hand and you see this image appear of this dark, gray, 12-sided dodecahedron shape, drifting, a cosmos sparkling through it.

TALIESIN: Ah.

MATT: Those who were present at the Malleus Key, you recall this being inserted by Ludinus into its base.

TRAVIS: His wretched hand as it started to blacken. Take out a piece of wood and I start chiseling.

LAURA: Can't you just cut his thread now?

MATT: "I was clever. Him, nearly as much. His thread is beyond any of our grasp, but not yours."

TALIESIN: Why are the gods afraid of these?

MATT: "Because they don't understand them."

TALIESIN: Huh.

MATT: "There are many things in this universe that are outside of this simple understanding. Beings that are all-knowing and all-powerful don't like to admit that they're not all-knowing and not all-powerful."

TALIESIN: Hmm.

LAURA: The two you had us fight here, should we not trust them? You made it seem like if we did, it would be our undoing.

MATT: "You know them better than I do. I just needed to see if you are willing to do what it takes should you not trust them. But that choice is yours."

TALIESIN: I know that the answer is probably going to be I don't know, but Laudna, our friend, is off your radar, connected to the threads, I don't know. But is she going to be okay?

MATT: She holds a hand out and draws her finger this way and you feel this tug on your chest. The rest of you can see briefly, there's this thread pulling from Laudna's chest. It's silver, a different color than the rest of the golden threads. "Her fate lies between realms, or it did." She moves her hand this way and the rest of the thread grows golden until it connects with Imogen's.

ASHLEY: (gasps)

MATT: Then it spiders out to the rest of you. You watch the silver color of the thread begin to fill with more golden light. "You are an entity who is a victim of circumstance and cruelty. I do not consider you anathema, just on a path to righting what has wronged you."

MARISHA: What does this mean? If I continued on this path, I would be whole again?

MATT: "Anything is possible."

MARISHA: May I see the mask? What happens if I just Mage Hand it in front of my face?

MATT: It floats in front of your face.

MARISHA: Put it back down. Thank you.

MATT: "Don't thank me yet."

MARISHA: I hope you get to see him again. You deserve that.

MATT: "I deserve little, but I remember what it was like to fight for one's survival. I have my ways. Now, go." She begins to drift back as the mask apparates around her face.

SAM: Mm.

MATT: (deeply) "Go."

SAM: Oh!

MATT: All of you begin to lose your footing on the platform, your breath becoming hard and challenging as the blood on the ground begins to billow up and consume you. You all are awash in that same thick liquid, climbing suddenly, your lungs on fire. One by one, you all begin to climb out and splatter onto the smooth, black marble floors on the inside of the Raven's Crest, crimson scattered across where you catch your breath and process.

LIAM: So we all look like Carrie right now?

MATT: You do.

LIAM: Okay.

TALIESIN: Ah. I feel fucking golden. (laughs)

LAURA: Did you fight that whole fight naked? (laughs)

MARISHA: I did.

LAURA: (laughs)

ROBBIE and ASHLEY: (laugh)

MATT: And that's where we're going to finish tonight's episode. (laughter)

TALIESIN: Perfect.

ASHLEY: Oh!

MARISHA: I mean, I had my Form of Dread at one point.

LAURA: That's true. That's true. That true.

MARISHA: With a a little slinky black veil.

ASHLEY: Yeah, like a little--

TALIESIN: You had a knicker veil?

ROBBIE: Mm.

MARISHA: You know.

TALIESIN: Nothing like a knicker veil.

MATT: As a note by the way.

LAURA: Oh man.

MATT: You all are still, all your spells are still there. Go and consider yourself long rested. Everything that happened in the vision did not actually pull from your materials.

LAURA: Oh man.

ROBBIE: Yeah!

TALIESIN: Not a real long rest, though.

LAURA: Amazing.

TALIESIN: Just back to where we were.

MATT: Back to where you were beforehand.

TALIESIN: Yeah.

MATT: But if you hadn't spent anything since waking up--

TALIESIN: All right, so I still have my exhaustion.

LAURA: Phew!

SAM: Oh man, that's huge.

ROBBIE: That's great.

MATT: But yeah, we'll jump back to that next week and see where that transpires. But thank you all so much for joining us. We love you very much, and is it Thursday yet? (cheering)

MATT: Good night.

Cooldown[]

MARISHA: Yay...

LAURA: Holy Schmoley.

ASHLEY: So much happened.

LIAM: So much to think about.

SAM: Too much.

MARISHA: My brain.

LIAM: ♪ Too many gods. ♪

LIAM and LAURA: ♪ Too many gods. ♪

LAURA: That was-- she's so cool.

ASHLEY: She's so cool.

MARISHA: Did you like her better than the Arch Heart?

ROBBIE: Yes.

LIAM: That's because she's human.

ROBBIE: Also at a story standpoint. He dripped charisma, but I didn't like the quality of his character very much.

LAURA: Yeah, very cocky.

MARISHA: But Abu is great!

ROBBIE: That's what I mean! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's amazing.

LAURA: Matt, that was sick!

SAM: Robbie doesn't like Abu.

MATT: Oh, was that fun?

LIAM: It was so surprising.

LAURA: That was so fun.

TRAVIS: That was a great map, man. The way it's streaking out like that? Look at the monitors.

LAURA: I know, the monitor looks so awesome.

ASHLEY: I know, I kept looking up.

LAURA: It looks so real.

LIAM: When they popped up the first time--

TRAVIS: Yeah, when they came back to this, it was like that little flash in "The Exorcist", the little white mask that's like (vocal noise).

MATT: Yeah, having to paint this in private at home while Marisha's working, wandering through the house, and just having the room be done--

TRAVIS: We're just going to masquerade, right?

MATT: Whenever I'd hear footsteps, I'd be like, "Marisha, don't come in here!"

LIAM: "What are you doing in there?" "Nothing, just masturbating."

TRAVIS: "Just jerking off!"

ROBBIE: How often does that happen? It's the perfect excuse. "I'm painting my minis!"

MATT: That's when she's worried.

TALIESIN: "I'm masturbating, I'm not painting my minis!"

MATT: Should have a blacksmith arm by now.

SAM: When you first made this, Matt, did you know that it was going to-- Did it cover your face-- Like how did you guys figure out--

TRAVIS: The perfect height?

SAM: Yeah, the height!

MATT: I didn't know if it was. I just guessed.

SAM: There was no test ahead of time?

MATT: No, I literally built this a couple days ago.

TRAVIS: We just wing it.

SAM: But what if it was covering half your face?

MATT: Then I would have done this. (sits straight)

MARISHA: We have a standing cam.

TALIESIN: It's a 99 cent store party mask.

ROBBIE: This is just a simple home game.

LIAM: Confirming some suspicions about the Luxon, right?

SAM: Well, yeah, sort of.

TALIESIN: Luxon's older.

SAM: It's beyond the gods.

LAURA: It's not the same as Predathos, though.

SAM: And it's not Predathos.

MATT: No.

LIAM: But it freaks them out a little bit.

SAM: So it's a third thing.

ASHLEY: Because it's different.

LIAM: Yeah.

LAURA: It's a different thing.

TALIESIN: They are honestly just a tiny, tiny bit of what's actually going on out there. They are not the whole deal. They're not even half the deal.

MARISHA: Because there was a hot second where it's like, Is the Luxon connected to Predathos?

LAURA: Yeah, but I guess not.

TALIESIN: They just talk a lot, I think, which is why it feels like they are so much of what's going on all the time.

ASHLEY: Well, they also don't know if it's part of Predathos. Did she say?

LIAM: I wonder if--

TALIESIN: It would be odd if it was.

LIAM: --if Luxon, whatever it is, is just another entity within the vast multiverse? Or is it the stuff of the multiverse?

TALIESIN: I don't think it's conscious. I think it has consciousness in it, but I don't think it is conscious.

ASHLEY: Like dark matter?

LIAM: But I just mean is it woven into every part of the universe to a degree? Or is it--

TALIESIN: It's my thought.

LAURA: How cool was Vespin?

SAM: He was cool. Although he was so sad.

TALIESIN: I have a theory.

LAURA: He was so sad!

LIAM: "I made bad choices!"

LAURA: Yeah, just moaning in pain all the time.

TALIESIN: "I live in a van by the river!"

MATT: Uniquely, part of this also was her just creating an image of Vespin, and just being like, "This fucking guy. Look how sad he is!"

TALIESIN: So wait a minute. So you had--

MATT: Because he's still in the Hells. All these things are not actually here. These were all just her--

TALIESIN: You had the Matron paint her own model, while you went-- Oh, for fuck's sake.

LIAM: She was like, "Okay, I'll hit them with her mom, and their good friend, and... fuck it, Vespin Chloras."

TALIESIN: "Who do I have unpainted on the shelf?"

ROBBIE: Shuffling through the junk drawer.

SAM: Did you have other options for people who we would encounter?

MATT: I had other possible thoughts in mind, and I didn't want to over complicate it.

ROBBIE: FCG.

TALIESIN: I want to see spider-- where's spider Opal? I want to see spider Opal.

LAURA: We didn't ask about FCG!

ASHLEY: Oh no!

SAM: Let's go back, let's go back, dive in.

LAURA: I can't believe we didn't ask about FCG!

ROBBIE: Let me see spider Opal. Can I see it?

LIAM: It's hard to think when--

MATT: Yeah. It's a standard drider model that I went and got the pink paint and gave her a jacket.

ROBBIE: Oh wow. Oh, yeah.

SAM: Can I take a picture for Aimee?

MATT: Yeah, I had a bunch of choices, but I was trying to think of the ones that were most directly connected to the story at the moment versus the story where it began. So Opal represented ExU as well as Dorian's return and the connection to Orym and Fearne.

LAURA: And she's on the ground in the Hellcatch?

MARISHA: Yeah, it looks like we're going to fight her. That was a--

LAURA: No, we won't fight her.

TALIESIN: No, she'll be fighting with us.

LAURA: She's working--

TALIESIN: Everybody's everybody.

ASHLEY: Maybe we could get her on our side.

LAURA: Opal would be on our side.

LIAM: Because-- just like this knucklehead.

LAURA: The Betrayer Gods.

SAM: What?

LIAM: Baddie champions--

LAURA: All the gods are-- Betrayers and divine or whatever.

LIAM: Are people going to stab each other in the back a little bit along the way?

TALIESIN: Sure!

LIAM: Probably. But they're still-- everyone's aiming--

TALIESIN: Spider?

LIAM: I want to see.

ROBBIE: We knew this way early that the gods were collecting new champions to fight for them, right? That was mentioned one of my first episodes back, since being back. So there's going to be champions out there.

TALIESIN: There's going to be all sorts of crazy craze.

LIAM: This god fight has everything.

TALIESIN: Marisha, that's technically yours now.

MARISHA: Well, it's ours. It's our spooky dead lady mask.

TALIESIN: Yeah, but you look best wearing it.

LIAM: It fits your aesthetic, but it's a boon for the group.

TALIESIN: It really ties the outfit together.

LIAM: I wonder if Braius put it on, would it form a big--

SAM: I want it back.

MARISHA: Yeah, but it can't fit on your cow nose.

LIAM: It would melt into a steer skull.

SAM: I don't know if it needs to fit on anybody's face. We're just going to use it once.

ROBBIE: We get to put in a call, right?

MARISHA: Yeah, it's going to like summon the army.

ROBBIE: Whistle if you need me sort of thing.

TALIESIN: I want to Identify Object that motherfucker.

TRAVIS: You got to put your face into it and scream.

ROBBIE: Yeah.

TRAVIS: (screams)

SAM: It's like Jim Carrey's mask. It makes you a cartoon character.

MATT: That's true, yeah.

MARISHA: It's your face. Yeah, that's fine.

MATT: Not Jim Carrey's. It's the sequel. It's--

SAM: "The Mask Returns"?

MATT: "The Mask Returns".

SAM: Oh, shit, who was in it? That comedian guy.

MATT: Yeah, it's real bad. And Alan Cumming's the villain. Not his finest moment.

LAURA: Oh, no.

TALIESIN: You can animate object on that thing, and then and then make it really irritating.

TRAVIS: I don't remember that.

MATT: Good. It's real bad.

TALIESIN: Okay, just putting that out there.

MARISHA: Just be like (puppets).

LAURA: John Leguizamo.

MATT: Jamie Kennedy. That's who is was.

LAURA and ROBBIE: Jamie Kennedy!

ROBBIE: Oh, big step down from Leguizamo.

MATT: Sorry if you're a Critter, man, and you're watching this--

TALIESIN: We're saying this out loud but come join us on the show.

MATT: --but like it was real-- No, don't! It's real bad.

LIAM: Walk away.

MARISHA: Wasn't there a third one that was all about the dog? The dog?

ASHLEY: The dog getting the mask?

SAM: That's "Karate Kid 3".

LIAM: That's part of a movie, right?

MARISHA: Or is that part of two?

LIAM: That's just part of one of them.

ROBBIE: It was a cartoon, too!

TALIESIN: That's Mandela Effect.

MARISHA: Anyway.

LAURA: So, wait. So, I guess we have to talk about that in-game, but like--

LIAM: Sew buttons.

LAURA: But are we going to free Predathos, then?

SAM: Wasn't that the plan?

LAURA: I mean, yeah, but like--

SAM: To free him and then--

LAURA: Did she just convince us of it?

TALIESIN: I was already down, so.

ROBBIE: They don't know shit.

ASHLEY: Oh god.

ROBBIE: They don't know shit.

LAURA: Yeah, but she just made it--

ROBBIE: Every time I meet a god it just knocks out all my confidence.

SAM: You're supposed to absorb Predathos with love.

TRAVIS: It also poses the question that there are two gods that are resisting, and the rest are in opposition. So if we get real close--

ASHLEY: So that means fighting all--

TRAVIS: They could just toss the gate down and--

SAM: But they can't! They need unanimous consent.

LAURA: Yeah, they can't toss the gate down without the Raven-- the Matron of Ravens.

TRAVIS: I mean, it says.

TALIESIN: But if they figure it out that it's these two, the whole thing's fucking...

LIAM: How do you believe what anyone says? What's the proof that you need? Orym's still not Team Soak Up Predathos and go dance because we don't know. Nobody knows what anything means.

TALIESIN: I'll try anything once.

LAURA: It's true. Her thing that she was showing is like, "Oh, don't trust these people right in front of you." So she's teaching us not to trust her.

LIAM: We've had three gods, multiple gods, say wildly different things, and different mortals say wildly different things. We don't know what Predathos is.

MARISHA: If they threw down the gate, though, would that open it up to the Betrayers as well?

TRAVIS: ♪ It sure would ♪

LAURA: Everything.

TALIESIN: Yep. Gate comes down, everybody's running around.

MARISHA: I'm assuming they don't need the votes from the Betrayers.

SAM: Probably not.

MATT: The Betrayers didn't create the Divine Gate.

LAURA: The Primes created it to keep the Betrayers out. And them.

MATT: And keep them back. So in order to take it down, everyone who was responsible for creating it has to agree to take it down.

TRAVIS: Unless the gods went into human bodies again and we're going to fight a bunch of fucking god toddlers.

MATT and MARISHA: Goddlers!

TALIESIN: The gate keeps them from reincarnating, actually, if I recall. Can they-- well, you don't have to answer that. But I thought the gate might have been the thing to keep them from taking mortal form.

MATT: Like post-Aeor, you mean? Because the gate wasn't in existence--

TALIESIN: No, but one of the things they lost was the ability-- but I guess I don't know if they could reincarnate.

MATT: Their essence cannot pass through the Divine Gate.

TALIESIN: So they can't-- We can't get mortal gods running around right now.

MATT: No.

TALIESIN: Yeah, that's what I thought. So no god babies.

ASHLEY: No goddlers?

TALIESIN: No goddlers is way better.

MARISHA: No muppet babies.

LAURA: ♪ Goddler babies ♪

ASHLEY: Travis said it.

LIAM: It was so cool to go back to the Dusk-- the Raven's Crest temple where so much shit kicked off, and then we all got to go in the pool of blood together.

LAURA: Yeah it was awesome.

LIAM: That was fucking cool!

ASHLEY: That was cool.

SAM: We should have done some swimming and stuff. Some backstroke.

TALIESIN: In my head it was the third act of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" with everybody with the SS Titanic and everybody going, yeah. Except with blood.

LIAM: Lieve'tel was so beautiful. I love her so much.

LAURA: Lieve'tel.

ASHLEY: Lieve'tel is so cool! "Hello."

LIAM: She once got her ear knocked off.

SAM: She did? I don't remember that.

LIAM: Yeah. Or like a flap of skin on her head. I don't--

MATT: Yeah.

SAM: When was that?

LAURA: We should have told her!

SAM: Told her what, about Vax?

LAURA: About Bertrand.

LIAM: Oh.

SAM: Well, we can still talk to her. We're still in the room, right?

MATT: Yeah.

LIAM: We can work that out.

ASHLEY: Oh, I'm so mad we didn't ask about FCG!

LIAM: Chetney better look out. She like silver foxes.

TRAVIS: What makes you think I ain't claimed that shit already?

LIAM: That's true. A couple hundred years ago.

TALIESIN: Silver badger.

TRAVIS: Elves and gnomes. We get around. You couldn't tell her expression behind that veil she had.

LIAM: Uh huh, uh huh.

TRAVIS: She was like, "(gasps) The one that got away!"

SAM: When we go back out through the main temple, she's going to be like, "Can you sign this chair for me? I'm a C-Popper."

ROBBIE: Just loath to admit it.

MATT: Yeah, it'll be good.

MARISHA: It is kind of crazy the god of death definitely looked at you, though, and was like, "See you soon!" That's pretty-- that's cuckoo.

LIAM: Yep, just talking average lifespans.

LAURA: Hey, but maybe she won't. Maybe she'll die before--

SAM: Maybe she won't, because she'll-- she's going to be gone.

LAURA: She's going to nope out before you nope out.

ASHLEY: Yeah, when she was like, "I'll see you all soon," it's like, "Well, maybe not."

TALIESIN: I just want to say, "I'll see you in two weeks, not one," is really all I needed.

ROBBIE: Didn't she low-key ask for our help, more or less, at the end?

LAURA: Yeah.

ASHLEY: That's how I felt.

ROBBIE: That's two. That's two gods say it. Three?

LAURA: Three now. We got boons from three gods right now.

TALIESIN: Arch Heart was very direct about it, and she was coy.

ROBBIE: Right at the end, she said something like, "I can't do that," or like, "You have to do it, not me."

LAURA: But she said, "Anything's possible."

ROBBIE: Yeah.

LAURA: "Anything."

MARISHA: Well, that's a mind fuck.

MATT: Process it. We'll get to it next time.