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AnoE
AnoE
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Kill the secret

My well-practiced approach to this is the following:

You simply tell your father that you will not keep it secret, and that you will inform your mother in three days (or whatever seems appropriate). That's it, you need to say nothing else. You can even do it in writing (SMS, mail, what have youetc.) because you do not want to make a discussion out of this. It is you informing them about what you are going to do.

The rest will resolve itself on its own. Your father can ignore this; in which case you inform your mother after three days ("hey, by the way, father mentioned he'd come and bring XYZ with him - feel free to talk to him if you ...blah blah..."). You do not tell her that your father asked you to keep it secret, because by telling your father that you won't, you canceled this request from him. You behave just as if he had not asked this of you.

Your father can try to forbid you, but he does not have the power to do so unless you give it to him (well, if someone does have some power over you, you have to decide whether it is harder for you to keep the secret or to suffer whatever they can do to you - nothing is ever easy!).

The other option is that your father will act - either withdraw his plans or tell your mother before you do. The important thing is that you truly do not need to care either way. You told your father what will happen in three days. If he does not act, he did in fact act (i.e., by giving you implicit permission to tell).

This approach is completely independent of any circumstances. It works in the family, with friends, with co-workers. At no point whatsoever is aggression involved. Your mindset is that you simply (truly) only inform the other two participants (i.e., the would-be secret-keeper and the target of the information). You (truly) do not need to be angry about your father for asking you - asking someone to keep a secret is easy; doing it is not. If other people have the right to ask difficult things of you, you have double the right to tell them what you will actually do.

Good luck with the dinner, btw!

Kill the secret

My well-practiced approach to this is the following:

You simply tell your father that you will not keep it secret, and that you will inform your mother in three days (or whatever seems appropriate). That's it, you need to say nothing else. You can even do it in writing (SMS, mail, what have you) because you do not want to make a discussion out of this. It is you informing them about what you are going to do.

The rest will resolve itself on its own. Your father can ignore this; in which case you inform your mother after three days ("hey, by the way, father mentioned he'd come and bring XYZ with him - feel free to talk to him if you ...blah blah..."). You do not tell her that your father asked you to keep it secret, because by telling your father that you won't, you canceled this request from him. You behave just as if he had not asked this of you.

Your father can try to forbid you, but he does not have the power to do so unless you give it to him (well, if someone does have some power over you, you have to decide whether it is harder for you to keep the secret or to suffer whatever they can do to you - nothing is ever easy!).

The other option is that your father will act - either withdraw his plans or tell your mother before you do. The important thing is that you truly do not need to care either way. You told your father what will happen in three days. If he does not act, he did in fact act (i.e., by giving you implicit permission to tell).

This approach is completely independent of any circumstances. It works in the family, with friends, with co-workers. At no point whatsoever is aggression involved. Your mindset is that you simply (truly) only inform the other two participants (i.e., the would-be secret-keeper and the target of the information). You (truly) do not need to be angry about your father for asking you - asking someone to keep a secret is easy; doing it is not. If other people have the right to ask difficult things of you, you have double the right to tell them what you will actually do.

Good luck with the dinner, btw!

Kill the secret

My well-practiced approach to this is the following:

You simply tell your father that you will not keep it secret, and that you will inform your mother in three days (or whatever seems appropriate). That's it, you need to say nothing else. You can even do it in writing (SMS, mail, etc.) because you do not want to make a discussion out of this. It is you informing them about what you are going to do.

The rest will resolve itself on its own. Your father can ignore this; in which case you inform your mother after three days ("hey, by the way, father mentioned he'd come and bring XYZ with him - feel free to talk to him if you ...blah blah..."). You do not tell her that your father asked you to keep it secret, because by telling your father that you won't, you canceled this request from him. You behave just as if he had not asked this of you.

Your father can try to forbid you, but he does not have the power to do so unless you give it to him (well, if someone does have some power over you, you have to decide whether it is harder for you to keep the secret or to suffer whatever they can do to you - nothing is ever easy!).

The other option is that your father will act - either withdraw his plans or tell your mother before you do. The important thing is that you truly do not need to care either way. You told your father what will happen in three days. If he does not act, he did in fact act (i.e., by giving you implicit permission to tell).

This approach is completely independent of any circumstances. It works in the family, with friends, with co-workers. At no point whatsoever is aggression involved. Your mindset is that you simply (truly) only inform the other two participants (i.e., the would-be secret-keeper and the target of the information). You (truly) do not need to be angry about your father for asking you - asking someone to keep a secret is easy; doing it is not. If other people have the right to ask difficult things of you, you have double the right to tell them what you will actually do.

Good luck with the dinner, btw!

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AnoE
AnoE
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Kill the secret

My well-practiced approach to this is the following:

You simply tell your father that you will not keep it secret, and that you will inform your mother in three days (or whatever seems appropriate). That's it, you need to say nothing else. You can even do it in writing (SMS, mail, what have you) because you do not want to make a discussion out of this. It is you informing them about what you are going to do.

The rest will resolve itself on its own. Your father can ignore this; in which case you inform your mother after three days ("hey, by the way, father mentioned he'd come and bring XYZ with him - feel free to talk to him if you ...blah blah..."). You do not tell her that your father asked you to keep it secret, because by telling your father that you won't, you canceled this request from him. You simply behave just as if he had not asked this of you.

Your father can try to forbid you, but he does not have the power to do so unless you give it to him (well, if someone does have some power over you, you have to decide whether it is harder for you to keep the secret or to suffer whatever they can do to you - nothing is ever easy!).

The other option is that your father will act - either withdraw his plans or tell your mother before you do. The important thing is that you truly do not need to care either way. You told your father what will happen in three days. If he does not act, he did in fact act (i.e., by giving you implicit permission to tell).

This approach is completely independent of any circumstances. It works in the family, with friends, with co-workers. At no point whatsoever is aggression involved. Your mindset is that you simply (truly) only inform the other two participants (i.e., the would-be secret-keeper and the target of the information). You (truly) do not need to be angry about your father for asking you - asking someone to keep a secret is easy; doing it is not. If other people have the right to ask difficult things of you, you have double the right to tell them what you will actually do.

Good luck with the dinner, btw!

Kill the secret

My well-practiced approach to this is the following:

You simply tell your father that you will not keep it secret, and that you will inform your mother in three days (or whatever seems appropriate). That's it, you need to say nothing else. You can even do it in writing (SMS, mail, what have you) because you do not want to make a discussion out of this. It is you informing them about what you are going to do.

The rest will resolve itself on its own. Your father can ignore this; in which case you inform your mother after three days ("hey, by the way, father mentioned he'd come and bring XYZ with him - feel free to talk to him if you ...blah blah..."). You do not tell her that your father asked you to keep it secret, because by telling your father that you won't, you canceled this request from him. You simply behave as if he had not asked this of you.

Your father can try to forbid you, but he does not have the power to do so unless you give it to him (well, if someone does have some power over you, you have to decide whether it is harder for you to keep the secret or to suffer whatever they can do to you - nothing is ever easy!).

The other option is that your father will act - either withdraw his plans or tell your mother before you do. The important thing is that you truly do not need to care either way. You told your father what will happen in three days. If he does not act, he did in fact act (i.e., by giving you implicit permission to tell).

This approach is completely independent of any circumstances. It works in the family, with friends, with co-workers. At no point whatsoever is aggression involved. Your mindset is that you simply (truly) only inform the other two participants (i.e., the would-be secret-keeper and the target of the information). You (truly) do not need to be angry about your father for asking you - asking someone to keep a secret is easy; doing it is not. If other people have the right to ask difficult things of you, you have double the right to tell them what you will actually do.

Good luck with the dinner, btw!

Kill the secret

My well-practiced approach to this is the following:

You simply tell your father that you will not keep it secret, and that you will inform your mother in three days (or whatever seems appropriate). That's it, you need to say nothing else. You can even do it in writing (SMS, mail, what have you) because you do not want to make a discussion out of this. It is you informing them about what you are going to do.

The rest will resolve itself on its own. Your father can ignore this; in which case you inform your mother after three days ("hey, by the way, father mentioned he'd come and bring XYZ with him - feel free to talk to him if you ...blah blah..."). You do not tell her that your father asked you to keep it secret, because by telling your father that you won't, you canceled this request from him. You behave just as if he had not asked this of you.

Your father can try to forbid you, but he does not have the power to do so unless you give it to him (well, if someone does have some power over you, you have to decide whether it is harder for you to keep the secret or to suffer whatever they can do to you - nothing is ever easy!).

The other option is that your father will act - either withdraw his plans or tell your mother before you do. The important thing is that you truly do not need to care either way. You told your father what will happen in three days. If he does not act, he did in fact act (i.e., by giving you implicit permission to tell).

This approach is completely independent of any circumstances. It works in the family, with friends, with co-workers. At no point whatsoever is aggression involved. Your mindset is that you simply (truly) only inform the other two participants (i.e., the would-be secret-keeper and the target of the information). You (truly) do not need to be angry about your father for asking you - asking someone to keep a secret is easy; doing it is not. If other people have the right to ask difficult things of you, you have double the right to tell them what you will actually do.

Good luck with the dinner, btw!

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NVZ
NVZ
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Kill the secret

My well practiced-practiced approach to this is the following:

You simply tell your father that you will not keep it secret, and that you will inform your mother in three days (or whatever seems appropriate). That's it, you need to say nothing else. You can even do it in writing (SMS, mail, what have you) because you do not want to make a discussion out of this. It is you informing them about what you are going to do.

The rest will resolve itself on its own. Your father can ignore this; in which case you inform your mother after three days ("hey, by the way, father mentioned he'd come and bring XYZ with him - feel free to talk to him if you ...blablablah blah..."). You do not tell her that your father asked you to keep it secret, because by telling your father that you won't, you canceled this request from him. You simply behave as if he had not asked this of you.

Your father can try to forbid you, but he does not have the power to do so unless you give it to him (well, if someone does have some power over you, you have to decide whether it is harder for you to keep the secret or to suffer whatever they can do to you - nothing is ever easy!).

The other option is that your father will act - either withdraw his plans, or tell your mother before you do. The important thing is that you truly do not need to care either way. You told your father what will happen in three days. If he does not act, he did in fact act (i.e., by giving you implicit permission to tell).

This approach is completely independet fromindependent of any circumstances. It works in the family, with friends, with co-workers. At no point whatsoever is aggression involved. Your mindset is that you simply (truly) only inform the other two participants (i.e., the would-be secret-keeper and the target of the information). You (truly) do not need to be angry about your father for asking you - asking someone to keep a secret is easy; doing it is not. If other people have the right to ask difficult things of you, you have double the right to tell them what you will actually do.

Good luck with the dinner, btw!

Kill the secret

My well practiced approach to this is the following:

You simply tell your father that you will not keep it secret, and that you will inform your mother in three days (or whatever seems appropriate). That's it, you need to say nothing else. You can even do it in writing (SMS, mail, what have you) because you do not want to make a discussion out of this. It is you informing them about what you are going to do.

The rest will resolve itself on its own. Your father can ignore this; in which case you inform your mother after three days ("hey, by the way, father mentioned he'd come and bring XYZ with him - feel free to talk to him if you ...blabla..."). You do not tell her that your father asked you to keep it secret, because by telling your father that you won't, you canceled this request from him. You simply behave as if he had not asked this of you.

Your father can try to forbid you, but he does not have the power to do so unless you give it to him (well, if someone does have some power over you, you have to decide whether it is harder for you to keep the secret or to suffer whatever they can do to you - nothing is ever easy!).

The other option is that your father will act - either withdraw his plans, or tell your mother before you do. The important thing is that you truly do not need to care either way. You told your father what will happen in three days. If he does not act, he did in fact act (i.e., by giving you implicit permission to tell).

This approach is completely independet from any circumstances. It works in the family, with friends, with co-workers. At no point whatsoever is aggression involved. Your mindset is that you simply (truly) only inform the other two participants (i.e., the would-be secret-keeper and the target of the information). You (truly) do not need to be angry about your father for asking you - asking someone to keep a secret is easy; doing it is not. If other people have the right to ask difficult things of you, you have double the right to tell them what you will actually do.

Good luck with the dinner, btw!

Kill the secret

My well-practiced approach to this is the following:

You simply tell your father that you will not keep it secret, and that you will inform your mother in three days (or whatever seems appropriate). That's it, you need to say nothing else. You can even do it in writing (SMS, mail, what have you) because you do not want to make a discussion out of this. It is you informing them about what you are going to do.

The rest will resolve itself on its own. Your father can ignore this; in which case you inform your mother after three days ("hey, by the way, father mentioned he'd come and bring XYZ with him - feel free to talk to him if you ...blah blah..."). You do not tell her that your father asked you to keep it secret, because by telling your father that you won't, you canceled this request from him. You simply behave as if he had not asked this of you.

Your father can try to forbid you, but he does not have the power to do so unless you give it to him (well, if someone does have some power over you, you have to decide whether it is harder for you to keep the secret or to suffer whatever they can do to you - nothing is ever easy!).

The other option is that your father will act - either withdraw his plans or tell your mother before you do. The important thing is that you truly do not need to care either way. You told your father what will happen in three days. If he does not act, he did in fact act (i.e., by giving you implicit permission to tell).

This approach is completely independent of any circumstances. It works in the family, with friends, with co-workers. At no point whatsoever is aggression involved. Your mindset is that you simply (truly) only inform the other two participants (i.e., the would-be secret-keeper and the target of the information). You (truly) do not need to be angry about your father for asking you - asking someone to keep a secret is easy; doing it is not. If other people have the right to ask difficult things of you, you have double the right to tell them what you will actually do.

Good luck with the dinner, btw!

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AnoE
AnoE
  • 3.4k
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  • 16
  • 19