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Interpersonal Skills Beta

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Corrected after re-reading OP that it is an old friend that will be accompanying him.
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Jinlye
Jinlye
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Do not get sucked into this - it will end badly.

When raising our kids, we warn them about "nice secrets", and "nasty secrets". Nice secrets are - well - nice. Things like the flowers the kids have noticed in a bucket of water in the garage, waiting to give to mum on mothers day. These are good secrets to keep. And then there are nasty secrets. Things like the visitor who slips a hand up a little girl's dress while out in the garden and winks to her and says, "Let's keep it our little secret". From an early age, we have to teach our kids as to what are nice secrets (good to keep), and nasty secrets (tell someone). And we have to learn that ourselves, too.

Your father's secret has "nasty" written all over it. Why does he want you to keep it a secret? Because it is a nice secret that he wants to surprise your mum with (the lady with which he had an acrimonious divorce)? Or because it is a nasty secret, and he knows that if she knew what he was up to, there is no way she would come to your dinner? 99.9% 99% probability it is a nasty secret. Most Quite likely he has some trophy woman (or someone paid or persuadedhurtful announcement to act that role for an evening) so he can turn up with a swagger and brag, "Hey, you got a new partner - well so did I, and look how HOT she is!" Ormake or some other continuation of the pattern of getting back at his ex-wife that he has been trying to do all along.

Your dad is most likely conspiring to hurt your mum, and using one of the kids to get back at her (such a common pattern). Do not facilitate this conspiracy. If I am wrong and it is a nice secret, it will still be nice even if she gets to know about it before the evening. But if as I suspect it is a nasty secret, you do not want to be involved in helping carry out his hurtful plan.

You need say this to your dad:

"Aww that's really nice that you want to meet up with mum and her husband. I'll have to check with mum and her husband that it is OK and they want to meet up with you and your friend. If I don't check and they don't want to meet up, it could look like I tricked them into doing something they would not have wanted to do, which would be hurtful for them and for me. Thanks for understanding."

Do not get sucked into this - it will end badly.

When raising our kids, we warn them about "nice secrets", and "nasty secrets". Nice secrets are - well - nice. Things like the flowers the kids have noticed in a bucket of water in the garage, waiting to give to mum on mothers day. These are good secrets to keep. And then there are nasty secrets. Things like the visitor who slips a hand up a little girl's dress while out in the garden and winks to her and says, "Let's keep it our little secret". From an early age, we have to teach our kids as to what are nice secrets (good to keep), and nasty secrets (tell someone). And we have to learn that ourselves, too.

Your father's secret has "nasty" written all over it. Why does he want you to keep it a secret? Because it is a nice secret that he wants to surprise your mum with (the lady with which he had an acrimonious divorce)? Or because it is a nasty secret, and he knows that if she knew what he was up to, there is no way she would come to your dinner? 99.9% probability it is a nasty secret. Most likely he has some trophy woman (or someone paid or persuaded to act that role for an evening) so he can turn up with a swagger and brag, "Hey, you got a new partner - well so did I, and look how HOT she is!" Or some other continuation of the pattern of getting back at his ex-wife that he has been trying to do all along.

Your dad is most likely conspiring to hurt your mum, and using one of the kids to get back at her (such a common pattern). Do not facilitate this conspiracy. If I am wrong and it is a nice secret, it will still be nice even if she gets to know about it before the evening. But if as I suspect it is a nasty secret, you do not want to be involved in helping carry out his hurtful plan.

You need say this to your dad:

"Aww that's really nice that you want to meet up with mum and her husband. I'll have to check with mum and her husband that it is OK and they want to meet up with you and your friend. If I don't check and they don't want to meet up, it could look like I tricked them into doing something they would not have wanted to do, which would be hurtful for them and for me. Thanks for understanding."

Do not get sucked into this - it will end badly.

When raising our kids, we warn them about "nice secrets", and "nasty secrets". Nice secrets are - well - nice. Things like the flowers the kids have noticed in a bucket of water in the garage, waiting to give to mum on mothers day. These are good secrets to keep. And then there are nasty secrets. Things like the visitor who slips a hand up a little girl's dress while out in the garden and winks to her and says, "Let's keep it our little secret". From an early age, we have to teach our kids as to what are nice secrets (good to keep), and nasty secrets (tell someone). And we have to learn that ourselves, too.

Your father's secret has "nasty" written all over it. Why does he want you to keep it a secret? Because it is a nice secret that he wants to surprise your mum with (the lady with which he had an acrimonious divorce)? Or because it is a nasty secret, and he knows that if she knew what he was up to, there is no way she would come to your dinner? 99% probability it is a nasty secret. Quite likely he has some hurtful announcement to make or some other continuation of the pattern of getting back at his ex-wife that he has been trying to do all along.

Your dad is most likely conspiring to hurt your mum, and using one of the kids to get back at her (such a common pattern). Do not facilitate this conspiracy. If I am wrong and it is a nice secret, it will still be nice even if she gets to know about it before the evening. But if as I suspect it is a nasty secret, you do not want to be involved in helping carry out his hurtful plan.

You need say this to your dad:

"Aww that's really nice that you want to meet up with mum and her husband. I'll have to check with mum and her husband that it is OK and they want to meet up with you and your friend. If I don't check and they don't want to meet up, it could look like I tricked them into doing something they would not have wanted to do, which would be hurtful for them and for me. Thanks for understanding."

Source Link
Jinlye
Jinlye
  • 121
  • 2

Do not get sucked into this - it will end badly.

When raising our kids, we warn them about "nice secrets", and "nasty secrets". Nice secrets are - well - nice. Things like the flowers the kids have noticed in a bucket of water in the garage, waiting to give to mum on mothers day. These are good secrets to keep. And then there are nasty secrets. Things like the visitor who slips a hand up a little girl's dress while out in the garden and winks to her and says, "Let's keep it our little secret". From an early age, we have to teach our kids as to what are nice secrets (good to keep), and nasty secrets (tell someone). And we have to learn that ourselves, too.

Your father's secret has "nasty" written all over it. Why does he want you to keep it a secret? Because it is a nice secret that he wants to surprise your mum with (the lady with which he had an acrimonious divorce)? Or because it is a nasty secret, and he knows that if she knew what he was up to, there is no way she would come to your dinner? 99.9% probability it is a nasty secret. Most likely he has some trophy woman (or someone paid or persuaded to act that role for an evening) so he can turn up with a swagger and brag, "Hey, you got a new partner - well so did I, and look how HOT she is!" Or some other continuation of the pattern of getting back at his ex-wife that he has been trying to do all along.

Your dad is most likely conspiring to hurt your mum, and using one of the kids to get back at her (such a common pattern). Do not facilitate this conspiracy. If I am wrong and it is a nice secret, it will still be nice even if she gets to know about it before the evening. But if as I suspect it is a nasty secret, you do not want to be involved in helping carry out his hurtful plan.

You need say this to your dad:

"Aww that's really nice that you want to meet up with mum and her husband. I'll have to check with mum and her husband that it is OK and they want to meet up with you and your friend. If I don't check and they don't want to meet up, it could look like I tricked them into doing something they would not have wanted to do, which would be hurtful for them and for me. Thanks for understanding."