Being alone is a choice. If you are at a restaurant and you are eating alone, it's because you are choosing to do so. Perhaps you appreciate the time to yourself, to reflect on something or just to sit in peace.

Feeling lonely is different. You are lacking something and that is causing the feeling of loneliness. If you are at a restaurant and you notice groups of friends eating together, you might feel lonely because you wish you had a friend to eat with you.

Sometimes we feel lonely because we compare ourselves to others and want what they have. Other times, we believe there isn't someone that understands our situation and the emotions that come from it.

If you wish to stop feeling lonely, you need to focus on the series of thoughts that led you to that emotion. I don't mean to tell yourself to "stop feeling lonely" but instead challenge the thought of are you really lonely.

Most of us have people that we can call that would be happy to hear from us, but often times we think we are burdening people by doing so. We aren't.

If you are feeling lonely, it is time to lean on someone for help. After you have talked with someone you trust, take time to reflect on what cause the loneliness feeling to occur and the next time the feeling starts to come, challenge the thought with the evidence that you have someone to talk to so you aren't lonely.

As an example, it's easy for someone to say that you should always stand up to bullies and protect those who can't protect themselves. You may even convince yourself that you will do that from now on.

Until it's put to the test. Would you still do it if you know the bully could ruin your image because of the power they hold? Would you still do it if you were threatened with a knife?

Being brave is something that is often romanticized in music, movies, and other media, but most people aren't brave. Most people lack the courage and would crumble immediately in the face of any confrontation.

If you want to learn how to be brave, you must practice it everyday. You start small and then overtime gradually increase what's required for you to be brave.

As an example, say you want to feel more comfortable speaking to people. To start, find someone who works in a store and start a conversation with them. If you want, you can try to continue to speak to this person every time or you can try a different store when you feel ready.

The next step up might be introducing yourself to a new neighbor or finding new people to talk to at work. As you feel more comfortable, continue to increase the difficulty of your situation. This could mean small parties or groups where you have a shared interest.

If you ever feel embarrassed, I challenge you to push through it. When I feel embarrassed, I laugh at myself, say why I'm embarrassed and continue like nothing happened.

If you ever feel physically unsafe, leave. If you feel like there is a person in your group who is not respecting your boundaries or is trying to manipulate you into doing something you don't want to do, leave.

Learning to be brave is not something that happens overnight, but that's okay. Start small, find low pressure situations to be brave, do it, then reflect on it. After an attempt to be brave, regardless of the outcome, good or bad, recognize and congratulate yourself that you were brave.

I will end this post with an affirmation. I have written this affirmation down on a sticky note and keep it posted so that I can see it every day. The affirmation is

"When faced with my fears, I am brave."