1. consumed half a pack of bourbon biscuits

2. washed my bedsheets for the first time in probably more than a month

3. scrolled TikTok for ‘work purposes’

4. said out loud ‘right I am putting down my phone now’

5. turned on the dishwasher (it was already loaded but I forgot to press ‘go’ last night)

6. eaten a bunch of chilli heatwave Doritos dipped in houmous

7. walked round the house collecting stray pants, socks and t-shirts from every floor and surface and put them in the laundry basket

8. read some fan fiction

9. sent a few emails to give the impression I have ‘done some work’

10. told the dogs ‘it’s too hot for dogs isn’t it’

11. burnt my feet on a hot bit of floor

I dunno, I felt I needed to share this.

Because sometimes I feel we’re like all just walking around, doing the bare minimum of what we can manage that day, but panicking that everyone else is doing MORE.

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Sometimes, on my most worrisome days, I think other people (women, mainly) are scrubbing already-clean floors, swooshing clothes over gleaming countertops, and making bowls of crisp, cold lettuce and juicy tomatoes that they absolutely haven’t left in the fridge to go bad.

Whereas I am avoiding the explosion of dishes, cutlery and cereal boxes in the kitchen and will be avoiding it for the foreseeable future. And eating one of those big ole sharing bags of chilli Wotsits for lunch.

Now and then I imagine other mums opening up a specially-designated craft box for their kids after school, which they neatly pack away again afterwards.

And then I inspect the kinetic sand that is permanently infused in the cracks of my kitchen table, the dry play doh crammed into random pots, and the weird purple slime trail that was flicked onto the wall, that I haven’t managed to scrub away yet.

And that teeny voice in the back of my brain goes ‘hmm, are you doing ENOUGH?’

Well, today I am overpowering that voice. For me and for you if you need it.

Yes - you bloody well are doing enough.

Are your kids ok? (if you have them). Are they relatively happy (notwithstanding any toddler tantrums or classic kid/teen meltdowns)?

Do they eat food? Not like five fruit and veg a day, do they eat just food??? Sometimes my kids have Weetabix for tea, if that helps you feel better.

Do you have dishes you can eat off (even if you have to give them a little rinse first)??

Clothes you can wear? (Do the sniff test).

Is your partner ok? Are YOU ok?

I hope you are. I hope you know you’re doing an amazing job at just life, in general.

There’s no rule book. I am also no expert. I’m just here to say hi, I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t think anyone does - we’re all floundering through life together.

And isn’t that quite a nice, reassuring thought?

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I thought it might get at least a couple of likes (maybe my mum and one friend).

To my shock, it blew up - 80,000 views in a few hours and dozens of comments to read through. While many of them read ‘thank god, me too’ which I absolutely gobbled up - desperate to finally learn I wasn't alone in my financial issues - there were plenty that said things like ‘SO irresponsible’ or ‘god you should be ashamed’.

Am I irresponsible? Was I?

I actually don’t believe so.

And if you’re reading this, sitting on a pile of credit card debt that keeps you up at night, I want you to know I don’t think you’re irresponsible either.

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My debt first started when I was 18-years-old. I was the first of my siblings to leave home and go to university. Weeks after I arrived I was made aware by my bank that my little £200 overdraft had been increased to £1,200.

At the time this felt so exciting. As it was a student overdraft, there were no fees or interest attached and I thought why not enjoy this ‘free money’ now and pay it back when I land my first job after graduation?

So I spent it. I spent it on clothes, meals out and drinking with my friends - not even really giving it a second thought. I didn’t even consider myself ‘in debt’.

When I left uni though, age 21, I didn’t automatically ‘pay it back’ like I assumed I would. I got my first job as a trainee journalist, moved into a flat and suddenly had bills to pay - council tax, water, gas, electricity. There was barely any money leftover for food or fun.

I wanted the overdraft gone but I didn’t know how to clear it. After a bit of research online I decided to do a ‘money transfer’ where you open a credit card and use some of the money from the credit card to pay off your overdraft. There was a special offer on which meant I wouldn’t have to pay interest for a while either.

Sorted! (I thought). Now my overdraft was clear and I was back in the black - BUT I had £1,200 on a credit card.

No problem. I’d pay that off in no time…

Except I didn’t. I set it to minimum payments, direct debit (about £50 a month) and just left it to do its thing.

And you can probably guess what happened next… I gradually, slowly fell back into my overdraft.

This cycle continued over the next few years. I wanted to ‘live my life’ and refused to let a silly thing like having no money hold me back. I went on holiday, out for dinner, to parties with friends.

Perhaps you might think that bit sounds fairly irresponsible? But at the time, I was in my early twenties, enjoying myself and convinced - CONVINCED - I would sort out any debt I had ‘when I was older’.

I thought I’d get a higher paying job, or a promotion, or just ‘come into some money’. I didn’t see it as a worry at all.

But by the time I was 24, things had taken a turn. One personal loan and a second credit card later and I was in £13,000 of debt.

And I still had that stupid overdraft.

At this point - I was feeling stressed - but I was unwilling to change any of my habits to sort my debt out. I didn’t want to change the life I was leading.

A few years later, we had children. My partner was battling his own debt too. And we realised exactly how deep of a hole we were in.

While in our twenties we’d been popping holidays and the odd dinner out on our credit cards, it was a very different story in our thirties.

Our debt minimum payments combined came to £1,000 a month. We had a mortgage to pay of also £1,000 a month. Plus childcare fees, another £1,000 a month.

There was barely anything leftover for food, fuel, nappies or any other necessities - let alone meals out or day trips with the kids.

So we kept using the credit cards - for the Tesco shop, for the petrol, for the vet bill. But we also used it for takeaways when we were tired (what’s another £30 when you’ve been given a £15,000 credit card limit?), family days out (because the kids are only small once and we were desperate to make memories) and gifts for birthdays and Christmas (because we didn’t want anyone to think anything was wrong).

Guilt-tripped by social media that ‘you only live once’ and ‘you only get 18 summers with your kids’ we panic-spent money we didn’t have.

Credit card companies teased us with rewards and offers and freebies to get us to sign up - it felt too easy.

We do take responsibility, of course, for our debt but I have never once felt we were ‘irresponsible’.

And I stand by that - and feel the same for many others struggling with debt too.

We’re all just trying to live our lives, provide for our children, enjoy the short time we have on this planet. There’s no manual telling us how to do that.

‘Don’t spend what you don’t have’ isn’t as easy to live by as some people might think.

June 2024 was the turning point for us - the month we finally took our heads out the sand and started trying to clear the debt. We had no idea what we were doing at first but over time we learnt to budget, we got better at cutting back and we binned the credit cards for good (the biggest thing).

And now we’re celebrating seven months being debt free - with £27,000 in savings instead.

So I guess you could say we really did ‘sort it out when we got older’ but it took a LONG time to get there (and I could have really done without the stress of it all).

If you have debt, and you’re reading this, please don’t blame yourself. Please don’t feel ashamed. Because how does that help?

Having debt doesn’t make you an irresponsible person.

Looking back, there are certainly decisions I’d make differently. But I don’t believe having debt makes someone irresponsible or shameful.

Most people are simply trying to get through life as best they can with the information and circumstances they have at the time.

I never thought I’d escape the situation I was in - I thought I’d be stuck with it for the rest of my life - but we managed to get out.

And I’m not going to beat myself up for things that happened in the past.

If you’re struggling with debt like I was - I hope you can forgive yourself, ditch the shame and focus on moving forward.

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I remember thinking ‘hmm, maybe I need to clean underneath here soon’ before promptly using my bare hand to sweep crumbs, fluff and Frube top back under the sofa for another day.

This is a tiny example - and not something I’m actually ‘ashamed’ of. I will freely do it again (anything to get out of cleaning). But it’s not something you might openly admit is it?

But why not?? Hopefully me just saying that out loud makes you utter a sigh of relief.

“Oh, thank god I’m normal”.

(Because isn’t that what we all want to feel?)

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It’s not shared hugely online, the ‘normal’ part of our lives. The little things we do that we might not tell people. Like when we yell at our kids in frustration, or feed them nuggets and shove them in front of YouTube because we need just ONE second.

When we order takeaway for the fourth time that week because we’re tired, we work hard and we just can’t fathom cooking a whole meal when the kitchen is already a mess and we just wanna veg on the sofa.

When we open the credit card bill and see the number written down there and have to push down that slightly sick feeling that rises up, and then in the next moment open Instagram and see that girl we used to go to school with has just booked a two week trip to Hawaii and we wonder ‘where am I going wrong?’

We might not talk about it, but it’s normal life - and we shouldn’t feel ashamed for simply being human. Because that’s all it is - we are human.

Shall I share some more?

Because this is my first proper Substack post and I’d like to give you a taste of what you can expect here…

• I took out a £10,000 loan when I was 24 just because I “needed some money” (and spent 7 years paying it back)

• I bought a £2,000 holiday on a credit card just because I wanted to go - and wasn’t patient enough to save up.

• I’ll happily hand my sons (I have two aged 5 and 3 and one more on the way) a tablet if I want an extra 20 mins in bed, to eat in peace, or an undisturbed trip to the toilet.

• We eat on the sofa, a lot - watching TV, playing PS5 games. “You should eat around the table every night” - who says? You make the rules in your own life.

• My laundry rarely gets put away. It gets washed, dried, taken upstairs in a basket (sometimes) and then it sits on the floor in the bedroom until the basket is empty again. It’s not perfect, but at least we all have clothes to wear.

If you know me already (from Insta or TikTok) you’ll know I talk about debt, mess and parenthood a lot.

I set up on TikTok first back in June 2024 when my partner, Dave, and I counted up £40,000 of credit card and overdraft debt between us. Despite having no clue where to even start, we began trying to clear it together - after burying our heads in the sand for more than a decade.

And I documented our debt-free journey online - at first thinking it would just be a little diary my mum and maybe my best friends would follow along supportively.

But (to my shock) it blew up, and I hit 10,000 followers in one month - all looking for reassurance about their own debt, all looking for someone speaking openly about finances - the good, the bad and the scary.

Now, just two years on, I have more than 272,000 followers across both IG and TikTok, with a handful extra on Facebook and YouTube.

It’s not just my debt I talk about anymore - one of my recent posts talks about a holiday my family went on in May last year. I shared some of my most picturesque snaps but instead of sharing fluffy, envy-inducing captions like ‘this is the life - margarita by the pool in 34 degree weather’ I shared the truth…

Because holidays are HARD. Especially holidays with young children, or holidays we save up months for and pin all our hopes on, holidays where people get sick or hurt, holidays where perhaps relationships are feeling strained…

Social media can be wonderful, an escape, but it isn’t always real.

And I hope I can help you, through this Substack, realise that you are an entirely normal (and wonderful) human being, with flaws, feelings, hopes, dreams and maybe some unrealistic expectations (sometimes).

No-one is perfect. And no-one gets to judge you.

And if you’re reading this, sat down with a cuppa, ignoring the dirty dishes, worrying you spent too much money in Tesco the other day, then please don’t worry - because there are so many of us doing exactly the same thing (like me, it’s me).

…

Thank you for reading my first piece - it’s so nice to get back into writing again (I used to be journalist and editor at various local newspapers before becoming a self-employed content creator!) and I hope you’ll stick around for more like this.

I plan to publish at least every week (maybe more!) writing about things we’re all thinking or secretly doing but don’t really talk about…

And hey, if you feel even the tiniest ashamed about something - drop me a message and I’ll write about it so we can see if others feel just like you.

I can almost promise you won’t quite feel so ashamed, or alone, after.

You can email me at thatgirlindebt@gmail.com or find me on Instagram @that_girl_in_debt

See you next week! x

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