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Leadership, courage, communication... These are muscles. Like all muscles, they get…
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Kaila Colbin shared thisThere's only one reason to give feedback: everything else is a waste of time. “I feel frustrated by their performance and I have to let them know.” “They need to understand how annoying their behaviour is.” “It pisses me off that they act this way.” Raise your hand if you’ve been there 🙋 It’s normal to give feedback about the things that irritate you. The irritation is the itch; the feedback scratches it. But just because something’s 𝘯𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘭 doesn’t mean it’s 𝘦𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘦. And giving feedback to vent emotion is one of the least effective things you can do. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗻𝗹𝘆 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝗴𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗿𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲. (Sit with that for a minute.) If you feel frustrated by their performance — you want behaviour change. If you feel annoyed by their behaviour — you want behaviour change. If it pisses you off that they act this way — you want behaviour change. Here’s the problem: venting emotion at someone is a 𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘦 way to change behaviour. That doesn’t mean your frustration isn’t important or useful. Emotion is the 𝘧𝘭𝘢𝘨 that something needs to change, the indicator. The fire alarm. When the fire alarm goes off, you don’t get mad at it. You do something about the fire. So, someone behaves a certain way. You feel frustrated, annoyed, pissed off. Those are the fire alarms. What are you going to do about them? The first question — to yourself — is, “What does good look like? What do I want to see change?” And then the first job — with them — is to 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺’𝘳𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮. Everybody’s behaviour makes sense to them, so get curious: What might be driving the behaviour you don’t want? “I’ve noticed you’ve been late for the past three team meetings. Is anything getting in the way of you being on time?” If you’re making up stories about why they might be behaving the way they are, only share them if they’re generous. “I’m assuming you don’t care about the job,” isn’t helpful. “I’m assuming the traffic around the school run makes it hard to get here for 8:30,” is helpful. Once you understand where they’re coming from — and, 𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺, once they KNOW you understand — the door is open for you to communicate what you need and what you’re willing to do, without judgment and with clear boundaries and expectations. “Yeah, I assumed the traffic was the issue. I’m happy to adjust the meeting to 9am, does that work for you? Please note these meetings are a requirement, so if anything else would prevent you from being on time, I need you to let me know.” Recognise the alarm. Know the desired outcome. Get curious. Communicate clearly. No frustration. No annoyance. No pissed-off-ness. Just sweet, sweet behaviour change: the 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 reason to give feedback.
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Kaila Colbin reacted on thisKaila Colbin reacted on thisFor two years, the same question repeated in Sam Dakin, OLY's head 1,000 times a day. He had no idea what was happening to him. Turns out it was OCD. Not the hand-washing version most people picture — the intrusive-thought kind that loops all day and won't let go. He found information about it on a Reddit thread and the relief was extraordinary. A double Olympian and Commonwealth Games medalist, Sam retired after Glasgow while he still loved the bike. In this conversation we talk the nerves, the medals, and why he fought for change in his sport, even when it wasn’t his responsibility to do so. Get the full episode at https://lnkd.in/ekcVM9HF
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Kaila Colbin shared thisDay after tomorrow! Don’t miss it!Kaila Colbin shared this🔮 Signals from the Future | Free Virtual Impact Session What signals are shaping our future, and can you spot them before they become trends? Join futurist Melissa Clark-Reynolds ONZM, ChFInstD as she shares 10 emerging products, technologies and business models currently on her radar. 📅 Wednesday, 30 September | 9:30am NZT 💻 Free virtual session via Zoom 👉 Learn more about Melissa. Link in comments. Kaila Colbin Boma #speaker #marketing #leadership #motivationalspeaker #events #education #publicspeaker #odemanagement #keynotespeaker #sales #publicspeaking #business #mindset #motivation #futurist #professionalspeaker #entrepreneur #speakerlife #conference #professionaldevelopment #inspiration #keynotespeakers #futuristic #keynote #AI #digitalstrategist #webinar #boma
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Kaila Colbin reposted thisKaila Colbin reposted thisI’ve been reflecting this week on my journey as a senior leader. It’s been a wonderful experience, with its share of challenges. Often, the difficult moments have taught me the most about the kind of leader I want to be. Courageous leadership isn’t about having all the answers. Sometimes it’s having the difficult conversation. Sometimes it’s saying, “I got that wrong.” And sometimes it’s noticing your team is running on empty and asking what they need. I was fortunate enough to complete Dare to Lead with the wonderful Kaila Colbin two years ago. It reinforced something I believe deeply: kindness and courage belong together. You can hold people accountable and still be compassionate. You can make hard decisions and still be approachable. Team morale is shaped in the small, everyday moments: whether people feel heard, whether they feel safe to speak up, and how they’re treated when things get tough. That’s the kind of leader I want to keep working to be. ☀️
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Kaila Colbin shared thisMy ex and I used to host a Thanksgiving party at a friend’s house in the country. The first time we did it, our friend offered to “knock a sheep on the head” so we could spit-roast it. This idea was WILD to me. I grew up in New York. When I moved to NZ I couldn’t tell the difference between a sheep and a goat. It had never occurred to me that you might KNOW an animal before you ate it. So I decided to watch it happen. A friend, horrified, had asked why I would want to. I said it’s easy to be horrified — but if I’m not willing to see it I probably shouldn’t eat it. It doesn’t mean I’ll like it. It means I won’t be naïve about the world I live in. The man who did the deed was straight out of the movies. He stood there in Stubbies and steel-toed boots, sharpening his knife on a leather strop. I said, “I bet you’ve had that knife a long time.” He drawled, “This was my old man’s knife.” Perfect, 10/10, no notes. The sheep were in an L-shaped pen that wrapped around a shed. They drove the unlucky one towards Knife Guy and herded the others around the corner so they wouldn’t get traumatised by what was about to unfold. He grabbed the sheep’s head, pulled it back, drove his knee into the top of its spine, and slit its throat. The sheep lay there, twitching. For AGES. There was no way this kill could have been any cleaner but the body holds on for a while. It’s not what I like to think about at dinner — but it’s important to me that I’m not naïve about how that lamb chop got to my plate. Which brings me to this week's guest on the Hunger & Heart Podcast, Jon Frith. Jon was in the British military for 32 years and now runs the Yukon 1000, the world’s longest paddle race. He tells me a story about being in the Army, on a stakeout of a high-value target, watching a farm, when a farm dog approaches his team’s position. It’s friendly. So friendly, it won’t leave. So they’re stressing. If the dog makes noise, it gives away their position. If someone comes looking for the dog and finds them, it’s life or death. But the dog has no intention of heading back. And the clock is ticking. They decide they have to kill it. As he’s telling this story, my mind is racing. Is he actually going to kill the dog? What are listeners going to think? But he’s in the military — surely he’s done worse? I decide if he ends up killing the dog, my job is to stay curious. I’ve got my follow-up ready: “I imagine some listeners are horrified right now. For those of us who have never been in that kind of a situation, can you help me understand what it’s like?” I don’t know what Jon’s mission was or whether I would have agreed with it. But it’s easy to be horrified. Easy to sit in the comfort of my home office and never think about having to make a decision like that. Easy for me to say war is bad, without ever having to grapple with the reality of it. So I’m sticking with my mantra: when in doubt, be curious. It’s better than being naïve.
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Kaila Colbin reposted thisKaila Colbin reposted thisAlmost none of the stress you feel is from physical predators, but your body responds with fight or flight anyway - in the coffee queue, in traffic, in the conversation you've been dreading. Stress hits in two places, so you need two defences. The first one is the muscle you breathe with - and who better to speak to it than a man who can dive to depths further than we can even imagine. I've left a link to my full conversation with legendary diver William Trubridge in the comments below.
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Kaila Colbin reposted thisKaila Colbin reposted thisHe'd just done one of the easiest and most beautiful dives of his career: 126 metres. So he thought, what’s one more? But on his way up from 127 metres, William Trubridge stopped ascending — and instead started sinking back down to the bottom of the Blue Hole. He spent close to seven minutes underwater before they got him to the surface, unconscious. Nobody has ever worked out why. I've left a link to the full episode in the comments below.
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Kaila Colbin reposted thisKaila Colbin reposted thisWe asked three Crusaders legends about emotional intelligence. Not one of them called it a "soft skill.” Sam Whitelock calls it human-to-human communication. Kieran Read calls it reading the room before you speak to it. Gilbert Enoka calls it being an emotional detective. Three different words for the same thing: knowing how to connect with the people in front of you. Swipe for what each of them said 👉
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Kaila Colbin shared this“𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘥𝘰, 𝘰�� 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯, 𝘣𝘦𝘨𝘪𝘯 𝘪𝘵. 𝘉𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘶𝘴, 𝘱𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘤 𝘪𝘯 𝘪𝘵.” - 𝘞. 𝘏. 𝘔𝘶𝘳𝘳𝘢𝘺 My 13-year-old was in tears. He had to write a speech for school. 3 minutes. Persuasive. He chose “Why war is bad.” And he was stuck. His first draft — his first 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘩 — took up a whole page. Sentences were crossed out, re-written, crossed out again. It was a mess. So we sat down and talked through what he was trying to say and the three sections of the talk (why people go to war, why war is bad, and what we can do instead). And then I had him start writing — with one non-negotiable: 𝗛𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗲𝗱𝗶𝘁 𝗮𝘀 𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗲𝗻𝘁. “We’re not worrying about quality right now,” I told him. “We’re focused on getting something on paper. We just want to make progress.” And then I’d forget myself and say something like, “I think it might be better if you say…” and he’d go, “We’re not worrying about quality right now. We just want to make progress.” And he’d laugh. And his tears dried up. I told the story to a colleague of mine, just to tell a cute story about my stepson, and it had an unexpected impact. She’s been choreographing a routine for an aerial competition, and was stuck on the first 30 seconds. 𝘑𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨, I told her. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘨𝘰 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳. It’s applicable in so many contexts. I used to use the same technique back when I was a student taking exams. On my first pass, I would answer all the questions I knew cold, the ones that didn’t take any hemming or hawing. Then I would go back and spend time on the ones I found trickier. You don’t need a degree in psychology to know why this technique is effective. Imagine poor Mr 13, looking at his first, miserable attempt at a paragraph, with all its cross-outs and re-cross-outs, visible reminders of his belief that he’s useless at this and doesn’t know what he’s doing. Or looking beyond that inauspicious beginning to the blank pages ahead and a looming deadline. 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯’𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘢 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘩 — 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘮 𝘐 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨? And now imagine young me after my first pass through an exam, knowing I’ve banked however many answers I feel confident in, giving myself the freedom to take as much time as I want on the harder ones without worrying about finishing in time. Whenever we’re starting anything new, the worst thing we can do is try to make it perfect from the outset. Get all the clay on the table. You don’t have to use it all. But you’ll be able to see all the ingredients and know there’s enough for a finished product. First drafts are first drafts for a reason. Don’t worry about quality. Just get something on paper. Just make progress. There’s genius, power and magic in it. (Yep, that's him in the pic)
Kaila Colbin replied to a comment
4h
Darcia Bennet-Durham too kind! 🙏
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Kaila Colbin reacted on thisKaila Colbin reacted on thisIT’S LIVE! Proceed With is officially out in the world. The website is complete. Bookings are open. And I can finally show you what I’ve been quietly growing behind the scenes. Well… one of the things I’ve been growing. For the past nine months, there’s been a bit of a race between two very special launches: Proceed With and baby number two. And let’s just say… one of them decided not to stick to the launch schedule. More on that VERY soon. But given the plot twist of the last two weeks, I thought I’d better get this video out into the world before it became completely redundant. Proceed With has been a long time in the making. I’ve absolutely loved being known as the “Bead Girl” over the past seven years and don’t worry, she isn’t going anywhere. But my mahi has grown well beyond the beads: speaking, workshops, consulting, coaching, strategy, sustainability, leadership and creativity. Proceed With is the home for all of it. It feels pretty surreal to finally send this social enterprise out into the world, especially after everything that’s happened over the past two weeks. So please, go have a nosey! And dare I say it… the C word is just around the corner. If you’re thinking about end-of-year team days or something a little more meaningful for your Christmas get-together, now is a wonderful time to explore the workshop offerings and get in touch. And if you know a person, team or organisation who might connect with this mahi, I’d be incredibly grateful if you shared it with them. Welcome to Proceed With: www.proceedwithbridget.com #launchday
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Kaila Colbin reacted on thisKaila Colbin reacted on thisCouldn't sum up being a dad better than this. Although my dad didn't drink Guinness, very much a Fosters man. Another top guest on Joe Marler will see you now...
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Kaila Colbin reacted on thisOne life!!!Kaila Colbin reacted on thisA great way to spend part of today at Allstate’s Culture & Experience Conference, joining my colleague Ricky Taranda for a fun and impactful fireside chat with Olympic legend Apolo Ohno about winning teams and a winning mindset. So many great takeaways, but two really stuck with me: 🏅 Success is rarely an individual accomplishment. The best results happen when a team is working fully in sync toward a shared goal. 🏅 High expectations require high support. If we’re going to ask people to perform at their best, we also need to make sure they have the support system to get there. As both a former athlete and a leader, both of those lessons really resonated with me. Grateful for the conversation and the reminder that winning is always a team effort.
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Kaila Colbin reacted on thisKaila Colbin reacted on thisSurround yourself with people who inspire you 🧨 I’ve had a “proper” coffee machine for 6+ years at home. The one that grinds the beans. Froths the milk. Makes all the krrrrrr and hsssss noises. Year of making coffee: 6 ☕️ Latte art skills: -10,000 ❌ A few months ago I started working out of Powerhouse Coworking - NZ Fancy coffee machine: tick Incredible people: tick tick tick Group chat for comparing (inspiring) latte art: tick I'm not in the group chat for latte art yet... And today. Total fluke. Not sure if it's a leaf or flower but I'll take it 🤭 Proper baristas/coffee artists can have a giggle. Please feel free to drop your masterpiece down below. 👇 I would still be on level -10,000 for latte art without this kind of healthy competition. What a privilege. Great analogy for life. There are so many things we often miss out on without other people to motivate us.
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Kaila Colbin reacted on thisKaila Colbin reacted on thisI’m so grateful to this amazing group of friends and collaborators who have written words of support for my new book. LIVE LIKE A CITIZEN comes out October 13 — if you like these blurbs, please pre-order it and help spread the word! “Are you upset about the state of the nation? Eric Liu, America’s most creative civic entrepreneur, offers a step-by-step guide to being part of the solution — while turning your life into a work of art. You will be changed!” —David Brooks, author of How to Know a Person and staff writer, The Atlantic “No one today expresses love of country more beautifully than Eric Liu. His faith in America, and Americans, moves and inspires. He offers a set of concrete civic practices to help us hear our better angels again and follow their lead. His stories are like the balm in Gilead that makes the wounded whole.” —Danielle Allen, author of Our Declaration and Harvard professor “Eric Liu is one of the great practitioners and teachers of the art of joining. His work is inspired, and reading his lucid, insightful book will make you smarter — and your community stronger.” —Robert Putnam, author of Bowling Alone “Eric Liu shows us how to make sense of our times—and each other. This book is an essential road map for anyone who seeks to awaken civic imagination and embolden community. It’s a potent remedy for apathy and perceived disempowerment.” —Anna Deavere Smith, playwright and actor “In our complex world, where we sometimes feel there’s nothing we can do individually that can make a difference, Eric Liu has written a wisdom-filled how-to book for reconnecting with each other. Drawing on decades of experience of interacting with communities all over our country, Eric reignites our belief that living like a citizen first requires confidence in ourselves and a commitment to act, and then the culture follows.” —Yo-Yo Ma
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Brad Twynham (GAICD)
In less than 60 minutes, I shift the energy of the room from anxiety to agency. Event planners and organisers you all want that moment of release, that aha moment you feel in the audience when the light bulb moment happens. Brett from Westpac who saw this last year said to me after the keynote: "...your keynote has helped me today to write my personal vision for life..." There is no question AI is taking the heavy lifting. It doesn't matter what industry you are in from Finance to Education to Trades we know that AI will replace many of the tasks we do today. So if AI is doing the heavy lifting, what's left for us to do? The answer lies in reconnecting with our human AI. Our Ancestral Intelligence. Human skills that have been encoded into our DNA for tens of thousands of years regardless of where we are from. My keynote "Beyond the Algorithm" exposes the AI traps and how we need to double down on being human in the Age of AI. We explore: Automation Bias - our willingness to trust machines more than we do humans. The black box phenomena - the inherent biases built into all AI systems. Over use - what happens when we overuse the machine. We then do a complete 180 degree turn and double down on our human capabilities that have us shift from having to know the "what" to being the "wisest guides" for our machine collaborators. You know audiences have had a shift towards agency when they repeatedly provide feedback that, it's refreshing, it's healing and it's AI not as we know it. If you want the most unique keynote your audience has ever seen (my audience's words not mine), that blends modern business lessons with ancient stories and songs sung in traditional language then hit "like" or send a connection request or follow me and I will reach out to you. #keynotespeaker #conferencespeaker #aispeaker #leadershipspeaker #bradtwynham #aigovernance
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Kirsten McKenzie
Last night I presented a webinar for the New Zealand Society of Authors on author marketing - Seen Not Salesy, and one insight resonated: You don't need to go viral. You need a core group of people (fans) who actually care. This might be the most important thing I've learned in ten years of publishing. 1,000 engaged superfans > 150,000 random followers. During the session, I shared some data from Books A Million CEO Terry Finley. Their #1 selling book now moves about 800 copies/week across 200+ stores. A decade ago? A new Dan Brown would sell 5,000/week in store without breaking a sweat. What changed? The pie hasn't shrunk. It has just been sliced into thousands of pieces instead of dozens. For genre writers like me, this is the best possible news. → Mid-level success is totally viable → You don't need bestseller lists to make a living → Backlist has longer discovery windows (BookTok can revive a 5-year-old title overnight) → Community beats expensive ad campaigns → Owning your niche beats broad appeal I write time travel fiction and paranormal thrillers. Very specific niches, and I've been earning a full-time income from my books since around 2020. Not because I'm a household name (most people have never heard of me), but because I know exactly who my readers are and where they spend time. For my fellow NZ authors, this market shift is especially crucial. We can't build sustainable careers on our domestic market alone (5.2M people). But digital distribution gives us the entire English-speaking world readers. And with AI-assisted translation coming online (making translations more accessible and affordable), we're not even limited to English anymore. Markets that were once financially out of reach for midlist authors are now viable options. The publishing world now rewards consistency, authenticity, and truly knowing your audience. Show up, book after book. Build genuine relationships with readers. Trust that momentum compounds, even when it doesn't feel flashy. The market has changed shape. And there's room for all of us. #Marketing #NewZealand #Writing #Publishing #Books #TimeTravel Screenshot taken by webinar attendee Vanessa De Carvalho
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