This week I’m sharing ideas for supporting kids with separation anxiety.

Separation anxiety is heart-wrenching for both parents and kids. I experienced an intense bout of it myself as a 4th grader, which is why I am so passionate about supporting families going through this. Below I share my favorite ways to support kids with mild separation “scaries” and full-blown separation anxiety.

What is Separation Anxiety Disorder?

In young children below the age of three, separation struggles are often temporary and are actually developmentally typical. If your child is 4 years old or older and is struggling multiple times a week with separations for at least 4 weeks in a row, it might be time to seek out support for potential Separation Anxiety Disorder. Talk to your child’s teacher, school counselor, or pediatrician about your concerns, and if you still need more support, I recommend seeking out play therapy. I’m always happy to help connect families to the right play therapist, so feel free to email me!

Symptoms of Separation Anxiety:

• Distress at separations, such as crying when at school drop off or when parents leave

• Not wanting to be alone in a room or in the house

• Worrying about where parents are and when they will come back

• School refusal or complaining about going to school

• Somatic symptoms, like frequent stomach aches or headaches

I use the strategies below with my play therapy clients if they have separation “scaries” or separation anxiety. Hope these help!

Read The Invisible String

Welcome to one of the most beloved books in the play therapy community. The Invisible String by Patrice Karst tells the story of two kids scared by a thunderstorm at night who jump out of bed and run to their mom. To comfort and calm them, their mom tells them about the invisible string of love that always connects them even when they are apart. Read this book together (see if your local library has a copy) or watch a youtube read along.

Invisible String Activities

Make a bracelet

After reading and talking about the book, you can make this concept more tangible by making bracelets together to remind your child of the invisible string that connects you. As you put the bracelet on your child’s wrist, remind them that anytime they look at the bracelet they can remember you love them and will see them again soon.

If your child worries about losing the bracelet or the bracelet does get lost, tell them that you can always make another bracelet because the invisible string never goes away!

What color is your string?

Another one of my favorite ways to make the concept of the Invisible String more tangible is to ask “What color is our invisible string today?” It can be fun for kids to choose a new color each day. Maybe it’s sparkly purple one day and neon green the next! By asking this question, you’re reminding your child of your constant connection and love, while also providing them with something else to think about besides the worry of being apart. A positive distraction from the anxiety, if you will!

Love Mark - perfect for younger kids

This activity was a lifesaver when my 2-year-old was starting at a new childcare center and struggled with separating from us. The idea is really simple, but it’s very comforting to both parents and children.

Tell your child you are going to give them a love mark so they can think of you when you’re apart and remember that you will always come back for them. With a washable marker or pen, draw a heart, star, or smiley face on your child’s arm or back of their hand (somewhere visible to your child). It can be fun to collaborate by asking your child what color and shape of love mark they want. Older kids can even draw a love mark on you too!

This strategy not only helps children feel connected to their parent while they are apart, but it is comforting to parents to have a tangible way to help their child. When a kid is struggling with separations, we as parents can feel so helpless. It feels comforting to be able to give our children a concrete reminder that we love them and think about them throughout the day.

Special Handshake- great for older kids

I recommend this activity to families even if their child isn’t struggling with separations because it is such a great way for parents and children to connect and bond! And if your child is struggling with separations, try doing a special handshake at each goodbye.

Invite your child to help you come up with a special handshake just for the two of you! Keep the handshake simple with just 3 or 4 elements. Practice it several times together to solidify it in your memory. Then choose a time when you’ll always do it together. Maybe it’s in the car at drop-off or right before they get on the bus. You can also do it when you and your child are reunited at the end of the day.

Create a Goodbye Ritual

Create a ritual for saying goodbye and reuniting with your child before and after school. It could be a cheer, special handshake, song, or a love mark. This little ritual should not be more than 5 or 10 minutes long. Your hello ritual, or reuniting ritual, can be the same as the goodbye, but could also include a snack or a fidget to play with on the walk or ride home.

Ideally, you’d practice this ritual before the school year starts. If your child’s first day has already come and gone, just introduce your child to the ritual in the evening or on the weekend.

So, if you’re able to practice before the first day of school, it might look like this:

Do the ritual in the car or at the bus stop so it feels similar to how a school-drop off would feel. If you walk your child to school, you can do some version of your school drop-off walk. At the practice drop-off spot, do your goodbye ritual, let your child walk a few steps away (or you walk a few steps backwards) and then quickly come back together and do your reunion ritual!

You can practice this as many times as your child wants (or as many times as you think would be helpful). If it feels appropriate, you can walk away for 2 or 3 minutes after the goodbye ritual so your child has more of a feeling of separating. This gives your kid a chance to build some tolerance for the uncomfortable feeling of separating and even feel some self-confidence that they can handle it! Always do your hello ritual when coming back together.

A Gentle Reminder:

Working through separation anxiety usually doesn’t change over night, but having more tools can be so supportive. As children get more comfortable with their teachers, classmates, and school routines their anxiety often eases up, especially if you’re regularly using these playful strategies to ease the transition. If your child’s separation anxiety persists, however, there is no shame in seeking extra help. Separation anxiety can take hold of children for all sorts of reasons and play therapists can usually help heal the root cause. 🩵

I’d love to hear in the comments which strategies you plan to try and if you’ve tried other things that have helped!

About the Author:

Hi there! I’m Rachel, the Play Therapist and Mom behind Play Is Magic. I help parents understand their kid’s big feelings and sensitive temperaments, so your family can experience more joy and less meltdowns. I write about using play to connect and regulate. When I’m not working as a therapist you can find me at home with my own family, trying to figure out what’s for dinner and which park we should hit up next. Some of my favorite things are iced matcha, running, hiking, basking in the sunshine, and dipping into any cold natural body of water. 🏔️🌞💧

Want more from Rachel?

Find my Play Therapy practice in St. Louis, Missouri here. Download my emotion regulation guides here. Book 1:1 Virtual Parent Coaching with me here.

Join me for play-based strategies that help our children regulate big feelings and build emotionally intelligence. I’m a play therapist and mom, in the thick of motherhood right along side you 💕

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Hello!! I’m Rachel, a mom of 2 young kids, a Play Therapist, and a sensitive soul.

I love to run, bike, hike, swim, read, sunbathe, have a spa day, get a massage, and play with my spouse & kids. I’m a pretty down-to-earth, but also a little bougie. 😏 And I’m in the thick of parenthood, right alongside you. I have a 4.5 year old and a 1 year old at home, and I am a Play Therapist working with kids ages 3-13 (and their families).

Why am I starting a Substack?

In college (back in 2010), I had my very own blog about crafting, scrapbooking, and life as an earthy college kid. Upon graduating and marrying my college boyfriend, Josh, we moved to Norway, where Josh was studying under a Fulbright scholarship. Blogging was my main creative outlet and grounded me in an unfamiliar world.

Fast word 16 years and I’m a Registered Play Therapist raising two beautiful children with Josh in St. Louis, Missouri.

My youngest just turned one. I am finally out of the early postpartum fog and have the energy for creative endeavors. Do I have the time for creative endeavors? Barely!

In the margins, I’ll be writing about parenting strategies, raising emotionally intelligent kids, and reflecting on my motherhood experience. One of my friends (who is also a mom to young kids) was recently telling me “I’m so glad we’re friends, because you’re you, but also because you have such good parenting advice.”

If you don’t have a child therapist bestie to ask all your parenting questions, pull up a comfy seat and grab your beverage of choice (mine’s an iced strawberry matcha). Let’s be friends!

You might be following me over from instagram into the Substack world. If so, I’m grateful you’re here! Instagram can be fun, but I am loving Substack even more!

The long-form writing on Substack brings me back to my blogging days. I’m excited to dive deeper into emotion regulation and parenting.

Posts and topics to look forward to here on Play Is Magic:

• Parent Like a Play Therapist — sharing the play therapy-based strategies that have infused my parenting as I raise my kids to have emotional intelligence and resiliency.

• What’s Working for our Family — sharing what my spouse and I are doing to help diffuse sibling rivalry, keep our family tight-knit, and help us not loose our minds parenting in the year 2026.

• Playful Cooperation — sharing my favorite ways to help young children transition away from preferred tasks (playing, reading books, watching tv) and doing the things that have to get done (brushing teeth, putting shoes on, cleaning up). These strategies are fun, simple, and work like magic!

• Reflections on my own motherhood journey as a highly sensitive person.

Want more support from Rachel?

Find my Play Therapy practice in St. Louis, Missouri here. Download my emotion regulation guides here. Join the waitlist for virtual parent coaching (worldwide!) here.