Sue Arnold

Sue Arnold: It's a bleak house that has no eccentrics

Published: 29 October 2005

What happened to those delightful oddballs whose idiosyncrasies supplied us with funny anecdotes?

Sue Arnold: They don't make them like Horatio any more

Published: 22 October 2005

Nelson had courage. Now people say you're so brave when you take a toaster back to Curry's

Sue Arnold: So what's cooking in New York? Nothing

Published: 15 October 2005

An architect told me that none of the designs for new apartments he was working on included kitchens

Sue Arnold: Thinking of buying abroad? Mother knows best

Published: 08 October 2005

Gabriella bought a monastery in Tuscany and is now in the middle of a lawsuit with her builders

Sue Arnold: Where are the men who want to get married?

Published: 01 October 2005

The future isn't looking too cheery for women according to a report on Population Trends published by the Office of National Statistics. At the rate things are going, by 2030 one in three women will neither be married nor have a male partner when they reach that ominous biological cut-off age of 45. For most of them, relationships with men will be strictly short term, which sounds depressingly like one-night stands to me.

Sue Arnold: Warning... It's dangerous to talk to computers

Published: 24 September 2005

He told her that it had taken him a month to find her 'Playboy' centrefold, she sobbed

Sue Arnold: Where to power-nap for a dollar a minute

Published: 17 September 2005

Every successful man, from Napoleon to MrsThatcher, has indulged in the practice

Sue Arnold: One mother is an asset - two would be a liability

Published: 10 September 2005

The idea of having another ageing mother in a granny annexe moaning about the children is daunting

Sue Arnold: My bout of Post-Vacation Stress Disorder

Published: 03 September 2005

'£466.40 for a parking ticket? Where were you parked, on the Woolsack in the House of Lords?'

Sue Arnold: If only homeopaths were less like Prince Charles

Published: 27 August 2005

They lecture you like vegetarians and make you feel guilty when you give your child a junior Aspirin

Sue Arnold: Want to insult a Scot? Buy beef from Brazil

Published: 20 August 2005

I've never eaten Brazilian beef, though I believe it's similar to Argentinian, which I have tried

Sue Arnold: Happy birthday to the greatest Dane of all

Published: 13 August 2005

There is more magic in Hans Christian Andersen than in the entire Harry Potter canon

Sue Arnold: Why you should never give a dog a clone

Published: 06 August 2005

I can think of nothing I would rather do less than scrape the inside of Hannibal's one remaining ear

Sue Arnold: They are funny things, septic tanks

Published: 30 July 2005

The real problem with our medieval drainage system, as every sewage anorak will tell you, is modern living

Sue Arnold: Outsmarted by greedy West Highland sheep

Published: 23 July 2005

It's my fault, of course, for wanting anything as silly and suburban as a garden

Sue Arnold: Burma, bastards - and my grandmother Ma Nu

Published: 16 July 2005

Why my grandfather didn't keep schtum about his second family, I'll never know

Sue Arnold: All trains stopped at Watford Junction

Published: 09 July 2005

As she passed, I tapped her on the arm. 'The trouble is, I live in London,' I said

Sue Arnold: The dry spell has put an end to my hot tub hi-jinks

Published: 02 July 2005

I've tried sitting in my tub listening to Monteverdi, but, inevitably, someone will call me from the house

Sue Arnold: My life as an Iranian gossip columnist

Published: 25 June 2005

There I was, quietly reading about the Iranian elections yesterday when suddenly - whoosh, this tidal wave of nostalgia sweeps over me. To paraphrase Noël Coward: "Strange how potent cheap slogans can be."