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John Walsh

John Walsh: Tales of the City

Published: 02 January 2007

'The day is near when random words will start appearing in my conversation, as though I'm reciting concrete poetry'

John Walsh: Tales of the City

Published: 26 December 2006

'Hollywood has become fixated on movies about authors, however unpromising the subject matter'

John Walsh: Tales of the City

Published: 19 December 2006

'I've been approached by the US film industry and asked to write for them. Hurrah! Fame, riches and women await'

John Walsh: Blog. Is there an uglier word in the entire history of our language?

Published: 17 December 2006

Comfort zones, default positions, identity theft. I ask you!

John Walsh: Tales of the City

Published: 12 December 2006

'I have an unshakeable image of the bishop in full regalia, weaving from Hyde Park to Southwark'

John Walsh: Tales of the City

Published: 05 December 2006

'The biggest threat to life in Egypt isn't bombs, pirates or bird flu - it's Cairo's drivers. Absolutely crazy'

John Walsh: Tales of the City

Published: 28 November 2006

Stick a toe into the huge, still pond of history, and you'll be amazed how fast it churns up into a tsunami.

John Walsh: Tales of the City

Published: 21 November 2006

'Now pay attention, 007. This may look like a plate of sushi, but when Stelth is involved...'

John Walsh: He may look like a sad Samurai, but we're falling for David Gest

Published: 19 November 2006

To a pair of baby alligators he said, "Weren't you at my wedding?" - Recollections of marriage to Liza were sweet or hilariously rude

John Walsh: Tales Of The City

Published: 14 November 2006

'During the encore, my plastic tooth flew out across Wembley Arena. Oh, the wages of vanity '

John Walsh: Tales of the City

Published: 07 November 2006

'Like David Attenborough clucking over a stricken yak, one wonders what will come of tragic Battersea Power Station'

John Walsh: Tales of the City

Published: 31 October 2006

'The whiff of Sixties hippiedom and Nelson Mandela saintliness are, I'm sure, unconscious'

John Walsh: btw

Published: 28 October 2006

Should we keep a wary eye on Chris de Burgh, the Irish crooner responsible for "Lady in Red"? Two weeks ago, he revealed on BBC1 that he has the power to heal people. "I met someone in the West Indies who wasn't able to walk. I put my hands on him and he was able to get up," he told Gloria Hunniford, adding that he was hoping to "play down" his gift (perhaps not appearing on TV might help). Next we learnt that he cured a writer's paralysed left arm by placing his hands on it. Now he's informed the Birmingham Post that his next big market will be Iran, where (he was informed by fans) "the two biggest stars are Madonna and Chris de Burgh". He says he feels the same missionary zeal about playing there as he did in South Africa in the 1970s. Uh-oh. So far, he's made the lame walk, he's cured the sick and given disenfranchised blacks the vote, and now he'll bring peace to the Middle East. How soon will he change his name to Messiah and adopt an African baby?

John Walsh: Tales of the City

Published: 24 October 2006

'Is the Kremlin, that off-puttingly bleak and spiky fortress, really anyone's idea of something wonderful?'

John Walsh: Tales of the City

Published: 17 October 2006

'I used to play it but couldn't keep my features in the grim rictus of sorrowing empathy that the song required'

John Walsh: Tales of the City

Published: 10 October 2006

'Spring-Heeled Jack Straw is at it again, leaping up in demonic fashion to terrorise decent voters'

John Walsh: Tales of the City

Published: 03 October 2006

'The girls were in raptures when the bride-to-be went on stage, lay on a bed and was swiftly decapitated'

John Walsh: Tales of the City

Published: 26 September 2006

'In future, male journalists must display a minimum BMI of 29.9 and a lung/smoke factor of 49 per cent'

John Walsh: Tales of the City

Published: 19 September 2006

'Historically, cannibalism is far more a Western phenomenon than an abomination of jungle savages'

John Walsh: Tales of the City

Published: 12 September 2006

'Despite his girth, the king enjoyed exercising on a custom-built bike on the tarmac at Tonga airport'

John Walsh: Tales of the City

Published: 05 September 2006

'What a miracle: we survived the Attack of the Party Teens. But my wheelie-bin didn't...'

John Walsh: Tales of the City

Published: 29 August 2006

'You need your very own personal bailiff; tough, no nonsense, short on social chitchat. That'll sort it'

John Walsh: Tales Of The City

Published: 22 August 2006

'How are parents who were fobbed off with lies to explain what was done in the name of the German people?'

John Walsh: Tales of the City

Published: 15 August 2006

'Like a Frankenstein's monster made up of different rock-star affectations, Russell Brand is utterly fake'

John Walsh: Tales of the City

Published: 08 August 2006

'In less than half an hour, I found that I had collected enough parking fines to paper the downstairs lavabo'
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