The Sketch: I take full responsibility... but it's all the Tories' fault

Simon Carr

Published: 23 May 2007

When there's no one else to blame but themselves they do come up with some brilliant ways not to take the blame. Patricia Hewitt takes "full responsibility", she said yesterday. But for what, exactly? For sorting out a solution. She will defy the Tories and take full responsibility for finding and implementing an eminently sensible solution to junior doctors' training places.

Firstly, it's important to identify the people behind this debacle. Who is it? The junior doctors themselves. It's "because of concerns expressed by junior doctors," she explains. "If only they weren't such worry warts, expressing their concerns!" she might have added. "And if only I wasn't so sensitive, so caring, so committed to privacy, security and medical careers." Yes, and there are market forces as well. The competition for medical jobs is intense because there are twice as many doctors as places.

We have to skip lightly over the fact that the Government itself determines the number of doctors who are allowed into med school. But having skipped, we see the reason why these expensively trained doctors can't get jobs is: 1) Market forces; and 2) Competition. Or in other words: TORIES! Yes, it's Tories at the bottom of it!

Ditto HIPs. (Is this column getting too hermetic?) The same impulse was seen in Ruth Kelly's statement delaying the Home Information Packs. They were supposed to come in last July. They were delayed because of Tory scaremongering, as we remember. So, then they were supposed to come in next week. But Yvette Cooper's assurances there are more than enough inspectors to conduct the assessments has been exposed as piffle. And why is that?

TORIES! You can smell 'em, can't you? You can't see 'em but you know they're in there somewhere, ladies and gentlemen. They're in there, scaremongering.

And worse! You think they just want to destroy people's jobs. Fools! They want to destroy the entire environment!

Ruth Kelly gave the statement though it's been Yvette Cooper's baby up to now. Who knows what's going on there? It's quite hard to summon the curiosity, I find.

There are thousands of home inspectors coming through, Ms Kelly says. But even so, the plan is having more of its limbs torn off every day. You don't have to have a HIP report to sell your house; you only have to have one commissioned. And if you don't there's a fine of £200 - far less than the cost of the report. And only four-bedroom houses will have to have these reports. Cue opposition calls for a legal definition of a four-bedroom house. There will certainly be a vast increase in the number of three-bedroom houses with a study or a box room or a library or a music room. Tory scaremongering! They want everything to die!

People say we get the politics we deserve but I don't know what we've done to deserve this.

sketch@ simoncarr.sc