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Mark Steel

Mark Steel: The madder the theory, the more people believe it

Published: 17 October 2007

There's one question no one has raised at this inquest into Diana's crash. Is it really possible that an elaborate murder, involving flashing lights, redirected cameras and ghostly Fiat Unos, could be organised by a family made up of bumbling aristocratic idiots incapable of crossing the road without an equerry?

Mark Steel: However debased the image, Che's legend lives on

Published: 10 October 2007

The image of Che Guevara is perfect for the modern world, not just a revolutionary but a celebrity revolutionary. Posh Spice probably sees his picture everywhere and screams "Why can't my agent get me on that many magazines and baseball caps?" Even if she's read this week's commemorations of his death as a guerilla 40 years ago, she'll imagine he spent his days running through a Cuban swamp with Churchill Insurance on his combat fatigues.

Mark Steel: Can you not know that you are using forced labour?

Published: 03 October 2007

From now on, I think every protest should have monks at the front. They look fantastic, so much better than Bianca Jagger and someone from Greenpeace dawdling into Trafalgar Square clutching a crumpled banner the width of the road. And they're so dazzling, you almost wish that when they're being chased by the police they would flee in formation, to create a kaleidoscope of colour like the Red Arrows.

Mark Steel: Oh, we do like being British by the seaside

Published: 26 September 2007

Surely, if you've been desperately frothing to become prime minister every day for 14 years, once it finally happens and you get to make your big speech you must have something more to say than that. From the bit I heard it just went "it's an honour and a privilege to be in charge of the British people because of all the British people only the British people are British."

Mark Steel: Have you got that rocket launcher in blue?

Published: 19 September 2007

Aren't we supposed to be panicking about all these easily available weapons in our inner cities? Then the press and politicians should hurry to the East End of London, where there are thousands of the things. And the idiots who own them have even given the police clues about where they are, by calling their stash the "London Arms Fair".

What next from Osama? A range of health products?

Published: 11 September 2007

Maybe this video is just an extract, and later we’ll see the whole programme on ‘Ten Years Younger

Mark Steel: Is Martin McGuinness addicted to secret talks?

Published: 05 September 2007

One of the most romantic attempts to solve the chaos in Iraq is this session of secret talks that's been revealed, chaired by Martin McGuinness in Finland, and attended by Ulster Unionists, South African ANC members and Iraqi Sunnis and Shias.

Mark Steel: It's obvious whose fault it was that Diana died

Published: 29 August 2007

Camilla has worked this out brilliantly. Not only has she got one of the best-paid jobs in the world for just the odd day's work, but she's been told, "This Friday, you must have the day off, is that understood?"

Mark Steel: Oi! Referee! That footballer's Palestinian!

Published: 22 August 2007

What are we doing banning a touring team from Gaza because it is 'too poor'?

Mark Steel: Atheists and believers have got religion wrong

Published: 15 August 2007

There's a modern brand of militant atheist that can appear horribly smug and superior

Mark Steel: When tragedy is turned into showbusiness

Published: 08 August 2007

British sniffer dogs have a level of expertise that doesn't exist in Portugal, we are told on the news

Mark Steel: Why does Saudi Arabia need military aid?

Published: 01 August 2007

The Saudis are getting $13bn. How can they spend that? Have Prada moved into tanks?

Mark Steel: Well, if the Romans built on flood plains...

Published: 25 July 2007

We can't take their advice - they also built a city at the bottom of Mount Vesuvius

Mark Steel: Why should Galloway be the only fall guy?

Published: 18 July 2007

Perhaps the explanation is their procedures were taken from 'Alice in Wonderland'

Mark Steel: Global warming must be a lie. Just look who says so

Published: 11 July 2007

Those spiders should be ashamed of the effect they're having on the islands of Kiribati

Mark Steel: Most Druids are crazy, so why don't they attack us?

Published: 04 July 2007

If Stonehenge was bombed, you'd soon see one behaving strangely outside a nightclub

Mark Steel: Squeeze this new super-rich class of postmen

Published: 27 June 2007

They must accept that in a modern free market they can no longer expect privileges such as pensions

Mark Steel: How I discovered an American icon

Published: 20 June 2007

It was like booking a decorator, then when he comes round it turns out he's Leonardo da Vinci

Mark Steel: How can you have a school without its own zoo?

Published: 06 June 2007

These places are still classified as charities, with all the tax benefits that brings

Mark Steel: When Iran met the Great Satan...

Published: 30 May 2007

Within minutes they were probably flicking through a 'Which Execution' magazine together

Mark Steel: Why nothing beats a good cup of tea

Published: 23 May 2007

It's part of our complex history that we're surrounded by beauty that was funded by atrocity

Mark Steel: Don't mention the war (or anything else)

Published: 16 May 2007

Even the election for deputy leader is pointless, as all the candidates agree about everything

Mark Steel: Soon every football club will be a corporate brand

Published: 09 May 2007

Tottenham will be the subject of a bidding war between Osama bin Laden and Kim Jong-Il

Mark Steel: Blair's downfall: a tale of love and money

Published: 02 May 2007

Blair's support for Bush was a result of his adoration for the wealthy and powerful

Mark Steel: I'm sorry, but we have to rip you off...

Published: 25 April 2007

The richer the clients, the more likely they'll be rude, hurling food about and dropping trousers
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