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Robert Jeffress Endorses Cult-Member Nominee

Back in October, prominent Baptist pastor Robert Jeffress got himself some attention with his introduction of Rick Perry at the Value Voters Summit. There, he called Perry a "conservative out of deep conviction" while referring to Mitt Romney as "a conservative out of convenience." Later, he took it a big step further by calling Mormonism "a cult." But, now that Perry is a distant nightmare, Jeffress has made an unsurprising tune-change. The pastor told the AP that he's endorsing Romney "in spite of his Mormon faith," because basically even a flip-floppy cultist is better than Barack Obama.

The Veepstakes Sherm-O-Meter

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Mitt Romney may not have a vice-president shortlist yet, but through rumor, guesswork, and sometimes even actual evidence, the political media has already assembled one for him. It contains household names like Marco Rubio and Chris Christie, and less famous politicians such as Rob Portman and Kelly Ayotte. Over the course of the next few months, these potential running mates will be bombarded with questions about the prospect of joining Mitt Romney's ticket, and they will respond by performing a rhetorical balancing act for our amusement. Sound too enthusiastic, and you alienate your constituents (assuming you have them) and set yourself up for embarrassment when you're not picked. But sound too disinterested, and why should Romney pick you at all, you jerk? Or, you may honestly not want the gig, in which case an outright Shermanesque refusal would make your intentions perfectly clear.

It is this delicate dance of thinly veiled bullshit that we intend to chronicle until a running mate is finally chosen. By ranking the major veep candidates based on the eagerness of their most recent veepstakes-related remark — on a scale of William Tecumseh Sherman to "That's the Ticket," which is a reference to something Jon Lovitz used to say on SNL a long time ago — we hope to illuminate the majesty and awkwardness that is the veepstakes. Enjoy.

GSA Spending Scandal Gets More Embarrassing With Rap Lyrics

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WASHINGTON, DC - APRIL 16: Former Government Services Administration head Martha Johnson testifies before the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee on Capitol Hill April 16, 2012 in Washington, DC. Johnson recently resigned from the GSA after it was published that the agency spent about $823,000 on a 2010 Las Vegas convention for 300 employees, including thousands of dollars spent on items such as a commemorative coin set, a mind reader, a comedian and a clown. Seven other officials have resigned, been fired or suspended in the wake of the scandal. (Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images)

Congressional hearings continue today, in order to leave no humiliating detail unreported in the investigation of the government's high-rolling General Services Administration, which spent more than $820,000 on a four-day conference in Las Vegas. Despite GSA official/party-planner Jeff Neely's refusal to testify, we've already learned all about the clown, mind reader, and cheese plates at the lavish long weekend, not to mention the pre-conference planning trips and various other getaways he took on the taxpayers' many dimes.

In February, Neely's bosses already knew about suspected spending abuses, but he went on to Hawaii, Guam and Saipan for seventeen days anyway. "It's yo birfday ... We gonna pawty like iz yo birfday!" his wife wrote him beforehand via e-mail. 50 Cent is probably mortified.

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Prostitute-Sexing Secret Service Agents Even Cheaper Than Initially Realized

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A general view of the Hotel Caribe in Cartagena, Colombia on April 15, 2012. US secret service agents who have been accused of misconduct amid a sex scandal had reportedly stayed at the Hotel Caribe before being set back to the US. AFP PHOTO/Mandel NGAN (Photo credit should read MANDEL NGAN/AFP/Getty Images)

Previously, it had been reported that one agent's cheapness instigated the Secret Service prostitute scandal which has quickly become a historic embarrassment for the agency. He didn't want to pay her, she made a fuss, police were called, word got out, etc. But according to NBC News, it was actually the even greater cheapness of two agents that caused the dispute:

They wanted a 2-for-1 deal. »

Gem Dealer Desperate to Recover Stolen Diamonds

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As recently as Monday afternoon, Forrest Hills gem dealer Kurt Kaiser (possibly his real name) was in possession of a briefcase containing 290 carats, or $500,000 worth, of uninsured diamonds. Today, he has nothing but what is apparently an extreme desire to get those diamonds back — so much so that he was willing to bring his colorful explanation for the loss of the 45 stones to the Post, which ran it as an "exclusive" this morning. It seems Kaiser was spending Monday night at Central Park South's Whiskey Park — "despondently" knocking back vodka and sodas after a failed bid to unload his wares — when he was approached by a "sexy brunette." And then things got crazy.

"Whatever she drugged me with, it took effect very quickly." »

Anthony Weiner: ‘Why the F*ck Am I Not on MSNBC?!’

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70062, NEW YORK, NEW YORK - Friday November 25, 2011. Former congressman Anthony Weiner, who was involved in a sexting scandal, is seen with his pregnant wife Huma Abedin in New York City. Anthony, who ran for mayor and had to resign from the Congress due to his sexting scandal, is reportedly being featured in a tell-all book by a former mistress. FRANCE, AUSTRALIA, NEW ZEALAND AND EASTERN EUROPE OUT Photograph: (Newscom TagID: pacificphotos658574) [Photo via Newscom]

Robert Draper's forthcoming book Do Not Ask What Good We Do: Inside the U.S. House of Representatives explores the most mature, functional branch of our wonderful government beginning after the Republican takeover in 2010. Mike Allen's Politico Playbook today has a few tidbits from inside the tome, the funniest of which describes a very ambitious and spirited Anthony Weiner pre-Twitter bulge:

"Why the fuck am I not on MSNBC?!" »

The Ten Least Influential People on Time’s 100 Most Influential People List

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Every year, Time releases a list of the "100 most influential people in the world" — a list which inevitably contains a fair number of people who, while talented and noteworthy and all that, are probably not quite influential enough for such a list. We understand that a list of world leaders and bankers and philanthropists would not be the biggest newsstand draw, and that Time generally prefers to sell magazines. Nevertheless, if you're going to call it the "100 most influential people in the world" — and not, say, "100 people who had a really interesting year last year" — then you should maybe, you know, make it a list of extremely influential people. Not, for example, these people, who we've ranked in order of their lack of influence.

Rihanna? Tilda Swinton? Marco Rubio? »

George Zimmerman Will Get a New Judge

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SANFORD, FL - APRIL 12: George Zimmerman (C) appears for a bond hearing at the John E. Polk Correctional Facility April 12, 2012 in Sanford, Florida. Zimmerman was charged yesterday with second degree murder in the fatal shooting of 17-year-old Trayvon Martin who died February 26, 2012. (Photo by Gary Green/The Orlando Sentinel-Pool/Getty Images)

Jessica Reckseidler, the Florida circuit judge tasked with hearing George Zimmerman's second-degree murder trial, is expected to sign an order taking herself off the case later today. Her apparently impending recusal was preceded by a request from Zimmerman's lawyer, Mark O'Mara, who identified Reckseidler's husband's job in the office of Mark NeJame, a CNN legal analyst for the case, as a conflict  of interest. Her successor will be chosen from one of the three remaining felony judges in Seminole County. The switch will likely delay Zimmerman's scheduled Friday hearing, during which O'Mara was expected to ask that he be released on bond. And so the wheels of justice continue to do their slow thing. 

Mark Zuckerberg Bought Instagram Without Really Asking the Facebook Board

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With Facebook's massive IPO right around the corner, CEO Mark Zuckerberg made the company's largest acquisition ever without consulting his board of directors, according to an account in today's Wall Street Journal. Instead, the 27-year-old boss decided to buy the photo-sharing app Instagram for $1 billion from the privacy of his $7 million Palo Alto home, where he negotiated for three days with 28-year-old Instagram founder Kevin Systrom. Then, according to a Journal source, the board "was told, not consulted."

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