By
Kyle Buchanan
We've given you the thinking woman's guide to Fifty Shades of Grey, the "mommy porn" literary sensation that just sold to Hollywood for millions of dollars, but there is still one notable quirk we need to discuss. In the book, virginal Anastasia Steele is deflowered by the impossibly dashing, 27-year-old ginger billionaire Christian Grey, a sexual dominant who asks Anastasia to fill out an S&M contract a mere day after taking away her hy-hy. The contract stipulates that Anastasia must agree to "address him only as Sir [or] Mr. Grey," and reader, that's not gonna be easy: Anastasia (and author E.L. James) are positively obsessed with saying the full name "Christian Grey" at all times, a stylistic tic even more prevalent than the heroine's hilarious habit of blurting out, "Holy crap!" Vulture has collected each and every time Christian Grey's full name is used in the novel; consider it a literary supercut that also works as a CliffsNotes guide to what exactly goes down in this S&M sensation. Which Christian Grey sentence about Christian Grey is your favorite? (Christian Grey.)
“Wow. Ana Steele, finally falling for a man, and it’s Christian Grey – hot, sexy billionaire.”