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I’m a behavioral researcher, bestselling author, and founder of Science of People. For…
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Vanessa Van Edwards shared thisI still can’t believe I get to live this life. Writing this from a private jet feels surreal. ✈️ Over the years, I’ve had the chance to learn from some of the most successful people in the world, and I’ve noticed the same patterns come up again and again. So here are 5 habits I’ve learned from the ultra successful, and I’m sharing them with you for free. My new book, Conversation, is your ticket to unlocking better conversations, stronger relationships, and more opportunities. Want the details? Check them out here: https://lnkd.in/gzgzqvc3
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Vanessa Van Edwards shared thisI am the person who rehearses a text message three times before sending it. So the yap challenge was always going to be challenging for me! If you haven't seen it — @jessijeanhome started this one, and the premise is brutally simple: talk to camera, unscripted, for 60 seconds straight. No script. No cuts. Just you and the silence you're terrified of filling. It takes practice learning to speak through nerves. Not without nerves. I've studied human behavior for 20+ years, and the people who are remembered are almost never the smartest ones in it — they're the ones who can hold attention without flinching. I have an entire chapter on speaking confidence in my new book, and this challenge is a great way to get a baseline for those skills. You can get it wherever books are sold (I even read the audiobook!) Conversation is now available for pre-order here: https://lnkd.in/gzgzqvc3 Here are some more directions if it's helpful: Step 1: Set a Timer for 1 minute You have 1 minute to prepare a topic you want to yap about. You can pick any topic you want to practice speaking about with conviction. Here are 3 ideas if you need help: The "Did You Know" Prompt: Share one helpful tip or trick that makes your daily life easier. The "Hot Take" Prompt: Explain a common belief in your hobby or work that you actually disagree with. The "Recent Win" Prompt: Talk about a small goal you achieved this week and exactly how you did it. Step 2: Start Yapping Set your timer again for 1 minute. Open your phone camera. Start yapping! Speak directly to the lens like you are talking to your best friend. Do not use a script or a fancy microphone. Step 3: Post Raw Stop recording when the timer goes off. Text or post the video completely unedited, without any cuts or filters. (Tag me so I can cheer you on)
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Vanessa Van Edwards shared thisYou don't need charisma to connect with anyone. You need four habits: A. Lean in — show you're invested. B. Nod — let them know you're tracking. C. Claim space — own your presence, don't shrink. D. Ask follow-ups — curiosity beats cleverness every time. Master these and you'll build rapport with literally anyone. 🤝 Pre-order Conversation here: https://lnkd.in/gzgzqvc3
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Vanessa Van Edwards shared thisThe more comfortable you become with who you are, the easier it gets to recognize the people who genuinely value you—and let go of the ones who don’t. Let me help you. Conversation is now available for pre-order, here: https://lnkd.in/gzgzqvc3
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Vanessa Van Edwards shared thisFull storytime in caption: I always, always wanted to be a writer. Specifically--books. I have loved books since I discovered the Babysitters Club in 3rd grade. Ever since I have wanted to write them. But no one told me -- it's really hard to write a book. And then I was shocked to learn: It's even harder to launch one. So here, I want to tell you some personal background on this one. I always knew I wanted to write a book about conversation. I really struggled with conversation for so many years, and it wasn't until I learned the mechanics that I started to experience the true joy of deep, meaningful conversation. When I got my book deal in 2015 for Captivate, it was supposed to be for conversation, but the research and the testing weren't ready. In fact, for those of you lovely folks who have read Captivate, you'll see hints of this research in that book. Then, when I signed my book deal in 2020 I also hoped it would be all about conversation...but alas I still had more testing to do. Cues was ready and ended up being a phenomenal book, so it was meant to be. Then finally, finally the conversation research was ready in 2024 when I signed this deal. So when I say this book is a looooooong time in the making...I really mean it! And it personally means a lot to me. I have struggled with loneliness and feeling very out of place and misunderstood in conversation. The book is dedicated to my daughters because I wrote it with them in mind. It's all the advice I wish I had been given much younger. But it's never, ever too late to learn how to connect. So, I have a favor to ask-- would you take a leap for me with this book? Would you let me show you a new way to converse? It WILL take some social courage. But it is so so worth it. And would you pretty please mind pre-ordering early? The publishing industry is a little bit weird-- preorders matter a lot for the success of a book. It tells distribution houses to pay attention and encourages them to print more books. Also it would help me sleep better and I would be so so grateful <3 It's available wherever books are sold and I read the audiobook! Conversation is now available for pre-order, here: https://lnkd.in/gzgzqvc3
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Vanessa Van Edwards posted thisThere's a small move that makes people trust you faster, and almost nobody's willing to do it. Go first. Offer something slightly real before you expect anyone else to. A genuine "honestly, i was a little nervous about today" instead of the autopilot "good, you?" A meta-analysis of nearly 100 studies found we like people who open up to us, we open up more to people we like, and we warm to people after we've opened up to them. It's a loop. Somebody has to start it. Be the one who doesn't wait. 🙂
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Vanessa Van Edwards shared thisIf you've ever felt like people don't listen when you speak, the problem might not be your words. It might be your hands! Most of us think communication is all about finding the perfect thing to say, but people are watching your body just as closely as they're listening to your voice. The right hand gesture can make an idea feel bigger, clearer, and more memorable. The wrong one can make you seem nervous, uncertain, or disconnected from what you're saying. Here are a few ways to use your hands more intentionally: • Keep your palms visible. Hidden hands can make people subconsciously feel like you're holding something back. Open palms communicate honesty, warmth, and confidence. • Match your gestures to the size of your idea. If you're talking about growth, expansion, or a big vision, let your hands physically expand with the story. If you're describing something small or specific, make your gestures smaller too. Your audience understands concepts faster when they can literally see them. • Use your fingers to organize information. Holding up one finger, then two, then three makes it much easier for people to follow your points and remember them later. • Gesture before your words land. Our brains process movement incredibly quickly. Let your hands begin the idea just before you say it, and your message often feels more natural and engaging. • Don't keep your hands glued to your sides. That often creates stiffness. But don't wave them constantly either. The most compelling speakers alternate between stillness and purposeful movement. • Bring your hands back to a neutral "home base" between gestures instead of letting them fidget. Random movements can distract from what you're saying. Intentional pauses make your gestures feel meaningful. • Avoid pointing directly at people unless you're intentionally creating urgency. Pointing can feel accusatory. Open-handed gestures tend to feel more collaborative and inviting. • Use emphasis sparingly. If every sentence gets a dramatic gesture, none of them stand out. Save your biggest movements for your biggest ideas. The best communicators don't just speak. They paint pictures. Their hands create structure. Their posture communicates confidence. Their facial expressions reinforce emotion. Their bodies tell the same story their words are trying to tell. That's why someone can say exactly the right thing and still fail to connect, while someone else says something simple and leaves the entire room hanging on every word. People don't just hear your message. They experience it. If you want to become more charismatic, persuasive, and memorable, don't just practice what you're going to say. Practice how you're going to say it. Communication has never been only about words. Conversation is now available for pre-order. Details here: https://lnkd.in/e-8z2JqV
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Vanessa Van Edwards shared thisI used to nod along with everything, thinking agreeable = likable. (Recovering awkward person. We do this.) Twenty years of studying human behavior taught me the opposite: one curious question "wait, what made you change your mind?" does more than a hundred polite nods. Conversation is available for pre-order, here: https://lnkd.in/gzgzqvc3
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Vanessa Van Edwards shared thisSomeone trusts you with a brand-new dream: "I think I want to write a book." "I've been thinking about starting something." And your brain, trying to be helpful, goes straight to the audit: Have you thought about the money? The market? The timing? I've studied human behavior for over two decades, and here's what I've learned: a dream that's five minutes old can't survive an audit. What sounds like helpfulness lands as doubt. So the next time someone shares one with you, try one of these instead: "Tell me more — what made you light up about this?" "What would it look like if it went right?" "How can I cheer you on?" Notice none of those are advice. The advice can come later — once they know you're in their corner.
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🔗 Source (first comment): Collins & Miller, Psychological Bulletin (1994) — https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.116.3.457
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Rain Jago Ratajczak
Anyone with an interest in science should read this book by Elizabeth Aden - in the mid-seventies, Betsy spend two years on Malo, in Vanuatu (formerly known as the New Hebrides), living locally so that she could understand transmission patterns there for Hep C. Betsy was intrumental in the later development of the Hep C vaccine, which someone else got a Nobel Prize for. My mother tells this story with an air of injustice, though I also understand how hard it is to place a laurel on a whole generation of scholars and researchers. So I want to say, Elizabeth Aden, I see you. Women in science, I see you. Thank you for the razor you take to method that can't see relationship, and science that's therefore missing half the picture. If you want to understand how transdisciplinarity works, read this book. It's emotionally costly, which is the reward in a context that can see the forest and the trees. Betsy deserves her Nobel, for the towering contribution she made to transdisciplinary practice, and for the saved lives downstream that this led to. (Full disclosure: Dr E is my chosen Godmother, and my siblings and I are the five children of dear Ted and Heather, who are also mentioned in this book) #WomenInScience #HepatitisC #GlobalHealth #NobelPrize #UnsungHeroes
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