These house guests of yours sound like they would make good fodder for a Hollywood film starring Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler about house-sitters from hell.
Jay Hanna
‘Every cloud has a silver lining and One would urge you to go out in search of yours. Don’t focus on the dark cloud, or else that is all you will see. Focus on the positives.’
Don’t immediately sign yourself up for an open-mic night and spend the next six weeks stressing about it.
‘How can I improve my journey without feeling the need to reprimand?’
Why do in five days what can be done in 45 minutes of blind, unbridled terror?
It is totally fine to feel a bit wobbly at first but know that almost every CEO or company director has stood in your shoes at some point.
‘We cannot stop people from changing or exploring new interests’
Our pets certainly bring lots of drama to our lives. Lucky for us they also bring enough love to make up for it.
‘The cat clearly sees your dog as an interloper and seems determined to lay claim to its territory even though it is technically your dog’s domain.’
‘Just don’t go full Thelma and Louise and get yourself in so much trouble with the law that the only option is to launch yourselves off a cliff.’
‘Bear in mind that often it is not really the stuff itself that is the problem, it is the emotions behind letting go. So it is best to tread gently and be patient but firm.’
“It’s your home and your aesthetic so also your choice if you don’t want your outdoor areas resembling a junkyard or the set of a Star Wars spin-off.’
‘One has cut off bigger pieces of dental floss than what One sees disappearing between cheeks of varying degrees of perkiness down at the local public swimming pool.’
‘Even if the thought of revenge seems tempting, your Aunt would warn against this kind of action’
‘And when you are you finished with the kids across the road can you please come and visit your Aunt? One has been an awfully good girl this year.’
Firstly, One would tell your husband he can stick his appliances where the sun don’t shine and get himself to the David Jones perfume counter forthwith.
‘The closest your Aunt gets to a wild night out is watching a David Attenborough documentary at the home of old Bert Saunders from next door.’
‘Sometimes younger generations can have a hard time understanding that after years of child-rearing and responsibilities, people can come out the other end looking to blow off the cobwebs’
‘Discussions about Donald Trump, Taylor Swift’s latest album, cancel culture and whether the Wicked movies are better than The Wizard of Oz should be avoided at all costs.’
There are few things One approves of more than a late-stage love affair, especially if it requires the application of fake tan.
Being there for one another, offering assistance where it is needed and small shows of support, are exactly what we need more of in this world.
What do you do when a friend has overshared and now you just can’t block it out?
Loyalty is a wonderful character trait. But it should also be a two-way street.
‘Is possession really nine tenths of the law? Or is that just something that gets spouted in courtrooms in TV legal dramas? One truly hasn’t the foggiest to be honest.’
