I am an optimist. Maybe it’s how I am wired. I always look at the upside. I love risk. I love building things. I believe most people are generally kind and want to do the right thing. Anyone over 60 will tell you age changes your perspective. The majority of my life I have tried to do the right thing. I’ve given back and served as a Chair as several non profits. I believe that those who have had financial success should help impact those who have not been as fortunate. Being an entrepreneur in the cannabis industry has changed my entire perspective. I think I preferred living in my own bubble of belief. Getting an inside look at how government operates (especially during the Trump years) has made me incredibly cynical. Maybe it’s the endless poor decisions or the lack of accountability, but I think it comes down to trust. I don’t trust anything our Government does. Most decisions don’t seem to be made on pragmatic grounds, but on who writes the biggest check and who scratches someone’s back, regardless of the outcome. Growing up, I lived in the DC area, and then it was an honor to work for the Government. I wonder why anyone would want to do that now? This summer was extremely cathartic. Maybe it is getting older and realizing I’ll soon be a Grandparent. Or maybe I’m finally opening my eyes to the reality of the world. My optimistic bubble worked for me for a long time. As people get older, they tend to be more philanthropic and give back in many ways, but as I enter this next phase of life, I am feeling the need to be more selfish. Focusing on me and my desires vs trying to help make change. All the effort I have made, and I wonder: did I really accomplish any change? I watched the Gloria Steinem show on Netflix called Famous Last Words. Seeing all the impact she made, only to watch it all be rolled back, must have been painful. She was a trailblazer for women’s rights, rights that we should have always had, but for some reason we don’t, and it appears to be getting worse. I’m not walking away from the Public Housing Community Fund, and I plan to grow Gotham as much as I can, but it has become clearer to me every day that no matter how much I try to do the right thing, it doesn’t seem to matter, particularly in the cannabis industry. I know this doesn’t sound like my usual upbeat, positive attitude, but being in the thick of legal battles that should never have happened has changed me. For better or worse, it has definitely made me a cynic. I prefer optimism.
Bea Arthur
3w
I've seen so much of this in the last few years that it's made me take a break from the mental health world. So much of what's happening now is systemic so people's anxiety & depression is a normal reaction to crumbling institutions alongside the loss of human decency and human rights. I hope it's the beginning of something better, but until then, just take care of yourself and your growing family. You are and have done enough! Congratulations on your new little cutie! 💐 🥳 🎉
Sister, I feel it. And so far I just keep putting one foot in front of the other, still pushing, still trying. Because - for me, at least - accepting the darkness, even as it screams "I'm here! I'm the truth" is debilitating. More the fool me, I'm sure. But I get it & thank you so much for telling the truth!
Hold onto your optimism. Know that you are making differences you may not see. Even the act of trying to make a difference, your intent, is noble, and meaningful. Just doing the right thing carries significance...and karma.
this is a really honest one to put out publicly
A hard, honest read. Im glad you put it out 💛
I feel this in different ways. I read your sentence, "All the effort I have made, and I wonder: did I really accomplish any change?" I thought about how many times I considered that my 12+ years of building Women Who Startup while building my own companies made NO difference because the % of women getting VC capital went down. And then I thought about how I was measuring impact. I thought, well, fuhk, I changed nothing and then I started to jot down how many women from our community still ping me with a note of appreciation or a t-shirt from an event on their hike, and then I jotted down how many millions of dollars our community raised, and the people they hired, the markets they changed, the value they added, the lessons we all learned, and then I really thought about the friendships we made along the way, and I was like, damn, it was profound. The course of lives we impacted in all sorts of ways. What we did rippled across borders, households, neighborhoods, markets, hearts, and minds. And then I thought, if I'd do it all over again - and it's always yes. YES. A HELL YES. We change, especially as women, as we start each new phase of life, and I think it's natural to be more introspective at certain major intervals in life.