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Eph 5:28-29 NASB1995

So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,

The verb ἀγαπάω (agapao) is being used by Paul to describe here, in what I understand, a self-love or φιλαυτία (philautos), as the husband's example in marriage.

Given that in the next verse, Paul also talks about no one hating their own flesh. And the purpose of philautos expressed unto one's self preservation and care. Why is philautos not used in the defining of loving oneself?

N.B. The question is raised since this is the first instance I have found agapao used in the context of describing self-love and not of either neighbors, church or God. And the single usage of philautos found in 2 Timothy 3:2 carries a negative connotation.

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  • I am mystified by this question because φίλαυτος (an adjective) is not in this verse!! What is the basis for the question? φίλαυτος is a self-lover in the sense of being self centered and self consumed. Commented Sep 8, 2025 at 10:53
  • Thanks for pointing the meaning out - my question arises in the use of agapao in Eph 5:28, because the alternate philautos seemed better suited (at least in my mind). I didnt know that it can only lean towards describing the negative. Commented Sep 8, 2025 at 11:52
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    φίλαυτος only occurs in 2 Tim 3:2 and might be better translated "selfish" according to BDAG. Agapao is a kind of selfless, principled love. Commented Sep 8, 2025 at 21:08
  • Appreciate the clarification @Dottard - the Strong's concordance that I refer to majorly, gives meaning as "loving one's self," which I liberally interpreted as self-care (nourishing and cherishing mentioned in the next verse and also because I have heard someone use the adjective in the positive connotation before). But now that I check, most other lexicons do translate it as you have mentioned. Commented Sep 9, 2025 at 3:10
  • I'm interested in the answer but a little confused by the N.B. I don't know Greek but am familiar with interlinears/lexicons. When I look up agape, I encounter several instances where it is used to describe a love for things other than neighbors, church, or God. A couple of them have negative connotations (Lk 11:43; Jn 3:19; 12:43). I answered a related question earlier but depending on what you are wondering about here, I might need to edit my answer. I guess I'm asking if you have taken those three instances into account. If so, how does that impact your understanding of agape? Commented Sep 29, 2025 at 21:52

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To answer this question, let's first provide some context. In Greco-Roman culture, self-care (ἐπιμέλεια ἑαυτοῦ) was a virtue widely promoted by Stoic and Cynic philosophy. But the term philautos had acquired a negative, even pejorative, connotation. Hence Paul's use of this term in 2 Timothy 3:2 ἔσονται γὰρ οἱ ἄνθρωποι φίλαυτοι..., "men will be lovers of themselves"; as part of a catalog of vices.

In Ephesians 5:29, Paul reconfigures this ideal of caring for oneself. He therefore chooses not philautos, but rather the same selfless love we should give to others must be given to ourselves within a Christological framework. Therefore, he places the analogy: the husband loves himself to the extent that he loves his wife as part of his own body, analogous to how Christ cares for his Body, the Church.

Therefore, and by way of conclusion, Paul does not use philautos for three main reasons:

  1. He avoids a term that, by that time, already implied self-centered egoism, which is completely incompatible with the Christological love he describes in the text.
  2. He uses agapao to emphasize this intrarelational love (loving the work of Christ in our lives).
  3. Loving one's wife as oneself is not selfish love (philautos) but incarnate agape, a love that cares not out of selfishness but out of communion.
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