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Version 4 with meter and rhyming

###159 168 169 179###

I did what I should have done in the first place -- I listened to (and watched) the original.

El palmo sudado,
Pierna débil, todo pesado
Vomitose, fideo casero
Agitado... mas en externo
Calmo y listo a
Tirar bomba, pero olvida
La letra, la gente grita
Abre boca, no sale nada
Se ahoga, y la risa
Y la hora se acaba

Performance notes

Each line has a slight pause in the middle. For example, you would chant the beginning kind of like this (and to make the meter work, you'll kind of gloss over the D in todo):

El palmo,
sudado
Pierna débil,
to' pesado
etc.

Version 4 with meter and rhyming

159 168 169 179

I did what I should have done in the first place -- I listened to (and watched) the original.

El palmo sudado,
Pierna débil, todo pesado
Vomitose, fideo casero
Agitado... mas en externo
Calmo y listo a
Tirar bomba, pero olvida
La letra, la gente grita
Abre boca, no sale nada
Se ahoga, y la risa
Y la hora se acaba

Performance notes

Each line has a slight pause in the middle. For example, you would chant the beginning kind of like this (and to make the meter work, you'll kind of gloss over the D in todo):

El palmo,
sudado
Pierna débil,
to' pesado
etc.

Version 3.

###159 168 169###

A blind submission.

First, I will show the stressed syllables in bold, to help convey the music (rhythm). The italics show the syllables that have to be pronounced quite quickly, to keep tempo. Then I'll show the plain text, which will be easier to read.

La ma-no su-da-da,
Pierna dé-bil, brazo pe-sa-do
Vomi-to-se, pasta ca-se-ra
Agi-ta-do... mas pa-re-ce
Cal-mo y lis-to a
Tirar bom-bas, pero ol-vi-da
Lo ano-ta-do. El grite-rí-o.
Abre bo-ca, mas na-da
Mu-do, se rí-en
Es ho-ra, y ¡ya!

La mano sudada,
Pierna débil, brazo pesado  
Vomitose, pasta casera
Agitado... mas parece
Calmo y listo a  
Tirar bombas, pero olvida  
Lo anotado. El griterío.
Abre boca, mas nada  
Mudo, se ríen
Es hora, y ¡ya!

Notes

• I put the bold on the first syllable of parece to make the rhythm more interesting. "Parece" should sound like a triplet.

• Sudá means sudada.

• Style: I attempted to pattern this after the Dominican song "Da Pa' lo' Do'" (Rita Indiana). (A little awkward, as I've never even been to the D.R.!)

Version 2 notes:

The Caribbean flavor had to go by the wayside to fit the rules. I am happy to do this, and really, 9 characters is not a lot. However, I would encourage anyone interested in trying my entry out as an actual rap to use Version 1 as a styling guide. By taking a slow-ish overall tempo, and saying the italicized syllables rather quickly, the rhythm should still work.

The main reason for the Caribbean style features (-ao, pa', na') was to give it more punch.

Version 3 notes

• added some punctuation after griterío based on walen's feedback

• we are now: listo a tirar bombas (as walen said, to make it clear who's bombing whom)

Version 4 with meter and rhyming

###159 168 169 179###

I did what I should have done in the first place -- I listened to (and watched) the original.

El palmo sudado,
Pierna débil, todo pesado
Vomitose, fideo casero
Agitado... mas en externo
Calmo y listo a
Tirar bomba, pero olvida
La letra, la gente grita
Abre boca, no sale nada
Se ahoga, y la risa
Y la hora se acaba

Performance notes

Each line has a slight pause in the middle. For example, you would chant the beginning kind of like this (and to make the meter work, you'll kind of gloss over the D in todo):

El palmo,
sudado
Pierna débil,
to' pesado
etc.

Version 2.

###159 168 169###

A blind submission.

First, I will show the stressed syllables in bold, to help convey the music (rhythm). The italics show the syllables that have to be pronounced quite quickly, to keep tempo. Then I'll show the plain text, which will be easier to read.

La ma-no su-da-da,
Pierna dé-bil, brazo pe-sa-do
Vomi-to-se, pasta ca-se-ra
Agi-ta-do... mas pa-re-ce
Cal-mo y lis-to a
Tirar bom-bas, pero ol-vi-da
Lo ano-ta-do, el grite-rí-o.
Abre bo-ca, mas na-da
Mu-do, se rí-en
Es ho-ra, y ¡ya!

La mano sudada,
Pierna débil, brazo pesado
Vomitose, pasta casera
Agitado... mas parece
Calmo y listo a
Tirar bombas, pero olvida
Lo anotado, el griterío.
Abre boca, mas nada
Mudo, se ríen
Es hora, y ¡ya!

Notes

• I put the bold on the first syllable of parece to make the rhythm more interesting. "Parece" should sound like a triplet.

• Sudá means sudada.

• Style: I attempted to pattern this after the Dominican song "Da Pa' lo' Do'" (Rita Indiana). (A little awkward, as I've never even been to the D.R.!)

Version 2 notes:

The Caribbean flavor had to go by the wayside to fit the rules. I am happy to do this, and really, 9 characters is not a lot. However, I would encourage anyone interested in trying my entry out as an actual rap to use Version 1 as a styling guide. By taking a slow-ish overall tempo, and saying the italicized syllables rather quickly, the rhythm should still work.

The main reason for the Caribbean style features (-ao, pa', na') was to give it more punch.

Version 3.

###159 168 169###

A blind submission.

First, I will show the stressed syllables in bold, to help convey the music (rhythm). The italics show the syllables that have to be pronounced quite quickly, to keep tempo. Then I'll show the plain text, which will be easier to read.

La ma-no su-da-da,
Pierna dé-bil, brazo pe-sa-do
Vomi-to-se, pasta ca-se-ra
Agi-ta-do... mas pa-re-ce
Cal-mo y lis-to a
Tirar bom-bas, pero ol-vi-da
Lo ano-ta-do. El grite-rí-o.
Abre bo-ca, mas na-da
Mu-do, se rí-en
Es ho-ra, y ¡ya!

La mano sudada,
Pierna débil, brazo pesado
Vomitose, pasta casera
Agitado... mas parece
Calmo y listo a
Tirar bombas, pero olvida
Lo anotado. El griterío.
Abre boca, mas nada
Mudo, se ríen
Es hora, y ¡ya!

Notes

• I put the bold on the first syllable of parece to make the rhythm more interesting. "Parece" should sound like a triplet.

• Sudá means sudada.

• Style: I attempted to pattern this after the Dominican song "Da Pa' lo' Do'" (Rita Indiana). (A little awkward, as I've never even been to the D.R.!)

Version 2 notes:

The Caribbean flavor had to go by the wayside to fit the rules. I am happy to do this, and really, 9 characters is not a lot. However, I would encourage anyone interested in trying my entry out as an actual rap to use Version 1 as a styling guide. By taking a slow-ish overall tempo, and saying the italicized syllables rather quickly, the rhythm should still work.

The main reason for the Caribbean style features (-ao, pa', na') was to give it more punch.

Version 3 notes

• added some punctuation after griterío based on walen's feedback

• we are now: listo a tirar bombas (as walen said, to make it clear who's bombing whom)