How to Make Out: Tutorial for a Steamy Kissing Session

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Relationship coach Maya Diamond, MA, gives her best tips for making out, French kissing, and kissing with tongue
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Making out can be an exciting and passionate experience…but it can also be scary and anxiety-inducing, especially if you’re new to kissing or you’re kissing a new partner. Whether it’s your first makeout session or your hundredth, almost everyone can find something to learn and a way to improve. And, to help you out, we’ve spoken with a team of wikiHow’s dating and relationship experts and put together this complete guide to all things ✨making out✨. We’ll walk you through a makeout session step by step, and we’ll also share advanced makeout tips for an even better smooch. Pucker up! 💋

How do you make out with tongue?

Relationship coach Maya Diamond, MA, says to start with slow kisses, then open your mouth and move your head to fit in with your partner’s. Eventually, gently move your tongue into the other person’s mouth. Avoid any jerky, quick, or aggressive movements, and be sure to get verbal consent throughout the makeout sesh.

Section 1 of 4:

How to Make Out With Someone

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  1. Step 1 Before the kiss, establish consent and build tension.
    When you want to initiate a makeout session, start by sending subtle, nonverbal signals like making eye contact, leaning closer, or glancing at the other person’s lips. Then, you can begin to initiate some “light physical contact,” says dating coach Eddy Baller, like “massaging their hand or moving your hand up their arm. Basically, you’re building up the level of intimacy and seeing how comfortable the other person is” with what you’re doing.[1]
    • If all goes well, you can move in “for a kiss on the neck. You can go a little further by leaning in, gently cupping their chin, and guiding them over to your lips,” advises Baller.[2]
    • Or, if you’re not ready to go in for the kiss yet, dating coach Connell Barrett says to wait for a “window of opportunity where the other person is looking at you, leaning in, and making deep eye contact. There will be pauses in the conversation, but they’re not awkward—they’re sexually and romantically tense.”[3]
    • First, however, make sure that you have the other person’s consent to kiss them. Dating and relationship coach Emyli Lovz shares a hack where you “lean in 90% and then let them come in 10% for consent.”[4]
    • That being said, explicit verbal consent is always best, and dating coach Michelle Jacoby advises to just ask for permission in a confident, sexy way. For example, you can say “I’d really love a kiss,” “I’m very attracted to you,” or “May I kiss you?”[5]

    Meet the wikiHow Experts

    Maya Diamond, MA, is a dating and relationship coach who helps singles stuck in frustrating dating patterns find internal security, heal their past, and create lasting partnerships.

    David Chambers is a men’s dating, relationship, and intimacy coach who offers 1:1 coaching as well as online courses like Men’s Dating Accelerator and Being an Authentic Masculine Man.

    Eddy Baller is a dating coach who specializes in confidence-building, advanced social and communication skills, and building meaningful relationships.

    Connell Barrett is a relationship expert with over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves.

    Michelle Jacoby is a matchmaker and dating coach who specializes in one-on-one matchmaking and group coaching to help singles find healthy, lasting relationships.

  2. Step 2 Start with a few soft, slow, and gentle kisses.
    Once you’ve made contact, it’s important to start slowly. Give your partner some gentle, precise kisses on the lips with a brief pause in between each one. Not only are you easing both of you into the makeout session (rather than starting too hot and heavy), but you’re also teasingly building anticipation and sexual tension.[6]
    • “Light and sensual kisses” are key in the initial stages of a makeout, explains dating coach Chantal Heide, and you can save tongue kissing and open-mouthed kissing for later, when things get more passionate.[7]
    • Diamond adds that “really aggressive kissing is not good. The worst type of kissing is when someone pushes their tongue down your throat and you end up feeling overwhelmed by that.”[8]
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  3. Step 3 Part your lips and gradually build up the intensity of your kisses.
    Once you’ve shared some soft and sensual kisses, you can start to increase the pressure, duration, and eroticism of your kisses. Do this gradually, while also beginning to part your lips and interlock them with your partner’s. Dating and relationship coach David Chambers says to try kissing your partner’s bottom lip to increase the intensity, and you can also try to turn up the heat by gently sucking or nibbling on your partner’s lower lip.[9]
    • As things are getting more hot and heavy, avoid getting sloppy. Your kisses should be more intense and open-mouthed, but they should still be smooth, firm, and precise. You still don’t need to be using any tongue (we’ll get there!).
    • Also, be mindful of how much saliva is in your mouth. If too much is building up, try to subtly swallow it before going in for your next kiss.
  4. Step 4 Focus on getting into a rhythm that matches your partner.
    One of the most important parts of a makeout session is to fit your mouth and lips together in a natural, complementary rhythm. This should happen pretty naturally, but it can sometimes take time or practice (and we’ve all bumped noses before—so it’s no big deal!). Baller says to try to match your partner and their movements and “fit together nicely.”[10]
    • Lovz adds that it’s a “great idea to match the other person’s energy. You don’t want to go in hard and intensely if the other person is softer. Paying attention to their energy and matching it is important.”[11]
  5. Step 5 Add some variety to your kissing style and location.
    Now that you’ve gotten into a rhythm (and you’re pretty much officially making out), you can start to switch it up! With consent, use a variety of kiss types on other parts of your partner’s body—like their cheeks, ears, jawline, and neck—before moving back to their lips. Vary between slow and sensual kisses, small and gentle kisses, and firm and passionate kisses.[12]
    • However, make sure not to do this too much to the point where it seems forced or feels distracting. Move your kisses smoothly over your partner’s body and face, and try not to switch things up too abruptly or suddenly. Focus on romance, sensuality, and passion!
  6. Step 6 Use your hands to explore your partner’s face and body.
    Okay, so you’re kissing…but what on Earth do you do with your hands?? Hands are just as important as lips when it comes to making out, and you should use yours to caress and embrace your partner’s face and body (with their consent). Consider wrapping your arms around your partner’s waist or neck and drawing them closer to you. Alternatively, use one hand to gently twirl a strand of their hair or massage the back of their head.[13]
    • Once you’ve become more intimate and comfortable with one another, you can use your hands to caress your partner’s neck, shoulder, arms, chest, butt, and more intimate body parts.
    • Baller recommends the hips as a great spot to place your hands, especially if you’re kissing a woman. “If you’re sitting or standing, you can reach over and pull her in by the hips,” Baller explains.[14]
    • Just be sure to pay attention to any nonverbal cues your partner gives you—if you touch something and they suddenly move away, remove your hand and don’t return to that spot.
  7. Step 7 When the moment’s right, gently move your tongue into your partner’s mouth.
    Now, it’s time for your big moment: the tongue! Start by gently moving your tongue onto your partner’s bottom lip or rolling it into the center of their parted lips. Then, with their consent, start to move it into their mouth and rotate it in small, soft, circular movements inside. Take things slow and wait for your partner to respond with their own tongue movements. From there, you can work together to fall into a rhythm and movement that works well for you.[15]
    • Diamond says to tune in and attune to the other person while you’re kissing them—open your mouth, move your head, and use your tongue in different ways until you find the feeling of connection and the rhythm that works for you both.[16]
    • Kissing with tongue is an important part of making out, but it can be challenging to get right. Also, everyone’s different! Some people prefer more tongue in their kisses, some prefer less, and some prefer none at all. The best thing to do is to ask your partner how they feel about tongue kissing and what their preferences are.
    • That being said, most people don’t like a lot of tongue or tongue that’s too aggressive. Chambers says to avoid “overly fast, jerky movements or vigorous thrusting of the tongue.”[17] Similarly, Lovz advises not to go “stabbing them with your tongue.”[18]
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Section 2 of 4:

Bonus Tips to Spice Up Your Makeout Session

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  1. Step 1 Get yourself kiss-ready with lip balm, perfume, and/or a breath mint.
    While it’s not mandatory to go above and beyond with your hygiene before a kiss…it certainly doesn’t hurt! If you expect to be smooching someone sometime soon, go ahead and put on some Chapstick and pop a piece of minty gum in your mouth (brushing your teeth will also work).
    • For some added yumminess, spritz yourself with a light amount of perfume, cologne, aftershave, or body spray—just don’t go over the top, or your makeout partner may be overwhelmed by the smell when they get close!
  2. Step 2 Set the scene with mood lighting or a yummy-smelling candle.
    If you’re having a date over to your home, make sure to set a vibe for a romantic, sensual evening. Turn on some warm, low lights and turn off any harsh, bright lighting. If you have one, light a candle or spritz a luxe, decadent room spray scent—like vanilla or amber. Consider putting on some jazzy, laidback music for an added touch of ambiance.[19]
  3. Step 3 Give verbal and nonverbal feedback (and accept it, also!).
    One of the most important parts of kissing (or any intimate act) is to give and receive notes. This way, you and your partner will better understand what you each like and dislike, which can only lead to improved kissing skills and better makeouts in the future. Feel free to tell your partner outright if you don’t like something, or nonverbally communicate by moving away or doing something different with your kissing. On the flip side, be sure to give positive feedback, like complimenting them when they do something you love. And be sure to also pay attention to their subtle cues and what they seem most into.[20]
    • If you’re able, it can be good to ask someone ahead of time about what type of kisses they prefer. This can absolutely be done in a sexy, sensual way, with a phrase like “Tell me how you like to be kissed” or “How can I make you feel good?”
    • Heide shares that, when she first starts dating someone, she’ll ask them what their kissing style is. For her personally, she doesn’t like wet and sloppy kisses, so she makes sure that her partner knows that before they even have their first kiss.[21]
  4. Step 4 Don’t worry about being perfect—just be present and in the moment.
    Kissing is a relatively subjective thing, so you don’t need to worry about doing it “right” or about being a “perfect” kisser. Instead, just approach your makeout session with confidence, passion, and care for the other person’s experience. Allow yourself to be present, and let your mind focus completely on the person you’re sharing this moment with.[22]
    • Also, the more you practice kissing and making out, the more natural it’ll feel. As Baller says, “practice makes perfect, so you’re going to want to kiss a lot to get good at kissing.”[23]
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Section 3 of 4:

What does it mean to “make out”?

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  1. The term “making out” usually refers to passionate, open-mouthed kissing.
    “Making out” is technically a slang term, but it’s pretty widely used in the English language. While its definition is sort of vague, most people can agree that it’s a step above just a simple kiss.[24] Usually, a “makeout session” implies long, intense kisses over a lengthy period of time, often involving open-mouthed kissing, kissing with tongues, and intimate touching on the body. However, making out does not usually include any sort of penetrative, oral, or manual sex (or at least it’s not automatically assumed).
    • What is the difference between kiss and makeout? A kiss is any touch of two pairs of lips together. A kiss can be brief or long, soft or hard, and platonic or romantic. Making out, on the other hand, is more intense and usually involves longer, harder, and deeper kisses over a prolonged period of time. It’s also not a platonic act, while a simple kiss might be platonic in some settings.[25]
    • Similar slang words:
      • “Necking,” a somewhat outdated term for kissing, caressing, and other amorous activities that don’t involve sexual intercourse or genital stimulation.[26]
      • “Heavy petting,” a term that refers to erotic touching between two people that may include manual stimulation but doesn’t include full sexual intercourse.[27]
      • “Getting off,” an informal and often vulgar term for being sexually aroused or excited by something.[28]
      • “Shifting,” an Irish English term for any kind of kissing or sexually stimulating activity.[29]
      • “Parking,” an American English term for kissing, cuddling, or caressing in a parked car.[30]
Section 4 of 4:

What are the four stages or bases of making out?

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  1. Usually, the 4 bases include kissing, touching, oral sex, and penetrative sex.
    The “bases” is a baseball metaphor that some people use to describe levels of physical intimacy. However, these “bases” and their definitions are not set in stone, explains dating coach Laura Bilotta, and they “can vary depending on cultural personal factors. Moreover, they do not necessarily reflect the stages or timeline of a healthy relationship. Instead, the bases are a playful and often lighthearted way of referring to physical intimacy.” All that being said, here is Bilotta’s explanation of each base and what it might include:[31]
    • First Base: This typically involves kissing, whether it's a peck on the lips or a more passionate make-out session.
    • Second Base: This can refer to a range of activities that involve more physical contact, such as touching or caressing each other's bodies, fondling, or stimulating erogenous zones.
    • Third Base: This typically involves more intimate and sexually-charged activities, such as oral sex or manual stimulation.
    • Home Run: This refers to sexual intercourse, which is often considered the ultimate physical expression of intimacy.
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References

  1. ↑ Eddy Baller. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  2. ↑ Eddy Baller. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  3. ↑ Connell Barrett. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  4. ↑ Emyli Lovz. Dating and Relationship Coach. Expert Interview
  5. ↑ Michelle Jacoby. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  6. ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/a27077010/kissing-positions/
  7. ↑ Chantal Heide. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  8. ↑ Maya Diamond, MA. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview
  9. ↑ David Chambers. Dating and Relationship Coach. Expert Interview
  1. ↑ Eddy Baller. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  2. ↑ Emyli Lovz. Dating and Relationship Coach. Expert Interview
  3. ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/a27077010/kissing-positions/
  4. ↑ https://www.masterclass.com/articles/how-to-make-out
  5. ↑ Eddy Baller. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  6. ↑ https://www.masterclass.com/articles/how-to-make-out
  7. ↑ Maya Diamond, MA. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview
  8. ↑ David Chambers. Dating and Relationship Coach. Expert Interview
  9. ↑ Emyli Lovz. Dating and Relationship Coach. Expert Interview
  10. ↑ https://www.glamour.com/story/dos-and-donts-of-setting-the-m
  11. ↑ https://www.masterclass.com/articles/how-to-make-out
  12. ↑ Chantal Heide. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  13. ↑ https://www.teenvogue.com/story/how-to-kiss
  14. ↑ Eddy Baller. Dating Coach. Expert Interview
  15. ↑ https://www.collinsdictionary.com/us/dictionary/english/make-out
  16. ↑ https://www.theknot.com/content/types-of-kisses
  17. ↑ https://www.dictionary.com/browse/necking
  18. ↑ https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=heavy+petting
  19. ↑ https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/get+off
  20. ↑ https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Shift
  21. ↑ https://www.dictionary.com/browse/parking
  22. ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach. Expert Interview

About This Article

Maya Diamond, MA
Co-authored by:
Maya Diamond, MA
Relationship Coach
This article was co-authored by Maya Diamond, MA and by wikiHow staff writer, Sophie Burkholder, BA. Maya Diamond is a Dating and Relationship Coach in Berkeley, CA. She has 15 years of experience helping singles stuck in frustrating dating patterns find internal security, heal their past, and create healthy, loving, and lasting partnerships. She received her Master's in Somatic Psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies in 2009. This article has been viewed 3,905 times.
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Co-authors: 2
Updated: May 20, 2026
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Categories: Kissing
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