Avoiding Professional Pitfalls

For a long time, I struggled with saying... 1. No. 2. I don't like it. 3. I don't really want to. 4. That's not what I believe in. 5. That's not what I need. 6. This is important to me. 7. This is how I feel. 8. This lights me up. 9. This is my truth. 10. This is me. Honestly, it has been so hard all these years to say the things I truly, deeply feel because I was afraid. Afraid of being judged and not liked by everyone. Afraid to offend others and rock the boat. Afraid to receive feedback and have difficult conversations when it was needed most. I felt guilty for choosing and being me. 🍧🍧🍧 I was a serial people-pleaser and I was in complete denial. In fact, I was so good at what was expected, and doing mostly what I was told, it got me promoted and recognised in my corporate career. It got me into good schools with decent grades, and more. It served me well in many areas until I realized at my core that it didn't. That sometimes we're so focused on being everything we aren't, that we forget everything we are. That sometimes we subconsciously become someone we're not, and then we wake up one day and question our very purpose. 🍧🍧🍧 The hard lessons I've learned about people-pleasing?: 1. Learn to accept yourself. Pleasing others for me was based on fears of rejection and judgement. I've realized that you will only ever be affected by what people say and think if you hadn't yet accepted and questioned the very parts of you that you have been trying to avoid and surpress. Take a closer look. 2. Practise the art of saying no without saying no. Finding it hard to say no? Try "My schedule is really hectic and I might not be able to commit to this session." Or "This looks like an interesting topic, unfortunately, I have a prior commitment. Have a successful event!". 3. Find people who make you feel safe to speak your truth. I've realized that while it starts with you, it takes two hands to clap. Look out for people who hold that space for your truth because they want the best for you and the relationship or partnership. Treasure those who appreciate your honesty even if it may be uncomfortable. Vulnerability is precious, people are everything. 4. Respond earlier rather than later. Sometimes you wonder how to respond and you need time to assess if you should say yes or no. If you feel like you're placing too much attention on a pending invitation or message, respond asap. Other more important things and people deserve your attention. 5. Discern between loving and caring vs pleasing I know that many might feel like there is no way to escape pleasing. I've been there. I think there is a big difference between doing something because you love and care vs pleasing which may mean losing what lights you up. Not everything we do makes us happy, but it's why we do it that matters. It's personal and it's a choice. 🍧🍧🍧 I'd love to hear which resonates. You got this. ❤️ Nicole

I’ve spent years living by these words. “Be kind.” The problem is that there’s a fine line between being kind and being a complete pushover. And I see it all the time with female service providers like bookkeepers… they say it’s a caring profession, and it’s good to care and be kind. But we have to set boundaries. Here are 7 mistakes when it comes to kindness (and how to avoid them). 1/ Always saying Yes It’s ok to help, but saying ‘yes’ to every little thing burns you out and sets no limits. 2/ Being available 24/7 Kindness doesn’t mean being on-call all the time. Set working hours and stick to them. 3/ Discounting. No. Full stop. 4/ Avoiding tough conversations Honest feedback might seem harsh but sometimes it’s necessary. If it needs saying, say it. No need to mask the truth. 5/ Letting deadlines slip I’m not talking about you missing deadlines, I’m talking about the clients who are always late giving you what you’ve agreed - or contracted to. Flexibility is important but not at the cost of professionalism. Hold clients accountable to deadlines. 6/ Taking on extra work for free. No. 7/ Allowing late payments. Grace is great, but allowing clients to pay late repeatedly is unprofessional. Set clear payment terms. Enforce them. Remember they are a business owner and so are you. Not everyone has the same heart. Some clients won’t appreciate your kindness so don’t let kindness come at the cost of your business. What would you add? —-------------------------- I’m Zoe and I’m here to help you be the entrepreneur you want to be. Follow me for more.

I did everything you’re told to do to get promoted. I worked hard. Delivered stellar results. Said “yes” to extra work. Stayed “professional” and low-drama. And I was still overlooked. It was one of the most frustrating lessons of my corporate career in a big organisation. Now, after coaching hundreds of women managers in science and tech, here’s what I know for sure: It’s not always about how much effort you put in. It’s about the invisible habits that quietly cancel out your impact. The ones no one teaches you. The ones polite corporate culture tells women are “good behaviour”. Here are 7 invisible mistakes I wish I’d known earlier, and what to do instead: 1️⃣ Being too easy to work with ↪ Over-accommodating doesn’t make you a dream teammate. It makes you forgettable. Boundaries signal that your time has value. 2️⃣ Saying yes too quickly ↪ Instant agreement looks reactive, not strategic. Leaders respect people who pause, prioritise and then commit. 3️⃣ Making progress without telling anyone ↪ In male-dominated spaces, invisible effort gets ignored. Strategic updates are not bragging. They’re how leaders track impact. 4️⃣ Overthinking feedback instead of asking for clarity ↪ Spinning for hours on “what did they mean?” drains your energy. Ask for specifics so you can course-correct like a leader. 5️⃣ Trying to be liked by everyone ↪ Avoiding conflict to stay “neutral” makes you look weak. Senior leaders are paid to handle tension, not escape it. 6️⃣ Delivering “perfect” work too late ↪ Endless polishing delays decisions. In reality, progress beats perfection every single time. 7️⃣ Saying sorry too much ↪ Over-apologising shrinks your presence. It trains people to see you as less confident than you are. Bonus – the biggest trap of all: 8️⃣ Waiting for recognition ↪ Hoping your work will “speak for itself” keeps you stuck in the shadows. Self-advocacy isn’t arrogance; it’s part of the job. In today’s corporate world, visibility beats effort every time. Which of these habits hit home for you? And which one are you ready to ditch first? If this hits a nerve and you’re ready to be visible (not just busy): 🔹 Elevate – my leadership accelerator for promotion-ready women managers – opens in January. Comment ELEVATE if you want details. ♻️ Repost to help others see their blindspots. ➕ Follow Nadira Artyk for more on leadership, career and mindset.

Are there environments where you feel pressure to please others at your own expense? Even if you don't consider yourself a 'people pleaser' sometimes, avoiding conflict feels like the right answer in the moment. For women, there are hidden penalties when we don't follow "the rules" and the weight managing other people's expectations for ourselves and our kids gets heavy. I had the pleasure of speaking with the fabulous Amy Wilson about her book, Happy to Help and all things boundary management. Here are a few key points from our interview: 1. Saying 'yes' is one way to avoid feeling guilty. 🙋🏾♀️ Amy said, “I was so busy selflessly being in charge and handling everything, I didn’t have to feel guilty. I had I built a guilt-proof-world for myself that was not sustainable. If you’re already doing the maximum for everybody around you, when you stop doing that and say, ‘I’m not going to be able to host Thanksgiving this year.’ Or ‘no I can’t join that committee.’ Then you feel that guilt." 2. Being helpful feels great until it overwhelms you. 😮💨 Conditions in your life can change quickly and to manage your energy, capacity and goodwill it helps to revisit and your capacity and adjust workload frequently. 3. Boundary setting often requires trial and error. 🎯 Your family and friends will not always respond in the way you expect, when you ask for help. As Amy shared, it's easier for others when you're doing "everything" so you need to anticipate resistance resetting expectations to reclaim sovereignty over your time. #workingmothers #workingparents #mentalhealth #emotionallabor #selfcare

7 Signs You’re a People-Pleaser at Work  (And how it’s holding back your career) It's easy to fall into the trap,  thinking you're just being a good team player. Believing that saying yes to everything is the path to success. I see it happen with the brilliant women I work with. Here's what unfolds: - You get passed over for promotions - You burn out from lack of boundaries  - You watch less qualified colleagues advance past you Sound familiar?  Then it's time to break the people-pleasing cycle. Here's how to recognize and reverse the pattern: (And what the research tells us) 1. You minimize microaggressions  ↳ You let it slide when interrupted or questioned  ↳ Say "I wasn't finished speaking" when needed  💡 78% of women who face microaggressions self-shield. (McKinsey) 2. You apologize for having boundaries  ↳ "Sorry, but I can't" instead of "I'm not available"  ↳ Remove unnecessary apologies  💡 Women's qualifiers undermine their authority. (Forbes) 3. You hesitate to negotiate salary  ↳ Accepting first offers to avoid seeming "difficult"  ↳ Research market rates before discussions  💡 Australian women earn 78 cents per male dollar. (WGEA) 4. You downplay your achievements  ↳ "It wasn't just me" becomes your reflex  ↳ Practice saying "Thank you" instead  💡 75% of female executives experience imposter syndrome. (Forbes) 5. You avoid speaking up in meetings  ↳ You stay quiet despite having valuable insights  ↳ Start small, then build to bigger opinions 💡 Companies with 30%+ women executives outperform others. (McKinsey) 6. You take on invisible work without credit  ↳ Documentation and support fall to you by default  ↳ Document all extra duties outside your role  💡 Women often handle unrecognized responsibilities. (CIO) 7. You overcompensate with extra hours  ↳ Working longer to prove your worth  ↳ Set firm offline hours and stick to them  💡 Only 21% of women in tech find it easy to thrive. (Accenture) Your worth isn't determined by how much you give to others. It's time to please the most important person in your career journey: yourself. What's one people-pleasing habit you're ready to break?  Share below. 📩 If you enjoyed this content, you might like my newsletter here: https://lnkd.in/g6PUXtCc ___ ♻️ Share this to help someone in your network 🔔 Follow me for more insights on career and wellbeing. 

The Silent Career Killer: Good Girl Syndrome 🧐 “Be nice. Be polite. Don’t make a fuss.” 👀 If you were raised as a “good girl,” you’ve probably heard these words more than once. While they might have helped you earn praise as a child, they could be silently sabotaging your success as an adult. #Good #Girl #Syndrome is a term psychologists use to describe a pattern of #people-#pleasing, #perfectionism, and emotional #suppression—especially among women conditioned to be #agreeable, #compliant, and #selfless at all costs. 🔍 6 Subtle Signs You Might Be Impacted: 1️⃣ #Perfectionism – You equate self-worth with flawlessness and overperform to avoid criticism. 2️⃣ #People-#pleasing – You put others’ needs before your own, often at the cost of energy and focus. 3️⃣ Difficulty #setting #boundaries – You say yes when you want to say no, and feel guilty resting. 4️⃣ #Image over #authenticity – You alter your appearance, tone, or behavior to gain approval. 5️⃣ #Suppressed #needs – You hesitate to voice personal & emotional needs, especially when they may challenge expectations or norms. 6️⃣ #Hypervigilance – You constantly anticipate disapproval, rejection, or failure, even in safe spaces. These patterns aren’t random—they’re survival strategies from childhood, often shaped by love that was conditional. Over time, they become unconscious behaviors that influence how we show up at work and in life. 💼 How It Manifests in Business Good Girl Syndrome doesn’t stay at home—it walks into the boardroom. In corporate settings, it often looks like: 🚩 Chronic overcommitment – Taking on too much, driven by fear of letting others down. 🚩 Silencing your voice – Withholding insights in meetings, even when they matter. 🚩 Avoiding conflict – Apologizing excessively or absorbing blame to keep harmony. 🚩 Settling for less – Avoiding negotiation or accepting less to avoid discomfort. 🚩 Burnout and invisibility – Over-delivering behind the scenes while others take credit. Ironically, these traits are often rewarded in the short term, seen as “loyalty,” “reliability,” or “work ethic.” But over time, they lead to career stagnation, resentment, and disempowerment. So, How Do You Break Free? 👉 #Awareness is the first step. Notice when you’re acting from fear—not authenticity. 🗣 #Coaching or therapy helps. A safe space to explore your patterns can be life-changing. 🚫 Set #boundaries. Saying no isn’t rude—it’s necessary. It protects your energy and values. 🔥 Own your #worth. You don’t need to be perfect—or liked by everyone—to lead and succeed. 💎A New Definition of “Good” Being a “good woman” doesn’t mean being silent or self-sacrificing. It means being #honest. #Brave. #Yourself. And most of all—#Unapologetically #Authentic. Let’s raise a generation of women who are more than “nice.” Let’s raise them to be whole.🌸 💬Have you noticed these patterns in your leadership journey or your team culture? What helped you shift? Let’s share in the comments. ⬇️

People call it people-pleasing. But it’s really survival. A pattern you learnt long before…. your first job title. When you grew up believing that love is linked to approval, you learnt to read the room before you read yourself. To make others comfortable, even if it costs your peace. Now at work, that looks like: 1. Saying yes when you want to say no. 2. Avoiding hard conversations to keep the peace. 3. Taking on emotional labour that isn’t yours to hold. 4. Prioritising harmony over honesty. You think you’re being kind, but you’re erasing yourself. And here’s the paradox: The same sensitivity that made you careful is also what makes you a powerful leader. But only when you stop managing other people’s comfort and start honouring your own boundaries. High-performing leadership isn’t about being liked. It’s about being trusted. And trust begins where people-pleasing ends.

Every time you accept a request you should have politely declined... You make your promotion less likely. I know that sounds backwards. After all... Isn't being helpful a good thing? Absolutely. Until helpfulness replaces good judgment. One of the biggest mistakes I see high-achieving women make is confusing people-pleasing with leadership. Helpful people accept every request. Leaders thoughtfully decline the ones that don't serve the bigger goal. People-pleasers optimize for approval. Leaders optimize for outcomes. Helpful people take on more work. Leaders decide what deserves their time, energy, and attention. Your boss isn't looking for someone who can carry the biggest workload. They're looking for someone they can trust with the biggest decisions. Because every promotion eventually comes down to one question: "Do I want her in the conversations where the biggest decisions are made?" Not because you'll agree with everyone. Not because you'll work the longest hours. Because you'll bring... -Judgment. -Calm. -Perspective. -And questions like... "What are some other options we haven't considered?" The leaders who get promoted aren't afraid to challenge an idea. They've simply learned how to challenge the idea… Without challenging the person. Ironically... The more you need everyone to like you... The harder it is for leaders to trust you with decisions that won't. People-pleasing doesn't build trust. Good judgment does. That's why I spend so much time helping women regulate their nervous system before I teach them influence. Because it's hard to politely decline a request. It's hard to ask a question that changes the direction of a meeting. It's hard to hold a boundary... When your brain believes your safety depends on keeping everyone happy. The women who get promoted aren't the ones who please everyone. They're the ones leaders trust when the stakes are highest. How well do you decline requests in ways that earn respect?

Let’s face it—most of us donor relations professionals are people pleasers. But often times, our kindness and can-do attitudes get us taken advantage of. I see it as unacceptable labor we are asked to do simply because we are women, and they know we rarely say no. 🚫 Here are some common ones: ✏️ Note-taking during a meeting ✏️ Filling in when someone is on leave for no pay ✏️ Serving on a committee ✏️ Organizing a potluck or holiday party ✏️ Ordering in lunch for meetings ✏️ Booking meetings Women, especially, need to be mindful of how we are using our time at work. As a woman, are you raising your hand more often for office housework? Remember: work smart, not hard. Office housework should be divided equally among everyone. Be mindful of your time and energy, and spend more time in the strategy. You either work longer hours or, if you don’t have that ability, then you have to squeeze it in during the workday and it will squeeze out your other work and work that will advance you, your team, or your program. It's time to say "no". Say "no" to this work and this lifestyle. But how do you say ‘no’? Here are some responses I’ve gleaned from research and articles on the subject: For example, “I was hired to do X and doing Y would take away time from completing X well.” For on-the-spot requests like ordering lunch, I’ve said, “I really need to be present during this discussion as it’s critical to what I’m working on.” If you have a good sense of humor, you might use this as well — "Research shows that I’m more likely to get asked to do this kind of thing than you, and that you’re going to like me less when I decline. But guess what I’m going to do?" Some of you might be saying, well this makes me look difficult or disagreeable, Lynne, and I like doing these things—it gives me a break from my work. However, I’m here to tell you there is an imbalance. Look at the people who complete these tasks—are they at the top of your organization? Do these efforts get rewarded? The pressure to be a good team player is not just an internal pressure women face. It’s saying no to things so you can do the things that you were hired for and really care about—that’s what it’s all about! So, your desire to focus on your own areas of expertise and work hard based on your well-honed skills should be viewed as a positive. Organizing baby showers for teammates or mentoring new employees may or may not be enjoyable for those who take on these responsibilities. And honestly, it doesn’t actually matter. Regardless of whether someone enjoys doing these tasks or not, there can be a negative impact. An impact on how they are perceived, on the work they need to deliver, and ultimately, an impact on their career. I love to hear from you all, so please, let me know your most hated “office wife work”! Are there other tactics you use to say no? And finally, if you see a lot of yourself in this post, it’s time to empower yourself to say, "no!"

Being liked won’t get you promoted. Being respected will. Every day you avoid confronting your people-pleasing tendencies, your brain strengthens the toxic pathways that make this behavior feel normal—and it’s silently sabotaging your future. Imagine this: You’re always the first to volunteer for extra work. You never say “no” when someone asks for help, even when your plate is overflowing. You dodge tough conversations to keep the peace, and you never, ever push back on bad ideas because...well, you don’t want to ruffle any feathers. On the surface, it seems like you’re the ultimate team player. But in reality? You’re slowly sabotaging your career. The problem? You’re a people-pleaser. And while it might feel good to keep everyone happy, people-pleasing is one of the most dangerous habits for your professional growth. Here’s why: 1. You lose respect. Saying “yes” to everything makes you seem agreeable—but not reliable. People might like you, but they won’t trust you to lead. 2. Your priorities get hijacked. When you’re busy accommodating everyone else’s needs, your own goals and performance suffer. 3. You stay invisible. By avoiding conflict or keeping quiet in meetings, you blend into the background instead of standing out as a leader. 4. You invite burnout. Being the “go-to” for everything isn’t sustainable. It’s a one-way ticket to exhaustion and resentment. Here’s the harsh truth... Being liked won’t get you promoted. Being respected will. So how do you break the people-pleasing cycle? 1. Say no with clarity and kindness. It’s not selfish to protect your time—it’s strategic. 2. Speak up. Disagreeing isn’t disrespectful—it shows you’re engaged and thinking critically. 3. Set boundaries. If you’re always available, people will assume your time has no value. Prove them wrong. 4. Define your worth. Your value isn’t tied to how many favors you do—it’s about the impact you create. The next time you feel the urge to say “yes” when you really mean “no,” remember this.... People-pleasing isn’t helping you grow—it’s keeping you stuck. Your career success depends on your ability to prioritize your goals, advocate for yourself, and let go of the need to be liked by everyone. What’s one way you’ve learned to push past people-pleasing? Let’s discuss 👇