Developing Emotional Self-Awareness

Expressing how we feel, particularly when those emotions feel big or overwhelming (never 'negative'), can be immensely helpful. Their intensity gradually diffuses, along with their hold, while enabling us to process what we are feeling and why. This is why it is so important to support children's and young people's emotional literacy. Where we fail to do so, we see the consequences as dysregulated behaviour - anger, frustration, shame, embarrassment and hopelessness - for which they tend to be reprimanded for, as opposed to co-regulated in order to understand and work through them in growth-promoting and healthy ways. Beneficial in the long-term - both on an individual and societal level. Illustration: Erin Moudy (2023).

I had to learn this the hard way, and it’s a really important lesson: most workplace stress comes from not separating what you know from what you imagine. It’s that simple. In many day-to-day interactions, we don’t actually know what someone thinks about us. We only know the story we’re telling ourselves about what they might be thinking. When we treat that story as fact, we create a harsh, judgmental version of that person in our head, and then use it to judge ourselves. It becomes a self-inflicted loop: we blame others for feelings we created. We all know the cure is to assume neutral or positive intent until you have evidence otherwise. And when someone is hostile, remember it often says more about their internal state than about you. Their perception of you doesn’t become your identity unless you accept it and let it shape how you see yourself. I remember working with someone at Microsoft who was very arrogant. Our interactions often ended with him implying I was incompetent. I would leave meetings replaying his comments, and they would pop into my head days later. Then I changed my approach. I started treating his behavior as an observation: “He’s being disruptive.” I saw it as a signal to manage, not a verdict on my worth. My inner dialogue became, “Interesting… that’s his reaction. It isn’t about my competence.” I could put it in a box and move on. That shift helped me protect my ability to perform. I stayed open to coaching without becoming hostage to someone else’s ego. It also helped me model a culture where confidence is paired with clarity and respect. I hope this helps someone. Practical takeaway: notice your own stories, assume less, and don’t automatically accept other people’s judgments.

The psychology of thoughtful creation To THINK BEFORE CREATING is a form of resistance in a world that celebrates immediacy. It means stopping the impulse to produce for the sake of producing, to observe, to understand, and to give meaning to every decision. It is recognizing that clarity does not emerge from speed but from stillness, that quality is born from the time we dedicate to reflection. It is not about slowing the creative process down but about giving it direction. Thinking is the first act of design, the foundation on which everything takes shape. → When the mind gives itself time, ideas gain depth. What once seemed scattered finds connection, what was instinctive becomes coherent, and what was an impulse turns into strategy. The pause is not emptiness but a fertile space where information settles and ideas naturally arrange themselves. In that silent interval, creativity stops being reactive and becomes a conscious process. → Structured thinking seeks harmony, not accumulation. Understanding the whole before the parts allows every element to respond to a greater purpose. That is where design transcends aesthetics and becomes a language, a way to communicate order, balance, and meaning. Decisions are no longer random; they become part of a system where every detail matters. → Thinking with intention gives creation purpose. Every gesture, texture, word, or form acquires significance when born from reflection. Brands that take time to think achieve coherence between what they do, what they show, and what they stand for. Reflection turns execution into expression and form into experience. → Mature thought recognizes interdependence. Nothing exists in isolation; every decision affects the whole, and every choice communicates beyond itself. Within that network, limits are not barriers but structures that give freedom its meaning. To think before creating is, in essence, to design with consciousness, purpose, and precision. Featured brands: Glossier Clasique Guerlain Febble Wildhood Schwarzkopf Professional

THE EMOTION-RING: a tool for Self-reflection and Emotion Coaching What a valuable tool Alan McLean offers us that lives up to his profile: Knowing and Growing, Insights for developing ourselves and others. In a seven-page document, he shows us this excellent tool for answering the fundamental questions about emotions: what, why, how, when, and where. A great introduction: "#Emotions guide us through life, shaping what we do and underpinning our relationships, thinking and learning. There is no better way to understand ourselves and others than through our emotions. Yet we pay little attention to them in day to day living, perhaps because they are mysterious. However, we are more capable than we think of mastering emotions. We're only born with a basic set of emotions. We learn how to feel a wider range of complex emotions. Emotional well-being is not so much feeling good as being good at feeling. And we can get better at it. Mastery of emotions relies on our capacity to understand their purpose, enabling us to steer our responses. So what is an emotion? Emotions help us to adapt to our environment. This process begins with making sense of our sensations. Our emotions are our brain’s interpretation of our sensations. Sensations only become meaningful through this process of cognitive framing, where we interpret the cause and purpose of our emotions. How well we decode our sensations relies on our skills in comparing and sorting emotions. We each have our own way of conceptualising emotions, and it is this hidden web of emotion concepts that frames and colours our experience. The Emotion-Ring provides us with a shared template of concepts to enable reflection and dialogue. This comprehensive set of emotions is organised by purpose which helps us compare them and also see their connectedness. Two key motivating purposes are Valuing Ourselves and Valuing Others." The ring organises emotions in terms of the balance between two core drives: ⭕ Valuing ourselves through getting ahead (Left or inner) ⭕ Valuing others through getting along (Right or outer) #SelfReflexion #Awareness

For so many of us, feeling good about ourselves depends on other people being happy with us. We scan the world for approval—chronic, frantic, searching for a nod of affirmation (“Good job!”) so we can finally exhale and feel worthy. But the good feelings fade. So we start searching again. And again. How exhausting. Why do we do this? Because, for many of us, worthiness was taught this way. We learned that being easy, agreeable, and pleasing was the ticket to love and belonging. But self-worth built on people-pleasing is never really self-worth. It’s outsourced, borrowed, and conditional. So, is there another way? Can we feel good about ourselves from within? Yes. And that person can be you. Here’s how to start: 1️⃣ Shift your self-talk – Instead of asking, “Did I make them happy?” try “Am I proud of how I showed up?” 2️⃣ End-of-day check-in – At the end of your day, ask yourself, “What is one thing that felt good at work today? Not because someone told me something, but because I just knew it felt good.” Moment by moment, you can build the kind of self-worth that’s yours to keep.

Journaling, Gratitude, and Visualisation Arsenal F.C and England international player Myles Lewis-Skelly discusses the psychological tools he learned from his mum and how he frequently uses them. Given that Myles is only 18, this is an excellent example for other young athletes regarding the use of different psychological skills, particularly as they are likely to impact his well-being and performance, because he uses them daily in preparation for matches. Myles mentioned: 1️⃣ Journalling 2️⃣ Gratitude 3️⃣ Visualisation 1️⃣ Journalling Myles said he normally makes a journal entry in the morning and evenings. There is evidence that this can boost resilience. Bucknell et al. (2023) explored the effects of written reflections on: (1) successful coping experiences, (2) Unsuccessful coping experiences, or (3) the stressful experience alone, via a randomised controlled design. They found that reflecting on both successful and unsuccessful coping experiences was more effective than just describing stressful experiences, and the benefits of writing about successful coping strategies lasted longer than those of writing about unsuccessful coping events. 2️⃣ Gratitude Myles spoke about expressing gratitude, and there are several psychological and physiological benefits of this. Research by Newman et al. (2021) revealed that being grateful can positively influence: ✅ Lower heart rate ✅ Lower blood pressure ✅ Better sleep quality ✅ Reduced stress ✅ More positive expectations ✅ More positive reflections ✅ Greater feelings of appreciation towards others  Bohlmeijer et al. (2020) reported that expressing gratitude enhanced mental well-being. 3️⃣ Visualisation Finally, Myles spoke about using visualisation. Meta-analyses conducted by Simonsmeier et al. (2020) and Toth et al. (2020) analysed studies examining mental imagery's effects on sports performance. These authors found that mental imagery can significantly enhance sporting performance. It should be noted, however, that several factors influence the extent to which imagery will be beneficial, such as the imagery ability of an athlete (Williams & Cumming, 2011) or their level of expertise (Simonsmeier et al., 2018).

Anxiety is informative. It’s not just a feeling to push away, it’s a signal. One that alerts us to the need for change: a problem to solve, a boundary to set, or a path to reconsider. When we ignore it, we miss the chance to grow stronger, wiser, and more aligned. But when we listen with intention, anxiety can become a powerful guide toward clarity and resilience. Three ways to work with anxiety instead of against it: 1. Pause and name it. Label the feeling. “I’m feeling anxious because…” Naming it reduces its power and creates space for reflection. 2. Ask what it’s trying to tell you. Is something out of alignment? Is a need going unmet? Anxiety often points to a deeper truth. 3. Channel it into action. Even a small, purposeful step, like setting a boundary, having a hard conversation, or adjusting your schedule, can transform anxious energy into empowerment. Feel it. Learn from it. Then let it move you forward.

🌿 Understanding Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): A Path to Healing 🌿 In the late 1980s, psychologist Marsha M. Linehan introduced Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) as a compassionate response to the complexities of emotional suffering, particularly for those grappling with borderline personality disorder (BPD). Over the years, this transformative approach has evolved, offering hope and healing to individuals facing a variety of mental health challenges, including: 1. Borderline Personality Disorder 2. Bipolar Disorder 3. Eating Disorders 4. Substance Use Disorders 5. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder 6. Depression 7. Self-Harming Behaviors 8. Suicidal Ideation At its core, DBT is built on four essential components that guide individuals toward emotional balance and healthier relationships: ↳ Mindfulness: This practice encourages us to be present in the moment, observing our thoughts and feelings without judgment. It’s about cultivating awareness and learning to sit with our emotions rather than being overwhelmed by them. ↳ Distress Tolerance: Life can be challenging, and this component equips us with skills to manage distressing situations without resorting to harmful behaviors. Techniques like distraction and self-soothing become invaluable tools in our emotional toolkit. ↳ Emotion Regulation: Here, we learn to identify and navigate our emotions more effectively. Understanding the functions of our feelings helps us respond rather than react, fostering a sense of control over our emotional landscape. ↳ Interpersonal Effectiveness: Healthy relationships are vital for our well-being. This component focuses on enhancing communication skills, setting boundaries, and expressing needs assertively—skills that empower us to build meaningful connections. DBT shines particularly for those who struggle with emotional dysregulation and impulsive behaviors. It offers a structured yet compassionate framework for healing. However, it’s essential to remember that while DBT can be profoundly beneficial, it may not resonate with everyone; individual experiences vary based on personal circumstances and the therapist's expertise. 💛 As we navigate our mental health journeys, let’s embrace self-compassion and recognize that healing is not linear—it’s a process filled with ups and downs. What’s one small act of self-compassion you’ve offered yourself today? If you found this insight helpful, consider saving it for later reflection or sharing it with someone who might benefit from feeling seen and supported. Follow me for ongoing compassionate insights into trauma-informed care and emotional well-being. Together, let’s foster understanding and healing in our lives! 🌱 #dbt #dbtcheatsheet #therapy #therapist #psychology #counselor #counseling #psychologist #community

James Pennebaker asked college students to write about their deepest emotional experiences for 15 minutes a day, for three days in a row. Months later, those students visited the doctor significantly less than the control group. Their immune function improved. The people who benefited from journaling the most were the ones whose writing shifted toward making sense of their experiences. The process of creating a coherent story out of a difficult experience seems to be what drives the health benefits. If you're carrying something, try writing about it for 15 minutes. Learn more on The Happiness Lab, “Get Over Yourself” with Bruce Hood: https://loom.ly/u8VWfj8

It’s frighteningly easy to develop pessimistic blinders and lose sight of the incredible blessings and achievements in our lives. This is common when a single identity—for example, job title and function—leads you to measure self-worth using one or two metrics (like income or promotions, usually in comparison to others) dependent on some variables outside of your control. Recalibrate your perspective, and prevent over-investment of ego in one area of life, with scheduled gratitude exercises that take a holistic inventory of the positive people and achievements in your life.